small 13 Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 I am in the same situation. For some reason, the more I feel like I'm very close to get over him, the more I start to miss him badly soon after. Sometimes I feel so stupid yall. I broke up with this man for a reason. He cheated over and over, used me, and it hurts that I still look back trying to make myself feel guilty and unhappy for no reason. I tried therapy, new friends, everything. I am a gym head, I go to the gym a lot and that really helps but that is just temporary. I made new friends and they plan a lot of activities, visit places, set me up on dates, throw party, and the worse is that some of them really like and care about me. Sometimes, I cry not because I regret the past, but I just feel so stupid that all those amazing guys trying to get with me, bringing me flowers, do everything possible to get me and my mind just focus on a looser. I would give anything to just forget about this man . I pray about it, I am currently back to therapy, nothing is working. I am very close to graduate. Despite everything,I been taking 18 credits per semester and still have a 4.0 GPA. I ve really been keeping my self busy because I really don't think about him when I m busy. When I get home very tired, I just think about getting some rest, I be forgetting about it, but as soon as I wake up, he be the number one person in my mind. I so much hate myself for that but I just can't get my way around that. I can't keep escaping from those feelings. It gotta be a way to be fully happy again.
flightplan Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 Haven't been on these forums in a while but thought I'd pop in and give my two cents to a few threads. I was heartbroken by a woman who dumped me for religious reasons. I loved this woman with every fiber in my being. It hurt like hell. Couldn't understand it. She turned into something I didn't recognize. I found this forum and bled out to try to make myself feel better... to find any outlet to ease the pain... but in the end, I learned that it just takes time. People can give you all the advice in the world, but it didn't ease my pain. The only thing that helps is no contact and time. Lots of time. Its different for each of us. We're all unique in our own way, varying cirumstances, etc... what works for some may not help others, but the one constant that will ease the hurt is time. Looking back, I realize all my attempts to reconcile, beg, plead were a symptom of self esteem. If someone doesn't want to be with you, right or wrong, let it go. Relax into yourself and let it be. Embrace the hurt and give it time. It will pass... I took a break for years, didn't date, didn't look, didn't care. I lived my life and did what I wanted to do. I didn't try to manufacture a relationship. I left it up to the universe and focused on living a good life, with or without someone. Then one day..... I'm now in the most loving relationship I could have ever dreamed. We're both on the same page and it just works. To all those out there in pain.... leave them be, give it time, relax, and know it's all going to be ok. 3
JellyTot Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 Some people love deeply and rarely. The first time I loved someone it took me a decade to love someone else. After the second time I never loved anyone ever again. I still love both of them but I've acknowledged that they didn't love me. It's like bereavement - the love you feel doesn't disappear just because the person is gone. You just put it away where you don't have to think about it every day. A piece of me will always love them and I'm ok with that. Life goes on because there's no other choice. Maybe you will love again and maybe not, but there's no way to know and there's no way to force it. You have to go with the flow and what happens, happens. 1
Author HiCrunchy Posted December 3, 2017 Author Posted December 3, 2017 Have you tried dating other people OP? No, though I am open to the idea.
Author HiCrunchy Posted December 3, 2017 Author Posted December 3, 2017 Haven't been on these forums in a while but thought I'd pop in and give my two cents to a few threads. I was heartbroken by a woman who dumped me for religious reasons. I loved this woman with every fiber in my being. It hurt like hell. Couldn't understand it. She turned into something I didn't recognize. I found this forum and bled out to try to make myself feel better... to find any outlet to ease the pain... but in the end, I learned that it just takes time. People can give you all the advice in the world, but it didn't ease my pain. The only thing that helps is no contact and time. Lots of time. Its different for each of us. We're all unique in our own way, varying cirumstances, etc... what works for some may not help others, but the one constant that will ease the hurt is time. Looking back, I realize all my attempts to reconcile, beg, plead were a symptom of self esteem. If someone doesn't want to be with you, right or wrong, let it go. Relax into yourself and let it be. Embrace the hurt and give it time. It will pass... I took a break for years, didn't date, didn't look, didn't care. I lived my life and did what I wanted to do. I didn't try to manufacture a relationship. I left it up to the universe and focused on living a good life, with or without someone. Then one day..... I'm now in the most loving relationship I could have ever dreamed. We're both on the same page and it just works. To all those out there in pain.... leave them be, give it time, relax, and know it's all going to be ok. What do you mean by "it is all going to be okay"?
