2 year LTR GF ended things, "for now?"

[MrKoala03]

My long term (almost 2 years) girlfriend broke up with me a month ago. She told me that she did not want to be with me right now and could not handle the stress of our relationship in her life (she has rigorous courses this semester). However, she said that she also does not think that this is the end of us and that she still sees us together in the future, and that she needs time and space so we can become the best versions of ourselves. Before everyone jumps down my throat, I AM recovering and using this time to better myself.

My girlfriend and I are both 20 and go to the same University.

 

Our relationship was a very close one - there was a LOT of love and a deep closeness between the two of us. We've been through a lot together. Over the past year, I've been dealing with an overwhelming sense of anger over the long, drawn out passing of one of my family members. Similarly, she's been dealing with the stress and anxiety from school. We began to fight a lot, however most of our arguments were petty. We both stayed in our University town for the summer this year and worked. Most of our friends left, and so we clung to each other and became somewhat codependent. The fighting escalated, but so did our care and appreciation for one another. Amidst these troubled times, I still felt as though we were more in love than ever. I, overall, treated her very well and she would almost daily ask me when I was going to marry her (I was planning to propose this October). We even went to go look at engagement rings a mere 3 weeks before she ended things.

 

A week or two leading to the breakup, things began to change rapidly. One night, we were arguing and she said that she had had enough, and that one of her best friends that had recently come back into town had said that taking a break wasn't a bad idea. I shut the idea down, and said that we were strong enough to fix things. Over our last week together, I put in my best effort to make things better, but things only got worse as I likely came off as needy and desperate. She began texting a guy from work a lot. I told her I felt uncomfortable with it, and she said that I was right and that she would stop, but she didn't. When I asked her again she said that she acknowledged that he probably had feelings for her, and that even though she knew she should stop, she didn't want to because she liked having him as a friend. Between that and the arguing, things came crashing down very quickly.

 

The weekend before classes started, she texted me, asking me to come over after she got off work. She said that she needed to find herself and be alone for a while. She said she may want to date other people and said I could do the same. She claimed to still love me, but not in the right way, that the passion wasn't there as much anymore, and that right now, she just needed a break from us. I asked if it was the end, she said that she didn't think so. She wanted us to become the best versions of ourselves for each other. I cried and begged - made all of the classic mistakes. The breakup was not easy for her either by any means. I left, and returned the next day to give her the stuff of hers that I had at my place. Again, I resorted to begging and pleading. She had become more cold, but after a while she broke down as well. I told her that it didn't feel right, and she admitted the same. As I left, she began to cry again. There was no contact until she ran into me on campus the following Wednesday. The conversation was normal, but the feeling was uncomfortable. I gave in again and texted her later that day, asking if I could come over and talk. I went over and begged again for her to give me a second shot. This time, I acknowledged my mistakes (my anger affected the relationship, I became insecure and clingy in the past couple of weeks, I was impatient, became complacent, etc) and promised her that I would change.

 

She made it a point privately changed our relationship statuses on Facebook so all of our friends wouldn't see, but kept all of our pictures up (which is odd because her page is mostly just pictures of the two of us). For a week, there was no communication between us until she again ran into me on campus and sat herself down. This time, the conversation was a lot more casual and friendly. At one point I asked if she was ready to talk about fixing things, to which she said not yet. Her birthday was the next weekend, and I had already bought her gift a couple months in advance. I wrote her a lengthy letter, essentially accepting the breakup as necessary, apologizing for my mistakes, reminding her how much I cared for her, and asking her not to contact me until she was ready to talk about fixing things. I packed it with her gift, and dropped it off with her roommates while she was away. I did not text her on her actual birthday (which she later told me really upset her). The following Wednesday (1 1/2 weeks ago from today), she ran into me again and sat down to talk with me. Friendly/normal conversation until I lost it. I told her how hard the past month had been and how I've really been working on my flaws, and that it sucked to see that she could go from wanting to marry me to how she is now in such a short time and be so doing so fine. She got upset and got up to leave. I asked her to sit, and she did. She claimed that it was not easy for her either, and reassured me that she saw a future between us still but still needed a little time to be alone. We shifted the conversation and started laughing and talking as normal before parting ways. One thing about these coincidental 'meetings' that struck me is that each time she made sure to pat me on the back like one would a buddy. I realized that even if she did think we would get back together, I was just her backup for now. I began to realize my self worth again, and acknowledged that I have a lot more respect for myself than to just be on her leash. Two days later, she texted me that she saw something at the store that was on sale (a box set of a show we used to watch). I did not respond. I am now committed to focusing on myself and bettering myself, and will be avoiding her on campus.

 

In the time we've been apart, I have not been sitting around waiting for a call. I've actively been trying to make a change: working on my flaws, focusing on classes, getting back into the gym, running, learning guitar, and expanding my social circle. Several women have shown interest in me, and I've even been on a date. Meanwhile, everyone else amongst our mutual friends and families is still very confused at what the ex is going through. My roommate even ran into her best friend at church and she admitted that she was just as confused as I was about my ex's decision. I know that my ex will never forget me or the love we shared, and I have not given up on hope. Despite my flaws and mistakes, I still did my best to treat her the way any girl dreams of being treated.

