Author wildirishchick Posted September 4, 2017 Author Posted September 4, 2017 He did not grow up in a toxic family environment. His parents were happily married until his father passed away from natural causes about eight years ago. I know he was in a toxic marriage as well for 15 years. It just makes no sense to me that he said the third time is the charm. I was supposedly the third charm". I guess I will never understand why a man or woman would choose to be in a toxic relationship when they had a healthy relationship. I would have done anything for that man. I did do anything for that man. We had five amazing months. Apparently they were only amazing on my side, not his. But none of it makes sense to me. He told family members on both sides that he wanted to marry me and that I was his future. He even asked his granddaughter if she thought I was a good person for him to marry. His granddaughter loves me and said, "yes". But glass half-full, I did lose 30 lb from the break up. Yay!!!
Blanco Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 I wouldn't take it so personally. Being in a toxic relationship for a long time eventually starts to feel normal, which can make low-drama, healthy relationships feel... kind of icky and uncomfortable.
Author wildirishchick Posted September 4, 2017 Author Posted September 4, 2017 Lol.... so being with a woman who wanted to make him happy in and out of the bedroom made him feel icky and uncomfortable?
Blanco Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 It's possible. There's a reason why people stay in or return to toxic relationships, even if it doesn't make sense to an outsider.
Author wildirishchick Posted September 4, 2017 Author Posted September 4, 2017 Sigh.... thanks for responding.
preraph Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 Maybe it felt like you were too good for him. Maybe you are.
Author wildirishchick Posted September 4, 2017 Author Posted September 4, 2017 It's funny you'd say that. When we first started dating he kept saying I can't believe I'm dating from so and so from high school. And I kept reminding him that we've been out of school a very long time. He just couldn't believe that I was dating him. He said you would have never given me the time of day in high school. So yeah I guess that makes sense he just did not believe that he was good enough for me. It really sucks because I love that man with my whole entire being. I saw my future with him. And now I'm absolutely devastated. 2
TheBathWater Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 As others have said, the reasons for getting into, staying in, or going back to a toxic relationship are complex. Often, they fulfill multiple functions, not just one. Most of the time, you will find that these sort of people do not believe deep down that they are worthy of a relationship that is healthy and stable. If you try to convince them, it will not get through. If anything, trying to 'help' them in any way reinforces their limiting belief as they then feel turned off by any attempts to be cared for and helped, driving them further in pursuit of a relationship that doesn't give to them what they deserve. The best thing you can do is to remember that you were one half of the relationship with this person. You picked them. There may be something there worth exploring more so you yourself don't get involved in a similar situation again.
Author wildirishchick Posted September 7, 2017 Author Posted September 7, 2017 Have any of you gotten restricted calls after your break up? I had never gotten them when my ex and I were together, but now I've gotten 11 in 2 weeks. I have answered many of the calls and could hear noise in the background, but no one would say anything. My thoughts are, IF it was a scammer or telemarketer, they would say something, right? I'm wondering/hoping it's my ex missing the sound of my voice. I miss him terribly. Please don't tell me to get over it or that I need to move on.... we are all on here because we want a forum to vent to about our heartbreak...
carhill Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 TBH, once I got divorced and went off women entirely, all that kind of stuff stopped completely. It doesn't hurt that I have a phone app that blocks unknown/non-contact list numbers Back in the day, before cell phones, I used to get stuff like that on my answering machine too. Still have the tapes somewhere. Interesting world. However, there are also robo-dialers which do nothing other than search for valid and operating numbers and save the info for future use. Also, on rare occasions I'd get what I termed 'butt dialed' by known numbers and there would be just noise or garbled conversation. I've done that myself a few times also. Stuff happens. If the odd calls taper off, IMO it's reasonable to assume they had something to do with the breakup. Onward!
Blanco Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Please don't tell me to get over it or that I need to move on.... we are all on here because we want a forum to vent to about our heartbreak... This forum is a source a support, but it's not meant to enable delusions or things that are not in the person's best interests. The ex you speak of has returned to a former relationship which you noted was quite toxic. It's obvious he has unfinished business there. He cannot give you what you need or deserve. So yes, for your sake, you do need to move on.
