I told guy I was sick and he ignored me??

[Bastile]

I'm a bit nuts (you might have noticed). This comes from a level of entitlement that I've had over years.

 

Ever heard the phrase "falling in love"? I like it, and find it apt. We do need to "fall" to some degree, I think.

 

The one we fall for seems to knock us off our pedestals, somewhat.

 

However, I don't think that I've ever had such an entitlement to the point where I get annoyed that someone isn't indulging wholeheartedly in my flakiness. That's a different level

 

I know that Tinder can be a huge validation fest for females. But, I would warn against becoming intoxicated to it. Lest someone come along not operating in that frame, and kick the pedestal out from under you real easy...

 

I think you're a decent person. So, consider this a heads up.

[ChatroomHero]

Well you cancelled twice and this time the day of. Nothing screams blow off more than, "I'm sick" the day of the date, whether you are sick or not.

 

 

See, guys know if your friend asked you to go to a wine tasting or a movie or to the bar, and you said yes, 98% of the time the day comes and you go to it. 98% of the time when a woman is blowing us off, the day comes and "They don't feel well". After one time, ok, maybe it's legit, the second time it's pretty much a blow off.

 

 

If I were him I would not want to put in any more effort and the fact that you offered to meet next Monday would tell me a couple of things:

 

1. I am not worthy of a weekend date

2. It's a long time off so you hope I will just go away by then

3. Even if I did agree, for the 3rd time I would adjust my schedule, makes plans, jump through a few hoops and you'll probably just cancel because a friend came into town, you're still feeling sick, you forgot about a work obligation etc.

 

 

It's odd you blew him off twice but you are wondering if he is interested because he didn't respond to blow off #2 quickly and with compassion. Seems kind of backwards to me.

 

 

If it were me and you followed up, I might agree to Monday but I would do it as I'll call you after work on Monday and you say yes, we go out. You say no, I never care to talk to you again.

[Redhead14]

Cookies, I don't know how you can stand creating all these little mini-dramas for yourself. It's not necessary. Common sense/logic and courtesy need to be part of your dating "approach". Those two things are seriously lacking. Like, some of us have said, it appears you don't really want a relationship so you do everything you can think of to sabotage that possibility. Stop try to date.

 

Good luck with your journey.

[Miss Spider]

You ditched the guy twice! What would you think if a guy did that to you when you'd had specific plans. People don't like being cancelled on at the last minute especially twice in a row.

[...] If you're not ready to date, stop dating.

Another day, another thread by you that keeps repeating the mistakes you make in every previous thread. You cookiesanddough are the closest thing this forum has to Groundhog Day.

 

Your right hand keeps making dates and then your left hand keeps flaking because of your self protective tendencies, your ex, Mercury being in retrograde, who the hell knows why. Same ol same old w you. Aren't you embarrassed by this?

 

I hope this guy has enough sense to move on to someone else.

Well you cancelled twice and this time the day of. Nothing screams blow off more than, "I'm sick" the day of the date, whether you are sick or not.

 

 

See, guys know if your friend asked you to go to a wine tasting or a movie or to the bar, and you said yes, 98% of the time the day comes and you go to it. 98% of the time when a woman is blowing us off, the day comes and "They don't feel well". After one time, ok, maybe it's legit, the second time it's pretty much a blow off.

 

 

If I were him I would not want to put in any more effort and the fact that you offered to meet next Monday would tell me a couple of things:

 

1. I am not worthy of a weekend date

2. It's a long time off so you hope I will just go away by then

3. Even if I did agree, for the 3rd time I would adjust my schedule, makes plans, jump through a few hoops and you'll probably just cancel because a friend came into town, you're still feeling sick, you forgot about a work obligation etc.

 

 

It's odd you blew him off twice but you are wondering if he is interested because he didn't respond to blow off #2 quickly and with compassion. Seems kind of backwards to me.

 

 

If it were me and you followed up, I might agree to Monday but I would do it as I'll call you after work on Monday and you say yes, we go out. You say no, I never care to talk to you again.

 

I understand, thank you. The reason I don't see it as twice is because the first time we made plans it was Sunday morning and he asked, " what days are you free this week?" I said, "All week except Tuesday and thurs" He said "How about we plan for Monday?"

I forgot that I actually had a date that day already planned. It's not like I should have dropped all my plans for the guy....

 

So I told him "Oops, and Monday, sorry, I forgot I made plans. Is Wednesday ok?" He said perfect.

