Ex broke NC after over a year

[Jagged100]

I'll try to keep this short. My ex and I ended really badly after being together on and off for almost 4 years almost 2 years ago. Last year we went completely verbal NC, however she'd still try to make me jealous over Instagram flaunting her new relationship ( yes I know I should not have been checking) but I've not allowed myself to react in any way.

 

Last night she sms'd me and when I didn't respond she whatsapped me saying that she'd gotten a notification that I'd searched for her on an app. She wanted to know why and what I wanted. She then proceeded to tell me how amazing the guy she's with is and how much she loves him.

 

I'd searched for her because I'd been getting a few private number calls earlier in the week and the app can help identify who it is. It couldn't identify the number so I left it. She's searched for me previously and I've left it alone because I figured its not worth getting aggravated by.

 

I have not responded but honestly I know if I do it will be an angry message because of all the pain she's caused me over the years. Should I just ignore it and hope this anger passes? And why is she contacting me now after all this time, I'm struggling to find the logic in this.

[Chilli]

ignore her man, delete her, get on with your life.

lf she's so damn happy now why do you even wanna know .

And believe me l'm no 20 yr old saying next on the internet there's been divorce and other crap but just let her go , you don't need her bs and probably by the time your married off later on hers would've imploded anyway and she'll be you.

[Jagged100]

ignore her man, delete her, get on with your life.

lf she's so damn happy now why do you even wanna know .

And believe me l'm no 20 yr old saying next on the internet there's been divorce and other crap but just let her go , you don't need her bs and probably by the time your married off later on hers would've imploded anyway and she'll be you.

I have moved on with my life to a large degree and feel much better than I used to. This was a bit of a sucker punch to the gut. I don't want her back and don't envy her bf, so I don't really care if she's with someone or not. I honestly want her to just go away which is why I've not responded to her

[Chilli]

Ahh right , well good for you.

Not sure how l'd feel about mine but l sorta wouldn't envy him either if there is someone new.

 

l know she can find someone very easily as she's that damn cute, but sadly keeping it going is the thing for her.

Edited September 23, 2017 by Chilli

[Bromeo]

Several things here.

 

Mine did this as well around December, as FB messenger notified me she searched for me. I contacted her, more games.

 

Did it again in July.

 

When someone goes out of their way to prove how awesome their life is, it's usually the opposite. Take some solace there.

 

After a year, who cares what she has to say. Tell her plainly, I received some private/unknown calls, and wondered if it was you.

 

If you want a zinger, my absolute favorite from another LS user:

 

Ask her if her cute friend is single, and could she introduce you. Love it. Seems appropriate in this case. Lol

 

Or do nothing. Your call.

 

From your post, she seems way immature.

 

I'm glad you are far in the other direction from her.

 

Be safe.

[d0nnivain]

First you two never went NC. If you have any ability to see what the other is doing on social media & are connected through text, SMS or WhatsApp & are searching for each other you are still far too connected.

 

Since you went searching for her & you are asking these Qs you are still too emotionally invested. If you truly didn't care anymore she could have shown up on your doorstep & flashed you under a raincoat saying she wanted you back & you would not have reacted other then to politely show her on her way.

 

I don't think the calls were from her. I don't see anything to indicate that she wants you back.

 

You still seem hung up on her. Continue your healing & carry on.

[Jagged100]

Several things here.

 

Mine did this as well around December, as FB messenger notified me she searched for me. I contacted her, more games.

 

Did it again in July.

 

When someone goes out of their way to prove how awesome their life is, it's usually the opposite. Take some solace there.

 

After a year, who cares what she has to say. Tell her plainly, I received some private/unknown calls, and wondered if it was you.

 

If you want a zinger, my absolute favorite from another LS user:

 

Ask her if her cute friend is single, and could she introduce you. Love it. Seems appropriate in this case. Lol

 

Or do nothing. Your call.

 

From your post, she seems way immature.

 

I'm glad you are far in the other direction from her.

 

Be safe.

 

Thanks Bromeo, I appreciate the response. I'm leaning towards not responding, because I don't want to open up communication and to give her the satisfaction of knowing I care.

 

Im glad I'm no longer with her, and this reinforces that she'll never grow up and be better.

[Jagged100]

First you two never went NC. If you have any ability to see what the other is doing on social media & are connected through text, SMS or WhatsApp & are searching for each other you are still far too connected.

