fred123 Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 Go out with girls who are excited to be with you from the beginning. Who are enthusiastic. Who dont reply " can do" to your date plans/suggestions. Go out with somebody who acts like they are lucky you asked them out and lucky to have met you. Who dont mind being seen with you or introducing you to people you accidentally bump into. Who doesnt mind helping spread the word in your business or just helping with you in your goals. Someone who doesmt need convincing to go out for just an hour just because you aint seen them all week. Someone who texts u cute things and replys to your " i miss you/ cant wait to see you/iv booked a date for us" with " i miss you too etc" rather than " ok can do. " Someone who wont get scared that u hold their hand and actually responds positively when i do so after 2 months. Someone who doesnt think its annoying when you out your arm around them. Thats my advice. Cos even if you spend months eventually getting them to do all those things itl end up finishing anyways cos they will never, NEVER be fully into you. Cut it off within the first month! If she hasnt kissed you by the second date move on. If she hasnt held your hand by date 5 move on. If she only sees you once a week on weekdays move on
Zippy2000 Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 That's said. Us humans aren't infallible. Don't judge others so fast to blow off a potential partner. Remember you don't know whats going on in the other persons head. Everyone is fighting their own battle. 3
CptInsano Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 The OP 's overall sentiment is correct, IMHO. I wouldn't tie it to a specific action at specific time, but if somebody is not enthusiastic, or doesn't become more enthused as you get to know them better, then there is definitely reason for concern. Granted, some people have a personality that is more held back, but even then you have to ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship with such a person. I've had two women complain after the fact that I gave up on them. But I really didn't want to be the sole engine of the relationship that moves things along, no matter what their reasons were. 2
Mike B. Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 The OP 's overall sentiment is correct, IMHO. I wouldn't tie it to a specific action at specific time, but if somebody is not enthusiastic, or doesn't become more enthused as you get to know them better, then there is definitely reason for concern. Granted, some people have a personality that is more held back, but even then you have to ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship with such a person. I've had two women complain after the fact that I gave up on them. But I really didn't want to be the sole engine of the relationship that moves things along, no matter what their reasons were. Saying that "you gave up" on them is a bad sign in itself. What they really meant is "you didn't allow me to screw with your brain long enough."
Gaeta Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 Go out with girls who are excited to be with you from the beginning. Who are enthusiastic. Who dont reply " can do" to your date plans/suggestions. Go out with somebody who acts like they are lucky you asked them out and lucky to have met you. Who dont mind being seen with you or introducing you to people you accidentally bump into. Who doesnt mind helping spread the word in your business or just helping with you in your goals. Someone who doesmt need convincing to go out for just an hour just because you aint seen them all week. Someone who texts u cute things and replys to your " i miss you/ cant wait to see you/iv booked a date for us" with " i miss you too etc" rather than " ok can do. " Someone who wont get scared that u hold their hand and actually responds positively when i do so after 2 months. Someone who doesnt think its annoying when you out your arm around them. Thats my advice. Cos even if you spend months eventually getting them to do all those things itl end up finishing anyways cos they will never, NEVER be fully into you. Cut it off within the first month! I am very happy you finally understand the red flags of someone that's not into you and that is misleading you. I think your next relationship will be much better and you'll see and feel the difference. If she hasnt kissed you by the second date move on. If she hasnt held your hand by date 5 move on. If she only sees you once a week on weekdays move on This part here you need to be careful. A first kiss can take 3 dates. If someone doesn't kiss you on a 2nd date doesn't mean they're not into you. I don't understand the hand holding after 5 dates? If she kissed you on 2nd or 3rd date she should be able to hold your hand from there. Kissing is much more intimate than holding hands, right? if she likes you enough to kiss you then she should like you enough to hold your hand. As for seeing you only on weekend it depends of your circumstances. If you work days and she works nights obviously you will only have weekends to spend together. Over all you understand it all now, just use good judgement.
CptInsano Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 Saying that "you gave up" on them is a bad sign in itself. What they really meant is "you didn't allow me to screw with your brain long enough." That is definitely possible. In my case the women were both not very emotional. I don't think they purposely wanted to mess with me. One was a chemical engineer whose demeanour was generally friendly, patient, and almost impossible to upset. But she was also very passive. It was this passivity that I couldn't get over. I need somebody who is not just coming along for the ride.
elaine567 Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 If she hasnt kissed you by the second date move on. If she hasnt held your hand by date 5 move on. If she only sees you once a week on weekdays move on It depends... YOU really cannot really generalise, a physical step timeline should not be set in stone, unless you are one of those guy who needs laid by date three and is gone by date four... BUT for normal dating, there needs to be some progress seen no matter how slow, and lack of progress or backwards steps without good reason need to be taken notice of. I agree with Gaeta, I guess holding hands is no biggie for most, whereas a "romantic" as opposed to a "social" kiss can be a huge step for some.
