I told guy I was sick and he ignored me??

[guest569]

Ty all for your advice. Turns out he is probably a liar as well, so I'm in good company. Sent my message at 10am. Got this at 8pm:

 

 

Lol ****. I saw this, was like I'll text her back when I wake up. Never did.

It's totally cool though. Sorry you're sick.

 

 

()

 

Why the eye roll? Why is he a liar?

 

From what this thread indicates, you were hurt and lost interest because he didn't show sympathy for your fake sickness. Now that he has, are you interested again?

 

Is he nocturnal? Work nights ?

[Miss Spider]

Why the eye roll? Why is he a liar?

 

From what this thread indicates, you were hurt and lost interest because he didn't show sympathy for your fake sickness. Now that he has, are you interested again?

 

Is he nocturnal? Work nights ?

 

When you couch it like that, it makes me sound really ridiculous xD If a guy told me(I can't remember if it's happened, but it could have) he was sick, wanted to reschedule, and I had reason to suspect he was lying/stringing me, I'd feel annoyed(maybe a little relief). I'd say something like "aw, sorry to hear that! I think it's probably best we don't meet. Nothing personal. Get well soon and best of luck to you!"

 

As for this guy, I have no clue if he was lying. We have been chatting in the day and now he's gone 10 hour day forgetting to reply. It seems suspicious, but who am I to judge on poor excuses? I will probably try to meet him if he's still up for it

Thanks .

[Lorenza]

I think we all got some kind of 6th sense.

 

I have also blown some guys off due to anxiety I can sometimes get before meeting new people in new surroundings, but instead of telling the truth (which is rather embarrassing, as I don't want to talk about my anxiety disorder so early on), I'd come up with other reasons and they would not respond. I think they sensed I'm lying. And to be honest I have been blown off myself a few times and didn't respond either if it didn't feel genuine.

 

So you shouldn't be surprised when you get no response

[Gaeta]

It's true, like Gaeta says, a period shouldn't stop you from life, but it was a date with a stranger and I didn't feel attractive/was tired so I wouldn't have been a fun date anyway. It's be better for the date when I feel better.

Ty

 

Cookie, honey. You are young, you are attractive no matter what happens. You'd fall head first in a puddle of mud and you'd still be desirable. Sure you may feel tired at times but once you get going and adrenaline kicks in you will find your second wind. You are too young to be living like an old lady afraid of her own shadow and prisoner of her aches and pain.

[act00]

Cookie, Cookie, Cookie, WHY?? It was just a few weeks ago you bailed at the last minute because "you didn't feel like going," and you gave an excuse that seemed legit...same ending...he went cold. You wondered why.

 

I too feel like the second bail came off as an excuse - and it was. Even if you were legitimately ill, this guy doesn't know this and he has likely been around the blowoff block a few times. He's not playing anymore. The second issue is that you blew off the date until the following Monday. You might have saved this if you asked about rescheduling on Friday or Saturday. Have you been trying to maintain the spark by keeping up a little bit of conversation, texting? Or are you hanging back waiting for him to reach out?

 

Your period shouldn't derail you. If it throws you off that much, seek some medical guidance. It's a lame excuse. Plug it, take a Midol, wear something that won't show any mishaps, which won't happen, but let's plan ahead and create less anxiety, and go have fun!

 

Sometimes we do things when we're sort of "meh" about it, and we put on that happy face and make the best of it, and you know what happens a majority of the time? We find we had a great time and we're glad we didn't bail.

 

You missed out on a potential great guy or at least a fun evening over Aunt Flow...shame, really.

 

But it's not really your period. This is a pattern, Cookie.

 

Now you're questioning his sincerity. You haven't even met in person. Try not to judge.

 

I don't know if dating is the right path for you, but I think one thing you need to do is break out of this pattern. You get cold feet at the last minute, and you're messing with these guys that made time for you. I don't know what you expect from the first date, but anxiety is normal, but it shouldn't be a dread. You know when you get your period. Either plan around it or figure out how to function during it.

[ChatroomHero]

It seems to me like maybe you might be really anxious about dating so find reasons to cancel on guys and then justify it by them not swooning over your reasons.

 

 

You also seem to place a lot of emphasis on text. Everyone knows how texting is easily misconstrued and feelings and intent can come across completely the opposite of what we intend by a misplaced period or a short text conveys an attitude that doesn't exist. For that matter you can text for weeks and think you and the other person are soul mates but when you meet up, it just doesn't work.

 

 

I think you stated in an earlier post you might give this guy a chance. I think you probably should give it a chance and see what happens in person rather than try to define intent from texting or response times.

 

 

Good luck.

[NuevoYorko]

I can't even believe that the question was for real and the fact that 4 pages of discussion have been wrung from it boggles the mind. I almost suspect that you're having a bit of fun with us here.

 

Seriously OP, the key to your myriad of dating woes will be discovered when you are able to figure the answers to your many similar questions for yourself.

[Lorenza]

Ok guys, I agree that Cookies shouldn't have wondered that her date didn't buy into her excuse, but what's with all the "you should go no matter what" type of advice? If you don't feel like, you don't feel like. Sure, we need to treat others with respect and not cancel last minute or give lame explanations (in my experience it's best to just tell the truth, even if it's embarrassing), but there's no obligation to go just because you're young and "you'll sit at home when you're old and grey". No. Why creating unnecessary stress? If I'm anxious, have a raised heartbeat or feel pain/exhaustion, I will try to cancel my meetings in timely manner. Stress deteriorates health, so why doing it just for a date with a stranger?

[Gaeta]

No. Why creating unnecessary stress? If I'm anxious, have a raised heartbeat or feel pain/exhaustion, I will try to cancel my meetings in timely manner. Stress deteriorates health, so why doing it just for a date with a stranger?

