Lczepan Posted September 23, 2017 Posted September 23, 2017 So I've been dating someone for over a year. He does have a lot of emotional baggage and has done many things to keep me happy and secure. We spent a whole lot of time together. I do have kids and his work schedule sometimes conflicts with us hanging out. There are obstacles between us, such as age and my kids. He finally bought a place of his own, and one day after he left for work I accidentally opened a shoebox (looking for spare towel, and he had a thing for keeping junk or empty boxes) that was full of memories of the last girl he dated 2 1/2 years ago. I have never looked through his stuff. Brought it up, and how it made me feel like he gave 100% to her and not me. Well after a few days it started to bother him that it wasn't fair that I use that against us but at the same time it brought up thoughts of how they ended and it's things he already put away. She's not coming back and they haven't talked. It brought up feelings he hadn't had in awhile and he asked for space to get through on his own and it has nothing to do with me or how he feels for me. I did push the day after with another conversation but he said he had nothing more he can say to me other than he needs space and knows that it would hurt more to ignore me to end things so he wouldn't do that., I've laid low since then. His texts are minimal and it was the first time I didn't hear from him yesterday. Hes texts prior sounded irritable but he's also been working a lot lately and sick. He's a pretty emotional person that doesn't quite express how he feels. Now I'm sitting here in the dark wondering what he's thinking, is this done. Sorry I tried to shorten this as much as I can. As much as I know to keep my head up and do me, my head is going crazy with anxiety. We normally hang out on mondays but that hasn't happened since this incident 2 weeks ago. What should I do? Should I reach out and see how he's doing? Should I wait? Do you think he needs to breathe?
Miss Spider Posted September 23, 2017 Posted September 23, 2017 DO NOT contact him. Whatever you do. It will be a huge mistake...The best thing you can do when someone asks for space is go complete NC. Not another word. 2
coolheadal Posted September 23, 2017 Posted September 23, 2017 Odd guy you find out too much about his past and love. You have kids you have to watch out who date and see. I missed the need space in your long story. But i do agree with the other poster you need a NC = NO CONTACT do not text or call do not see him just leave him alone and you go on with your own life. Who knows you might meet a better stable man without issues. Put your kids and yourself first okay.. 2
preraph Posted September 23, 2017 Posted September 23, 2017 you "accidentally" opened his shoebox? Please. You snooped. So he's struggling with that, even if he's too nice to tell you that. That was like reading someone's diary. So now what you've done is opened up an old wound and now what he's doing is comparing how he felt about her to how he feels about you and it's probably not coming up roses for you. 5
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2017 Posted September 23, 2017 Here's a guy, that has made you happy, secure, put loads of effort into making time to see you and treat you right....then you come along and tell him he's not putting in 100%, that his ex was treated better. How would you feel if he said that to you???? It shattered his heart. Gosh and now you are crappin yourself that this might be the end, all worried about how YOU feel. So damn selfish. You DID snoop! Even tho it wasn't your first initial intention, you still proceeded to go through his stuff. Your down playing of all this is something else, "oh he's got emotional baggage...." Not once in your thread did you say you felt terrible for what you did, and how it made him feel...not once. That speaks volumes of your character. Anyone, emotional or not would be pissed/hurt about what you said. What might help is a solid apology for saying that to him, and for invading his privacy. Just own it. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 23, 2017 Posted September 23, 2017 What is his emotional baggage you're referring to? And why did you assume that he put more effort into his previous relationship? I would feel very violated if someone went through my things and then accused me of not caring enough about them, OP. I agree with smackie, I would apologize for making that accusation and for snooping. The rest is up to him now.
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