Jump to content

Beginning dating anxiety


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

Does anyone else get anxiety near the beginning of dating someone. I know that today's society, most people are going on dating with multiple people and doing so by online dating. Me on the contrary, I am more old school - I tend to focus on one person while dating them. Maybe if I didn't do this, I wouldn't feel so much anxiety in the beginning dates.

 

I guess my anxieties tend to gear more towards the game of dating. How often should you text? Should I text first? Should I text anything after the first date? What if they find someone better ( this is more after dating for a little bit ).

 

I went on a date last night with this guy I met off Bumble. I think it went really well, he kept telling me i'm beautiful, near the end of the date ( he didn't drink doesn't drink so no liquid encouragement ), he started putting he hand on my leg, and asked if he could kiss me. So, we did and he was a really great kisser - alluded that we should hang out again. We made plans for tomorrow. I told him to text me when me when he got home . . he told me to do the same. He texted me first letting me know he made it, and asked if I did? We exchange two more texts nothing crazy and I went to bed.

 

He had to work today, didn't hear from him this morning. I texted him this afternoon, hope you're having a good day at work - today the world was supposed to end, cheers to surviving. I know he was working he texted back " LOL, is it?!". I explained to him why, and then I mentioned how maybe instead of going to a festival tomorrow we should go hiking telling me I'll bring my dog. He said, "aw yay! have some stuff to get done first . . but that wouldn't be a bad idea". Does sound ok??

 

I guess, I've just been out with so many guys that act interested and then turn out they aren't. It's super frustrating.

Posted

You must chill!!! It didn't sound that enthusiastic, but stay chill. Keep your options open.

 

I wanna add I don't think multi dating is a new development. If you watch old tv shows, you see the lady telling Frank that she can't go to the drive in Saturday because she's going on a date with Bobby. They actually multidated 'til they 'went steady' and didn't go to pound town til like marriage, but that's a diff story.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

what should I say in response to his text. I know this is so juvenile:laugh:.

  • Like 1
Posted

Did you guys have a time you were supposed to meet up tomorrow? Why did you change the fest to hiking?

  • Author
Posted

No time was set on when we would go. I figured it would be more fun to go hiking he's new here and they're a few really pretty creeks with mini waterfalls.

  • Like 1
Posted

TBH, he suggested a festival. I would have let him run with his idea. I don't change guys suggestions, especially in early dating (unless it's something I absolutely would never do...for safety reasons).

 

Second, initial dates are about getting to know you, not your dog. I would hold off on taking your dog on early dates.

 

Third, festivals occur on particular dates. Trails, creeks, and waterfalls will still be there in a couple of weeks.

 

Unfortunately, by changing the date, it becomes less clear who is planning it? Are you??? I can't tell where you were going with the change in plans. Are festivals that unpalatable? Does he need to be approved by your dog?

 

He didn't sound particularly enthused in his response to your proposed change. But you are where you are. You can message:

 

"Sounds good. Ping me when you're done and we can figure out the details."

Posted

i tend to be more hopeful than anxious when i date....i am forgiving and i take one day at a time to know the person i am dating......if i feel anxious its because something doesnt feel right and how i deal with that is total honesty.....on what is bothering me to make me anxious.....it really does help to also let your date know who you are and how you feel...if you are honest about anxiety when you have it......anxiety dissipates .....so much faster with honesty...and i have found with dates that they appreciate my honesty and are normally just as forgiving as i am....if my date picker is working that is..she has been too picky lately and gone on strike.....deb

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

He brought up hanging out I actually suggested the festival and then changed it to hiking.

Posted

Ah! So, he said something vague about seeing each other again, and you've made concrete dating suggestions.

 

I'm sorry, but based on that and the response you got, he doesn't seem interested. Don't message him. He said he had stuff to get done. If he's interested in seeing you, he'll contact you. It's very obvious you're interested in seeing him again since you keep offering up suggestions and contacting him.

 

By the way, you can have a fun date, but not see things moving beyond that date with the person. You just aren't a match even though you had a perfectly nice evening together. We aren't going to be a match with most people. Don't take it personally when someone isn't interested. Instead, try to brush yourself of and move on to the next prospect.

  • Like 2
Posted

I agree with Angel. You are struggling and anxious right now because you are chasing the guy and he is not that interested. Don't say anything more to him. The ball is in his court now that you have made suggestions. Now, if you stop communicating with him and focus on other guys don't be surprised if he pops back up. He may want to "hang out". Make sure when you hang out, you are spending quality time together because that is not only a gauge of interest but also conducive to building rship (assuming you want more than hookup). Good luck!!

  • Like 2
×
×
  • Create New...