SevenCity Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 The OP 's overall sentiment is correct, IMHO. I wouldn't tie it to a specific action at specific time, but if somebody is not enthusiastic, or doesn't become more enthused as you get to know them better, then there is definitely reason for concern. Granted, some people have a personality that is more held back, but even then you have to ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship with such a person. I've had two women complain after the fact that I gave up on them. But I really didn't want to be the sole engine of the relationship that moves things along, no matter what their reasons were. I agree with the bolded and the OPs post. I will add though that there is a spectrum: Not interested | Interested | Waaaay to Interested |----------------------|--------------------------------| I've gone out with all and have no patience for the left. However, I have also gone out with extreme right and it's a bit scary. Like after a first date they are blowing up your phone and almost getting upset when you aren't available to see them. One girl I went out with seems to be far right (though I had thought she was far left on our date - go figure). She's already texted, called, and invited me to go out again after meeting her just a couple of days ago. Now granted, I'm awesome , but it can come off as a bit too much and a red flag. So my advice would be to wait for a middle right, not an extreme right. Let her move naturally to extreme right over time. 1
Mike B. Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 I agree with the bolded and the OPs post. I will add though that there is a spectrum: Not interested | Interested | Waaaay to Interested |----------------------|--------------------------------| I've gone out with all and have no patience for the left. However, I have also gone out with extreme right and it's a bit scary. Like after a first date they are blowing up your phone and almost getting upset when you aren't available to see them. One girl I went out with seems to be far right (though I had thought she was far left on our date - go figure). She's already texted, called, and invited me to go out again after meeting her just a couple of days ago. Now granted, I'm awesome , but it can come off as a bit too much and a red flag. So my advice would be to wait for a middle right, not an extreme right. Let her move naturally to extreme right over time. The extreme right is definitely the most problematic because you know that they're a ticking timebomb.
CptInsano Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 I One girl I went out with seems to be far right (though I had thought she was far left on our date - go figure). She's already texted, called, and invited me to go out again after meeting her just a couple of days ago. That is by no means far right. Far right would mean that you hadn't been back to your own place after she dragged you back to hers after the date. What you described is simply "definitely interested" in my book. 2
elaine567 Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 That is by no means far right. Far right would mean that you hadn't been back to your own place after she dragged you back to hers after the date. What you described is simply "definitely interested" in my book. I am glad you said that - 2 days and she is a stalker...
SevenCity Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 That is by no means far right. Far right would mean that you hadn't been back to your own place after she dragged you back to hers after the date. What you described is simply "definitely interested" in my book. I guess you would have to be there / need more detail. The texts for example "Are you on a date tonight?" or the other one after one date "When you get a job closer we can see each other more often". Sex is one thing and not necessarily bad after a first date (though I never have had it) but precursors to a relationship after one date is a huge red flag in my book.
Miss Spider Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 So...basically date someone who likes you 4
d0nnivain Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 If she hasnt kissed you by the second date move on. If she hasnt held your hand by date 5 move on. I'd flip the hand holding & the kissing (kissing is more intimate then hand holding IMO) but other than that I think you are on the right track Fred123!
