Woodburner Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 So, I'll make a 400 hour story short. Together 9 years. SO started using weed, met someone, wasn't ready to leave, was fantasizing about him. I knew about it(she let it slip), and we broke it off. 4 months now NC, many things I read say half time to heal, 9 years equals 4 1/2, this seems like a lot, lol. Any input would be welcomed
SevenCity Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 I've often found it's 2x the time of the RL to really get over them. In my case that's 14 years. Think I'm waiting that long? Think again. I recommend you get out and date as soon as you are able to stomach it. Dating has changed a lot in the last decade or two and you'll need practice to get good. New women all over you will boost your deflated self confidence. In this time work on yourself as well and find out where you could have improved in your last RL. Then, when the right one comes along you'll be ready. As a man you don't have the luxury of taking time off and have people lining up when you're ready as women do. It takes nothing for a guy to take a break other than doing nothing. Get back out there and heal from the RL at the same time. When you're ready, she will appear. Be ready for her.
TwinFlameGone Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 True words spoken from the previous poster. I had a 6 yr relationship, the worst breakup I ever experienced. We were young and lived together, purchased a home, cars, etc. I found guys clothes in her luggage and my stomach sank. I was enraged. It was the only time I actually cried and begged over a breakup. It took about 2 years to get over it. I hated her in the meantime and had nothing to do with her. Supposedly "she took it hard too". Fast forward to 8 years later; we finally met up face-to-face to catch up. She's older, not as hot as I remember her. In the lapse, she has not changed at all. It was like she was stuck in a time loop from when we dated. She hinted at wanting to do things right (marriage and children). It was all too late. The guy she left me for - got rid of her a few months later. She was a serial dater, but never had a relationship as serious as the one we had. I sensed a lot of regret when speaking to her. It all fell on deaf ears to me. I was completely over it. I was kind to her, not throwing anything in her face. As she looked at what my life and career had become since then it was obvious that the thrill she experienced in her 20s wasn't worth what she left behind. Hindsight is 20/20.
Author Woodburner Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 Thanks for your reply, makes sense
Author Woodburner Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 Serial dater, nailed it there, what all else you describe hits pretty close to home....
Author Woodburner Posted September 22, 2017 Author Posted September 22, 2017 Okay, Lets talk about rebounds. Quick story So, I'll make a 400 hour story short. Together 9 years. SO started using weed, met someone, wasn't ready to leave, was fantasizing about him. I knew about it(she let it slip), and we broke it off. 4 months now NC, many things I read say half time to heal, 9 years equals 4 1/2, this seems like a lot, I read all kind of things about rebounds, so... Do they work I read only I will know when I am ready? she dove right into new guy, is that a rebound, not that it matters, but.... she has done this before, lol if I meet some one and go real slooooowwww..... lol, any input on rebounds, I would love to hear also, would love to hear in put on honeymoon periods........... thank you
Buriall Posted September 23, 2017 Posted September 23, 2017 Question here is... What are you trying to achieve? She left you for a new guy?? And you want to know how long they ll last?? Who the **** cares, focus on your healing forget about her. These type of people will get bored of the relationships this could take years or couple months. They jump relationships to relationships. They see the new person exciting and interesting but in time that will die. As you refered to honeymoon, after that they ll go on looking for that new excitement again leaving a trail of broken hearted people. You need to stay away from these kind of people..
Author Woodburner Posted September 23, 2017 Author Posted September 23, 2017 You are correct. Your answer is spot on. So, how long do I wait to not rebound?
ExpatInItaly Posted September 23, 2017 Posted September 23, 2017 Eh, in my experience as a dumper - when I met someone new (after the break-up), it wasn't a rebound. I don't break up with a person unless I have really thought it through and want to leave. Thus, moving afterwards isn't such a difficult journey. Case in point: many years ago, I ended a 5-year relationship. He was a good guy, but we didn't have a future together. I had come to view him more like a friend and not a romantic partner. A couple months after that split, I met a new guy. We hit it off and wound up staying together nearly 8 years. It was not a rebound in any sense. The circumstances of the break-up are significant in terms of whether a person is rebounding, but in my opinion, that's usually something a dumpee does, not a dumper. Both might enter new relationships relatively quickly, but often not for the same reasons. Dumpees are typically the ones rebounding.
