I'm just not interested at all

[so gutted]

I had one date with a guy.

 

He was nice enough but physically there wasn't an attraction,

 

I made a huge mistake of taking him up on his offer to help me with an IT related thing. He offered so many times that I gave in. Due to pressure at work, I gave in as I was spending too much time on it.

 

Anyway he helped me over the past phone for 2 hours (twice).

 

I knew this was wrong but it was his field of expertise & he kept offering.

 

Now he has my number & has been contacting me a lot. He keeps calling, I don't return the calls yet he still says can you talk?

 

Even though I don't return the calls, I do return the SMS about 5 hours later saying I'm busy at work.

 

I'm trying to behave badly enough for him to go away,

 

Now he has asked me to meet for probably the 15th time, offering dinner (free), he also said he wants to be "more than most people".

 

Thing is even with my situation I don't want him.

 

I don't fancy him, I cannot make do. I think he is too average & lacks goals/ambition. I cannot persuade myself to waste his time.

 

How do I get rid - blocking seems mean.

[Miss Spider]

Just directly tell him you aren't interested in him romantically. That's surely nicer than treating him bad enough to where he'll go away.,

[Erik30]

If this is a guy you're probably never going to see again, just thank him for his help but tell him you met someone else. (If you can't straight up tell him you're not interested)

 

Yeah it's a lie, but you only went out on one date, and it sure beats what you're doing now. If he still doesn't get it after that and he keeps on calling you, block him

[Cersei]

I was kind of thinking the same type of thing actually.

 

I was thinking "oh I can't because I have a date tonight."

Seems kind of flighty but he may lose his attraction in a hurry.

 

Oh boy I sound mean I bet.

[act00]

You're feeling extra guilt because you essentially used him. Granted, he was pestering you, and you were kind of desperate for resolution at the time, but you weren't interested in him romantically, and not so much as a friend, not that you wanted to friendzone, but he was useful at the time when you knew very well this wasn't going anywhere. I suspect at the time you were questioning yourself and if further time together might change your lack of attraction, even though you had serious cold feet and deep down you knew, which is why there was continued communication that alerted him to your IT woes. We all do it (or have done it)...it's not like it was a selfish, conscious act, it's just we flounder a lot, and in the future, you will be more mindful of your "gut instinct." I'm sorry he was the experiment...this is called "live and learn" and unfortunately there's some carnage along the way.

 

Could you not go through your job resources on resolving the IT issues? Hire an outside entity? We all love our freebies, but clearly this guy was not the best choice.

 

Your attention at the time suggested you were interested, and he's definitely interested, a bit desperate even, and he does not back down. Soooo, you're going to have to deal with the backlash. Break it off. Accept his anger and he may say some vile things to you, in which case you can hang up or walk away, and if this turns into begging and "one more try," stick to your guns and tell him you enjoyed meeting him and thank him for his help, and you wish him the very best as you end the conversation. There's just no easy way out of this, and he may just be accepting and not create further drama, as the writing is on the wall, but I think you need to be clear with him, it's just not going to happen.

[Gr8fuln2020]

OP, you don't want to be mean, but your behavior kind of sucks. Maintaining contact with a guy you have no interest in knowing that he is interested in you is simply crappy. Go with the honest approach and don't lie to him. If there is ANY uncertainty in how you feel he may think that there's a chance. Make it crystal clear that you are not interested.

[stillafool]

Stop behaving badly, be a grown woman and just tell him you are not interested.

[coolheadal]

I had one date with a guy.

 

He was nice enough but physically there wasn't an attraction,

 

I made a huge mistake of taking him up on his offer to help me with an IT related thing. He offered so many times that I gave in. Due to pressure at work, I gave in as I was spending too much time on it.

 

Anyway he helped me over the past phone for 2 hours (twice).

 

I knew this was wrong but it was his field of expertise & he kept offering.

 

Now he has my number & has been contacting me a lot. He keeps calling, I don't return the calls yet he still says can you talk?

 

Even though I don't return the calls, I do return the SMS about 5 hours later saying I'm busy at work.

 

I'm trying to behave badly enough for him to go away,

 

Now he has asked me to meet for probably the 15th time, offering dinner (free), he also said he wants to be "more than most people".

 

Thing is even with my situation I don't want him.

 

I don't fancy him, I cannot make do. I think he is too average & lacks goals/ambition. I cannot persuade myself to waste his time.

 

How do I get rid - blocking seems mean.