 

If the stress of going on a coffee-date is that bad then those people should not be online dating. Each day we have men coming on here complaining how women flake on them for no reasons. It's deceiving, it's misleading people, it's wasting their time.

 

Cookie did not cancel because she was feeling anxious, she canceled because she didn't feel *pretty* because of her period.

[act00]

Ok guys, I agree that Cookies shouldn't have wondered that her date didn't buy into her excuse, but what's with all the "you should go no matter what" type of advice? If you don't feel like, you don't feel like. Sure, we need to treat others with respect and not cancel last minute or give lame explanations (in my experience it's best to just tell the truth, even if it's embarrassing), but there's no obligation to go just because you're young and "you'll sit at home when you're old and grey". No. Why creating unnecessary stress? If I'm anxious, have a raised heartbeat or feel pain/exhaustion, I will try to cancel my meetings in timely manner. Stress deteriorates health, so why doing it just for a date with a stranger?

 

Sometimes we just have to DO. We have to make a change and break out of the pattern. Cookie has had some good dates, so it shouldn't be such a frightening endeavor, and she's excited to meet at first, but she still stonewalls herself, rinse and repeat. Sometimes it takes just doing it, and finding out that sometimes even when we're really wishing we didn't have to do something, the family dinner, the early morning hike, it turns out it was a lot of fun and we're glad we bucked up and just did it. Maybe you do it out of a sense of obligation and following through on plans you made because you're thinking of the other person, but it turns out to be enjoyable and you look forward to doing it again, promising yourself you won't bail next time, even though you know you'll want to. Save the "bails" for times when they are truly required.

 

What kind of advice is if you don't feel like it, don't do it? People plan around YOU, and yeah, sometimes you have to follow through even if you don't feel like it for that reason alone. We're grownups, not toddlers. This guy was probably really looking forward to meeting this beautiful woman and made the time for her and was every bit as anxious.

 

Granted, if someone is suffering a tremendous amount of anxiety, maybe dating isn't the way to go. They should not be actively pursuing it. Maybe pharmaceutical intervention and psychotherapy need to be pursued, but even then, eventually, the person is still going to have to do it.

 

I don't know that Cookie is in a place where anxiety is debilitating, and she can seek whatever interventions she feels are appropriate and necessary, but Cookie is describing feeling "icky" (over something she's been dealing with monthly for years) and simply "not feeling like it," not debilitating anxiety. Not feeling "up for it" is very different than having a full blown panic attack.

[rightondude]

LOL ... lord help this dude ... hasn't even gone on a date with this chick from Tinder and she's mad at him for not being sympathetic to her lying about being sick, getting 4 pages of advice/consternation on said dude not being sympathetic to her lies, and now she's considering GIVING HIM a second/third/whatever chance ... I guess sometimes we never know what's going on in the galaxy right behind our peripheral.

 

Chances are this guy's spent a whole 5 minutes thinking about this whole ordeal and if you're hot enough I'm sure he'll let your little deception slide.

[Versacehottie]

LOL ... lord help this dude ... hasn't even gone on a date with this chick from Tinder and she's mad at him for not being sympathetic to her lying about being sick, getting 4 pages of advice/consternation on said dude not being sympathetic to her lies, and now she's considering GIVING HIM a second/third/whatever chance ... I guess sometimes we never know what's going on in the galaxy right behind our peripheral.

 

Chances are this guy's spent a whole 5 minutes thinking about this whole ordeal and if you're hot enough I'm sure he'll let your little deception slide.

 

My guess is he totally knows she is lying and his white lie back is a chance to resurrect and let her save face, a second chance rather than outright admit he knows he was bailed on and is ok with it.

 

So cookie, it wasn't that "huge" a deal blowing off one tinder date "because you didn't feel your best bc of your period". But anyone who has followed your threads knows that it's a PATTERN and the real reason is much much deeper, fear panicked one. And if i was being a 100% honest, there is a fair amount of narcissism and entitlement when they don't believe your fake lies or fall all over it and you with all of us starting a new thread each time you do the same dating pattern (that is actually about you not a duo of two and question about a specific guy). I mean, I'm wondering what compels you to keep asking us for quite some time now the same question about your dating woes. Like I've said before your advice to others is more measured (even if i don't always agree with it, it has a reasonable enough perspective). About yourself, yeah compassionless and a lot about yourself--I guess people with anxiety and lots of emotional intimacy problems will do/say just about anything to avoid facing their fears. Weird though I like you a lot as a member of this community, when you post about your own stuff, at this point I don't really respect what you are doing and am finding it really hard to even find compassion for you (even though I know you need help). You can't just have a toss away attitude about people and except sympathy and support for your issues. Well good luck-- I really hope at some point you will take the advice given many many times to get professional help.

[coolheadal]

Was this a serious question? I'm not.

 

I appreciate all the advice, but I was joking about us being liars..( who here has never lied btw?)and I think you guys are being a bit too critical here!!! It was 1 date cancelation. Just 1. It's true, like Gaeta says, a period shouldn't stop you from life, but it was a date with a stranger and I didn't feel attractive/was tired so I wouldn't have been a fun date anyway. It's be better for the date when I feel better.

Ty

 

I totally agree with you my dear. It's up to you do whatever you need to do. We all have our opinions here to try to give you the best advise for your current question or situation. It's your life and your living it now. These guys are all strangers too at first takes time to develop anything today..

[act00]

 

Like I've said before your advice to others is more measured (even if i don't always agree with it, it has a reasonable enough perspective).

 

I agree! Cookie really offers some excellent advice on the board, some of which I don't agree with, as she has a smaller "bubble," but she really has a good head on her shoulders when offering advice, and all of that wisdom turns to Jell-O when she's faced with it personally. She'll make the connection...she has to.