Jamie_1 Posted September 23, 2017 Posted September 23, 2017 As the title states. I'm talking to someone that I'm really interested in and I don't want to mess this up. I've spoke to her for about 3 days, when should I consider asking her for a date? I know there's a lot of important context, but as a general rule how long should I wait?
angel.eyes Posted September 23, 2017 Posted September 23, 2017 How did you meet? As you mention, context is important. Generally, asking sooner is better.
Author Jamie_1 Posted September 23, 2017 Author Posted September 23, 2017 How did you meet? As you mention, context is important. Generally, asking sooner is better. Oh just on an OLD site. She seems interested in me from what I can tell. She initiates conversation every few hours if we haven't been actively talking and she offered her snapchat to me straight away. Generally when I ask for a date a few days into talking to someone they either say outright that we should talk more, or they'll default to an excuse. So generally I'd wait a few weeks maybe even over month before I bring it up, but I really don't want her getting bored and going for someone else.
SevenCity Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 I ask after 4-5 messages. You'll get responses all over the map. I've had women say they wanted to get to know me before meeting up and wasted weeks and never met them. I've had other girls that stopped responding once I asked them out. I've had others who said yes and we went out on a date. I don't waste my time on women who don't want to meet in person and neither should you. Ask now before you waste anymore time.
CryForNoOne Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 That you are even asking this question means you've waited too long. It's OLD. They are there to meet guys. Ask her out already...
CryForNoOne Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 Generally when I ask for a date a few days into talking to someone they either say outright that we should talk more, or they'll default to an excuse. So generally I'd wait a few weeks maybe even over month before I bring it up, but I really don't want her getting bored and going for someone else. A month? Seriously??? I ask after 15 minutes. Seriously, a month sounds downright crazy to me... 1
angel.eyes Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 Oh just on an OLD site. She seems interested in me from what I can tell. She initiates conversation every few hours if we haven't been actively talking and she offered her snapchat to me straight away. Generally when I ask for a date a few days into talking to someone they either say outright that we should talk more, or they'll default to an excuse. So generally I'd wait a few weeks maybe even over month before I bring it up, but I really don't want her getting bored and going for someone else. If she's given you her contact info outside the OLD site, it means she's ready to move things along. Give her your number. Have one off-line conversation and during that chat, ask her out on a date. Generally with OLD, move the conversation off-line after a few exchanges and set up a date. If she needs to message you for a month before deciding, then she's not really interested. 1
JuneL Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 I only had 3 weeks of experience on OLD, but my own preference was after 3-5 messages. It's a waste of time chatting too long online with a stranger. Some women (most likely those older than 30) simply would lose patience after 5 messages without the prospect of a first meet. 2
Steve51 Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 Wait? A lot can happen while you wait. I always asked for a date upon meeting a girl I felt attracted to. I never waited to ask. I saw my wife on a train, talked to her and made a night for the next night. Got engaged 3 weeks later. So many guys post about the girl they like getting a boyfriend while they wait. If a girl is really into you, she will give you plenty of hints that she wants to date. If she says that she likes pizza, tell her that you know a great pizza place and ask if she would like to meet you there or have you pick her up. This is a psychological trick that is used by salesmen. You give her two choices and both end up with her eating pizza with you. You can use this method on anything she mentions that she likes. Sounds crazy but I taught this stuff to salesmen, wrote a training manual for sales and ran a sales force for many years. You give someone a choice of two things and they will usually pick one. If you do this to a girl and she rejects both offers you can simply brush it off and tell her that she should try that pizza sometime then or enjoy the concert, dance, etc.. I have had 30 sex partners in 47 years and only dated a handful. If you count getting a bite to eat before we had sex, then maybe 10 were dated. Women will know in 30 seconds if they will date you or have sex with you. All my relationships started on the day I met the girl for the first time. He who hesitates is lost and he who becomes friends first gets stuck in the friend zone which is very difficult to get out of. Once a girl views you as a friend, she will not be able to see you as a possible mate. Go for it, her answer will not change while you wait. 1
Author Jamie_1 Posted September 24, 2017 Author Posted September 24, 2017 I messaged her saying that there's a really good Chinese buffet near us if she would like to go with me to it. To which she replied that she would like to talk more. To be honest this seems to be a fairly common response if I ask someone for a date in the first few days of talking to them. Again she does seem interested, so I'll take her word on it.
Author Jamie_1 Posted September 24, 2017 Author Posted September 24, 2017 A month? Seriously??? I ask after 15 minutes. Seriously, a month sounds downright crazy to me... A month is too long, but there's no way in hell someone would agree to a date with me after 15 minutes.
angel.eyes Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 Have you tried? She gave you her snapchat. Have you used it to communicate? Stop messaging her on the site and give her a call, snapchat her, etc.. Learn to progress things beyond the site. There are intermediate steps between messaging on the OLD site and meeting you for a date. Use these.
Author Jamie_1 Posted September 24, 2017 Author Posted September 24, 2017 Have you tried? She gave you her snapchat. Have you used it to communicate? Stop messaging her on the site and give her a call, snapchat her, etc.. Learn to progress things beyond the site. There are intermediate steps between messaging on the OLD site and meeting you for a date. Use these. We've been talking frequently the past few days on snapchat, sending each other good morning/night messages, she even initiated sending kisses.