 

Why don't you tell him the truth.. You told us how you felt say it to him either in a SMS or leave a voice mail you can force it on cell there might be option zero then star or pound key. Never talk to him directly never call him and talk to him just text it. If you doesn't stop calling you tell him he'll have to deal with the police because it's harassment. That's how you handle this. He's not your type you text him why and you have someone your serious about and he needs to stop calling and texting. Even if you don't have someone just have to kill the interest faster....

[so gutted]

Yes I do feel guilty but he offered so many times it was the easy option.

 

I do find his desperation offputting.

 

He then went way overboard & started planning dinner & making it very clear he would pay. Before that he said he needs my help to choose a coat, then said it was an excuse to see me.

 

I don't think its the fear of commitment, it's the fear of him and me in a physical relationship that turns my stomach.

 

He hasn't said anything today.

 

Should I deliver the message if and when he next SMS or outright (without any initiation from him?

[so gutted]

Or should I be a coward and block him?

[coolheadal]

He can get around the block (unless you change your number completely) then there is a way to do it and he's IT so he knows how to get around the block. You have to text a message saying your not available your seeing someone else your engage to get married next month. Your having someone else kid you do whatever you have to say to get this jerk off the phone with you. Don't talk to him in person and you don't let him control the you. That's what he's doing. You have the ammo now please use it in SMS text message. Why wait for him to answer you with another crazy reply.. Threaten the police option for harassment only if he keeps pushing you into something.

Edited September 23, 2017 by coolheadal

[so gutted]

Yes I'm

Also worries that he has my IP address.

[coolheadal]

Yes I'm

Also worries that he has my IP address.

 

Your IP address can be changed by your ISP provider. You can ask them to change it you know. You would have to tell them why in any case. If you need to go that far. Use the police threat on him before you have to go that far with your IP address.

[BaileyB]

Really, just tell him that you enjoyed meeting him but you are not interested in dating him. Be direct, clear, and then leave him alone... He will get the picture.

[act00]

He can get around the block (unless you change your number completely) then there is a way to do it and he's IT so he knows how to get around the block. You have to text a message saying your not available your seeing someone else your engage to get married next month. Your having someone else kid you do whatever you have to say to get this jerk off the phone with you. Don't talk to him in person and you don't let him control the you. That's what he's doing. You have the ammo now please use it in SMS text message. Why wait for him to answer you with another crazy reply.. Threaten the police option for harassment only if he keeps pushing you into something.

 

I don't think the first approach should by lying. Your suggestion, getting married next month?? So she's dating dudes while planning her wedding that is going to be done and done in 30 days? What a s***ty person! Why would the OP even entertain the idea of presenting herself as a cheater, letting alone burning bridges and creating drama - she has no idea how this man might intertwine with her future life, and she has no idea what Mr. IT Guy could do to her reputation if he's that bitter. Aren't you the one who claims to be psychic? Yet you can't see what a potential crapfest that could manifest by lying and deceiving?

 

How many posts do we see come across the board about game playing, and no one knows what the hell is going on? Lies take a lot of work. The OP needs to own her life, and just tell the dude it's not working...ignore and NC after that. Most people are normal and will eventually give up the ghost. Hopefully she doesn't end up having to deal with stalking issues...highly unlikely, but she'll cross that bridge if it happens.

[millerband86]

Yes I'm

Also worries that he has my IP address.

 

Don't complicate it. Say thanks for the help and it was nice meeting you but you are seeing someone else now. Simple.

[coolheadal]

I don't think the first approach should by lying. Your suggestion, getting married next month?? So she's dating dudes while planning her wedding that is going to be done and done in 30 days? What a s***ty person! Why would the OP even entertain the idea of presenting herself as a cheater, letting alone burning bridges and creating drama - she has no idea how this man might intertwine with her future life, and she has no idea what Mr. IT Guy could do to her reputation if he's that bitter. Aren't you the one who claims to be psychic? Yet you can't see what a potential crapfest that could manifest by lying and deceiving?

 

How many posts do we see come across the board about game playing, and no one knows what the hell is going on? Lies take a lot of work. The OP needs to own her life, and just tell the dude it's not working...ignore and NC after that. Most people are normal and will eventually give up the ghost. Hopefully she doesn't end up having to deal with stalking issues...highly unlikely, but she'll cross that bridge if it happens.

