Konomoriati Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 (edited) Hello. I have a girlfriend that has a daughter and of course there is the "other one", her ex / the father of her daughter. What's happening here is that I know that she is constantly search for him on Facebook. It is happening every day and some days she searchs for him 3 or 4 times a day. What you guys think of this? I am with her for about a year, but I think that this behavior is not normal and I am not well with that. Any thoughts about this? Thank you guys. Edited September 19, 2017 by Konomoriati
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Who is doing the searching, the mother or the daughter? If the mother, what does her having a daughter have to do with it? If it's the mother searching for her ex online 3 or 4 times a day, 2 things are happening: 1. You're snooping 2. She's not over him 1
Redhead14 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Hello. I have a girlfriend that has a daughter and of course there is the "other one", her ex / the father of her daughter. What's happening here is that I know that she is constantly search for him on Facebook. It is happening every day and some days she searchs for him 3 or 4 times a day. What you guys think of this? I am with her for about a year, but I think that this behavior is not normal and I am not well with that. Any thoughts about this? Thank you guys. Why don't you talk to her about it? Perhaps her daughter has been asking about him, wanting to see him and she is hoping that she can help them develop a relationship. There isn't anything wrong with wanting her child to have a relationship with her father. Daughters need that. Talk to her. 1
Author Konomoriati Posted September 19, 2017 Author Posted September 19, 2017 Her daughter is 2 years old. The mother (my girlfriend) is always searching for him(her ex) everyday 3 or 4 times a day. I know that because she showed me her Facebook a week ago and I saw on her Facebook search.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Her daughter is 2 years old. The mother (my girlfriend) is always searching for him(her ex) everyday 3 or 4 times a day. I know that because she showed me her Facebook a week ago and I saw on her Facebook search. Facebook doesn't show you how many times a day you're searching for anything or anyone. That can only be done in browsing history. But, regardless, she's not over him. 3
Author Konomoriati Posted September 19, 2017 Author Posted September 19, 2017 Facebook doesn't show you how many times a day you're searching for anything or anyone. That can only be done in browsing history. But, regardless, she's not over him. If you have access to Activity log you will know how many times the person saerch for anything or anyone. Yes, it is my thought. She is not over hi. I had a girlfriend for 3 years and I'm not searching for her. I never did it, I didn't care. But now my girlfriend is searching for her ex a lot of tmes. Everyday she search for him on Facebook. Every single day! I am sad about that. Because she has a daughter with him and they meet each other personally 4 times a week to give the daughter to each other. ( The kid sleeps 4 times a week with her.mom and three times a week with her father). I think that she does not have to do this, and this has to mean something. Maybe an open eyes. 1
bpb2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Konomoriati you know what you're getting into. She's obsessed with him (may or may not still be into him) and the daughter is still very recent. There will also always be a tie to him for the rest of her life. No point in talking to her about it. You're basically asking her "why are you looking up mr xxx 3-4 times a day" and expecting something good to come out of it. I don't see how it's possible to approach this and get a positive outcome. I think that she does not have to do this, and this has to mean something. She either wants the daughter to still have a dad, wants her ex back, or both. I would just look for someone else. 1
Redhead14 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Just talk to her! Calmly and respectfully. Ask what her motive is and if it's anything but wanting to find him for her daughter and/or for financial/legal reasons, you tell her you are uncomfortable about it and then observe whether she understands your feelings and makes an effort to assuage your concern. If not, you end the relationship. But communicate for crying out loud instead of mind Fing yourself. 3
smackie9 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 If you have access to Activity log you will know how many times the person saerch for anything or anyone. Yes, it is my thought. She is not over hi. I had a girlfriend for 3 years and I'm not searching for her. I never did it, I didn't care. But now my girlfriend is searching for her ex a lot of tmes. Everyday she search for him on Facebook. Every single day! I am sad about that. Because she has a daughter with him and they meet each other personally 4 times a week to give the daughter to each other. ( The kid sleeps 4 times a week with her.mom and three times a week with her father). I think that she does not have to do this, and this has to mean something. Maybe an open eyes. When a couple each has the child stay at their place, then there is no need for child support. This is why a lot of couples do this.... for financial reasons, and it gives each other a break from the kid, or get to spend more time with them how ever you want to see it. It's possible she has heard about who he is dating (someone she doesn't want her child around) or even someone he is hanging around with, and is concerned this person will have a negative effect on the child. This is not uncommon. 2
Author Konomoriati Posted September 19, 2017 Author Posted September 19, 2017 Mauby she is not over him yet. One year later she is constantly searching for him os Facebook trying to check something that I cannot understand. I would.never search for an ex of I would be alright with someone.
