His pictures aren't great, worried I won't be attacted to him

[Mkn1010]

someone told her to end it September 7th and she said she agreed with that, so she might have ended it. She does move on quick, though. xD

 

 

Hold up, this from someone who just like yesterday was BF/GF official with someone and now posted that they just bailed on a date with a guy?

[Grey40]

I've done this a few times. I went out with a few women whose pictures were not the greatest because I was new to the app and hadn't been on dates in a while so I wanted to just get out there. A few of them looked terrible just like I was worried they would and a couple of them looked better than their pictures and were much better looking in person.

 

I agree with the poster above that you really have nothing to lose. Just try and make the date close to you and if they aren't good looking and you're not feeling it, just end the date an hour in or so and be on your way.

[TheFinalWord]

why are you all hating on pancakes for dinner? I suppose you have something against pizza for breakfast too.

 

lol

 

Muffins for breakfast, just bald cupcakes.

 

 

 

I know I sound shallow, but this caught me off guard and I felt really unattracted when I noticed all his photos had yellow teeth. Really worried about a first date, when I'm not attracted I end up just having a bad time and get really uncomfortable.

 

In the future, please try not to spend a bunch of time texting and chatting, adding on social media when you haven't met one time. It just sets up a weird dynamic. Ain't nobody got time for that...

[BrewCrew25]

lol

 

Muffins for breakfast, just bald cupcakes.

 

 

 

 

 

In the future, please try not to spend a bunch of time texting and chatting, adding on social media when you haven't met one time. It just sets up a weird dynamic. Ain't nobody got time for that...

 

 

I appreciate your input, I also want to add that we've been talking for less than a week(?) and as much as I understand that, he is out of town the next two weekends so we can't get together. He's the one that has wanted to talk on the phone a bunch and stuff, but I've tried to back off that because I still don't know where this is going, if it even goes anywhere.

 

 

I do understand your point though, getting attachments before meeting is never usually a good idea.

[BrewCrew25]

Hold up, this from someone who just like yesterday was BF/GF official with someone and now posted that they just bailed on a date with a guy?

 

 

 

 

It wasn't "just like yesterday" lol, but also as I stated we were in a long distance (40 hours away) open relationship and hadn't seen each other in months. Was that an awful decision? Totally. Did it work out? Nope! For personal reasons I tried to stick it out, but I was suffering. It ended on great terms though.

 

 

And I haven't actually been with anyone, just jumped on there to see what was out there. This guy has peaked my interest, but wanted to know people's thoughts on what my OP was.

[d0nnivain]

It's not going anywhere until you meet. It's all fantasy at best while it remains virtual.

 

I suspect you are not as ready to date & you think which is why you are throwing up obstacles.

 

The longer you dangle the possibility out there though the meaner & more cruel it gets if you eventually refuse to meet him because of his teeth. I think you should meet because it might be better then you think but if you are dead set against going cut the guy off now; don't leave him hoping while you continue to talk to him for the next 2 weeks.

[BrewCrew25]

or rather desperately seeking anyone that can help her distract from it...

 

Probably!!

[knabe]

Regarding the teeth, I think you have to ask yourself: is it yellow teeth in and of themselves that are a turn-off, or is it because of what you fear they represent (bad hygiene)?

 

If you just can't handle yellow teeth, there's no need to meet. You don't like what you don't like.

 

However, if it's because you fear that he might be unkempt, it might not hurt to meet and assess him overall. Sometimes it has nothing to do with grooming or hygiene. I brush my teeth several times a day, get dental care, etc. My teeth are not perfectly white, and it has to do with some medication I took years ago. Also, because my teeth are very sensitive, I cannot use whitening products.

[BrewCrew25]

Regarding the teeth, I think you have to ask yourself: is it yellow teeth in and of themselves that are a turn-off, or is it because of what you fear they represent (bad hygiene)?

 

If you just can't handle yellow teeth, there's no need to meet. You don't like what you don't like.

 

However, if it's because you fear that he might be unkempt, it might not hurt to meet and assess him overall. Sometimes it has nothing to do with grooming or hygiene. I brush my teeth several times a day, get dental care, etc. My teeth are not perfectly white, and it has to do with some medication I took years ago. Also, because my teeth are very sensitive, I cannot use whitening products.

 

It's the hygiene part. I just worry because I have had horrible first dates and I do everything I can to avoid that.

