The ol' hot and cold? Or just being led on?

[Woon]

Good morning all!

 

Long story short, met a really nice girl, beautiful, popular, 23years old. Im 28. Get along great, always seems happy to see me (we work together occasionally).

 

Weve gone out on 2 dates that went fantastically, ended up holding each other and kissing each other throughout both dates.

 

Problem is, she never inniates nor do we ever talk except when i physically call her. Which she's always happy i do.

 

Problem is Ive never met a girl that doesnt text me, just doesnt feel right to me, am i reading too much into it?

[Miss Spider]

I do not like to text either. If communication is otherwise good it's not a red flag at all.

[Woon]

Thank you for the insight cookiesanddough, been thinking this through and came to a similar conclusion. If she didnt like me, she wouldnt be kissing and holding me infront of her friend and other guys when we're out in public.

 

Just a first to see a girl that isnt 24hrs a day on her phone.

[Mike B.]

I'm currently dealing with. a very similar situation but this woman is in her 30s. This woman almost never initiate a phone call or almost never randomly send a text. It is very unusual. Yet, when we are out on a date, she is all over me. Smothering me with kisses, holding my hand and snuggling up to me all the time. when I send her a good morning or good night text, she simply responds with an emoji. Last night she called me out of the blue.

 

This is unusual for me. I will just have to see how it plays out. I am interested in hoe yours may play out to so I can establish a better reference for this type of behavior.

[Woon]

Hey Mike B. Does seem that our cases are similar.

 

Must keep each other updated. Phoned her to arrange a lunch date just after posting the original thread, just came from it. Went well. Shes very sponatious and is going away for the long weekend (which i only found out now) but was still very affectionate. Just need to wait and see if this is going to be the way the relationship is going to be i guess

[kortz]

For a 23 year old that is a bit odd...however you've only been on two dates so give it time and see what happens. After a few more dates you can even ask her in a nice playful way 'how come you never text me?' if things haven't changed.

 

Do you text her or just call? If you text does she reply?

[Woon]

She does yes. Eventually. Takes forever to actually read the message. Her data is off most of the day as well, so the message doesnt go through immediately.

 

Ive stopped texting her altogether, just rather phone her. Much easier for me to gauge her interest by actually hearing her voice and choice of words.

[Redhead14]

Good morning all!

 

Long story short, met a really nice girl, beautiful, popular, 23years old. Im 28. Get along great, always seems happy to see me (we work together occasionally).

 

Weve gone out on 2 dates that went fantastically, ended up holding each other and kissing each other throughout both dates.

 

Problem is, she never inniates nor do we ever talk except when i physically call her. Which she's always happy i do.

 

Problem is Ive never met a girl that doesnt text me, just doesnt feel right to me, am i reading too much into it?

 

It's only been two dates. Most women want to let the man lead for a little bit to guage his interest level. If after say another date or two, she isn't upping things on her own, you can have a casual conversation about communication styles/likes and dislikes. Then you'll have a clearer picture. Some people just don't like texting very much.

[Woon]

Promised Mike B I'd keep him updated, so here we are.

 

Before today, the last time we spoke was friday, when i phoned to find out if she landed safely. Wanted to wait and see if she'll eventually message me if i dont contact her. No such luck. Phoned her around lunch, no answer and goes to voicemail. You guys know that feeling when your stomach drops and you feel like a cold sweat is coming over you? Yeah got one of those.

 

Not even 5min later she phones back, happy to see i phoned her, apologises for missing the call bla bla...

 

Long story short we have lunch, shes all touchy and says shes always happy to see me and explains she really is just crappy at texting.

 

Will probably have to phone her again to set up a date for the weekend.

[Vinny56]

Hey man, this is exactly my situation too. Where as she's 20 years old. Barley replies to my messages or takes forever to do so and I feel like when she does it's blunt. But in person she's very affectionate. And we've been on 6 dates now over a month I guess we'll just have to play it out. But I see where you're coming from it's good to know what they're doing throughout the day it kind of makes us feel a bit more secure!

[Mike B.]

I really appreciate the update, Woon. It nice to know these things to build up a nice reference. I think with the technology that's out there now, I am seeing some behavior I never really encountered before as a consequence of the technology changing dating dynamics. For example, a lot of women used to try to squeeze me into an exclusive relationship rather quick and would be clingy. I have not been seeing that much at all since I got back to online dating this past summer. I have only had two women this whole summer try to make me their husband right away. The others seem like they want to keep there options wide open. I am fine with this but it making finding a relationship more challenging.