 

Since you went searching for her & you are asking these Qs you are still too emotionally invested. If you truly didn't care anymore she could have shown up on your doorstep & flashed you under a raincoat saying she wanted you back & you would not have reacted other then to politely show her on her way.

 

I don't think the calls were from her. I don't see anything to indicate that she wants you back.

 

You still seem hung up on her. Continue your healing & carry on.

 

I didn't say NC, I said verbal NC. This is the first message on any platform. I didn't say I don't care, I said I'm moving on. I think a part of me will always love her even though as a person I know she doesn't deserve that.

 

I know she doesn't want me back, and the feeling is mutual. I think this is all a punishment scenario.

 

I am trying to move forward and healing everyday, but there are bumps and I've accepted that.

[d0nnivain]

That's good then that you understand this wasn't her trying for reconciliation. You do seem to still have your heart on your sleeve & I would hate to see you get hurt more because you reached out with unreasonable expectations.

 

My suggestion -- disconnect on all platforms. It will make it easier for you to heal, which should be the only consideration.

[Cersei]

Verbal NC is not enough. You need 100 percent NC because she is obviously is still occupying space in your mind and will continue to do so. If she weren't, you would not have searched / gone looking.

 

Please consider the block button.

[Jagged100]

That's good then that you understand this wasn't her trying for reconciliation. You do seem to still have your heart on your sleeve & I would hate to see you get hurt more because you reached out with unreasonable expectations.

 

My suggestion -- disconnect on all platforms. It will make it easier for you to heal, which should be the only consideration.

 

Thank you, I do appreciate the response. I agree with you, total NC is the only way forward. Doesn't change how surreal this feels though. It's almost taken me right back to the beginning.

[Jagged100]

Verbal NC is not enough. You need 100 percent NC because she is obviously is still occupying space in your mind and will continue to do so. If she weren't, you would not have searched / gone looking.

 

Please consider the block button.

I agree and really shouldn't have looked her up. Does it get to a point for anyone where their ex is no longer occupying any space?

[Buriall]

I agree and really shouldn't have looked her up. Does it get to a point for anyone where their ex is no longer occupying any space?

 

It does get better in time. But since you've done the whole NC thing wrong you're back at square one. Learn from your mistakes and you ll be where you want to be. Out of sight, out of mind.

[springy]

I agree and really shouldn't have looked her up. Does it get to a point for anyone where their ex is no longer occupying any space?

 

Yes. With lots of time and TOTAL nc.

 

She broke contact because she saw you searched for her. She even said it. Block. Don't respond. Don't search. Don't look her up for any reason and one day the urge won't even exist.

[Jagged100]

Yes. With lots of time and TOTAL nc.

 

She broke contact because she saw you searched for her. She even said it. Block. Don't respond. Don't search. Don't look her up for any reason and one day the urge won't even exist.

 

Yeah I agree with never even looking her up again. I just don't get why after all this time she still tries to provoke me. It's so immature, I don't care that she's with someone else.

[Cersei]

Yeah I agree with never even looking her up again. I just don't get why after all this time she still tries to provoke me. It's so immature, I don't care that she's with someone else.

 

And that immaturity of hers should help you hit that block button.

It will be tough but it's the right approach. Good luck!

[LivingWaterPlease]

I agree and really shouldn't have looked her up. Does it get to a point for anyone where their ex is no longer occupying any space?

 

I have some exes I search for on the internet every few years. I even searched the internet for the bf I had in the first grade! lol! Yesterday I searched on google earth for a house I lived in when I was in first grade in a place far away from where I now live. Point being whomever and whatever I've been connected with in the past is always a part of me in a sense and I am interested in what becomes of it.

 

Just because I search for an ex doesn't mean I want to date him at all. It just means I wonder what has become of the person. Once when I searched I found one of my exes who had had a nose job, he didn't need it and isn't as good looking with the new nose. I found it interesting, is all. He was a really nice guy and the part of my life I spent with him (six months) was important to me. I have no interest at all in dating him and was glad to see on FB that he has married and had children. I can imagine him to be a great dad.

 

Guess I've made my point, Jagged100. I don't think you're necessarily still hung up on the ex just because you searched her on the internet.

