mushroomlol Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 So I decided to call it off with this guy since based on what he said 'we are not dating'. We've been seeing each other for 9 months. I tried to break it off a few times but every time I gave up whenever he asked me back. So this time same thing happened. Basically he would say he really wanted to see me but on the day we were supposed to meet he would bail with all sorts of reasons. He would always propose a new time but then he kept bailing. I genuinely don't understand. If you want to see me, then we will meet. What's the point of stringing me along with words? Do guys usually do that? I am seriously curious about the thoughts behind. Good thing is I am really tired of this at this point and I tell myself do not contact him under any circumstance even when I was drunk. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 (edited) They string you along cause they can. It boosts their ego to know there are women left and right wanting them. I let a man mislead me for an entire year. When I look back I can't beleive I let this go on for so long. The good news is I learn a valuable lesson from this and it never happened again. Let this be your lesson, never again. Edited September 20, 2017 by Gaeta 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 So I decided to call it off with this guy since based on what he said 'we are not dating'. We've been seeing each other for 9 months. I tried to break it off a few times but every time I gave up whenever he asked me back. So this time same thing happened. Basically he would say he really wanted to see me but on the day we were supposed to meet he would bail with all sorts of reasons. He would always propose a new time but then he kept bailing. I genuinely don't understand. If you want to see me, then we will meet. What's the point of stringing me along with words? Do guys usually do that? I am seriously curious about the thoughts behind. Good thing is I am really tired of this at this point and I tell myself do not contact him under any circumstance even when I was drunk. The most obvious reason is b/c there are women like yourself who will REPEATEDLY fall for the same lines to keep you returning and interested. He is looking out for other, better options and want to keep you around for back-up and you are enabling him by returning. Not all guys do this....in fact, I am safe to say that most do not. He's still interesting in playing around. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 A stable man who is loyal and honest would not do this. What I have found, is men who play these games are narcissists or commitment phobes. If you can, I would block and delete him; so you don't fall for his sweet lines when he comes back. And he will come back. So sorry. Good luck my friend! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 It was just his disrespectful way of doing what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it and he is either so disorganized as to be nonfunctional or he enjoys being disrespectful to women because he harbors some resentment toward them. If you can't do better, then you better take a look at yourself because who needs that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mushroomlol Posted September 21, 2017 Author Share Posted September 21, 2017 The most obvious reason is b/c there are women like yourself who will REPEATEDLY fall for the same lines to keep you returning and interested. He is looking out for other, better options and want to keep you around for back-up and you are enabling him by returning. Not all guys do this....in fact, I am safe to say that most do not. He's still interesting in playing around. I know he's interested in playing around. We agree to be fwb so that's why I am more confused why he did that to me. He still texted me everyday and asked me to travel with him. And he said he's not hooking up with anyone else. It's like he's acting as if we were dating but we are not. And as a fwb he really doesn't need to make fake plans to string me along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mushroomlol Posted September 21, 2017 Author Share Posted September 21, 2017 It was just his disrespectful way of doing what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it and he is either so disorganized as to be nonfunctional or he enjoys being disrespectful to women because he harbors some resentment toward them. If you can't do better, then you better take a look at yourself because who needs that? I can definitely do better. And I know that. So I also seriously don't understand why I fall for the same trap again and again. It's like whenever he says he will see me, I am back to him. Such a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 Women do this, too. It's a personality thing, not gender related. They do it because they want to have a backup plan, the way someone keeps a spare tire in the trunk. Sorry. I'm not comparing you. It's a reflection on the people who do this. Block him and disappear from him. You don't want to be a pawn in his childish game. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 People string other people along because they have something to gain by doing so. For men who string women along, common reasons include ensuring access to sex, ego boosts, and domestic utility. Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 As if women don’t do it for the same exact reasons you mentioned. Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 I am a woman and there are two guys Ive been stringing along forever. I feel kinda bad about it but, eh, not too bad bc I really truly dont have bad motives and i dont really wanna be doing it. Its like there's no good alternative. The first one I met probably about two and a half years ago and I realky liked him and he kinda hurt me. I was 44 and he was 26 at the time, so i knew we werent made for each other. But we had a very bondy few days right after we met and I was really blown away. Then all the sudden one morning he woke up in a very dark mood and it felt like he was just putting up with the formalities of ushering me out of his apartment, then i didnt hear from him for a couple of months. I dont even remember how we ended up hanging out again after that but maybe a year and a half ago all of the sudden he wantd to spend a lot of time with me in the last month before he was deployed. I really think he needed a mommy and also someone to have sex with. lol. And we got very close during that time. And he texted me the second he got back and it was a sweet reunion. But since then I've pretty much been stringing him along bc I dont want to (ever) be completely done with him, but its a ridiculous idea to have a real relationship with him. I dont want to hurt him at all. And i dont think it really does hurt him. Just a couple of days ago we had a really nice talk. And i wouldnt be at all surprised if we have another crazy week or month together at some point. The other one is kinda similar except we havent had a real physical relationship other than a couple of minimal makeout sessions. It sounds crazy but I value his friendship a lot. He lives in the apartment next door so our bedrooms share a wall. He's 22. (omfg!) I first noticed that he had a thing for me about a year and a half ago. Id run into him in the hall in the middle of the night and have these weird encounters, flirting and a little kissing. But for like a year id never let him into my apartment. About six months ago, tho, we started doing this thing where he'd just hang out at my place and chat. He'd just lie on my bed and talk while i folded my laundry or whatever. It was sweet and fun. Hes always saying he wants to come over one night and stay and I say something like maybe because, again, I do like him and I do kinda wanna sleep with him, but between him being 22 ffs and living right next door i just cant take that leap. I was just talking to him today and drooling over his fb pics. But Im no closer to sealing the deal than i was a few months ago. Still, I like having him in my life. I dont know that what Im doing with these two is great but I do really like them both a lot. Its not out of disrespect or because I dont dig them. Quite the opposite. And I think if this guy didnt dig you, he wouldnt even think to communicate with you at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 Serious Ask: Why do guys string you along? For the same reason girls do it. Having their cake and eating it too. And they will keep doing it as long as it's being rewarded. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 (edited) They are probably multi dating Edited September 21, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 So I decided to call it off with this guy since based on what he said 'we are not dating'. We've been seeing each other for 9 months. I tried to break it off a few times but every time I gave up whenever he asked me back. So this time same thing happened. Basically he would say he really wanted to see me but on the day we were supposed to meet he would bail with all sorts of reasons. He would always propose a new time but then he kept bailing. I genuinely don't understand. If you want to see me, then we will meet. What's the point of stringing me along with words? Do guys usually do that? I am seriously curious about the thoughts behind. Good thing is I am really tired of this at this point and I tell myself do not contact him under any circumstance even when I was drunk. Why do guys string you along? -- Because you allow it . . . I tried to break it off a few times but every time I gave up whenever he asked me back. So this time same thing happened. He wants what he wants on HIS schedule and, in this case, it's not very often apparently. He's been having sex with you. He'll keep you on the on a shelf -- with words because it's working. You're answering. He does it to keep you on the hook for when his other options for sex are lacking at a particular time. And, you're showing him that you're still "there" . . . If a guy isn't dating you properly or isn't treating you and your time with respect, you end it by blocking and deleting and ignoring any and all attempts to reach back out to you. YOU take control over the situation. You're sending mixed messages by telling him you're done while accepting future attempts to contact you. This is on YOU. That's the only person you have control over . . . 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 (edited) I agree with redhead completely. You need to move on because this guy will continue to take advantage of his position as long as you allow it. Your ultimatum was about as useful as a chocolate teacup because his interest is low and yours is so much higher. It's backup to him. Never be someone's back up. Edited September 21, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 (edited) I know he's interested in playing around. We agree to be fwb so that's why I am more confused why he did that to me. He still texted me everyday and asked me to travel with him. And he said he's not hooking up with anyone else. It's like he's acting as if we were dating but we are not. And as a fwb he really doesn't need to make fake plans to string me along. OK. So, it seems clear that he is not 'that' interested in being with you. Even as FWB, you are not a priority and he is manipulating your emotions. He must know, as it is apparent, that your interest in him is more than a FWB relationship can endure. You