BrewCrew25 Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 (edited) Hi forum! I've been talking to this guy for a week or so, we met on a dating app. He's very sweet and he and I both want to take things slow and not meet right away, we talk on the phone a lot lately though. He also has a great job and seems very cute in his pictures. He added me on facebook a few days ago, and I knew he was a chunky guy (even though I've never dated a chunky guy, I still think he's pretty cute) but the one thing I feel may be a dealbreaker is his teeth. They look very yellow in all of his photos. I know that I sound incredibly shallow, but I'm an avid coffee/wine drinker and still use whitening products to prevent yellow stains. I thought this was just a type of self care we all did? What toothpaste doesn't have whitening stuff in it nowadays, right? I'm not sure if that's even why his teeth are yellow, but I'm worried that he doesn't take care of himself, he says he eats pancakes for dinner--stuff like that. I am not perfect, in no way shape of form am I perfect. I don't expect that in a partner, but I do feel like the little things like not having yellow teeth are pretty important. I've also thought that maybe if I wanted to pursue this further I could encourage both of us to go on hikes, make healthy dinners, and maybe try a whitening kit together? I don't believe you can 'change' anyone, but this stuff is physical.. it's different right? I know I sound shallow, but this caught me off guard and I felt really unattracted when I noticed all his photos had yellow teeth. Really worried about a first date, when I'm not attracted I end up just having a bad time and get really uncomfortable. Edited September 20, 2017 by BrewCrew25
Imajerk17 Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 (edited) I'm confused. I thought you already were in a relationship ... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/633722-pattern-ldr-not-sure I really hope you aren't stepping out on your LD boyfriend OP! As an answer to your question taken generally (for a *single* person meeting someone from online after seeing a few doubtful pictures): In general, it is harder to gauge how the in-person chemistry will be until you actually meet. It's just one date. And yes, there are teeth whitening and exercise.... Edited September 20, 2017 by Imajerk17 1
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Judge someone in person. When I was dating many times men looked better in real than on their pictures. You are depriving yourself from meeting possibly good people just based on probably just a few bad pictures. The color of your teeth can change depending on the light used around you and if there is a flash used or not. 3
normal person Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 I know I sound shallow, but this caught me off guard and I felt really unattracted when I noticed all his photos had yellow teeth. Really worried about a first date, when I'm not attracted I end up just having a bad time and get really uncomfortable. I'm surprised you're talking to someone whose pictures turned you off so much. I don't really get it. Why even answer his message, let alone talk to him for a week without meeting if you felt this way about him? Physical attraction is usually what delineates between romantic partners and "just friends." If you don't have that, or are worried about it, why not invest your time in someone you're less uncertain about? Most people would just ignore, swipe left, move on, etc. 3
elaine567 Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Plenty reasons for having yellow teeth without necessarily having poor hygiene. How old is he for one? Age yellows teeth, and some people are just born with yellow tooth genes, so there may be very little he can do about it. 3
d0nnivain Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 It's a first meet off OLD. We're talking what -- 1 hour out of your life? What do you have to lose by meeting him? He could be fantastic. He could be what you fear, in which case you say thanks for the coffee but we don't have a future. You may meet the love of your life on your way to or from this date. My point is, leave your house. If you can't do that, end the discussions now & unfriend him on FB / social media. He doesn't need to see your new BF.
normal person Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 When I was dating many times men looked better in real than on their pictures. You are depriving yourself from meeting possibly good people just based on probably just a few bad pictures. The color of your teeth can change depending on the light used around you and if there is a flash used or not. She said they looked yellow in several pictures though. If it were just one, yeah, it might just be a lighting anomaly. But why else would he put up multiple pictures where his teeth looked bad unless he had no others, because they're actually that bad? Plenty reasons for having yellow teeth without necessarily having poor hygiene. How old is he for one? Age yellows teeth, and some people are just born with yellow tooth genes, so there may be very little he can do about it. True, but it's kind of irrelevant, isn't it? If she doesn't want to go out with a guy who has yellow teeth, she's not going to give him a free pass because it's not his fault. You could apply this to anyone who has something unappealing about themselves that isn't their fault. If you like thin people, you're not going to go out with a severely overweight person once you find out that their condition is glandular. At the end of the day, it's still a turn off, regardless of the cause. 2
elaine567 Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 True, but it's kind of irrelevant, isn't it? If she doesn't want to go out with a guy who has yellow teeth, she's not going to give him a free pass because it's not his fault. You could apply this to anyone who has something unappealing about themselves that isn't their fault. If you like thin people, you're not going to go out with a severely overweight person once you find out that their condition is glandular. At the end of the day, it's still a turn off, regardless of the cause. She did actually mention that she thought he looked cute, but the reason she didn't want to date him was because " I'm worried that he doesn't take care of himself, he says he eats pancakes for dinner--stuff like that." If his dental hygiene is perfect but he just has yellow tooth genes, then he is still cute and he does take care of himself, then no issue surely?. 2
Imajerk17 Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Ummmmm I take it the rest of you missed the OP's other thread 3
elaine567 Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Ummmmm I take it the rest of you missed the OP's other thread In the other thread a poster suggested that the OP end her LD relationship and the OP agreed, so I guess she ended it.