 

An update on my situation: We went out again this past weekend. The date sort of got off to a rocky start frankly due to her being late. We almost had to deal with a domino effect of our whole night being screwed due to the tardiness. I really didn't like how she responded to it all but I decided to play it cool and be reserved. I didn't make a big deal out of it.

 

By the end of the night, it was a hot make-out session going on in my vehicle and she kept telling me that she really likes me. She asked me "what if I asked you to go to a hotel with me?" I told her that I would go. She looked like she thought about it for a millisecond but shook her head. I tried to get her to stay in that vehicle for long as a could and she was tempted but after about 30 minutes of heavy make-out, she finally opened the door and started getting out. If this wasn't a family forum, I would say more.

 

We are going out again this weekend. I will ask her to meet me at my home since the place we are going to is in the direction where I live. We will take my car and when we get back later that day, I will invite her in and show her her toothbrush. I am trying to work her into an exclusive situation. If sex happens, I know it will be a done deal then I can get off of these damn dating apps hopefully for years.

Edited September 27, 2017 by Mike B.

[Vinny56]

I really appreciate the update, Woon. It nice to know these things to build up a nice reference. I think with the technology that's out there now, I am seeing some behavior I never really encountered before as a consequence of the technology changing dating dynamics. For example, a lot of women used to try to squeeze me into an exclusive relationship rather quick and would be clingy. I have not been seeing that much at all since I got back to online dating this past summer. I have only had two women this whole summer try to make me their husband right away. The others seem like they want to keep there options wide open. I am fine with this but it making finding a relationship more challenging.

 

An update on my situation: We went out again this past weekend. The date sort of got off to a rocky start frankly due to her being late. We almost had to deal with a domino effect of our whole night being screwed due to the tardiness. I really didn't like how she responded to it all but I decided to play it cool and be reserved. I didn't make a big deal out of it.

 

By the end of the night, it was a hot make-out session going on in my vehicle and she kept telling me that she really likes me. She asked me "what if I asked you to go to a hotel with me?" I told her that I would go. She looked like she thought about it for a millisecond but shook her head. I tried to get her to stay in that vehicle for long as a could and she was tempted but after about 30 minutes of heavy make-out, she finally opened the door and started getting out. If this wasn't a family forum, I would say more.

 

We are going out again this weekend. I will ask her to meet me at my home since the place we are going to is in the direction where I live. We will take my car and when we get back later that day, I will invite her in and show her her toothbrush. I am trying to work her into an exclusive situation. If sex happens, I know it will be a done deal then I can get off of these damn dating apps hopefully for years.

 

Are you saying sex will make you guys exclusive?

[Woon]

Think our little chat at lunch worked. She took a photo of me secretly at lunch and sent it last night, commenting at how goodlooking she finds me. 2flies with one stone. Got a random text and confirmation that shes interested. Said our goodnights, told her id phone her today or tomorrow to arrange our next date.

 

She was thrilled.

[CryForNoOne]

I really appreciate the update, Woon. It nice to know these things to build up a nice reference. I think with the technology that's out there now, I am seeing some behavior I never really encountered before as a consequence of the technology changing dating dynamics. For example, a lot of women used to try to squeeze me into an exclusive relationship rather quick and would be clingy. I have not been seeing that much at all since I got back to online dating this past summer. I have only had two women this whole summer try to make me their husband right away. The others seem like they want to keep there options wide open. I am fine with this but it making finding a relationship more challenging.

 

An update on my situation: We went out again this past weekend. The date sort of got off to a rocky start frankly due to her being late. We almost had to deal with a domino effect of our whole night being screwed due to the tardiness. I really didn't like how she responded to it all but I decided to play it cool and be reserved. I didn't make a big deal out of it.

 

By the end of the night, it was a hot make-out session going on in my vehicle and she kept telling me that she really likes me. She asked me "what if I asked you to go to a hotel with me?" I told her that I would go. She looked like she thought about it for a millisecond but shook her head. I tried to get her to stay in that vehicle for long as a could and she was tempted but after about 30 minutes of heavy make-out, she finally opened the door and started getting out. If this wasn't a family forum, I would say more.

 

We are going out again this weekend. I will ask her to meet me at my home since the place we are going to is in the direction where I live. We will take my car and when we get back later that day, I will invite her in and show her her toothbrush. I am trying to work her into an exclusive situation. If sex happens, I know it will be a done deal then I can get off of these damn dating apps hopefully for years.

 

Aren't you jumping to a huge conclusion here that sex means you're off dating apps for years? You started this post by stating women like to keep their options open these days and I very much agree with that. So I don't see on what basis you are drawing your conclusion...