Miss Spider Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 (edited) Agree. Seven city that . just sounds like a woman who knows what she wants and doesn't mind going after it. I'm worse than that when I want a guy because I got 0 chill in me:) far right is like showing up to your house and climbing in your doggy door to ask if you wanna go on another date Edited September 22, 2017 by Cookiesandough
coolheadal Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 (edited) Go out with girls who are excited to be with you from the beginning. Who are enthusiastic. Who dont reply " can do" to your date plans/suggestions. Go out with somebody who acts like they are lucky you asked them out and lucky to have met you. Who dont mind being seen with you or introducing you to people you accidentally bump into. Who doesnt mind helping spread the word in your business or just helping with you in your goals. Someone who doesmt need convincing to go out for just an hour just because you aint seen them all week. Someone who texts u cute things and replys to your " i miss you/ cant wait to see you/iv booked a date for us" with " i miss you too etc" rather than " ok can do. " Someone who wont get scared that u hold their hand and actually responds positively when i do so after 2 months. Someone who doesnt think its annoying when you out your arm around them. Thats my advice. Cos even if you spend months eventually getting them to do all those things itl end up finishing anyways cos they will never, NEVER be fully into you. Cut it off within the first month! If she hasnt kissed you by the second date move on. If she hasnt held your hand by date 5 move on. If she only sees you once a week on weekdays move on Your dating the wrong type of women. They're some good apples out there among the strangers we have to search until we find the right one. GOD forgot one thing that we men need a partner who we can share out life with and now we are all strangers until we know each other better. How? School Job Church Next Door to you Random by chance Not? Online Dating Pay for a date Bars Strip Joints Dancing Mall Movies Amusement Parks Pet Zoo Walking your Dog Doctors Office Hospital ER Female RN or CPN or Doctor Supermarket Walmart Female Customer Service Rep Female Toll Booth Taker Rescued by Female Fire Fighter Rescued by Female Life Guard at Sea Stop by a Female Cop for Speeding Female Hitch Hiker Broken down Car with a Woman asking for help Wrong Text you got from a Woman Wrong phone call you got from a Woman Bus Stop Taxi Ride Train Ride Uber Driver was a Woman Card Shop Salon Perfume Shopping at Expensive Unknown Chain Buying a I Do Ring asking the girl who showing the ring ETc... Edited September 22, 2017 by coolheadal
CptInsano Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 I guess you would have to be there / need more detail. The texts for example "Are you on a date tonight?" or the other one after one date "When you get a job closer we can see each other more often". Did you pick out names for your kids yet? But seriously, that is a different category than somebody simply trying to have another date. 1
SevenCity Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 Did you pick out names for your kids yet? But seriously, that is a different category than somebody simply trying to have another date. Yes, but the category exists nonetheless! 1
CptInsano Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 Yes, but the category exists nonetheless! Agreed. I've hit that neurotic/stalkerish type of category only once in my life. But that is probably because I never dated anybody though OLD, so I always had a decently look at them before asking them out. I had two/three overly emotional ones. Like sleeping in my doorway in the hope that I would come home, or crying because the date was over and she wanted it to continue. But that is yet something else, IMHO.
Author fred123 Posted September 23, 2017 Author Posted September 23, 2017 I am very happy you finally understand the red flags of someone that's not into you and that is misleading you. I think your next relationship will be much better and you'll see and feel the difference. This part here you need to be careful. A first kiss can take 3 dates. If someone doesn't kiss you on a 2nd date doesn't mean they're not into you. I don't understand the hand holding after 5 dates? If she kissed you on 2nd or 3rd date she should be able to hold your hand from there. Kissing is much more intimate than holding hands, right? if she likes you enough to kiss you then she should like you enough to hold your hand. As for seeing you only on weekend it depends of your circumstances. If you work days and she works nights obviously you will only have weekends to spend together. Over all you understand it all now, just use good judgement. You read it wrong.i only saw her on weekdays. I work until 9pm mon to fri as i tutor kids. I dont work in the day time. I work sat and sundays too until 5pm. She works 7 days a week also. She finishes 3pm on weekends. I used to message her to meet me for an hour after i finish work on a weekday at 9pm but she would respond with its late and shes already in her pjs etc. She would say that she has to get up at 7am and i can have a lie in as i dont work in the day time. I would ask for sat or sunday dates in the evening as it would be more time for us to spend together but she would never make weekend plans rarely with me. Like i dont understand why we couldnt do a sunday evening from 6 to 10pm or something. Or a saturday 6 to 11pm. When i would get a cancellation in the weekday ( a mum would let me know in the morning) and i would then be finished by 7 or even have the whole evening off i would message her straightaway saying im free all evening but she wouldnt make time for me. She would say that she has plans that evening to wash her hair. I mean she could have washed her hair another day when im.working i guess. Basically what im saying is when im free she would be the first person i text to hang out with but dont think she would do that for me when she had free time.
Miss Spider Posted September 23, 2017 Posted September 23, 2017 Well it doesn't take Repunzel a whole evening to wash her hair, so common sense would dictate that is a lie and lack of interest. Enough of these should lead to have a talk or break up. Sounds like just didnt want to let go. I don't know the backstory as well as other people do. I'm hoping this happened relatively recently and you two are still in contact, hence the obsession, knowing her work schedule, and what she has been doing with new guy including timeframe. Cut her off... Go NC to get better.
Author fred123 Posted September 23, 2017 Author Posted September 23, 2017 Well it doesn't take Repunzel a whole evening to wash her hair, so common sense would dictate that is a lie and lack of interest. Enough of these should lead to have a talk or break up. Sounds like just didnt want to let go. I don't know the backstory as well as other people do. I'm hoping this happened relatively recently and you two are still in contact, hence the obsession, knowing her work schedule, and what she has been doing with new guy including timeframe. Cut her off... Go NC to get better. No not in contact anymore. With regards to her hair this what she said " i have to wash my hair and you know how long that takes! She has extensions thats why"
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