schmance Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 I am 42, by ex bf 41. We had been dating for 3 years. We are both working professionals with 6 figure salaries. I have an 11 yr old autistic daughter, he has a 14 year old daughter and 17 year old son. Our children get along great. A year and a half ago he said he wanted me to be his wife and us to be a family living together by February this year 2017. A couple of months before (Christmas time), I realized that he hadn't even asked for my ring size or tried to hint that he needs it. He actually hadn't brought up marriage or us being a family for months by this time and I asked him about it. He said that he does not want to get married but we can all live together and see how things go. First of all, I would never put my daughter in a situation where we are living with children she attaches to as siblings and then because I am obviously on "tryouts" this man can decide this is not for him. I love this man and there was never a question in my mind if I wanted him as my husband. EVER! I love him and the kids. He says he loves me and that I am his World, but he does not believe in marriage or like it or anything it stands for. I feel the complete opposite of marriage. I think and know it is a ton of work but to be able to spend life together as husband and wife is beautiful. I feel that if your commitment to your “partner” and any children you might have is a strong, lasting one, why WOULDN’T you marry? Why wouldn’t you want to be able to visit your partner in the hospital, help make treatment decisions and share in his health insurance and other work-related benefits for yourself and any children in your blended family? Anyway, its now September and I just broke up with him this past weekend. He never proposed. He wanted me to stay in the "relationship" because he said "that his love, our love and compatibility should be enough", I said love was not enough and I will not settle and broke things off. I am angry at myself for sticking around and am so sad.
Author schmance Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 Did he have a bad marriage? Yes he did.
Author schmance Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 Yes he did. They both got married very young due to pregnancy. He was 20 when he got married. They both today can agree that they should have never been married.
grays Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Do you know how he's doing with the break up? I'm afraid this sounds harsh, but it sounds to me like you chose the idea of marriage over a real live person that you love.
Been Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Maybe he's the type that only wanted to get married once? I mean he was upfront with you about his feelings towards marriage. I can understand your frustration but its not like he kept changing his stance on marriage. I think you tried to force him to change his stance and he wouldn't.
Author schmance Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 Do you know how he's doing with the break up? I'm afraid this sounds harsh, but it sounds to me like you chose the idea of marriage over a real live person that you love. I have an Autistic 11 yr old and I am 42. I would never put her in a situation where she thinks she has siblings ... the fact that a year and a half ago he wrote an elaborate card telling me that he cant wait for the day i become his wife, then we talk about a future together and he says he would love for us to be living together as a family by Valentines this year ... and only a couple of months before that switches his entire feelings on marriage and asks me if i could "live with him and see how things go" ... he wasnt truthful to begin with .... why would I put myself with my daughter in a situation like that when he clearly does not know what he wants. Bottom line is he has every right to his stance and feelings and so do I ... we obviously are not on the same page and i wont pressure him to see it different and he wont pressure me to see it his way. So I left. I am sure there is someone out there for both of us who shares the same beliefs and values.
Author schmance Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 Maybe he's the type that only wanted to get married once? I mean he was upfront with you about his feelings towards marriage. I can understand your frustration but its not like he kept changing his stance on marriage. I think you tried to force him to change his stance and he wouldn't. I have an Autistic 11 yr old and I am 42. I would never put her in a situation where she thinks she has siblings ... the fact that a year and a half ago he wrote an elaborate card telling me that he cant wait for the day i become his wife, then we talk about a future together and he says he would love for us to be living together as a family by Valentines this year ... and only a couple of months before that switches his entire feelings on marriage and asks me if i could "live with him and see how things go" ... he wasnt truthful to begin with .... why would I put myself with my daughter in a situation like that when he clearly does not know what he wants. Bottom line is he has every right to his stance and feelings and so do I ... we obviously are not on the same page and i wont pressure him to see it different and he wont pressure me to see it his way. So I left. I am sure there is someone out there for both of us who shares the same beliefs and values. It is just a super sad situation and a total waste of three years I cant get back.
Buriall Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Not to be mean or anything. But I stopped reading after 6 figure salaries comment.. Maybe that could bring back those 3 years.
Author schmance Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 Not to be mean or anything. But I stopped reading after 6 figure salaries comment.. Maybe that could bring back those 3 years. I put that to show a potential reader that I love this man and its clearly not a financial situation. There are alot of women who are evil gold diggers. And, no, money does not buy time back. The same way you stopped reading you could have stopped yourself from typing, I dont find this amusing. It is not amusing or cool to play on a persons heartache.
Buriall Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 I'm not playing with anybody's heartache. That's why I started with "not to be mean" I don't care how much money you make.
Author schmance Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 Do you know how he's doing with the break up? I'm afraid this sounds harsh, but it sounds to me like you chose the idea of marriage over a real live person that you love. I have no idea how he is handling the breakup btw. We have no communication now. I still stayed in the relationship after he revealed his REAL feeling on marriage last December of 2016. I convinced myself that it was okay and I should just not live with him and he was going through some change of feeling on the marriage and family life he led me to think he wanted and if I love him to let him be. But now 9 months later I woke up this past weekend after taking a week off of work to be there for my daughter transitioning to middle school and his daughter transitioning to high school and said "what am i doing?!" ... everyday after school last week i was with his daughter and mine ... cooking, doing homework and taking care of both until he got off work to scoop his daughter up.
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