[fred123]

Please keep us updated. Im.sceptical cos its strange she doesnt intiiate and takes ages to reply.

My guess shes lukewarm about you or you arent a priority and only meets you when she has nothing to do. She likes you but not enough.

There could be another guy who sje really likes at the moment hence the long replies and wait. Girls dont take this long. Ask alll the female on this forum if this is how they act when they are into a guy!!

[Woon]

Hello again all you wonderful people. Posting here again since my breakup 2 years ago and the disaster that was the girl after made me realise just how helpful and kind strangers could be.

 

Anyhoo, had another lunch date today, all went well and we made plans for the weekend, well she actually made plans for us for the first time. Progress i would say.

 

There were alot of her friends there having lunch there on their own and she introduced me as her "friend". Which is fine, since we are not dating yet, so thats not the problem. Problem is, she was completely different that the lunch date we had tuesday. Didnt touch me once during lunch. Which i found odd. Decided, screw this then and walked her to her car afterwards. She asked that i get in and chat a bit before we both go back to work. Then made out for 5min straight.

 

Guess what im just wondering is if she was just scared that people would start asking questions before we actually decide if we are going to date?

[Woon]

Guess this is kind of turning into a thought journal of sorts... luckily one people can give input on haha

 

So me and the girl go away on an unplanned weekend getaway for a festival. Everything goes well, have a good time etc, go to our hotel room, do the deed and we go home the next day. So i drop her off at home and find out shes going abroad in dec for 2 weeks to find a different job.

 

She said she'd like to date me, but would understand if i didnt want to get more attached to each other if shes just gonna end up leaving.

 

The fact that she doesnt do pda, at all, is still a bit dodgy for me as well

[fred123]

Guess this is kind of turning into a thought journal of sorts... luckily one people can give input on haha

 

So me and the girl go away on an unplanned weekend getaway for a festival. Everything goes well, have a good time etc, go to our hotel room, do the deed and we go home the next day. So i drop her off at home and find out shes going abroad in dec for 2 weeks to find a different job.

 

She said she'd like to date me, but would understand if i didnt want to get more attached to each other if shes just gonna end up leaving.

 

The fact that she doesnt do pda, at all, is still a bit dodgy for me as well

 

Shes ashamed of you in public. Shes disrespscting and humiliating you by acting like you are a stranger in publi amongst her ffiends. I would never do that. Drop her

[Woon]

Shes ashamed of you in public. Shes disrespscting and humiliating you by acting like you are a stranger in publi amongst her ffiends. I would never do that. Drop her

 

Damn thats harsh. Was more thinking she didnt want to make anything public because she likes all the attention other guys give her. Which is seriously messed up as well.

[fred123]

Damn thats harsh. Was more thinking she didnt want to make anything public because she likes all the attention other guys give her. Which is seriously messed up as well.

 

Mate thats still disrespectful to you

[Mike B.]

I'm sorry, Woon. I was hoping for the best here. It is not a good sign when a woman tells you that she is looking to move when she is dating you. Usually, it is a hint that she is trying to let you down slow. It is a sign of not very strong interest. Not necessarily weak interest but neither strong. I would also expect her to show some form of interest in you around her friends. It doesn't have to be touch but at least intense eye contact and a lot of smiling when she talks to you.

 

On the upside, she did go away for the weekend with you and from what I can tell from your post, you two had sex. There may still be some light here. You need to turn that flickering piece of flame to an inferno but you can't get clingy or overwhelming while doing so. Just step it up a bit to draw her in but don't make it seem like you are trying to cling to her since she talked about moving away.

 

 

Update for me: Me my woman and I went out again this past weekend and it was great. We came back to my house later that day. We sat on the couch to talk and she immediately was all over me. I immediately undressed her and carried her upstairs to my bedroom and we hooked up. It was great.

 

Afterward, we had the exclusive talk which is a bit uncommon for me. Usually, this is not a specific talk that a woman and I have. Most of the time, we just continue on and we understand somewhere down the line that we are now in a relationship.

 

After we had the talk she asked me if I was going to delete the dating app now. I deleted it immediately and so did she.

 

I am so glad to be done with those damn dating apps. I am going to do my best to make this one last. Her and I have similar goals as far as a relationship is concerned which is good.

 

 

To answer the above questions, yes I meant sex will make us exclusive. In my experience for over the last more than 20 years of dating, every woman I have had sex with while dating was interested in a long term relationship afterward. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that after women have sex with you while dating you, they develop a bond and want something long term and meaningful afterward. If I think long enough, I am sure I can find 1 or 2 women who only wanted sex from me but I can't think of them off of the top of my head so it isn't significant. I can think of quite a number of more who saw me as their boyfriend afterward.

