Struggling Relationship - Difficult time talking and meeting each other's expectation

[Tormund21]

Me [M/27] and my girlfriend [F/21] have been dating for about 7 months. Just about a month ago we broke up and 2 weeks later we decided to get back together. The reason we broke up is still somewhat of a mystery to me but from what I can collect she felt as though I was being needy and trying to get too much attention from her. With that being said we would only hang out twice a week to begin with. I think part of it might have been that I ask her a lot of question about what she did or a weekend night or I try to plan a possible date a week in advance. I ask these question because she doesn't ever seem very open about what she is doing. For instance I asked her if she wanted to do anything on Friday night or Saturday night one week and she said she didn't want to make any plans because she has school work she needs to get finished. I later find out that she is going to a concert on Friday night and made plans to hang out with her friends Saturday night. However, I know she has a life outside of our relationship which I am fine with but it would be nice to let me know you've made plans rather then "hide" the fact. With all that being said the few days that we do hangout are always great and I think we both are happy when we are around each other.

 

The one issue that I have been having a hard to time deal with is when she is busy with school and work she never seems to make time to see me or talk to me. When I text her I will get short answers or replies hours later. The other night she didn't respond to my text for 8+ hours and when she did all she said was "I had a really long and bad day. I will talk to you later.". It avoided the last text I sent her which was saying that I would be in the library until this time if you wanted to stop by.

 

Today I said I was on campus until this time if she wanted to stop by and say hi but instead she told me she was leaving campus to go home. Which is fine but I thought she would at least want to pop in for a few minutes and see me. This has been going on for a week and it started to make my anxious.

After her last text I decided to call her and ask why it seemed like she was avoiding me. This just opened a huge can of worms. She said that I don't listen to her and that she isn't going to change. Her schooling and career will always be the top priority. We've had conversation before about her needing space during hard times in school but I've never really known what she expects out of me during these times. I don't know if she wants me to be supportive or if she wants me to just not talk to her until she has less on her plate. So I called to clarify and talk about those things. She instead took it as I haven't been listening to her is past conversation. She suggested that this just isn't going to work and she doesn't want me to change just for her, she is never going to be able to put as much into the relationship as I am. However, she did stay on the phone to hear what I had to say.

Honestly I am in love with this girl. I think part of my anxiety comes from me being uncertain how she feels about the relationship when she only send me one word answers to texts or can't take some time out of her day to give me a phone call.

 

At this point I am trying to figure out a way I can try and patch things up and make them work or at least let her give me another chance.

I know some people are going to say she might not be the one for you which is a possibility this is all still fresh. However, I've never felt this connected to someone after being in 5 other relationships before this.

 

Any advice would be helpful

 

TL:DR - My girlfriend doesn't communicate with me the way that I would prefer. I tried to have a conversation about is that led to her thinking I don't listen to her and she believes I am not comfortable with the relationship as is and am unable to be comfortable with the way things are. She is upset with me and the looming possibility of breaking up is on the table.

[umirano]

She's playing you, that isn't normal behavior in a fresh romantic relationship. It rather sounds like someone else is in the picture and you are there to fill the gap when things are not going well with the other person, hence the shadyness.

[ayoung73]

I’m not going to give you any advice about patching it up with her because you are being used! You deserve BETTER and you certainly deserve RESPECT. She has made it clear, everything but you will ALWAYS come first and you are leftovers. I’m not insulting her or judging anything about her, just that she’s made it clear and your attempts to change this paradigm have been futile and have already resulted in an initial breakup. Is this what you want? An emotionally distant woman who doesn’t fulfill your basic needs?

 

I will tell you this, break up with her and actively find someone whose views, needs, and expectations match yours. A relationship is not one way, married or dating it doesn’t matter, a couple needs to compromise and meet one another’s needs! I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be a jerk, we’ve all had those relationships that were unbalanced and we put up with the crap because we thought she’d change…but inevitably it all comes to an end, she’ll get tired of your ‘neediness’ or you’ll come to the realization that you deserve a loving and mutually satisfying relationship. Be strong and move on, you’ll find happiness, cut the cord and find your true mate!

[d0nnivain]

You may in love but I don't think she is. At this point she probably feels smothered. I am NOT saying you are expecting too much. I am saying she's willing to give too little.

 

So if you unwisely want to still be with her, expect to be her back up plan, the person she spends time with only when there are no other options. If you are good with that carry on. If you have any self respect think about how much better it would be to date somebody who likes you as much as you like her.