 

 

She can use whatever options she has. This guy has to get it in his head she is not free to date. Just a simple i don't like you not going to get him not interested. He might bomb her with text message. I trying to give her some options to say to someone like this. He doesn't know her life, so you can add things to her speech to get him off her back. She got one shot at this make it count but do whatever you have to to get him off her back and out of her face. She doesn't even like this guy.. He's controlling her pushing her into doing things. Who the heck wants that in their life right now. My suggestions gives her options to say in SMS to this guy needs to stop, she needs to tell him why and to seal that comment even if it's not true then you have to push the thought of being involved with another man in the puzzle even if she's not she needs to deal her hand this way. This guy we don't know him from Adam. Got to put a stop to his calling and texts now before it gets out of hand even worst. The police option is the last one to use.

 

No one playing games just pushing the idea to his head to back off saying it with an excuse she's involved. She doesn't like this guy so it's not going to be favorable to him in any case.

 

First use Why you don't want to be with him.

Second I have a man already

Third Harassment Option saying the police will be informed as well as your employer too. This option should only be use as a last resort.

Edited September 23, 2017 by coolheadal

[Miss Spider]

Why jump to conclusions he is going to go full stalker. I used to be kind of like Op because I've hated rejecting people. I've gotten better with practice. I wouldn't take the cowards way. It doesn't help

Edited September 23, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Sunlight72]

I agree with posters who suggest just telling the truth.

 

Text a direct, honest message and get it over with. You don't need to be mean, but also don't drag it out.

 

"It was really nice to offer and give the help, thank you. I have no interest in dating, in fact it's a turn off. Please don't contact me again, it's feeling uncomfortable. Thank you for understanding."

 

Just don't make it a big deal. There was a misunderstanding, but it happens. Don't sweat it so much. The longer you let him imagine he has a chance with you, the worse it will be. Just get it done, and you both get on with your lives.

 

Best Wishes,

Sunlight

 

P.S. I didn't see the part where the guy is being a jerk, or acting like a psycho. He sounds like a nice guy, probably lonely, and has too high of hopes with OP, which she needs to bring back to earth.

[coolheadal]

Why jump to conclusions he is going to go full stalker. I used to be kind of like Op because I've hated rejecting people. I've gotten better with practice. I wouldn't take the cowards way. It doesn't help

 

Lets see what the OP finally does and how are things now did he go away or not?

[so gutted]

Thanks for all the suggestions...

 

I haven't texted him yet because he has gone quiet. First time in since I have known him.

 

Because there are so many stalkers out there (I have had the authorities involved many tims) I rarely give out my number. I'm not the only one doing this.

 

It seems as soon as you go outside of the site and onto the phone (after meeting) the men play up.

 

It's quite disturbing that's simple phone number makes them persistently annoying. They think they own you. The dates disappear and they want to know what you're doing all the time or want to meet up in 20 mins time.

 

I need to work on my feedback.

 

Clearly because he helped me and paid for the date he is now trying to get something out of me.

 

I don't think he will go away quietly so I will need to be firm and final. He certainly will not go away with 1 SMS.

[so gutted]

Why jump to conclusions he is going to go full stalker. I used to be kind of like Op because I've hated rejecting people. I've gotten better with practice. I wouldn't take the cowards way. It doesn't help

 

I think he will become more persistent & his true colours will show. Taking me out was outside of his comfort zone.

[so gutted]

I agree with posters who suggest just telling the truth.

 

Text a direct, honest message and get it over with. You don't need to be mean, but also don't drag it out.

 

"It was really nice to offer and give the help, thank you. I have no interest in dating, in fact it's a turn off. Please don't contact me again, it's feeling uncomfortable. Thank you for understanding."

 

Just don't make it a big deal. There was a misunderstanding, but it happens. Don't sweat it so much. The longer you let him imagine he has a chance with you, the worse it will be. Just get it done, and you both get on with your lives.

 

Best Wishes,

Sunlight

 

P.S. I didn't see the part where the guy is being a jerk, or acting like a psycho. He sounds like a nice guy, probably lonely, and has too high of hopes with OP, which she needs to bring back to earth.

 

Thanks. Aside from the having no interest in dating but the message makes sense.

 

He is nice but too heavy. Saying HE wants to. E more, begging to meet, telephoning so many times with no response all very desperate.

[GemmaUK]

Even though I don't return the calls, I do return the SMS about 5 hours later saying I'm busy at work.

 

Not being up front and saying you're not interested and the bold above are the worst things you can do with anyone who has the potential to become stalker-ish so as you have mentioned in later posts it's no wonder you've had problems.

[so gutted]

I sent the text.

 

He thanked me And has gone!