flightplan Posted December 3, 2017 Posted December 3, 2017 What do you mean by "it is all going to be okay"? The hardships in our lives are a pivotal step for us towards a new life....moments that will lead us to the most beautiful and life-changing experiences and lessons. Thats the magnificance of it all. This is just a very small moment in the evolution of your life and the many years to come. Release your attachment to expectations or how you think things ought to be. Let go. Let life bring you something bigger and better... by relaxing. Don't try to make this relationship fit into your idea of what it should be. Only when I began to relax, let go, observed my life rather than try to control outcomes, did I see the changes. It was an enormous relief. Three years after my breakup, I met another woman through mutual friends and it has been the blessing of my life. Had I not been dumped, I would have never met the love of my life. Your hurt will linger and you will always love him. But it will come to pass naturally. Go live your life as he is. Step by step, little by little it fades and new flowers bloom in your garden... and this new life will be much more than the old one you left behind. 1
Popsicle Posted December 3, 2017 Posted December 3, 2017 If I was really into him, it usually takes me a year+ to get over a guy too. I understand. I will echo what others have said in this thread that time is the only thing that heals this. Time and finding someone else who you're into. If you find someone else who you're into, you'll get over him in a snap. I'm sorry that hasn't happened yet. How are you feeling now a few months after posting this? 1
Author HiCrunchy Posted December 3, 2017 Author Posted December 3, 2017 If I was really into him, it usually takes me a year+ to get over a guy too. I understand. I will echo what others have said in this thread that time is the only thing that heals this. Time and finding someone else who you're into. If you find someone else who you're into, you'll get over him in a snap. I'm sorry that hasn't happened yet. How are you feeling now a few months after posting this? I guess I have ups and downs. The 2 weeks before thanksgiving I was crying almost everyday. I cried while on the train home from work, during my lunch break, and cried in the bathroom at work and had to leave an hour early because I couldn't hold it together, and I ended up crying before I went to bed that night. I share a bed with my mother, I think she noticed I was weeping next to her but she wasn't sure what to do. When she thought I was asleep she put her hand on my head and prayed for me. She was looking for info online about depression and even told me to take vitamin D because it helps when people are down. She doesn't know why I'm crying really, and I rather keep it that way. Around thanksgiving I had a good week. My sister came to visit from college. She and I are really close, best friends I would say. That was a really good week. I love when she comes to visit, even though she is younger than me, she definitely has a good head on her shoulders. Ever since then I have been feeling good, I was productive, studied for my exam, signed up for my 6 week free gym membership I won in raffle. I figured exercise would help my mind and body. I went to a Christmas party with a friend, danced the night away and had so much fun, but I ended up crying today and yesterday. sigh, my exhausted by my own emotions. but I am going to try and turn this day around.
Author HiCrunchy Posted December 3, 2017 Author Posted December 3, 2017 If you find someone else who you're into, you'll get over him in a snap. I'm sorry that hasn't happened yet. How are you feeling now a few months after posting this? I truly feel that might never happen. No matter what anyone else had told me. It has been a year and half and "no one better" has come along. I don't know how people do it. I truly feel worthless and alone.
Popsicle Posted December 3, 2017 Posted December 3, 2017 I remember my first break up. Gawd, I would not want to relive that for all the money in the world. It hurts worse then. Keep your head up, dear. One day you will get tired of grieving and just stop. In a decade or so, you will look back on this, see your growth, and be proud of yourself.
Popsicle Posted December 3, 2017 Posted December 3, 2017 I truly feel that might never happen. No matter what anyone else had told me. It has been a year and half and "no one better" has come along. That can take a while. Just know that and pay others no mind.
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