Girlfriend acting distant this week.. Scared of developing deeper feelings due to ex?

[amazonrambo]

I've noticed in the past week my girlfriends texting has changed and she doesn't text me as much now as she used to. She initiates every day, but she's been taking longer to respond, not as long replies. Not all the time, but she has started a new job recently so thought it was that. She still accepts my date requests and when she's busy, she suggests alternative days and also asks about my day.

 

Last time I wasn't greeted with the usual smile and delight but during our night out she came back to her usual self and had fun, ended the night passionately kissing. I didn't think too much of it as she was still meeting me, we were still kissing, still initiates with emoticons, so a breakup wasn't on my mind. We haven't had sex for a month but we don't have it often as we both still live with parents.

 

Whenever we meet, I do notice she mentions her ex once at most if our situation relates.. like when I got her flowers she told me one time when her ex got her a rose because his friends told him too and how she didn't like it, he wasn't romantic, etc. I'd always be compared in a positive light to him.

 

Our last meeting I did suggest staying in a hotel but she made up excuses like I can't afford it, I said I could pay but then she said she didn't have clothes etc and that I couldn't stay over Saturday night. So then I thought something was up...

 

I had a phone call with my girlfriend tonight and she seemed down in her tone of voice. She seemed a little eager to get off the phone as she was doing her planning for her teaching job. It felt like she didn't really want to be on the phone with me so I asked her what was up and she mentioned things on her mind. I persisted a little and she said she was thinking how things had progressed in the past two years in her life. She also mentioned our relationship. I asked her if she was happy with how things were going and she said she is, just that she's only had one real relationship (6 years with her ex), and it felt different being in one with someone else because her 6 year relationship was all she ever knew.

 

She said that it felt weird how completely opposite I was to her ex, like sending flowers, etc but insisted that it was a good thing and that she liked that and not for me to worry. She's mentioned before that the last time her and her ex spoke was last new years, but that she wouldn't speak to him or go there again, and that part of her life is done and dusted. I told her I didn't want her being in a relationship with me for the sake of it and she told me that wasn't the case.

 

She then talked to me about these "down moments" she experiences, where her mood will drop for random reasons and told me how when it gets dark early, she doesn't transition well from summer to winter, etc, it makes her feel more depressed. I think it's called "seasonal (something)". I comforted her and said I like what we have, that out of the girls I've dated or been in relationships with this one is the best but I want us to take it slow and told her I didn't want her feeling pressured. I also said we have things to look forward to like our holiday and she told me she was looking forward to it too. She was accepting of what I said but still seemed quite down, like fed up.

 

I moved the conversation onto our plans about Friday and Saturday. We originally planned to stay in a hotel Friday night but I finish work at 9 and up at half 7 in the morning for work, so she wondered if it was best postponing that until the following Friday, but still do something this Friday and Saturday. At least she's still keen to meet, but I'm wondering if she's postponing our chance to be intimate again. She did suggest we book the hotel the following friday so I wouldn't be rushed for work.

 

She also said that I didn't have to meet her friends on Saturday if I didn't want to and we could do something different as she felt that she forced it on me. I told her it was okay and that getting to know her friends is what I want as her friends are apart of her and I want to get to know her more.

 

Would being the "complete opposite" to her ex be beneficial in our relationship? I'm assuming she still has some feelings for her ex, even after a year you don't expect to feel nothing and I told her I understood that those moments are apart of her life. Or is it possible she doesn't have feelings for me anymore? As her behaviour changed suddenly a week ago, but she still initiates, meets up with me, kisses me, etc. I assume if she lost feelings for me, she wouldn't do any of those things.. I did give her an "out" if she wanted to end things, but she said she didn't want to.

 

Or do you think her feelings have developed for me and it's scaring her because the last time she "fell in love" was with her ex and it possibly feels weird to fall in love with someone new?

 

What should I do, give her space and just keep letting her initiate contact, having fun and do what I've been doing so far?

[coolheadal]

How old are you two, sound very young? This is odd one at best, but she's seems to be suck on her past life with her ex. You need to tell her your not her ex and you are a different sort of guy and there shouldn't be any comparison to her prior ex.

 

6 years with her ex any kids involved? If not then hmmm? When you were saying things about her and her ex sounded like she might still have feelings that haven't gone away. For every 3 years you give them 1 year to get over their ex. So she really needs 2 years to get over him. As long as he's not in the background still. The way you say things makes me believe he's an issue with her still. No sex with her yet, did she have sex with the ex?

 

She seems to feel safe with you as you accept no sex and other things. Your too giving into her wishes. What do you get out of all of this?

 

Does she hold your hands in public?

Does she kiss you in public?

Does she hug you anywhere?

Does she cook breakfast, lunch her dinner for you?

Have you two slept together for more than 8 hours?

 

You have some sort of fun together, sounds more like friends with some extra features without sex. Just something not right about you two, you don't see it or feel it do you? Because you too involved with her. She got you under wraps!

 

No exit, no return out of this one right?

 

She has you as safety net, boy I hope she's not still seeing her ex behind your back, hard to tell in what you say. I feel something odd. Excuses always means they're with someone else if you see that happen. She won't stay in a hotel with you, if that happens she's not ready or she's not into you 100% interest level.

 

She'll tell you whatever you want to hear. I must say you have guts to ask her directly and she has those one liners in her response. I hope she's not duping you. No sex if she with the ex when you don't see her she might be banging him instead of you. This has happen many times with some chicks.

