Taking a break due to school

[Mignolet]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now and spend a lot of time together.

 

Just a bit of background, we have a very good relationship. Both love and care about each other a lot and have talked about a future together.

 

She is studying her masters and works 20 hours a week so she is very busy.

 

The only problems that arise are when we spend time together and she sometimes neglects her schooling. I have always been supportive and press her to study etc but or dynamic causes us to be so interested and want to spend time together.

 

She came to me the other day and said she is having a hard time balancing and is worried she is neglecting her schooling. She stressed that she wants to take a break, but it has nothing to do with her love for me. She just needs to focus on school and we can get back to being serious when school calms down/finishes in two months.

 

I've told her because I care about her career and success I'd give her space. We worked it out that she will contact me if she has free time to hang out.

 

I am having a hard time with the break bc it seems like she isn't interested when she texts. She told me she can't refer to me as her boyfriend or be in a serious relationship if she isn't able to give it 100%. She doesn't think it is fair to me

 

Do you think she is trying to lessen the blow of breaking up by using school as an excuse? I respect her for talking to me but I am really bothered by the fact that she seems disinterested and can't even say we are in a relationship!

 

Is there something you would recommend me saying? From what it sounds like is she playing me on and trying to detach from me?

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, I think she is trying to soften the blow of breaking up by calling it a "break." I hate to tell you, my friend, but she broke up with you. She might not have called it that, but that's what happened. Not referring to you as her boyfriend and not acknowledging that you're in a relationship means one thing - you're no longer a couple.

 

I don't think she's using school as an excuse, though. I think that it's very likely the truth. She has a lot on her plate if she's in grad school and that needs to come first. I would not assume she is playing you.

 

I would stop texting and trying to communicate with her for now. She is not in a place to be a in relationship and if she wants to consider herself single, she needs to understand that you will not be offering her the companionship a boyfriend does.

[smackie9]

I think it's unfair to you she never gave you a say in this and worked out something that the both of you can live with. I would be suspicious of her just simply dumping you with such ease. How does she know it wouldn't be fair to you? Did she even ask if you would be OK seeing less of each other? I think she's blown ya off too.

 

I get she needs to study and crap, but it's nice to have someone there to support you through the rough times, or is a nice distraction to give the brain a rest.

 

 

You need to stand up for yourself and tell her YOU FEEL taking a break isn't necessary, and you are OK with cutting back on seeing each other to put her studies as her first priority as a compromise. If she doesn't agree with you, then tell her "OK, then we will go no contact, and I will be seeing other girls".

[Erik30]

She told me she can't refer to me as her boyfriend or be in a serious relationship if she isn't able to give it 100%. She doesn't think it is fair to me...

 

Do you think she is trying to lessen the blow of breaking up by using school as an excuse? I respect her for talking to me but I am really bothered by the fact that she seems disinterested and can't even say we are in a relationship!

 

I think it's a pretty big red flag that she wants to appear to be single to the public. If it's really only for two months, you guys could've easily figured something out without having to go on a break. "Breaks" are almost always just a lame way to slowly end it with someone.