 

It just seems harsh..I lost interest now, so no loss. It's pretty rude considering I could have been sick. Even if he didn't want to go on the date he could have acknowledged because we did talk a little. We are still matched but I'll fix that soon if he doesn't

 

 

I mean next time should I say "oh man I didn't check my calendar and I'm on the rag. I'll text you when I stop bleeding out " I tried my best to be polite.

 

In retrospect I would have forgone the "i know this sounds like a lie" part (poor liar) and also amaysn said planned sooner. But I can't make someone want to go on a date with me and looks like he doesn't! His loss anyway. Hope he finds what he's looking for.

 

Thanks

[Gaeta]

I mean next time should I say "oh man I didn't check my calendar and I'm on the rag. I'll text you when I stop bleeding out " I tried my best to be polite.

 

Out of curiosity, do you call in sick at work when you have your period?

[lana-banana]

You don't even know each other. He is under no obligation to extend you the same slack he might give a friend who canceled at the last minute. Your messages came off as flaky and entitled. Who wants to meet someone who starts by assuring you they totally aren't lying?

 

I don't see anything in your posts that suggests you have any concern for his feelings; it's just all about you. You should really stop dating until you learn to empathize with others.

[Imajerk17]

I understand, thank you. The reason I don't see it as twice is because the first time we made plans it was Sunday morning and he asked, " what days are you free this week?" I said, "All week except Tuesday and thurs" He said "How about we plan for Monday?"

I forgot that I actually had a date that day already planned. It's not like I should have dropped all my plans for the guy....

 

So I told him "Oops, and Monday, sorry, I forgot I made plans. Is Wednesday ok?" He said perfect.

 

It just seems harsh..I lost interest now, so no loss. It's pretty rude considering I could have been sick. Even if he didn't want to go on the date he could have acknowledged because we did talk a little. We are still matched but I'll fix that soon if he doesn't

 

 

I mean next time should I say "oh man I didn't check my calendar and I'm on the rag. I'll text you when I stop bleeding out " I tried my best to be polite.

 

In retrospect I would have forgone the "i know this sounds like a lie" part (poor liar) and also amaysn said planned sooner. But I can't make someone want to go on a date with me and looks like he doesn't! His loss anyway. Hope he finds what he's looking for.

 

Thanks

 

Yeah And its pretty whack that a woman turned me down considering I could have been an English prince... Every time I say it the girl thinks I am lying

 

Stop that. You *weren't* sick. You know that and chances are he suspected that too.

 

It's been said in basically all your threads, but you need to take responsibility for your actions and show some consideration for other people.

[Gaeta]

I said, "All week except Tuesday and thurs"

 

 

Again out of curiosity if you are free every evening except Tuesdays and Thurdays why did you offer him to meet the following week? and not the following day or on the weekend?

[RecentChange]

 

It just seems harsh..I lost interest now, so no loss. It's pretty rude considering I could have been sick. Even if he didn't want to go on the date he could have acknowledged because we did talk a little. We are still matched but I'll fix that soon if he doesn't

 

I mean next time should I say "oh man I didn't check my calendar and I'm on the rag. I'll text you when I stop bleeding out " I tried my best to be polite.

 

You think HE is the rude one?

 

Do you call in sick to work because of your period? Maybe you have horrendous ones, I dont know, but if you get them so bad that you can't take two Advil and go on a coffee date, you should consult your calendar before making any plans.

 

How many people have you "ghosted"? Good for the goose is good for the gander right.

 

Try to remember the golden rule - treat people the way you wish to be treated.

[Gr8fuln2020]

This really cute guy from Tinder asked me out Monday, but I had a date that day so I had to decline but I suggested Wednesday(today). I asked him yesterday about it and he said it was still on. Today I got up and I didn't feel like going. I told him I was feeling under the weather maybe a cold. It's 85 degrees outside, but I said I had a cold ... >.>

 

I apologized for inconveniencing him and asked if he would like to meet next Monday.

 

Did I do something wrong or is he just not that interested in meeting anymore? Should I try asking again when Monday rolls around? Also, am I being a bit unreasonable to be turned off he just ignored and didn't say feel better soon to me being fake sick(he doesn't know that)?

 

This would be my take.

 

1. He suggested Monday and YOU changed it to Wednesday.

2. He makes himself available for Wednesday and then you cancel. So, that is two days that you have rejected. It doesn't matter why, two days that you have rejected.

3. HE may have thought, "Hmmm, a cold? And it's 85 degrees?" Is she making up an excuse? Yes, we all know that temperature of the day doesn't determine whether one gets a cold or not, but some still do.