[Jagged100]

@LivingWaterPlease thank you, I'm definitely not "hung up" on her, in the sense that I want her back. We share over 15 years of history so I will always care but not in a romantic way. It was curiosity that she may have called but that's it.

[SevenCity]

@LivingWaterPlease thank you, I'm definitely not "hung up" on her, in the sense that I want her back. We share over 15 years of history so I will always care but not in a romantic way. It was curiosity that she may have called but that's it.

 

There's a part of you that does care and that's ok. Otherwise this would have had no effect on you at all except perhaps mild curiosity.

 

It's only been a year so you are still healing. 15 years is a long time and eventually you'll get to the point where you are indifferent. Important to block her and not search as it will only reset your healing. Pretend as if she is dead because for all intents and purposes she is to you.

 

Bromeo is right. The fact that she claims she is so happy likely means she is not. She's not trying to convince you, she's trying to convince herself.

[Jagged100]

There's a part of you that does care and that's ok. Otherwise this would have had no effect on you at all except perhaps mild curiosity.

 

It's only been a year so you are still healing. 15 years is a long time and eventually you'll get to the point where you are indifferent. Important to block her and not search as it will only reset your healing. Pretend as if she is dead because for all intents and purposes she is to you.

 

Bromeo is right. The fact that she claims she is so happy likely means she is not. She's not trying to convince you, she's trying to convince herself.

 

I don't know if she's happy or not and I accepted a long time ago that it has nothing to do with me. I just want to heal completely now and not have to go through this again. It is like hitting the reset button with her.

[LivingWaterPlease]

@LivingWaterPlease thank you, I'm definitely not "hung up" on her, in the sense that I want her back. We share over 15 years of history so I will always care but not in a romantic way. It was curiosity that she may have called but that's it.

 

That's what I figured from your first post, Jagged100. We're obviously all strangers here posting to each other and it seems to me sometimes folks attribute emotions they have in their own lives to situations they respond to here.

 

If I were getting consistent anonymous calls I'd want to discover whom they were from, too. And I'd also find the message she left you (or called you and spoke to you, can't recall without going back to check) annoying. Seemed gamey, immature, and designed to provoke.

 

I'll probably always be curious about homes I've lived in and lots of different folks I've been connected to in the past, many of whom there's been no romantic or otherwise intimate connection with at all.

 

In that sense you could say I "care" about the places and people but not in the sense that I want to live in the houses or go to dinner with the people.

 

So "care" can be a very non descriptive generic type of word. Not sure why it's meaningful to try to evaluate and judge your emotions about this person when you're just trying to work through a series of events that took place. Sound to me more like you're annoyed with her than anything else.

[Jagged100]

That's what I figured from your first post, Jagged100. We're obviously all strangers here posting to each other and it seems to me sometimes folks attribute emotions they have in their own lives to situations they respond to here.

 

If I were getting consistent anonymous calls I'd want to discover whom they were from, too. And I'd also find the message she left you (or called you and spoke to you, can't recall without going back to check) annoying. Seemed gamey, immature, and designed to provoke.

 

I'll probably always be curious about homes I've lived in and lots of different folks I've been connected to in the past, many of whom there's been no romantic or otherwise intimate connection with at all.

 

In that sense you could say I "care" about the places and people but not in the sense that I want to live in the houses or go to dinner with the people.

 

So "care" can be a very non descriptive generic type of word. Not sure why it's meaningful to try to evaluate and judge your emotions about this person when you're just trying to work through a series of events that took place. Sound to me more like you're annoyed with her than anything else.

 

Most people on here have a genuine desire to help and I appreciate how being on this forum has helped me. But every situation is different and I think it's hard to be objective at times.

 

I am and have been working on myself since the break up, do I still think about her? Yes. But it's very different to hoping she'll come back. Which I don't, my life is immeasurably better since we broke up. I know the kind of person she is and that's vindictive and immature.

 

I am annoyed that she tried to disturb my hard earned peace, and disappointed that she's still the same person. I checked to see if it was her because I know the type of games she enjoys playing. I won't make the same mistake, because it feeds into her ego.

[Bromeo]

Most people on here have a genuine desire to help and I appreciate how being on this forum has helped me. But every situation is different and I think it's hard to be objective at times.

 

I am and have been working on myself since the break up, do I still think about her? Yes. But it's very different to hoping she'll come back. Which I don't, my life is immeasurably better since we broke up. I know the kind of person she is and that's vindictive and immature.