 

So after seeing how this unfolded multiple times over the past 2 decades, I knew it would happen again this time too and it did and I am so glad it did. Dating around just isn't my thing any more. It's a young man's game. I'm finally ready to settle down and maybe start a family (She would like to start a family too one day).

 

It took me longer than the average man but I'm here. It feels strange but good to finally say that I am ready to settle down and start a family. I am really hoping this work out for the long run.

[Woon]

I'm sorry, Woon. I was hoping for the best here. It is not a good sign when a woman tells you that she is looking to move when she is dating you. Usually, it is a hint that she is trying to let you down slow. It is a sign of not very strong interest. Not necessarily weak interest but neither strong. I would also expect her to show some form of interest in you around her friends. It doesn't have to be touch but at least intense eye contact and a lot of smiling when she talks to you.

 

On the upside, she did go away for the weekend with you and from what I can tell from your post, you two had sex. There may still be some light here. You need to turn that flickering piece of flame to an inferno but you can't get clingy or overwhelming while doing so. Just step it up a bit to draw her in but don't make it seem like you are trying to cling to her since she talked about moving away.

 

 

Update for me: Me my woman and I went out again this past weekend and it was great. We came back to my house later that day. We sat on the couch to talk and she immediately was all over me. I immediately undressed her and carried her upstairs to my bedroom and we hooked up. It was great.

 

Afterward, we had the exclusive talk which is a bit uncommon for me. Usually, this is not a specific talk that a woman and I have. Most of the time, we just continue on and we understand somewhere down the line that we are now in a relationship.

 

After we had the talk she asked me if I was going to delete the dating app now. I deleted it immediately and so did she.

 

I am so glad to be done with those damn dating apps. I am going to do my best to make this one last. Her and I have similar goals as far as a relationship is concerned which is good.

 

 

To answer the above questions, yes I meant sex will make us exclusive. In my experience for over the last more than 20 years of dating, every woman I have had sex with while dating was interested in a long term relationship afterward. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that after women have sex with you while dating you, they develop a bond and want something long term and meaningful afterward. If I think long enough, I am sure I can find 1 or 2 women who only wanted sex from me but I can't think of them off of the top of my head so it isn't significant. I can think of quite a number of more who saw me as their boyfriend afterward.

 

So after seeing how this unfolded multiple times over the past 2 decades, I knew it would happen again this time too and it did and I am so glad it did. Dating around just isn't my thing any more. It's a young man's game. I'm finally ready to settle down and maybe start a family (She would like to start a family too one day).

 

It took me longer than the average man but I'm here. It feels strange but good to finally say that I am ready to settle down and start a family. I am really hoping this work out for the long run.

 

Oh no, she touches me and winks and stuff, just no kissing. Also said how much she likes me, but that was after sex, so theres that. The messages have gotten better, kisses and photos and such and she brought me my favorite coffee this morning, so i know theres definitely interest.

 

The traveling plans were made before we met and we only know each other about 2 months now. I wouldnt want her to stay for me either. Thats unreasonable.

[Mike B.]

Oh no, she touches me and winks and stuff, just no kissing. Also said how much she likes me, but that was after sex, so theres that. The messages have gotten better, kisses and photos and such and she brought me my favorite coffee this morning, so i know theres definitely interest.

 

The traveling plans were made before we met and we only know each other about 2 months now. I wouldnt want her to stay for me either. Thats unreasonable.

 

 

I wasn't suggesting that she should stay for you. Of course that is not reasonable. The point I was trying to get across is that if women start talking about fleeing the country after they start dating you, it is usually a way of dropping a hint that she is not strongly interested. They are hoping you think well, she is not going to be around in the long run so maybe I should move on. But if she already told you this from the very start then there may be still hope but I can't help but to wonder why she would start up a dating app while actively looking to move from the country.

 

Either way, I didn't say she wasn't interested. I said she is not "strongly interested." She has at least low to moderate interest in you. It is up to you to get her strongly interested in you.

 

 

How I personally would ramp up interest is usually sprinkling in more sexual activity. For example, with my now girlfriend, I sort of ramped up my compliments on her body in a fun type of manner, playfully pinching her ass in crowded elevators and public, more leg rubbing etc., Every time I would do it, she would give me positive reinforcement with a big kiss on the lips and she started to respond better. This is usually how I get the flickering flame to turn into an inferno. If this isn't your style then go with what works for you.

[Woon]

Aah ok, my bad. Misunderstood completely haha