Skepticfem11 Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 I met a guy online about 5 years ago. We chatted, had great chemistry but the minute I'd suggest meeting he'd ignore me. I got fed up and didn't log onto that account for 5 years. I got bored about a month ago and logged on to see years worth of messages to me. I sent him a message and immediately things were like they were previously. We video chat, and text literally all day. I told him I wanted to meet. He told me basically he was seeing someone and wanted to see how that panned out but wanted to keep talking to me. I told him no I couldn't do that especially when the entire time he's telling me how much he likes me, cares for me, and went so far as suggesting I get pregnant. Well I gave in and things went exactly the way they were before and I flipped out and told him if he respected me and cared for me like he said be did he'd leave me alone til he figured out if he wanted to meet. He agreed and apologized and so like an idiot I started talking to him again. This time nothing romantic was mentioned just general chit chat. He begs me not to quit talking to him and I am so confused. He has admitted to commitment issues in the past but why can't he just let me go and not talk to me nonstop. What gives? Any input as to why he's doing this? I am starting to hate myself for not sticking with the boundaries I set yet when we don't talk I miss him. Thanks
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 It's not important why he can't let you go. The most important question is why can't YOU let him go? 4
preraph Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 He's getting his rocks off talking to you for extra action, basically. You need to just block this yo. If you ever did meet and date, he'd be doing this exact same thing to you. You'd never be able to trust him. He's always got to keep the ego gratification coming and isn't satisfied with one woman. Now you know him well enough to know he'd make a terrible boyfriend!!!! 2
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 I am starting to hate myself for not sticking with the boundaries I set yet when we don't talk I miss him. You are lonely and he is making you dream of love with a capital L but all this is air through his mouth that's worth nothing. He made you waste your time and now he's wasting another woman's time by chatting with you. Block him and go get yourself a life you enjoy and a local man that will treat you right.
Author Skepticfem11 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 I don't know. I guess because minus this one MAJOR issue he's everything I've wanted in a person and never found. I feel like if I walk away I could potentially miss out.
Author Skepticfem11 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 Thanks!! You're both right and I know that but I guess I needed to see it in writing by someone else to make it real. I'll keep coming back to this thread if I think of encouraging him by acknowledging him.
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 I don't know. I guess because minus this one MAJOR issue he's everything I've wanted in a person and never found. I feel like if I walk away I could potentially miss out. You will be missing nothing. How can he be the person you've always wanted you have never met him? SURE you video chat with him and he probably compliments you and all that flafla, but that's not very special. That's all talk and - remember - no actions. He has never made an efforts to meet you so what is SO special about him? Again he is blowing air through his mouth. What you want is a man that will show you with actions that you are special to him, actions like traveling to you, taking you out, using his 2 hands and arms and help you with things. You are not missing out on anything. 2
joseb Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 I don't know. I guess because minus this one MAJOR issue he's everything I've wanted in a person and never found. I feel like if I walk away I could potentially miss out. Everything you ever wanted? You haven't even met him! He basically refuses to meet you. And he's suggesting you get pregnant? What's all that about? To be frank, he sounds really weird. 6
Dis Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 ...he cares about you to the point where he wants you to get pregnant????? Not only does that statement not make any sense but its incredibly disturbing! Now, is when you start to use your head and block him unless you want to end up on Dateline
act00 Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 I don't know. I guess because minus this one MAJOR issue he's everything I've wanted in a person and never found. I feel like if I walk away I could potentially miss out. He's not "everything you've ever wanted." You don't know him. You have never met him in person. You have no idea what kinds of mannerisms and quirks he has, if he's affectionate, knows how to kiss, hates where you live, loves where you live, has to have the house hot or cold, snores, has poor table manners, knows how to clean up after himself, leaves his socks all over the floor, makes random noises when he's thinking, or any number of things that requires actual interaction to know. You have no idea who this person is. You have a fantasy. Oh, I understand your feelings of keeping that door open, believe me, because you do really do feel like you might miss out...but seriously, how long? He didn't pick up the ball last time, and he's not doing it now. AND -->And he states he's seeing someone, so essentially cheating. YOU weren't good enough to date?? How long, if you ever meet for real and date, before you start suspecting him of having "girls on the side," even if only texting buddies. Huge red flag if they won't meet you. Oh yes, they will string you along for a very long time. You are hopeful. This weekend...okay, maybe this weekend...okay, maybe this weekend...and it never happens. You ask him out. You tell him you want to see him. It never comes to fruition. Then it starts to hurt. He sends you a sweet or funny text, and instead of brightening your day, it disappoints you. Block him if you must, but this guy is not the guy. He wants to play. He likes the attention. If, and this is a big, major IF, he ever dates you, it won't be long before he's back on the site texting other women.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 I don't know what your home, location situation is like, but it is very peculiar that you are contacting someone after 5-years! AND, after that time, he is STILL on that site prepared to receive a message from you and hounding you as well!?! Do you both live in the same locality? Have you tried dating others?
Popsicle Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Any man who doesn't want to meet, I assume is married or looks like a manatee. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Any man who doesn't want to meet, I assume is married or looks like a manatee. She's apparently video chatted, so his face can't be too bad. I am also thinking that he is hiding something. He may have told her that he was dating, but he may be pulling one over her. Probably in his basement of private man-cave contacting and chatting away with other women of his desires. OP, have you seen all of him?
joseb Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Any man who doesn't want to meet, I assume is married or looks like a manatee. I'd guess married.
coolheadal Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Thanks!! You're both right and I know that but I guess I needed to see it in writing by someone else to make it real. I'll keep coming back to this thread if I think of encouraging him by acknowledging him. He's just using you as a backup plan, but he has a long-term relationship with another woman. Your his friend only so your been friend-zone! You don't want to be just friends, but what I don't get is why you would want this sort of man who's emotional cheating with you. He has someone else you want to be his friend only. Not fair to you wait while he has sex with another women and you and him video chat as friends only. End this crap now with him, nothing will ever come out of it for you. Only for him...
Author Skepticfem11 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 We met on Yahoo Chat years ago so not a dating site. I have seen all of him via video chat several times so it's not looks although I could see he'd have several women chasing him due to looks alone. I didn't know what he looked like for several months. I should also add that he his bi and currently dating a man. I did tell him it wasn't fair to the guy he was dating to sit there and confide in me nonstop and tell me the things he was and he did agree so that did stop. I thought maybe he was outright gay too but I don't believe that's the case. He seems to carry on trists with men to avoid emotional attachment while getting his rocks off. Also, he's submissive with men and let's them chase him so I think he enjoys that and not having to work for it so to speak. The entire situation is indeed a cluster f... that I need to wash my hands of. I know. Thanks
kendahke Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 (edited) He has admitted to commitment issues in the past but why can't he just let me go and not talk to me nonstop. He doesn't have commitment issues. He's with someone else and is wanting to see how that pans out. He's got avoidance issues when it comes to you. For whatever reason, he doesn't want to meet you. Besides, who exactly is supposed to impregnate you and how? That requires in person interaction--Mary was the last woman who got pregnant without a man being involved and that was over 2000+ years ago. Everyday is a new day where you can wipe the slate clean and go in a new direction. Block his number and leave him to the life he's chosen to live over the 5 years you two didn't talk. He's still talking the same mess he was talking before and if 5years can't make him change his tack, another 5 won't do it, either. He's where he wants to be and that includes you not being a part of his life. Edited September 20, 2017 by kendahke 1
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