rushed Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 She could be trying to check out his lifestyle in case it's detrimental to her daughter (i.e. Who he hangs out with, what kind of parties he goes to, etc.) Like other have said, just ask her. 1
LovelyRose Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Mauby she is not over him yet. One year later she is constantly searching for him os Facebook trying to check something that I cannot understand. I would.never search for an ex of I would be alright with someone. Are you afraid of her that you simply just cannot ask her directly rather than driving yourself nuts over this? Or you have convinced yourself already that she is not over him and now you can't even ask? Every now and then I get the urge to check up on my exes or even just guys I've briefly dated. It's social media. I get curious and want to see how they are doing. Not because I want them back, but just curious how they've been. So your comment about never searching for an ex if you are alright with someone doesn't apply to everybody. How is your gf with her baby's father? Are they in good terms, or just civil? Other than the fact that she is looking him up multiple times a day, what other red flags do you see? How is she treating you? Just like what the others said, she may be obsessing over his FB because she wants to make sure her daughter is safe with him. She probably wants to monitor his lifestyle for their daughter's sake. If she has no other red flags then that's the only logical explanation I have for you. So do you yourself a favor and simply just ASK HER. By the way, how do you know she checks up on him every single day? Are you snooping too and checking her phone/computer everyday? SMH. Do people really not know how to communicate anymore these days? 1
LovelyRose Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Her daughter is 2 years old. The mother (my girlfriend) is always searching for him(her ex) everyday 3 or 4 times a day. I know that because she showed me her Facebook a week ago and I saw on her Facebook search. Right.... so your gf showed you her activity logs? Even if that was the case, why didn't you just ask her what is up with that right there and then? If that was me in that situation, there is no way I'm going to just sit there quietly. I will not yell or storm out but definitely something like, "umm honey, are you spying on your ex?"
Author Konomoriati Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 Are you afraid of her that you simply just cannot ask her directly rather than driving yourself nuts over this? Or you have convinced yourself already that she is not over him and now you can't even ask? Every now and then I get the urge to check up on my exes or even just guys I've briefly dated. It's social media. I get curious and want to see how they are doing. Not because I want them back, but just curious how they've been. So your comment about never searching for an ex if you are alright with someone doesn't apply to everybody. How is your gf with her baby's father? Are they in good terms, or just civil? Other than the fact that she is looking him up multiple times a day, what other red flags do you see? How is she treating you? Just like what the others said, she may be obsessing over his FB because she wants to make sure her daughter is safe with him. She probably wants to monitor his lifestyle for their daughter's sake. If she has no other red flags then that's the only logical explanation I have for you. So do you yourself a favor and simply just ASK HER. By the way, how do you know she checks up on him every single day? Are you snooping too and checking her phone/computer everyday? SMH. Do people really not know how to communicate anymore these days? I asked her last time I knew about her Facebook search. The first time I get in contact with her Facebook search was in April. I am not snooping her but on that day she was on Facebook I was with her and the activity log showed up. I saw multiple.searchs for him, more that one time a day. I asked her that day and she promised that she would.not to that again. From April till now I had never thought about it anymore. But the other day the same happened again. She was on Facebook and I was by her side. I saw again that she search for him, and asked to view her activity log. She didn't want to show me but then she showed it. There was a lot of search for him. A lot!! Asked her again, and her answer was "I don't know why I do this" and "to see if he has photos with our daughter". She is not even friends with him on Facebook, she cannot see a single photo that she post other than profile and cover pic. So that makes no sense for me. Her relationship with her ex is just nornal. They see each other every single week 3 or 4 times a day, but just to "give" her daughter to each other because the little child sleep 3 times with that and 4 with Mom. I think this is strange. She said me that she would stop to do it in April, but the reality is that she didn't stop, and she continues. An her ex, the guy basically never log in on Facebook. He barely uses it. So it is even more strange that kind of behaviour.
Author Konomoriati Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 Right.... so your gf showed you her activity logs? Even if that was the case, why didn't you just ask her what is up with that right there and then? If that was me in that situation, there is no way I'm going to just sit there quietly. I will not yell or storm out but definitely something like, "umm honey, are you spying on your ex?" I have asked her that. And her answer basically is "I don't know why I do this, want to check if the guy post some pictures with my dad" But he does not post anything. He do not use Facebook at all. That answer is not the correct and the right amswer
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 You've been dating 1 year and she has a 2 year old with this guy. So when you started dating her she had a 1 year old ! What did you think you were getting into? She practically had just left him? Stay away from women freshly out of relationships!! Why people don't understand that simple common sense?? No it's not normal to be checking your ex several times a day, it's not normal to be checking him AT ALL. She is still emotionally invested in him and she would probably leave you in a heartbeat if he tried to get her back. Also, traveling a 2 year old from home to home each 4-3 days is INSANE. A young child needs stability! it's not a stuffed animal, it's not a dog, to be bumping her from home to home each week! When the child is 12 SURE she can have her room in both homes but at 2 that's called bad parenting! none of them have this child's best interest at heart! they're just thinking of their own needs.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Asked her again, and her answer was "I don't know why I do this" and "to see if he has photos with our daughter". She is not even friends with him on Facebook, she cannot see a single photo that she post other than profile and cover pic. So that makes no sense for me. She's looking to see of any profile pic changes, such as him with a new girl.