 

The thing with yellow teeth is that they aren't some physical attribute that can't be changed. I could change him.

[BrewCrew25]

Plenty reasons for having yellow teeth without necessarily having poor hygiene.

How old is he for one?

Age yellows teeth, and some people are just born with yellow tooth genes, so there may be very little he can do about it.

 

He's 25. I dont think its an age issue. He also asked if I smoked "cancer sticks" so I'm going to go ahead and assume he doesn't smoke.

 

I just worry he doesn't do much to take care of himself. He has naturally cute looks to him, if he were thinner with white teeth he'd be HOT!

[coolheadal]

He's 25. I dont think its an age issue. He also asked if I smoked "cancer sticks" so I'm going to go ahead and assume he doesn't smoke.

 

I just worry he doesn't do much to take care of himself. He has naturally cute looks to him, if he were thinner with white teeth he'd be HOT!

 

Tell him that..

 

Thinner

White Teeth

Your would be hot!

 

Listen if you can't stand him in his present condition you can make decide to clean-up himself. Otherwise you'll not settle for his current hygiene look.

[normal person]

It's the hygiene part. I just worry because I have had horrible first dates and I do everything I can to avoid that.

 

Ehhhhh... I'm not trying to be rude, but I can't help but notice the inconsistency here. Clearly you don't do everything you can to avoid them. You've already found a serious issue with this guy -- one so big that you had to start a thread debating whether or not it's even worth it -- and you're already disregarding it and planning hikes with him. You say you get uncomfortable and you do everything you can to avoid those situations, but here you are on a direct, well-illuminated path to do it again.

 

The thing with yellow teeth is that they aren't some physical attribute that can't be changed. I could change him.

 

I'm honestly very confused by this logic. How can you be so worried about them that you started a whole thread about it, and then quickly be so sure that it's not at all a big deal and that you can change it? More importantly, why are you so invested in changing a guy with a red flag that you haven't even met yet? It just feels like you're setting yourself up to be knocked down. Why not focus on a guy you don't have to change, that you don't have to second guess, without an obvious red flag?

[ExpatInItaly]

I could encourage both of us to go on hikes, make healthy dinners, and maybe try a whitening kit together?

 

You are getting way ahead of yourself, OP.

 

You haven't even met the guy in person yet. Heck, he might not be attracted to you in real life either.

 

I would cut down on the calls, meet in person when you're both available, and see if you even click when you're actually sitting in front of each other.

[BrewCrew25]

Ehhhhh... I'm not trying to be rude, but I can't help but notice the inconsistency here. Clearly you don't do everything you can to avoid them. You've already found a serious issue with this guy -- one so big that you had to start a thread debating whether or not it's even worth it -- and you're already disregarding it and planning hikes with him. You say you get uncomfortable and you do everything you can to avoid those situations, but here you are on a direct, well-illuminated path to do it again.

 

 

 

I'm honestly very confused by this logic. How can you be so worried about them that you started a whole thread about it, and then quickly be so sure that it's not at all a big deal and that you can change it? More importantly, why are you so invested in changing a guy with a red flag that you haven't even met yet? It just feels like you're setting yourself up to be knocked down. Why not focus on a guy you don't have to change, that you don't have to second guess, without an obvious red flag?

 

 

Hmm.. I think you might be assuming my tone here? Because I'm not sure of anything, and a 'well-illuminated path' is far from reality. I don't see it as a 'red flag'. I see someone's behavior before meeting as more of a red flag.

 

 

If there's lots of positives to someone and a few negatives that can be changed, can't you help someone work on those things? Are we supposed to find perfect people? And aren't relationships about making each other better people? (Not changing anyone, just bettering each other)

 

This thread is a discussion based on something I'm questioning and wanted a second opinion on. I felt shallow for judging off a few facebook photos so quickly, that's it.

[elaine567]

I just worry he doesn't do much to take care of himself.

 

Ok but why is that such a big deal?

Meet for coffee, have a chat and find out if you are repulsed by his lack of hygiene/poor personal care/unhealthy lifestyle (if indeed any of those are the case) and take it from there.

 

I have found out that is is not just smoking, red wine and coffee that can yellow teeth, eating grapes, blueberries and pomegranates can also stain teeth and too much fluoride as a kid can lead to yellowing too... Just like some people have thinner skin, some people have thinner tooth enamel so their teeth look more yellow.

