Strange Instagram behaviour... is she jealous?

[Rko28]

You can read my thread elsewhere about my ex gf that dumped me about 14 weeks ago because she wasn't "feeling it anymore" honest there's a whole huge thread about it elsewhere but here's the latest.

 

[previous thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/629398-acceptance-she-s-not-coming-back-5-weeks]

 

Just come back off holiday, the whole travelling going on aeroplanes, sunny places, loved up couples made me think "what if" about her as we were due to do all this.

 

Also something strange has happened yesterday. I put a few holiday pics up on my Instagram story (you can see who's viewed them) I met a group of girls on holiday and we hung out a lot of the time and had a good laugh. I put pictures of us up on Instagram. I know my ex still follows me on it but it was only a couple of them kind of pictures and I put them up innocently, I noticed she had viewed them along with her sister who still follows

Me. Yesterday I put some sceneic ones up, noticed a lot of her friends that don't follow me had viewed them which is so strange as I only met them a few times. I also noticed that my ex has now unfollowed me on Instagram.

 

How I view it...

She really can't be bothered with me in her life at all so deleted

 

Thought I was trying to make her jealous (swear down I wasn't)

 

Actually did get jealous and upset and can't handle seeing me moved on?

 

Just find it strange her friends have purposely searched me out to view pictures

 

Thoughts?

Edited September 21, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Added link to previous thread ~6

[PegNosePete]

Thoughts?

My thoughts are that you are waaaayyyyy too hung up on what her, he sister and her friends think.

 

You need to move on from this relationship. Why do you keep shooting yourself in the foot and putting yourself back to square 1?

[Rko28]

My thoughts are that you are waaaayyyyy too hung up on what her, he sister and her friends think.

 

You need to move on from this relationship. Why do you keep shooting yourself in the foot and putting yourself back to square 1?

 

Would you not question it Pete? Like not even briefly?

[PegNosePete]

Would you not question it Pete? Like not even briefly?

I wouldn't question it because I wouldn't know about it, because I would have BLOCKED her 14 weeks ago.

[elaine567]

Also something strange has happened yesterday. I put a few holiday pics up on my Instagram story (you can see who's viewed them) I met a group of girls on holiday and we hung out a lot of the time and had a good laugh. I put pictures of us up on Instagram. I know my ex still follows me on it but it was only a couple of them kind of pictures and I put them up innocently, I noticed she had viewed them along with her sister who still follows

 

Block them all, you are still unhealthily obsessed with this girl.

I suggest nothing was "innocent" on your part here.

Stop it.

Who cares why they viewed your pics? It may be jealousy, it may because you went somewhere interesting, they maybe did think you were trying to make her jealous, they maybe were laughing at your little game, she maybe is fed up with you in her life.

Who knows?

That is why NC is the way to go.

She made it perfectly plain she saw no future with you.

Let it go.

You are 35 yo, time to stop all this nonsense over social media.

[Rko28]

I wouldn't question it because I wouldn't know about it, because I would have BLOCKED her 14 weeks ago.

 

I unfollowed her on all social media so haven't been seeing anything of her life, i thought she would've done the same hence my surprise when I saw she was still following me recently on Instagram.

[dumbass2]

Its not uncommon at all that an ex still wants to know what's up in your life within the first year of the break up. Ex's a lot of time don't want see the other one happy and having a good time with the opposite sex. She probably deleted you because she didn't want to see that kind of stuff. There can be an ego involved, but nothing more than that. Make sure your posts are private and that she and her friends can't see what you're up to, unless you are truly just wanting to play game going forward.

[ExpatInItaly]

As dumbass says, it's likely nothing more than an ego thing, combined with a bit of voyeurism from her and her friends. Being jealous would imply she wanted to be with you in the photos, but if you haven't heard anything from her, then that's likely not exactly the case.

 

I wouldn't read into it.

[Rko28]

I tend to agree with the 2 of you above but she isn't stupid enough to do it without knowing I'd be able to see who's seen it. Something doesn't add up especially with the fact it seems she unfollowed me after the last 3/months following ok.

 

She's stubborn me doesn't like admitting when she's wrong and at time apologising to those or making peace.

 

I have a gut feeling here that it's that, that perhaps she wants to get back but is too damn stubborn to do it or let anyone see that she's missing me and has messed up.

[TwinFlameGone]

Read your post and here's my $0.02

 

I'm fresh out of a breakup as well... I've opted to leave my social media account as is. I haven't updated it or made any changes. The last thing I'd do is check my ex-GF's social media. I'm pretty sure her content is going to be her traveling, smiling and having fun. Who wouldn't display the best of themselves on IG?

 

Yes, her friends checked out your page and were likely relaying info back to your ex. It's wrong to speculate on any of this...

