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Is this a rebound?


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Posted

Hey Loveshack!

 

So my ex and I broke up about 3 months ago (majority her fault) some infidelity and lying, and lastly me forgiving her but her still choosing to want to be single so I closed that chapter of my life out of disbelief because we had been dating 5 years since senior year of high school.

 

Well anyways I started talking to one of my friends I've known for a while, probably about 2 or 3 years that I met in college and we started hanging out, and shortly after I started feeling like I had some feelings for her, and in that space, i was still getting over my breakup so maybe I was lonely, we ended up cuddling one night but that was it and I told her I had feelings for her (which was probably ill advised), but anyways she said that "she would be lying if she said didnt feel anything for me, but that she fears not enough time has passed between my old relationship and that she wants us both to be in a place where we can be fresh and try to take our friendship to the next level if we want"

 

Which I totally get and respect and thats the only thing i regret is not waiting to tell her until im in a better place. So fast forward 2 months and we still talk a good amount and hang out together, some weeks we dont talk, other weeks she texts me goodmorning every morning (back and forth) so its inconsistent. I'm not sure if I should keep on just chilling in this friendship/flirty stage or go for it.

 

I guess my gut is saying take my time because I dont want to make her a rebound.

 

Any Advice or outlook?

Posted

Sounds like you have something. Real relationships don't take overthinking, crazy amounts of effort or self awareness. They just end up happening and it's awesome. Keep her as a friend. Be there for each other. But wtf I do I know I'm in a similar situation

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Posted

It could be rebound...it doesn't mean it isn't real. It could also be long-term. Honestly, there are simply no guarantees, and you either take that leap or you don't. If you want to maintain friendship, then keep the friendship...boundaries...no more cuddling or flirting. Do you flirt with your guy friends and cuddle? No? Okay...there's your example of how friends behave.

 

Where are you right now after this breakup? Are you still raw? Do you question what you could have done to change it? Do you think about reconciliation? Are you grateful it's over? Thankful that it's over now that you have your crystal clear, hindsight vision...dodged a bullet?

 

If you want to take it to the next level, and she's on board with it, go for it. Yes, there is that possibility that you, she, or both of you realize it was a mistake, or after 5 years of a high school romance, you want to play, explore, not be tied down...which is totally normal...sow your wild oats, figure out what you want, find direction, find a woman to go with it...maybe it's her, maybe it's not.

 

The thing about this sort of situation, is you're going to meet a girl that you expect to be the rebound, and maybe it will be, and she's going to meet a guy, and when you're available, she'll be taken and when she's available, you'll be taken, and you'll continue this "just friends," cuddly, flirty bull****, and I promise you, this will not go over well with the significant other, and I think the choice is to either decide to be friends...and act like friends...or pursue something serious and see where it goes.

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