 

My love for her hasn't diminished one bit, and I know that if things were given a second chance, we'd be stronger than before. But, I have come to terms with the fact that she may never come back and that this may be the end. Even if she did come back, I'm at a point now to where my guard is constantly up, and she would need to work hard convince me that she wants to be with me. Have I done everything I can, and is my plan to commit to silence the best option (I'm not just doing it to get her back, but also to move forward with my life)? Any advice, words of encouragement, or similar stories that worked out for the better would be much appreciated!

[smackie9]

Sorry but everyone gave you good advice on your other thread. Sometime we just have to fact the reality that we just simply need to let go. There is nothing you can do or say to make this any different.

[coolheadal]

Time and space just means she has more dating options with other men, that's where she's going with this with you. Why would you wait on her go do the same thing with other women. Find someone else, but take your time to do so after being in 2 year LTR you need 6 months to get your life back into the swing of it.

[smackie9]

It's been a month now, you should be forgetting about all this by keeping busy and spending fun times with friends, checkin out new girls.

[coolheadal]

It's been a month now, you should be forgetting about all this by keeping busy and spending fun times with friends, checkin out new girls.

 

Speaking as man I can see the OP situation clearly it's hard for some me to d what you just suggested if they love the ex so much you can't even think what must be going through his head right now.. But in time he'll see the light and the end,,

[MrKoala03]

Sorry but everyone gave you good advice on your other thread. Sometime we just have to fact the reality that we just simply need to let go. There is nothing you can do or say to make this any different.

 

Last thread my post was unreadable, so I reposted.

 

The consensus is that I should be moving on with my life...which I AM doing. Can I not move on and still hold out hope that she comes back?

[coolheadal]

Last thread my post was unreadable, so I reposted.

 

The consensus is that I should be moving on with my life...which I AM doing. Can I not move on and still hold out hope that she comes back?

 

Yes I can understand that as a man too but I felt like this for another woman the hope she'll come back. But sometimes that hope will never come in the end. I learned that much my friend. You just have to see what happens next. Moving on is easy to say but you want her back so much it hurts and your sharing your hurt and wants in hope just maybe she'll do just that..

[Miss Spider]

Last thread my post was unreadable, so I reposted.

 

The consensus is that I should be moving on with my life...which I AM doing. Can I not move on and still hold out hope that she comes back?

 

No you really cant

[MrKoala03]

Yes I can understand that as a man too but I felt like this for another woman the hope she'll come back. But sometimes that hope will never come in the end. I learned that much my friend. You just have to see what happens next. Moving on is easy to say but you want her back so much it hurts and your sharing your hurt and wants in hope just maybe she'll do just that..

 

Every contact I've had with her has shown me that she is still fighting herself on this, so it's hard not to hope. I also highly doubt that all of the emotion she had for me was diminished so quickly. She had always been so invested. When I say I'm moving on, I mean that I'm not just moping around. I'm getting on with my life and am actively working to improve.

 

I've heard plenty of reconciliation amongst friends in LTRs, and a lot of her close friends seem to think things will work out in the end. So again, hard not to hope.

[Miss Spider]

It's gonna take time, dude. It was a close, 2 year relationship. You can't snap your fingers and "move on". You'll slowly move on in baby steps and phases. Gotta give it some time for the wound to close and heal. It will get better. Stay the f NC

Edited September 23, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[MrKoala03]

It's gonna take time, dude. It was a close, 2 year relationship. You can't snap your fingers and move on. Gotta give it some time. It will get better. Stay the f NC

 

I am fully committed to NC and focusing on myself. I have regained control of my emotions and am more keen to resist urges to text/call/talk to her. Are the chances of her coming back really that slim, though?

[smackie9]

When I hear "Find myself, I need to be alone" that usually means they have met someone that has struck them emotionally and physically. I'm not saying she is dating anyone, I'm saying she has "met" someone, like a classmate, a study partner, a new coworker, that she has started to spend time with. That's when it gets "confusing". They are being pulled so strongly in the other direction, they start to question their feelings. So they take a break, distance themselves to see which feelings are truer.

 

So will she come back? Who knows. No one has a crystal ball here.

[ExpatInItaly]

I am fully committed to NC and focusing on myself. I have regained control of my emotions and am more keen to resist urges to text/call/talk to her. Are the chances of her coming back really that slim, though?

 

Given how young you both are, it is more likely that you two will stay apart and move on to other relationships.

 

That's not necessarily a bad thing, either. Very few people remain with the partners they met at 18. There's simply too much life ahead of you both.

[coolheadal]

Every contact I've had with her has shown me that she is still fighting herself on this, so it's hard not to hope. I also highly doubt that all of the emotion she had for me was diminished so quickly. She had always been so invested. When I say I'm moving on, I mean that I'm not just moping around. I'm getting on with my life and am actively working to improve.

 

I've heard plenty of reconciliation amongst friends in LTRs, and a lot of her close friends seem to think things will work out in the end. So again, hard not to hope.

 

Yes I know my friend I've been their myself a few time with women I felt so close too and hope for the best. Sure you can move on but you can always leave that backdoor open for hope she'll call out or text you. You got to have hope no matter what anyone else said because you were so close so much in love it's hard to see all that come to end now. Hope gives you just that hope!

 

Like I said might takes weeks or months but they usually come back. That happen to me in Aug 2016 we had broken up and then in Nov 2016 I got a message on FB saying she wanted to get back together. That lasted until May 2017. Oh well I've moved on and met someone else. Like I said hope can work for some it might not work for you. But no problem to have hope!