want more and he doesn't, so this FWB thing, is not workable. He is probably putting is efforts into another 'special' girl or juggling multiple FWB and to keep you as part of his harem, he needs to throw a few bones, breadcrumbs your way to try to keep you interested. Edited September 21, 2017 by simpleNfit 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mushroomlol Posted September 21, 2017 Author Share Posted September 21, 2017 Why do guys string you along? -- Because you allow it . . . I tried to break it off a few times but every time I gave up whenever he asked me back. So this time same thing happened. He wants what he wants on HIS schedule and, in this case, it's not very often apparently. He's been having sex with you. He'll keep you on the on a shelf -- with words because it's working. You're answering. He does it to keep you on the hook for when his other options for sex are lacking at a particular time. And, you're showing him that you're still "there" . . . If a guy isn't dating you properly or isn't treating you and your time with respect, you end it by blocking and deleting and ignoring any and all attempts to reach back out to you. YOU take control over the situation. You're sending mixed messages by telling him you're done while accepting future attempts to contact you. This is on YOU. That's the only person you have control over . . . What I am confused is that he strings me along but never meets up with me. But you are right, the reason he does that is because I allow it and I am always here whenever he wants it. He prob just wants to make sure I am still here but with no intent at all to see me. I will take control of myself. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 What I am confused is that he strings me along but never meets up with me. But you are right, the reason he does that is because I allow it and I am always here whenever he wants it. He prob just wants to make sure I am still here but with no intent at all to see me. I will take control of myself. He probably uses you to fill in his time slots. Nothing to do Saturday, "OK I guess mushroomlol will be free", so he arranges to see you. By the time Saturday comes along he has other plans, so bails on you. A normal gf/friend/acquaintance would not put up with that, but good old loyal mushroomlol will put up with just about anything... Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 What I am confused is that he strings me along but never meets up with me. But you are right, the reason he does that is because I allow it and I am always here whenever he wants it. He prob just wants to make sure I am still here but with no intent at all to see me. I will take control of myself. but never meets up with me -- He will when his other more important, handy options are used up or not available when HE wants them, etc. . . . He probably also does it because he's getting his ego stroked knowing that some woman is sitting there "waiting" for him like a dog waiting for someone to drop food on the floor. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 (edited) sad to say, but probably when nothing better is going on and he's horny he'll fall back to you. Otherwise, he'd rather be sexing someone he's more into ) or chasing after new girls and railing them. Edited September 21, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 sad to say, but probably when nothing better is going on and he's horny he'll fall back to you. Otherwise, he'd rather be sexing someone he's more into ) or chasing after new girls and railing them. Cookies, it's interesting that you can comment in a logical and insightful way to others when you're dating thread history indicates that your dating approach and attitude when applied to your own situations is pretty much a trainwreck. And, I'd say, that it's always easier to look at something from the outside. You might find it useful if you could really step back in your situations and kinda do the same for yourself 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 What I am confused is that he strings me along but never meets up with me. He strings you along for 2 reasons: 1. he can 2. you let him that number isn't blocked yet, is it? So rinse and repeat... all he has to do is talk a good game and show up and it's back on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 He wasn't stringing you along. You agreed to FWB then you wanted more. Even if you didn't say it, your actions let him know. He had to remind you that you two weren't dating. What happened here was you agreed to less than what you wanted. Then you started pressing for more. He said no to more. Yet you chose to stick around multiple times. Now you are blaming him for the decisions you made. He was happy to take what you were willing to give -- sex -- but no more. He probably didn't handle things well when he realized you wanted more but this mess is more your doing then his. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 I am a woman and there are two guys Ive been stringing along forever. I feel kinda bad about it but, eh, not too bad bc I really truly dont have bad motives and i dont really wanna be doing it. Its like there's no good alternative. Um.....no. It's still wrong. OP, I'd cut him off cold turkey. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mushroomlol Posted September 21, 2017 Author Share Posted September 21, 2017 He strings you along for 2 reasons: 1. he can 2. you let him that number isn't blocked yet, is it? So rinse and repeat... all he has to do is talk a good game and show up and it's back on. Yea the number is not blocked and even if it's deleted I have it remember in my mind. Geez louise Link to post Share on other sites
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