4. You suggest next Monday?! Why not sooner? Why not the weekend? Isn't he good enough for a weekend date? Weekday dates tend to be less serious, shorter. Not as prestigious as the weekends! :-D

 

He's ticking off all of the potential flags and putting them all together to be a single red one.

[Imajerk17]

You think HE is the rude one?

 

Do you call in sick to work because of your period? Maybe you have horrendous ones, I dont know, but if you get them so bad that you can't take two Advil and go on a coffee date, you should consult your calendar before making any plans.

 

How many people have you "ghosted"? Good for the goose is good for the gander right.

 

Try to remember the golden rule - treat people the way you wish to be treated.

 

Yep. The last time I ever cancelled anything due to a cold I basically had lost my voice. I left a vm explaining and apologizing for what had happened and a text and did everything I could to reschedule.

 

A garden-variety cold though? For a date I really wanted to be on? Then adult-up and take some Dayquil. I'd explain the situation to my date--that I really wanted to be there--and so she wouldn't be disappointed if I didn't try to kiss her. (We are talking a *real* cold here nevermind a fake cold which is what you had OP)

 

My point OP is that everyone can see your "cold" excuse for what it was. Pretty insulting towards your date and his intelligence actually!

Edited September 20, 2017 by Imajerk17

[ChatroomHero]

I understand, thank you. The reason I don't see it as twice is because the first time we made plans it was Sunday morning and he asked, " what days are you free this week?" I said, "All week except Tuesday and thurs" He said "How about we plan for Monday?"

I forgot that I actually had a date that day already planned. It's not like I should have dropped all my plans for the guy....

 

So I told him "Oops, and Monday, sorry, I forgot I made plans. Is Wednesday ok?" He said perfect.

 

It just seems harsh..I lost interest now, so no loss. It's pretty rude considering I could have been sick. Even if he didn't want to go on the date he could have acknowledged because we did talk a little. We are still matched but I'll fix that soon if he doesn't

 

 

I mean next time should I say "oh man I didn't check my calendar and I'm on the rag. I'll text you when I stop bleeding out " I tried my best to be polite.

 

In retrospect I would have forgone the "i know this sounds like a lie" part (poor liar) and also amaysn said planned sooner. But I can't make someone want to go on a date with me and looks like he doesn't! His loss anyway. Hope he finds what he's looking for.

 

Thanks

 

 

"It's pretty rude considering I could have been sick."

 

 

Well, you weren't, you actually did lie to him. Granted it was for a noble reason but he has no way of knowing that. Would you feel better if he showed sympathy for a cold you didn't have? Or if he offered to bring you soup and Dayquil and you had to lie again because you didn't really have a cold?

 

 

It certainly seems like you are pushing him away and looking for reasons to justify it rather than putting yourself out there a bit and being a bit vulnerable to show him you were interested. Frankly, when I have been cancelled on by a woman feeling "sick", when I respond, "Hope you feel better" I typically cringe because I feel like I am being played.

 

 

He might be the love of your life and the one person on earth for you and instead of understanding that he is likely feeling that he is being given a hint you are not interested and blowing him off with a weak "I have a cold" excuse in the summer, you dismiss him right away. I just think you are being a bit too harsh yourself given the circumstances.

[olivetree]

People rarely forget that they made other plans (not saying you were lying).

It's usually only said when a better offer comes along.

So he probably didn't buy your first excuse and gave you one more chance, which obviously didn't pan out either.

[Mkn1010]

I'm a bit nuts (you might have noticed). This comes from a level of entitlement that I've had over years.

 

Ever heard the phrase "falling in love"? I like it, and find it apt. We do need to "fall" to some degree, I think.

 

The one we fall for seems to knock us off our pedestals, somewhat.

 

However, I don't think that I've ever had such an entitlement to the point where I get annoyed that someone isn't indulging wholeheartedly in my flakiness. That's a different level

 

I know that Tinder can be a huge validation fest for females. But, I would warn against becoming intoxicated to it. Lest someone come along not operating in that frame, and kick the pedestal out from under you real easy...

 

I think you're a decent person. So, consider this a heads up.

 

 

Took the words right out of my mouth (slash fingers)

[Dis]

Cookies, you posted a few days ago that you were now exclusive with a guy and you both took down you're OLD profiles

 

What happened with that?

 

This is all bizarre and confusing

[Dis]

Cookies, the following is said not to bash you but to bring some things to your awareness...