CryForNoOne Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 A month is too long, but there's no way in hell someone would agree to a date with me after 15 minutes. Why is that? It sounds like you are pre-paving failure. Do you think you are just not that attractive or interesting? If you think the only women online are ones who need to chat for weeks and weeks before meeting, then that is all you will find. Believe me, there are thousands, if not millions of women, who are willing to meet after chatting online for 15 minutes. That's pretty much every online date I've ever gotten. I found the ones that want to talk for days and days are either fakes, afraid to meet, or just time wasters. Once I start a convo, if she replies right away, she's interested. 15 minutes between replies means she's chatting with 5 other guys. If I never get past that stage, I move on instead of wasting my time.
act00 Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 OLD sites are there for a purpose - dating. It's in the name! If you don't want to date, don't sign up. Ask her out immediately! Don't pussyfoot around and be a penpal. I lose interest pretty fast if a first date isn't forthcoming...BTDT, got the t-shirt. I have had men fully disappear when I bring up the topic of meeting, and that's fine by me. I'm not on the site so I can text back and forth. A month is too long. A week is too long. If schedules don't blend well, a week is doable, but she could meet someone else in the middle. You don't want to lose momentum...meet her ASAP. I want to meet in person, see if it's going to go somewhere, and move on if it's not a match. If a woman you're interested in wants to text more and "get to know you better," you need to determine your own personal timeline on how long you're willing to wait and text...one week, two weeks, a month? I really don't see the issue in a meetup sooner over later. If a woman is too skittish to meet in a public place for 60 minutes over a drink, do you really want to pursue her at all?
normal person Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 A month is too long, but there's no way in hell someone would agree to a date with me after 15 minutes. Why do you think she's talking to you on an online dating ap? If you don't get her number in 2-7 messages, you're doing it very wrong, in my opinion. If she's talking to you, she's interested. If she's interested, don't bore her to death or she'll find someone more proactive. This is a pretty reliable formula that always works for me: Her: Hey, your profile is funny and X,Y, Z Me: Oh thanks, (joke about X, Y, Z). I see you A, B, C, do you (joke about A, B, C) Her: Haha, yeah, I (another joke about it). Me: Very nice, well if you want to give me your number, I'll text you and we can get a drink later this week, cool? I'll try not to (yet another joke about something previous) Her: Haha, sounds good. Definitely can be done in under an hour, depending on how fast you're both responding.
d0nnivain Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 If you meet in person you should ask for the 1st date within a few hours. Off old after a few messages or 1-2 days. So generally I'd wait a few weeks maybe even over month before I bring it up, but I really don't want her getting bored and going for someone else. Waiting a month will cause her to get bored or assume you are stringing her along. I messaged her saying that there's a really good Chinese buffet near us if she would like to go with me to it. To which she replied that she would like to talk more. To be honest this seems to be a fairly common response if I ask someone for a date in the first few days of talking to them. Again she does seem interested, so I'll take her word on it. Good for you for asking. Be careful that she wants to talk more. She could be stringing you along. Asking her to go with you to a buffet is a BAD first date choice. It's too long. It's too awkward. The whole serve yourself thing takes all the romance / ambiance out of it. Better choices would be to meet in a well lit public place for coffee or a drink. Meeting for ice cream is also a good choice off OLD. You are committing to spend around $10 & 30 minutes, in case you don't click. A buffet meal could stretch to 2+ hours & it's impolite to talk with your mouth full.
elaine567 Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 A buffet meal could stretch to 2+ hours & it's impolite to talk with your mouth full. ..and she may not even like Chinese food.
d0nnivain Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 ..and she may not even like Chinese food. It could be any kind of buffet & it will still be a bad plan. First meeting off OLD must be low cost, low commitment, in & out quick.
elaine567 Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 It could be any kind of buffet & it will still be a bad plan. First meeting off OLD must be low cost, low commitment, in & out quick. Yes of course, but Jamie did invite her to a Chinese buffet.
guest569 Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 What have you been talking about? does she ask any questions about you? A reason I will want to talk longer is that I need to know more about him to see if I'm interested in meeting. Some just need to exchange a couple of flirty messages but I need more to go on.
coolheadal Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 Oh just on an OLD site. She seems interested in me from what I can tell. She initiates conversation every few hours if we haven't been actively talking and she offered her snapchat to me straight away. Generally when I ask for a date a few days into talking to someone they either say outright that we should talk more, or they'll default to an excuse. So generally I'd wait a few weeks maybe even over month before I bring it up, but I really don't want her getting bored and going for someone else. What are you waiting for?
coolheadal Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 I messaged her saying that there's a really good Chinese buffet near us if she would like to go with me to it. To which she replied that she would like to talk more. To be honest this seems to be a fairly common response if I ask someone for a date in the first few days of talking to them. Again she does seem interested, so I'll take her word on it. You can go on a date anytime you want too. There is no rules in place. She has to agree to it though. She seems to be withdrawn, don't sound to eager let things flow into the first date..
SevenCity Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 I messaged her saying that there's a really good Chinese buffet near us if she would like to go with me to it. To which she replied that she would like to talk more. To be honest this seems to be a fairly common response if I ask someone for a date in the first few days of talking to them. Again she does seem interested, so I'll take her word on it. Every single woman who wanted to get to know me better disappeared. The longer you wait, the less you have to talk about and the more they will second guess things. You can also easily say something innocuous that she takes the wrong way. I listened to Normal Person's advice and had a dramatic increase in getting them out as a result. Last time waster was texting me multiple times a day and then just vanished after two weeks. I no longer waste my time and ask right away. You would be surprised how many get annoyed with waiting too long to ask. 2
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