 

Anyway she really needs 2 years of her time to be adjusted to single life again 1 year after 6 years is not enough time to cope. Then she has depression also for you to deal with that.

 

Never talk about the ex with her and she shouldn't talk about him to you as you weren't in the picture back then. All you can do is back off a bit see how acts and look at her. Hold her wrist as her do you love me? If she starts to beat more in plus in the wrist she might being lying to you. Hard to tell. Does she do eye contact with you. Hold and say do you love me? Look at her in her eyes can she look at you directly? When you kiss you kiss on the lips or on the cheek?

[amazonrambo]

How old are you two, sound very young? This is odd one at best, but she's seems to be suck on her past life with her ex. You need to tell her your not her ex and you are a different sort of guy and there shouldn't be any comparison to her prior ex.

 

6 years with her ex any kids involved? If not then hmmm? When you were saying things about her and her ex sounded like she might still have feelings that haven't gone away. For every 3 years you give them 1 year to get over their ex. So she really needs 2 years to get over him. As long as he's not in the background still. The way you say things makes me believe he's an issue with her still. No sex with her yet, did she have sex with the ex?

 

She seems to feel safe with you as you accept no sex and other things. Your too giving into her wishes. What do you get out of all of this?

 

Does she hold your hands in public?

Does she kiss you in public?

Does she hug you anywhere?

Does she cook breakfast, lunch her dinner for you?

Have you two slept together for more than 8 hours?

 

You have some sort of fun together, sounds more like friends with some extra features without sex. Just something not right about you two, you don't see it or feel it do you? Because you too involved with her. She got you under wraps!

 

No exit, no return out of this one right?

 

She has you as safety net, boy I hope she's not still seeing her ex behind your back, hard to tell in what you say. I feel something odd. Excuses always means they're with someone else if you see that happen. She won't stay in a hotel with you, if that happens she's not ready or she's not into you 100% interest level.

 

She'll tell you whatever you want to hear. I must say you have guts to ask her directly and she has those one liners in her response. I hope she's not duping you. No sex if she with the ex when you don't see her she might be banging him instead of you. This has happen many times with some chicks.

 

Anyway she really needs 2 years of her time to be adjusted to single life again 1 year after 6 years is not enough time to cope. Then she has depression also for you to deal with that.

 

Never talk about the ex with her and she shouldn't talk about him to you as you weren't in the picture back then. All you can do is back off a bit see how acts and look at her. Hold her wrist as her do you love me? If she starts to beat more in plus in the wrist she might being lying to you. Hard to tell. Does she do eye contact with you. Hold and say do you love me? Look at her in her eyes can she look at you directly? When you kiss you kiss on the lips or on the cheek?

 

Thank you for your response.

 

We're both 25 but they got together when they were 17. It's her only proper relationship. They talked about having kids and marriage one day (read from her blog) but they had none together.

 

Her ex is in a relationship with another girl and has been since the start of the year, so I have no reason to worry. They don't have each other on facebook either. When they got together, both their firendship groups mixed and still are now. However, his friends have abandoned him, etc and my girlfriend has mentioned in the past that her mum banned him from the house.

 

We have had sex, we've slept together twice. The last time was mid-august though. We waited the first time as she was going to go on the pill. I think she knows I want sex again as I wouldn't suggest a Hotel otherwise. She suggested we do that nezt Friday so we have more time together as this Friday we'd be meeting at 9pm and I'd have to get up for work at 6:30am

 

- Yeah we hold hands in public. I usually grab hers. Ut she does initiate that too

- Yeah she kisses me in public, although that tends to be a wuick kiss when we meet and then a long passionate kiss at the end, although that's by her car in the car park when it gets dark

- I wouldn't say she hugs me, but she wraps her arms around my neck when we kiss. In the cinema she rests against me with her head against me, arm on me.

- When I stayed over at hers for the first time, she had to get something for her grandad and left me with her house on her own. She brought me back a sandwixh for dinner. We usuallt go out for food or make it together.

-Yeah we've slept twice together all night. We woke up at 9am and kept snoozing our alarm so we could spend more time together in bed.

 

We act like boyfriend and girlfriend, we get physical with each other but not much sex. We have our relationship status public on Facebook too.

 

I did suspect her sudden change in behaviour could mean someone else, but I have no reason to believe it's her ex.

 

Just to note, a couple of days later after she made those excuses to avoid the hotel, she did text me "Yeah that's fine with me could stay in town if you fancy? xx" so she did bring up the idea of staying in a hotel to me, so she does seem keen on the idea.

 

We kiss passionately on the lips. This week I've been backing off and mimicking her with hours to reply, etc. I've not bothered initiating contact with her, yet SHE has with me EVERY day.

 

My gut tells me there could be someone else, but now she was open about her ex, etc I just think she's scared to fall for someone else when 6 years with her ex was all she ever knew. She never had other relationships and she has doen moments too.

 

I'm just going to keep backing off and let her contact me, keep asking her out as if we've just started to date and not talk about her ez. If she brings him up I'll tell her that i'm unhappy it's brought up. I just want to focus on having fun with her. At least I know what's been on her mind, not sure why she'd lie about that..

 

Now if she has been cheating on me with some other guy, then the truth will come out and she'll be banished from my life for good. At least I know the signs in the future.