Miss Spider Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 someone told her to end it September 7th and she said she agreed with that, so she might have ended it. She does move on quick, though. xD 1
umirano Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 If you're put off by his self declared pan cake diet - and I would - you should act on it.
d0nnivain Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 OP if you are truly fresh out of an LDR you could be nit picking & fault finding in a subconscious way to avoid dating so soon after your break up.
Miss Spider Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 or rather desperately seeking anyone that can help her distract from it... 1
normal person Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 (edited) She did actually mention that she thought he looked cute, but the reason she didn't want to date him was because " I'm worried that he doesn't take care of himself, he says he eats pancakes for dinner--stuff like that." If his dental hygiene is perfect but he just has yellow tooth genes, then he is still cute and he does take care of himself, then no issue surely?. If OP really would go out with him if his teeth are just genetically yellow, then to each their own, I'll eat my words. But I'm not sure I see it happening. I'm betting this cosmetic stuff is pretty indicative of him not taking care of himself. What person who takes care of himself has yellow teeth? If genetic, why not get them whitened a bit? If not genetic, why not brush? What person who takes care of himself is chunky and eats pancakes for dinner? If it's glandular, ok -- but then why the pancakes? It just doesn't add up to me. I would not bet that this guy "takes care of himself" and coincidentally just has two genetic conditions that make him look like he doesn't, and also that OP still wouldn't care if that was the case. Seems like too much of a longshot. I am not perfect, in no way shape of form am I perfect. I don't expect that in a partner, but I do feel like the little things like not having yellow teeth are pretty important. I've also thought that maybe if I wanted to pursue this further I could encourage both of us to go on hikes, make healthy dinners, and maybe try a whitening kit together? I don't believe you can 'change' anyone, but this stuff is physical.. it's different right? I think the bigger question is why you'd want to invest all this time into trying to change someone with a quality you find unappealing rather than just going out with a guy who you won't have to do all this work for. You're turned off by his teeth. So why not just move on? Why not go out with someone without an issue so glaring you had to start a thread about it? I really don't get it. Why are you planning all these dinners, hikes, whitenings, etc before you've even met him or confirmed that his teeth are tolerable for you? It seems like your mental and time investments in this guy are largely disproportionate to what they should be considering you haven't met yet and don't even know if you can deal with his teeth. Most people would've seen the teeth and just ignored the message if it bothered them that much. I don't see the sense in you convincing yourself to go out with this guy with obvious red flags, and do all this work to change him rather than just date a guy that doesn't require a thread and mental gymnastics before dating. I know I sound shallow, but this caught me off guard and I felt really unattracted when I noticed all his photos had yellow teeth. Really worried about a first date, when I'm not attracted I end up just having a bad time and get really uncomfortable. If you're turned off by someone, you're not under any obligation to date them just to not appear "shallow." Shallowness an inescapable part of the dating process. It's literally why dating profiles include pictures. Because if you're not physically attracted to someone, why date them? Honestly, if you're that worried and uncomfortable, why subject yourself to all this? Why not just go out with someone who doesn't cause you such anxiety? Edited September 20, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Corrected quote tag ~6
coolheadal Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Hi forum! I've been talking to this guy for a week or so, we met on a dating app. He's very sweet and he and I both want to take things slow and not meet right away, we talk on the phone a lot lately though. He also has a great job and seems very cute in his pictures. He added me on facebook a few days ago, and I knew he was a chunky guy (even though I've never dated a chunky guy, I still think he's pretty cute) but the one thing I feel may be a dealbreaker is his teeth. They look very yellow in all of his photos. I know that I sound incredibly shallow, but I'm an avid coffee/wine drinker and still use whitening products to prevent yellow stains. I thought this was just a type of self care we all did? What toothpaste doesn't have whitening stuff in it nowadays, right? I'm not sure if that's even why his teeth are yellow, but I'm worried that he doesn't take care of himself, he says he eats pancakes for dinner--stuff like that. I am not perfect, in no way shape of form am I perfect. I don't expect that in a partner, but I do feel like the little things like not having yellow teeth are pretty important. I've also thought that maybe if I wanted to pursue this further I could encourage both of us to go on hikes, make healthy dinners, and maybe try a whitening kit together? I don't believe you can 'change' anyone, but this stuff is physical.. it's different right? I know I sound shallow, but this caught me off guard and I felt really unattracted when I noticed all his photos had yellow teeth. Really worried about a first date, when I'm not attracted I end up just having a bad time and get really uncomfortable. Personal hygiene is very important you don't want to stink, yellow teeth or even rotten teeth yuck! Pancakes for dinner might be a little are the large size not eating healthy.. I don't see why he could use crest whiting stripes would taken out those yellow stains really need to get a waterpik for stuff in the teeth and gums. Bad breath is a huge turn off for me. Smoking is also yuck! Your taking things slow for what reason? Chunky means fat, if your not that way you might not want to be with someone who has extra pounds on them.