Author Konomoriati Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 (edited) You've been dating 1 year and she has a 2 year old with this guy. So when you started dating her she had a 1 year old ! What did you think you were getting into? She practically had just left him? Stay away from women freshly out of relationships!! Why people don't understand that simple common sense?? No it's not normal to be checking your ex several times a day, it's not normal to be checking him AT ALL. She is still emotionally invested in him and she would probably leave you in a heartbeat if he tried to get her back. Also, traveling a 2 year old from home to home each 4-3 days is INSANE. A young child needs stability! it's not a stuffed animal, it's not a dog, to be bumping her from home to home each week! When the child is 12 SURE she can have her room in both homes but at 2 that's called bad parenting! none of them have this child's best interest at heart! they're just thinking of their own needs. Yes she practically had just left him. In a matter of 1 month before. I didn't stay away from her because the way she treated me, she was one of the best girls ive ever met. Our relationship is being nice. We went on vacation abroad, we see each other a lot of time, we help each other and there is confidence. But by the time I saw her constantly checking his Facebook profile for no reason at all, I started doubting about her. I asked her why and she simply said that she has no reason at all.to do that, and she just wanted to know if he is friends with his ex (the person who he folled around/cheated my girlfriend when they had a relationship). This basically doesn't make sense to me. Edited September 20, 2017 by Konomoriati
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Yes she practically had just left him. In a matter of 1 month before. I didn't stay away from her because the way she treated me, she was one of the best girls ive ever met. Our relationship is being nice. We went on vacation abroad, we see each other a lot of time, we help each other and there is confidence. But by the time I saw her constantly checking his Facebook profile for no reason at all, I started doubting about her. I asked her why and she simply said that she has no reason at all.to do that, and she just wanted to know if he is friends with his ex (the person who he folled around/cheated my girlfriend when they had a relationship). This basically doesn't make sense to me. It makes perfect sense in the framework of her not being over him. You're trying to make sense of it while believing her when she says it's nothing. But, it is something, so it makes sense. 1
Author Konomoriati Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 It makes perfect sense in the framework of her not being over him. You're trying to make sense of it while believing her when she says it's nothing. But, it is something, so it makes sense. So you think that she is not over him. At some point I thought the same, it is not correct to constantly search for her ex profile on Facebook. I think it's kinda obsessive. It does not make sense. If she search one or two times a month because of her child, but every single day 2 or 3 times a day makes no sense for me. I do not do that on my ex profile. Never search for it. I just do not care anymore. 1
smackie9 Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Breakup........this is your answer. She is too tied to her ex, and is nowhere near ready for 100% commitment with you.
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Yes she practically had just left him. In a matter of 1 month before It doesn't matter that these people are wonderful, that they give you lots of attention and you have fun with them. It doesn't change the fact they are freshly out of a relationship and like anyone else they need to mourn and process their divorce/separation. He cheated on her, it means she is still in love with him and is having a hard time letting go. It's normal. We don't stop loving someone instantly when they cheat on us. There is a long difficult mourning ahead of her. It may take her 2-3-4 years to work through this and be able to love again. And no, you don't stick around till she works through this because at the end of her tunnel chances are she won't be moving on with you. You were the *nice guy* that made it feel less painful but once she is back on her feet you will only be a reminder of her bad days and she'll move on without you.
coolheadal Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 So you think that she is not over him. At some point I thought the same, it is not correct to constantly search for her ex profile on Facebook. I think it's kinda obsessive. It does not make sense. If she search one or two times a month because of her child, but every single day 2 or 3 times a day makes no sense for me. I do not do that on my ex profile. Never search for it. I just do not care anymore. My ex in 2015 was obsessed with her little girls father he was on FB she would search and watch to see what he was up too. To me he was her second love from HS. You are someone she can rely on for help and needs to take care of her and her kid. Your not the kids dad, so you have no say. If you want to be with such a woman keep doing because one day she's leave you butt for the real dad. She's not into you 100% she's using you (playing you/duping you) you are too much into her to see the truth, until the truth smacks you in face. Your going to get hurt and you can't squawk about it. So yours cheated/bang-up on you with another man the dad, you accept it and now are worried about her searching him out. She'll never be over him your being lied too. Funny I can't believe a grown man like you can't see what the hell she's pulling over you. Yet you pay for her everything for her to survive at your expense.
preraph Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 What if how they communicate about the daughter is facebook messages.
Author Konomoriati Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 Thank you for your answers. Yes, my girlfriend had a relationship with her daughter's dad for 5 years. In the first year the guy cheated on her with his ex, and from that day, my girlfriend is obsessed with her, and with the guy being friends with her. Then, 3 years later they had a baby (accidentally) and their relationship went "well" for 2 more years. Then they broke up, and she started with me. But I have figure it out that she is constantly checking his Facebook. I understand and appreciate your answers. So you guys think that she is not over him, and one day she will replace me with him. It is strange for me I know, but sincerely in this 1 year with her, nothing seemed to be Ike that. They just talk with each other when they have to pass the little kid to each other. But this kind is behaviour is not normal. I cannot live with a person who is constantly searching for other guy on a social.media, that has to.mean something. She is not.over him, my first thought .
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