 

Everytime I read a thread of yours, the thing that stands out to me the most is your lack of empathy, consideration and thought for the person your're dating

 

Its the, Cookies Show. Its about what you want, how you feel and how you feel you werent treated fairly

 

You've done some unkind things to the men you've dated and its all documented in your threads. Maybe some people here want blame your behavior on unaddresed issues, but dont worry because you're still a "decent person"... Me personally? I dont think theres much of an excuse for treated others unfairly time and time again

 

I'm personally done with the, 'anxious-avoidant' dating style and the, 'Cookies, you're a good person at heart' type of deflection

 

This thread in which you cancel on a guy for not having a cold, yet get upset he didnt wish you a speedy recovery with your pseudo cold... thats bad

 

But I know how this all goes... you will continue to date and hurt others in some way or another and then come up with some pacifying answers as to why you did it and how you need to work on x y and z

 

I always have compassion for those who are hurting inside, but when they let that hurt affect other people again and again and again... thats where my compassion usually comes to an end

[Versacehottie]

Tinder is not that serious so if you act flakey, expect a disappearing act.

 

That said YOU are not serious at all about dating. This is like groundhog day. And I absolutely agree with Dis you are not empathetic to how the other person might feel or interpret whatever you've brought upon them--when it's about you, it's all about you.

 

I haven't seen a time yet where you don't self-sabotage in a way that is becoming comical really TBH. You need to stop dating and get some real help--it's becoming pathological. No need to drag others thru your sh*t (even guys from Tinder).

[Miss Spider]

Ty all for your advice. Turns out he is probably a liar as well, so I'm in good company. Sent my message at 10am. Got this at 8pm:

 

 

Lol ****. I saw this, was like I'll text her back when I wake up. Never did.

It's totally cool though. Sorry you're sick.

 

 

()

[fred123]

Ty all for your advice. Turns out he is probably a liar as well, so I'm in good company. Sent my message at 10am. Got this at 8pm:

 

 

Lol ****. I saw this, was like I'll text her back when I wake up. Never did.

It's totally cool though. Sorry you're sick.

 

 

()

 

Are u 16/17?

[umirano]

You two deserve each other. God, people have no shame humiliating themselves semi-publicly...

[Miss Spider]

Are u 16/17?

 

Was this a serious question? I'm not.

 

I appreciate all the advice, but I was joking about us being liars..( who here has never lied btw?)and I think you guys are being a bit too critical here!!! It was 1 date cancelation. Just 1. It's true, like Gaeta says, a period shouldn't stop you from life, but it was a date with a stranger and I didn't feel attractive/was tired so I wouldn't have been a fun date anyway. It's be better for the date when I feel better.

Ty

[Miss Spider]

Cookies, you posted a few days ago that you were now exclusive with a guy and you both took down you're OLD profiles

 

What happened with that?

 

This is all bizarre and confusing

 

I made a thread about how we broke up

 

I'll heed these words and try to be more considerate of others in the future but I really didn't think this was so bad.

 

Thanks

[grays]

Ty all for your advice. Turns out he is probably a liar as well, so I'm in good company. Sent my message at 10am. Got this at 8pm:

 

 

Lol ****. I saw this, was like I'll text her back when I wake up. Never did.

It's totally cool though. Sorry you're sick.

 

 

()

 

Im not getting this... How does this make it obvious that he's lying?

 

I have been flaked on a ton and it is really painful sometimes. Usually i dont find it hurtful in the sense of hurting my feelings but its usually very disappointing. Im a busy person and usually Ive changed my schedule around to accommodate the date or its my only free night of the week, so if my date flakes at the last minute Im sitting home watching tv feeling pissed bc now i have to trudge thru a whole nother week feeling lonely when all I wanted was to have a little company and hopefully meet someone fun. It really bothers me that my flakey dates mkght be as compassionless as youre being about this.

[grays]

I'll heed these words and try to be more considerate of others in the future but I really didn't think this was so bad.

 

Thanks

 

So even tho probably more than two dozen people have all had the same reaction, youre going to still believe he's the *******?

[Miss Spider]

Im not getting this... How does this make it obvious that he's lying?

 

I have been flaked on a ton and it is really painful sometimes. Usually i dont find it hurtful in the sense of hurting my feelings but its usually very disappointing. Im a busy person and usually Ive changed my schedule around to accommodate the date or its my only free night of the week, so if my date flakes at the last minute Im sitting home watching tv feeling pissed bc now i have to trudge thru a whole nother week feeling lonely when all I wanted was to have a little company and hopefully meet someone fun. It really bothers me that my flakey dates mkght be as compassionless as youre being about this.

 

You're right:( ( I know how annoying it can be. He is not an *******. It is my fault here. I was thinking partly how I would be a bad date, but that's not an excuse. I will be more considerate and not cancel unless absolutely necessary in the future. Thank you, everyone, for the perspective.