Miss Spider Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 why are you all hating on pancakes for dinner? I suppose you have something against pizza for breakfast too. 6
Author BrewCrew25 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 I'm confused. I thought you already were in a relationship ... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/633722-pattern-ldr-not-sure I really hope you aren't stepping out on your LD boyfriend OP! As an answer to your question taken generally (for a *single* person meeting someone from online after seeing a few doubtful pictures): In general, it is harder to gauge how the in-person chemistry will be until you actually meet. It's just one date. And yes, there are teeth whitening and exercise.... Nope, if you read the post, I was on the fence about ending things but ended them a few weeks ago. It was the easiest breakup ever, mainly because I haven't seen him in months and he was emotionally distant. I'm just starting to think about dating again and talking to someone. It's a separate issue.
Author BrewCrew25 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 I'm surprised you're talking to someone whose pictures turned you off so much. I don't really get it. Why even answer his message, let alone talk to him for a week without meeting if you felt this way about him? Physical attraction is usually what delineates between romantic partners and "just friends." If you don't have that, or are worried about it, why not invest your time in someone you're less uncertain about? Most people would just ignore, swipe left, move on, etc. Because as I stated in my OP he is really cute aside from a few cosmetic details that I think can be changed pretty easily. He is also very kind, funny, and easy to talk to. He wants to take things slow like me and I appreciate that. 1
coolheadal Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Because as I stated in my OP he is really cute aside from a few cosmetic details that I think can be changed pretty easily. He is also very kind, funny, and easy to talk to. He wants to take things slow like me and I appreciate that. Very good you are lucky enjoy your life with him.. I think you both can make it work, because what you just express is the correct way to understand how life would be like with you two..
olivetree Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Talking all the time and not meeting each other isn't really taking it slow. It's developing a pseudo relationship with a lot of false expectations of each other. Meet in person, then take it slow from there. The teeth thing might not be a big deal. It might be overshadowed by his horrendous BO. 2
Imajerk17 Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 (edited) Nope, if you read the post, I was on the fence about ending things but ended them a few weeks ago. It was the easiest breakup ever, mainly because I haven't seen him in months and he was emotionally distant. I'm just starting to think about dating again and talking to someone. It's a separate issue. That's cool. Thanks for clarifying! I agree w @olivetree, you aren't taking it slow, you are building a fantasy relationship. You need to meet in person to decide whether or not you have physical chemistry, which definitely includes hygiene. All the great things about someone in the world if kissing them makes you want to gag. For better or worse you can't tell whether or not that's the case just by knowing that his teeth are a bit yellow or that he eats too many carbs. Maybe he has pancakes for supper only occasionally? Then it really is nbd anyway. FWIW him not wanting to meet soon either strikes me as bizarre. Why would that be? It's not "taking it slow" because the two of you are already in this fantasy relationship (as noted above). Does the guy have social anxiety or something? Is he in another relationship? You can tell more about someone meeting an hour for coffee or drinks than you could over two weeks of elevtronic communication. Edited September 20, 2017 by Imajerk17
coolheadal Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 why are you all hating on pancakes for dinner? I suppose you have something against pizza for breakfast too. No problem with pizza for breakfast or serving it cold or hot. Pancakes or waffles for dinner I don't think so..
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