Having yellower teeth is not always the sign of an unhealthy lifestyle.

https://www.livescience.com/54420-yellow-teeth.html

[normal person]

Hmm.. I think you might be assuming my tone here? Because I'm not sure of anything, and a 'well-illuminated path' is far from reality. I don't see it as a 'red flag'. I see someone's behavior before meeting as more of a red flag.

 

So why the thread? If his behavior is fine and that's really what you care about, why even debate his teeth? I say "well-illuminated" because you already take issue with his teeth and maybe body. So why bother? Just move on. Your chances of success are higher with someone without such obvious problems.

 

If there's lots of positives to someone and a few negatives that can be changed, can't you help someone work on those things? Are we supposed to find perfect people?

 

Look, far be it from me to tell you how to live or who to date, I'm just giving my thoughts here, take them as you like. But you said you get uncomfortable and you want to do everything you can to avoid bad first dates. And here you have a guy with something that you find so circumspectly unappealing that you had to start a thread about it.

 

Here's what I'm getting at:

Is finding a perfect person unlikely? Yes.

Is investing this much time and mental energy into a person with unappealing teeth who you're still yet to meet likely to backfire, especially when you hate being in uncomfortable situations? Yes.

Wouldn't it be so much easier to date someone whose flaws are less glaring, more tolerable, and not in literal need of change or betterment to avoid this whole uncomfortable scenario for you? Yes.

 

I just don't understand why you want to date someone you already have such hesitations about. Why not just go out with someone who doesn't need to be changed?

 

And aren't relationships about making each other better people? (Not changing anyone, just bettering each other)

 

...

 

I could change him.

 

This is all very presumptuous. This isn't a relationship. You don't like his teeth and/or potentially his lifestyle. You haven't even met. You think you can change him.

 

Why do you want to buy the old looking, dilapidated house that needs $40K worth of upgrades when the realtor assures you there's another house, newly built, with no problems, across the street for the same price? Especially when you say you hate doing home renovations. Why not just go back and find some guy who doesn't have these issues you're worried about?

 

I felt shallow for judging off a few facebook photos so quickly, that's it.

 

What's wrong with that? That's why you looked at his pictures, isn't it? Because you wanted more confirmation that he was visually appealing to you. And he wasn't. I don't blame you, I'd be turned off too. Dating and finding a partner is inherently shallow. That's why there are pictures associated with online dating profiles. If you don't like what you see, you move on. It's technically "shallow," but perfectly acceptable within the context of dating. You have to be attracted to the person to date them. You found a quality about him you found unattractive. You're under no obligation to go out with anyone. If someone has a quality you find unappealing, that's their problem, not yours. So you came here looking for confirmation that you weren't shallow. Well, you are. We all are. Everyone is every time they say they don't like something about a potential partner. It's not morality, it's biology. I can assure you you're not shallow for having hesitations about someone with yellow teeth.

 

Also, what's your plan here? You said you don't like uncomfortable situations, so presumably you're not just going to outright ask him about his teeth. So what if he never mentions a medical condition? What if it's date 5, he wants to sleep with you and it still hasn't come up? What if he really just has poor hygiene? Are you going to bring it up? Are you going to suggest whitening and just hope he doesn't get offended? Are you willing to wait weeks for them to make a noticeable difference, assuming it wasn't a sensitive issue for him and he took it well? Are you then going to still be attracted to a grown man who didn't know how to brush his teeth?

 

My point being, if you hate uncomfortable situations, this is likely to be one. Why are you diving into it so eagerly? Why not just go out with someone without all these headaches and questions? I honestly don't understand.

[Cam1]

Hi forum!

 

 

They look very yellow in all of his photos. I know that I sound incredibly shallow, but I'm an avid coffee/wine drinker and still use whitening products to prevent yellow stains. I thought this was just a type of self care we all did? What toothpaste doesn't have whitening stuff in it nowadays, right?

 

 

Right? What doesn't having whiting agents in it? What you're not accounting for is that tetracycline taken during pregnancy can cause yellow teeth in the child even as an adult. Whether he has yellow teeth or not..who the heck cares?

[d0nnivain]

You are insistent on finding fault. You're not ready to date yet. Let this poor guy & his yellow teeth go. Spend some more time licking your wounds from the recent break up.