Author wildirishchick Posted September 9, 2017 Author Posted September 9, 2017 Is it a stroke to a man's ego if his ex is constantly texting and calling him? Does it make him feel like he is sought after? And what happens once his ex finally decides to stop calling and texting? Does he secretly wish that his ex was still pining over him and calling and texting? I'm just curious. It's been almost two months since I've called or texted him. I'm just wondering if he's curious why I stopped. Any thoughts or Insight welcome. And yes I'm still in love with a man and still want to be with him. I'm devastated by our breakup and would do anything to talk to him. I had posted a different thread saying that in the last three weeks, I have received 13 restricted phone calls. I have answered and no one has said anything. I could hear a fan type noise in the background. If it was a telemarketer or scammer they would be talking to me. I don't believe it's a robocall as I have those blocked through an app. Yes I'm secretly hoping it's him calling to hear my voice. Silly I know but, even a breadcrumb would make me feel good at this point.
Blanco Posted September 9, 2017 Posted September 9, 2017 You're grasping for straws. It's time to move on. I'm sorry. 2
Author wildirishchick Posted September 22, 2017 Author Posted September 22, 2017 I sent my ex boyfriend a text 2 weeks ago telling him how happy I am that he and his ex got back together and that he must be SO in love now that he's back with the woman of his dreams. I told him I wished him the best and said that I hope that his girlfriend realizes how great of a man she has and never takes him for granted again. Do you think that he was surprised by that? Or do you think he read that text a different way other than me being nice? I truly do wish the best for him. If I wasn't who he wanted then I'm happy he reconnected with the love of his life. It hurts like hell, but the heart can't help what it wants.
Redhead14 Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 I sent my ex boyfriend a text 2 weeks ago telling him how happy I am that he and his ex got back together and that he must be SO in love now that he's back with the woman of his dreams. I told him I wished him the best and said that I hope that his girlfriend realizes how great of a man she has and never takes him for granted again. Do you think that he was surprised by that? Or do you think he read that text a different way other than me being nice? I truly do wish the best for him. If I wasn't who he wanted then I'm happy he reconnected with the love of his life. It hurts like hell, but the heart can't help what it wants. he must be SO in love . . . I think he would view it as a sarcastic, passive-aggressive swipe at him by a woman who doesn't know what to do with her anger and hurt. Stop reaching out to him for everyone involved.
preraph Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 Just an excuse to contact him is how I read it. Not sure how he reads it. Someday you're going to cringe when you look back on how you're still sucking up to a guy you're not over and being so nice and philosophical about it just to impress him. I've been there. That's how I know. So eager to please that i just was pathetic. You're being magnanimous when there's really nothing required of you here because it's past being anything you should be focusing on like this. The best way to preserve dignity is not say you're over it but BE over it and not care what they think anymore. That's the goal. I hope you get tired of making yourself miserable like this and can move on. At least be deliberately making plans with friends to do fun things and try. Good luck.
HiCrunchy Posted September 22, 2017 Posted September 22, 2017 I sent my ex boyfriend a text 2 weeks ago telling him how happy I am that he and his ex got back together and that he must be SO in love now that he's back with the woman of his dreams. I told him I wished him the best and said that I hope that his girlfriend realizes how great of a man she has and never takes him for granted again. Do you think that he was surprised by that? Or do you think he read that text a different way other than me being nice? I truly do wish the best for him. If I wasn't who he wanted then I'm happy he reconnected with the love of his life. It hurts like hell, but the heart can't help what it wants. it honestly sounds like you're grasping for his attention. Its okay girl, we have all been there. I think its time you let this one go. If you truly wished him well you could have sent him a text along the lines of "I wish you well." But not the passive-aggressive text you sent. Ur hurting, I get it. But honey, doing things like that is not gonna get you the outcome you desire. He is where he wants to be and nothing you do will change that. It is better to just let go
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