lovelybugly Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 Hello, new here. I wanted to get other members' thoughts on something I'm dealing with currently because it's driving me kind of crazy, tbh. I met a guy through work and then I left my job. Recently we've been talking a lot through text. He says the nicest things about me like he finds me very attractive, not just looks wise but also in terms of my mind, my values, etc. I feel the same about him. We're both late 30s and have goals to start a family soon and settle down. We haven't really dated or anything because just when things were heating up, he had to go out of town. We were texting a lot still and it's been great. However, he told me he needs to take things very slow because although I want us to start dating, he needs more time to figure it out. Then he told me that he was talking to other women, to keep his options open. Of course I was a bit disappointed that I wasn't the only one, but I accepted it and want to continue talking to him because I think we are really good for each other and he's told me he feels the same way. I just don't get why he needs/wants to continue talking to these other women when he's expressed a great deal of interest in being with me. Also, we were texting consistently for a week and then he stopped responding to my messages. It was kind of hurtful. Our last convo was very enjoyable but also a bit tense because he felt I was pressuring him to focus all of his attention only on me. I'm not sure what to think about this. Is he still interested? Does he need time and space? I know to back off and not contact him anymore, but I feel like he might lose interest in me over time if I don't reach out to let him know I am still here. Also, he's said that he feels I think too highly of him and that he doesn't want me to be disappointed! Any thoughts would be helpful. Thank you!
GemmaUK Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 Also, he's said that he feels I think too highly of him and that he doesn't want me to be disappointed! He's right. Listen to him and move on asap. 1
Author lovelybugly Posted September 24, 2017 Author Posted September 24, 2017 We plan to see each other soon. I just don't understand why he went silent on me. He doesn't like that I think he's right for me when he's not sure if I'm right for him...yet.
GemmaUK Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 He's entitled to an opinion too. This is his dating life (and life) too, not just yours. 1
act00 Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 I think this guy isn't worth your energy or your time. He's not interested in you. He has told you outright he's seeing other women and wants to keep his "options open." He doesn't want to go out with you because he has to "figure it out." What does he need to figure out? He either wants to date you or he doesn't. Now he's pulled a full disappearing act. The writing is on the wall...he's just not into you. Move on. He's done everything but tell you outright he doesn't want to date you or have a relationship with you. He doesn't mind keeping you in orbit and feeding you platitudes, however, and he'll probably reemerge at some point and keep you hopeful, and then pull another disappearing act. Date other men and live your life and don't plan around this guy. It's time for you to take the hint...he's just not into you. Sorry. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 He's just not as interested as you are, unfortunately. He was honest that he's talking to others. That is where his attention is being diverted to. Sure, it's his prerogative to keep his options open, especially early on. But if he were equally interested, you wouldn't be sitting here wondering why he's not very responsive anymore. I would chalk this one up to experience and move along. The right guy for you won't let you slip away. 2
Author lovelybugly Posted September 24, 2017 Author Posted September 24, 2017 Thanks everybody for your input. I agree with all of your comments. Although it sucks, it is what it is. I actually have accepted that it wasn't progressing so I'm okay with letting it go. I went out with my friends last night and met a couple of really nice men who expressed real interest in me. We are talking now so it's good to have something new to look forward. I don't actually feel angry or anything, just relieved to know the truth. 1
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