Author Woodburner Posted September 23, 2017 Author Posted September 23, 2017 Well, not sure who was who, I belive in time she would have dumped me for him, but... I kind of ended it before she was ready for that
Author Woodburner Posted September 23, 2017 Author Posted September 23, 2017 Expat thank you for your input
elaine567 Posted September 23, 2017 Posted September 23, 2017 It is really only a rebound if the person is still emotionally invested and hasn't quite got over their ex. They slot the new person into the ex's place, until one day they realise the new person is not the ex, and break up with them, or the new person realises they are just a rebound and walks. If your gf was over you prior to the split, then any new relationship will have as much chance as any other to last long term. 1
Buriall Posted September 23, 2017 Posted September 23, 2017 There is no time line on this,everybody is different. In my case I think I was involved in a rebound relationship for almost two years. Even though I did not want to break up I was left with no other option to accept that's how it was gonna be. Prior to our relation****, my ex was in the process of breaking up with her ex bf. She used her sweet charming tactics to lure me in "victim of love" and I was the "knight in shinny armor" I ll love her and nurture her.. But soon I realized her true colours, manipulative, bossy, self centered and spoiled child brat she was. This time around, she's talking with orbiters and triangles me. Bad mouthing me to her back up guys so she looks like the victim here again. Honeymoon phase is now over. Instead there's alot of arguments and stupid fights.. I put up with it all just to make it work. Picks the most insensitive ways to break up like a coward and discards me like I was last weeks garbage. This is gonna take me awhile to move on. I'm not looking for another relation****. It's time off for me now. No dating no hooking up. Just me and I. I'm completely fine with being alone and healing. It all comes down to what do you wanna do?
Author Woodburner Posted September 23, 2017 Author Posted September 23, 2017 Wow, you did some nailhitting there. All sounds very familiar
Author Woodburner Posted September 23, 2017 Author Posted September 23, 2017 Anyone else want to chime in on this, the info I have received is very helpful
Been Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 Rebounds are usually when someone gets out of a relationship that lasted awhile and let's say in a month they are dating and in quick time they proceed to move in together. Its tricky to gauge whats a rebound and what is not. My experience is the faster they move in the new relationship I tend to think that's more of a rebound because they aren't bothering to lay a foundation to build a healthy relationship.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 24, 2017 Posted September 24, 2017 It is really only a rebound if the person is still emotionally invested and hasn't quite got over their ex. They slot the new person into the ex's place, until one day they realise the new person is not the ex, and break up with them, or the new person realises they are just a rebound and walks. If your gf was over you prior to the split, then any new relationship will have as much chance as any other to last long term. I agree with this. It's only a rebound if you are not emotionally healed from your prior relationship. And that is dependent on so many things so it's impossible to put a time frame on it. 1
Author Woodburner Posted September 25, 2017 Author Posted September 25, 2017 Well put, My self I'd say that after 9 years, starting a serious relationship after a month is moving to fast. But, if the person is really hurt, maybe it is the only way they have to deal with the pain of the loss, instead of just dealing with it?
Author Woodburner Posted September 25, 2017 Author Posted September 25, 2017 There are other things that fit into it too. Emotional stability or lack thereof, also emotional maturity and self esteem. Some women only feel whole if they have a manintheir life. They take him on as their identity
Author Woodburner Posted September 26, 2017 Author Posted September 26, 2017 Why is it that when two break up, it hurts more when the other starts seeing someone else?
primer Posted September 26, 2017 Posted September 26, 2017 I think that proves the finality of the relationship. He/she has moved on. It's sad.
Buriall Posted September 26, 2017 Posted September 26, 2017 I always say not knowing is much better than knowing. That's just too much pain and I wouldn't put myself in that position In other sense, it puts everything in perspective. You know for sure now that it's game over..
Author Woodburner Posted September 26, 2017 Author Posted September 26, 2017 I agree, not knowing is better. Sometimes you just find out.............
Author Woodburner Posted September 27, 2017 Author Posted September 27, 2017 Anyone else got any info on rebounds? Would love to hear it.
Devastated77 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Hey there, found your story By your theory, it'll take me 8.5 years to get over this. By the next poster's, it'll take me 34 years! Jesus. I really dont think these exes realise just how hard this is on us. I feel like I'm grieving for us both, whereas 5 weeks later he has already moved on. I really want to hate him. Sometimes I succeed. Other times, like today, I am in floods of tears, suicidal and calling Lifeline.
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