 

I am annoyed that she tried to disturb my hard earned peace, and disappointed that she's still the same person. I checked to see if it was her because I know the type of games she enjoys playing. I won't make the same mistake, because it feeds into her ego.

 

This is something I completely understand.

 

After I stopped begging and pleading, and she disrespected me the last time on the phone, I decided full speed ahead with making a new life. I picked up awesome new hobbies, and worked to move back to my hometown.

 

Then a different nonsense started:

 

Messenger said she was looking for me late December.

Emails in early January.

Games, games, games, till I cut it late January.

Facebook likes in July.

 

I don't know whether she is curious, like living water, or regretful. I imagine with her it depends on how drunk or alone she is.

 

I'm finally at the place to say - "your loss, because I'm awesome." You can feel yourself get to that place. However, you need to rewrite some of those memories with new things, places, people, and adventures.

 

I can empathize with the difficulty in hitting the block button. You have many years of history together.

 

My ex was also super immature, just a glance at my thread shows that. Hell, she knew I was at her apartment waiting to talk to her, and had another dude drop her off so I would see it and be hurt. And I still took her back after that. Lol

 

As long as you keep your self respect, and put you first, whatever you choose to do will be fine. I'm confrontational, so I might have responded to your exs shot.

 

Or, do nothing. Silence speaks volumes as well.

 

I will say this, they seem to hate it when your life is going well. My wall is happy, lighthearted posts. Parties, vacations, memes, songs, accomplishments, etc.

 

I've had no less than four exs search for me on FB in the last year. Two I reconnected briefly with, one sent awful messages to myself and the woman I was seeing, and the ex that brought me to LS liked a ton of stuff. Me? I'd go that route. Living well and being happy is a finishing move they can't handle, especially the immature ones.

 

And good job on a years progress. Don't slow down.

[Jagged100]

This is something I completely understand.

 

After I stopped begging and pleading, and she disrespected me the last time on the phone, I decided full speed ahead with making a new life. I picked up awesome new hobbies, and worked to move back to my hometown.

 

Then a different nonsense started:

 

Messenger said she was looking for me late December.

Emails in early January.

Games, games, games, till I cut it late January.

Facebook likes in July.

 

I don't know whether she is curious, like living water, or regretful. I imagine with her it depends on how drunk or alone she is.

 

I'm finally at the place to say - "your loss, because I'm awesome." You can feel yourself get to that place. However, you need to rewrite some of those memories with new things, places, people, and adventures.

 

I can empathize with the difficulty in hitting the block button. You have many years of history together.

 

My ex was also super immature, just a glance at my thread shows that. Hell, she knew I was at her apartment waiting to talk to her, and had another dude drop her off so I would see it and be hurt. And I still took her back after that. Lol

 

As long as you keep your self respect, and put you first, whatever you choose to do will be fine. I'm confrontational, so I might have responded to your exs shot.

 

Or, do nothing. Silence speaks volumes as well.

 

I will say this, they seem to hate it when your life is going well. My wall is happy, lighthearted posts. Parties, vacations, memes, songs, accomplishments, etc.

 

I've had no less than four exs search for me on FB in the last year. Two I reconnected briefly with, one sent awful messages to myself and the woman I was seeing, and the ex that brought me to LS liked a ton of stuff. Me? I'd go that route. Living well and being happy is a finishing move they can't handle, especially the immature ones.

 

And good job on a years progress. Don't slow down.

So you've had experience with immature exes. I've blocked my ex on Facebook but not bothered with anything else. It's her that's done the blocking/unblocking crap, I don't want to give her any power by doing the same. My Instagram is private so she can't see anything that happens in my life. I don't really use social media much and I'm not trying to project an image about my life. I'm happy to pretty much lay low and make memories with the people who matter to me.

 

I used to be confrontational with her and I know she expected me to respond to her, but silence for me sends the best message. She doesn't know me anymore and I won't let myself go back to being that person she knew.

 

I know the more I've ignored her, the more she's tried to throw her new bf in my face. It's a pattern with her, so the only thing I can do is remove myself from the situation. I'm not going to feed the troll is the popular expression.

 

Thank you, I hope your healing continues too

[herodgrant]

What app is this? Sounds weird.