ly399 Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 (edited) We dated about 1.5 months. Have not been in frequent contact in the last 2 weeks. Partly due to things at work, but mostly just low interests. I'm very into him, he's not so into me. Given we had multiple sleepovers, the guy offered me keys to his apt at one point (i declined). I wanted to do it in person, but i was having hard time to reach him, so i sent a breakup text. He texted back right away. I sent him the rest of breakup msg saying i liked him, we moved too fast, im sad to see it end, and good luck with life. Lastly, I offered to stop by his place to drop off the book and give him a goodbye hug. He was pretty quiet, in the end he just said "it doesn't have to be like that. No more coffee?" My initial interpretation is when i drop off the book later, we could grab a friendly coffee. i said yes. But when i read the msg again, it sounds like he's trying to have a discussion. 1pm i texted him, can i come over now? 2pm, he texted back saying he's busy with work. No alternative timing to meet up. I'm confused, dropping off a book and a farewell speech take 5 mins top. Why leave me hanging?! My friends opinion: 1. he never want to see me again (anger, resentment, whatever) If that's the case, then tell me to keep the book or leave it at front desk. why suggest coffee? He doesn't drink coffee and I love coffee. 2. his ego is hurt, so he's avoiding me for now. He is very egoistic. i thought about just leaving the book at front desk, but that would hurt his ego more, isn't it? Other possibilities: he just doesn't care, he wants to work it out... At this point, it's not about the damn book. I'm trying to be considerate. He's a cute guy, probably used to girls chasing him. He's probably surprised that i didn't chase. i liked him a lot, don't want to hurt his ego. I'd like to see him one more time (for closure) if he's cooperative. If he keep being passive aggressive, i have no interest to meet up. What do you guys make out of his reaction? I won't reach out to him again unless he initiates contact. Edited September 24, 2017 by ly399
coolheadal Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 What else do you want? You said it all already! He won't contact you, because you said it was THE END 3
stillafool Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 You already said goodbye once. You could mail the book back to him. If he is good looking he has options and he didn't sound interested at all to see you.
Miss Spider Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 I think he just sees you playing games and he doesn't want to participate. He's done. Finito
Zahara Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 You wanted to break up. It's done. Just mail the book and implement NC so that you can move on. There is no need to keep dragging it out. I don't think you're trying to be considerate. But maybe hoping that a meet up may provoke a positive response from him.
Erik30 Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 I don't really get why you want to see him... you ended it. He probably made that comment about the coffee because you caught him off guard, but later on he realized there isn't really any point in meeting you since it's over. Sorry, but he doesn't owe you the closure you want
Miss Spider Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 I don't think Opie really wanted to break up. She likes him. I think her 'break up' text was a "you can't fire me, I quit" ego protector mixed with vain hope the guy will say "no wait please I'll start liking you don't go " that women do often. That answers why she still wants to go to coffee withnthis guy
Miss Spider Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 (edited) and is psychoanalyzing his reaction instead of moving on. But I could be misunderstanding that post. Not a lot of information provided. Edited September 24, 2017 by Cookiesandough pressed enter too soon
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 He wanted to run the show his way not yours. His response was manipulative IMO to make you feel bad about dumping him, when he is used to being the dumper. The reality of it is, you two are on different pages. You have your expectations that just don't match up with his. You are fighting a losing battle here. You are being led around but your desire for him, overlooking the part that he's not that interested in having something solid. Nothing is going to change with him. Time to let it go. 1
Author ly399 Posted September 24, 2017 Author Posted September 24, 2017 I don't think Opie really wanted to break up. She likes him. I think her 'break up' text was a "you can't fire me, I quit" ego protector mixed with vain hope the guy will say "no wait please I'll start liking you don't go " that women do often. That answers why she still wants to go to coffee withnthis guy I agree what you said about "you can't fire me, I quit" mentality. I'd be happy to continue with him if he were into me. But I don't wish to go back with him, a closure would be nice. If he doesn't want to meet, then ok. The whole point of post is to figure out if he's willing to meet or not. I thought he doesn't mind meeting. Guess I was wrong. He has options, so do I. People always "she lingers because she can't do better", That's not true, at least for me. Sometimes you are attracted to someone for odd reasons. 1
Miss Spider Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 I see. I completely agree. It's not about how many other options you have at all. We like who we like for particular reasons that are often inexplicable and it really sucks when it doesn't work out. Some guys get irritated even when they are force dumped i.e. the reason is clear why they are being binned. So yes I agree his coffee suggestion was a power move in retaliation. He had no intention of going to coffee. Jmo. People are weird. 1
Author ly399 Posted September 25, 2017 Author Posted September 25, 2017 I don't really get why you want to see him... you ended it. He probably made that comment about the coffee because you caught him off guard, but later on he realized there isn't really any point in meeting you since it's over. Sorry, but he doesn't owe you the closure you want To me it's a closure thing. People have different preference, some people like text/call, others prefer in person, etc. It's really hard to figure out when the other party is vague. In the past, if I don't want to meet up with someone after we ended, I tell them I don't want to meet up. Vice versa. It was clear. I probably look pathetic right now, please understand, I have genuine feelings for him, it will take me some time to recover, but I will be fine. I'm not trying to 'get' him back, he might think so, that I can't help. I'm just trying to get some clarity from outsider perspectives. Since all of you think he isn't looking to meet up, then I'll drop off the book when I'm in the area.
Author ly399 Posted September 25, 2017 Author Posted September 25, 2017 He wanted to run the show his way not yours. His response was manipulative IMO to make you feel bad about dumping him, when he is used to being the dumper. The more I think about it, what you said makes sense. It's his power play. He tossed me a little bait, think I will go chase him down. I'm glad I got some independent opinions. Not going to play his game.
Recommended Posts