trevjim Posted September 21, 2017 Posted September 21, 2017 Ive been seeing this girl (we are both 27) for about 9 weeks now. We get on really well, sex is great for both of us (unless she is a really good actor and she initiates it alot) when we are together things are great and she seems happy in my company. I mentioned to her 2 weeks ago that if things continue as they are Id like her to be my girlfriend at some point in the future, she replied by saying that whilst she would like that, she has commitment issues and is worried about committing for fear of hurting me or herself. (May be true or may be deflecting) she has said however that we are exclusive and that she isnt dating or sleeping with anyone else. So ive not bought the issue up since, as I respect that she wants to take it slow. We both initiate texts so that isnt an issue. Here are the issues for me. 1) She never makes plans, or asks to see me, or asks when she is next seeing me. If I ask her if she wants to do this or that, she always agree's, but it seems like its me thats making the effort in getting the dates in. 2) she hardly ever asks how I am or how my day was. She does have a caring side, and isnt selfish or anything like that, but never really seems that interested in my life. 3) she introduced me to her friend as just **** buddies, yet when i called her up on it she just said that she didnt know how to word our situation ( 'dating' or 'seeing each other' is how I would label it) I just get the feeling that im into her alot more then she is into me, which is fine as people move at different speeds, but I also get the feeling that she may never be anymore into me. She is the first girl ive met in years that I really like and its making me quite stressed that its not being reciprocated fully as i dont know where i stand with her. I know its only been 9 weeks but id like to know we are on the same page. She has mentioned that she has alot of walls up (from being hurt) which is what gives me hope that this isnt over before its begun.
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2017 Posted September 21, 2017 You know she has walls. If you want to bring them down you are going to have to be very patient . . . 9 months not 9 weeks. I'd stop analyzing the words because labels like BF/GF seem to freak her out. Go by her actions. Do tell her you would like it if she would call you once in a while or arrange a date. Explain that you are not trying to put pressure on her but just like she's scared you need some reassurance too & those actions would help put your mind at ease. If she can't or won't call you, perhaps you need to consider dating a woman who will make the effort because she realizes a relationship is a partnership where both parties have to work
Middle Posted September 21, 2017 Posted September 21, 2017 If she says she has commitment issues, walls, etc, take her word for it. Most likely she'll leave you at some point... *Unless* you have the patience of a god. If you just have fun, and keep having fun, and leave out discussions of, "what are we?" and don't expect anything from her, then maybe with a lot of time, she'll be the one coming to you with those questions. 1
smackie9 Posted September 21, 2017 Posted September 21, 2017 "I have commitment issues" IMO is a cope out or a pacifying excuse. I think this is her way to keep using you until she meets someone else. She isn't going to come out and tell you, she doesn't see you as BF material. She not that into you. I have seen it before in many threads on here. It never ends well.
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