 

I differ from most folks on here that recommend you block your ex-GF and friends. The key here is to be confident, calm and collected at all times. I'm struggling with it, buy my own ego won't let me succumb to begging or being too hopeful.

 

If your ex did want you back - how would you deal with reconciling and then hitting the same pitfalls again??? It sounds like you're moving along and living your life. Keep it going... If it's meant to be it'll be.

 

One thing that's helping me along the way is realizing how AWESOME I am and how I've gotten through personal struggles on my own. You're the star-player. If you're ex-GF didn't get the memo it's her loss.

[kortz]

I have a gut feeling here that it's that, that perhaps she wants to get back but is too damn stubborn to do it or let anyone see that she's missing me and has messed up.

 

From personal experience I think you're reading to much into it, which is easy to do so I don't blame you. I had a similar situation with an ex and I tried to decipher it and think about all the things it might mean and convinced myself it was her being stubborn but leaving a door open for me...boy was I wrong!

 

Do yourself a favor and forget about it because as of right now it means nothing. Nothing has changed by her doing it and your situation remains the same. IF she wanted to be with you she will make it happen regardless of how stubborn you think she is

 

It's true she might miss you and feel sad for the breakup and wonder what you're up to, but that does not in any way equal to her wanting to get back.

[Throwawayaccount12]

She blocked me from literally everything. Every. Thing. I removed all her friends because it reminded me too much of her monkey branching to someone else and that's cheating/betrayal to me. She didnt think that and invalidated that but anyways...

 

She removed one of my friends from Facebook.

She deleted my girl friend from Snapchat BUT she still follows my friend on Instagram. Doesn't like or comment on any of her posts. But what does she do? She watches her stories. Religiously. We laugh about it because its a bit creepy because sometimes my ex is the first to see it. Some days there are streaks where she cant stop watching my friends stories.

 

Especially when I actually am starting to feature on them more and more because I'm healing more and going out and having fun. Yet, even though I've featured on her stories several times, my ex is still there, watching.

 

The other day, I had such an awesome day. I went to a soccer game with my favourite teams (by myself - trying to be independent and remove co-dependent tendencies). I went to dinner with people I barely know, and then was peer pressured into watching 'it' with them. Overall, amazing day. My ex's best friend follows me, and I her. Shes the only one out of my ex's group I genuinely liked and respected. I havent asked her about my ex at all. I just congratulate her on her wins for kickboxing, because its an awesome achievement. Anyways, so I'm assuming (which is dumb of me) that the best friend saw alllll my stories of how great of a day I was having and told my ex. I feel this way because my friend told me my ex started stalking her at 3am. 3.... Perhaps to see if my friend was with me the whole day. But she wasn't. My stories, particularly soccer and the movie, could be seen as me being with someone else but I'm not.

 

My friend told me that if she was truly happy with the person she left me for essentially, she wouldn't be keeping tabs on my friend. Someone else said to have fun with it, and I am. Because for the most part, I am genuinely happy compared to 4 months ago.

 

But now I feel like there's a whole cat and mouse game happening where we're just running around in circles missing each other but not doing anything about it. But I feel really ****ing dumb for thinking this, because it's been 4 months break up, almost 2 months NC, and she hasnt reached out or anything.

[Redhead14]

You can read my thread elsewhere about my ex gf that dumped me about 14 weeks ago because she wasn't "feeling it anymore" honest there's a whole huge thread about it elsewhere but here's the latest.

 

Just come back off holiday, the whole travelling going on aeroplanes, sunny places, loved up couples made me think "what if" about her as we were due to do all this.

 

Also something strange has happened yesterday. I put a few holiday pics up on my Instagram story (you can see who's viewed them) I met a group of girls on holiday and we hung out a lot of the time and had a good laugh. I put pictures of us up on Instagram. I know my ex still follows me on it but it was only a couple of them kind of pictures and I put them up innocently, I noticed she had viewed them along with her sister who still follows

Me. Yesterday I put some sceneic ones up, noticed a lot of her friends that don't follow me had viewed them which is so strange as I only met them a few times. I also noticed that my ex has now unfollowed me on Instagram.

 

How I view it...

She really can't be bothered with me in her life at all so deleted

 

Thought I was trying to make her jealous (swear down I wasn't)

 

Actually did get jealous and upset and can't handle seeing me moved on?

 

Just find it strange her friends have purposely searched me out to view pictures

 

Thoughts?

 

If you put yourself and your life under a microscope, the "scientists" are going to be analyzing the data . . . they will draw their conclusions. That's their problem. This kind of thing is another unintended consequence of technology/social media.

[Jchav123]

If you put yourself and your life under a microscope, the "scientists" are going to be analyzing the data . . . they will draw their conclusions. That's their problem. This kind of thing is another unintended consequence of technology/social media.

 

 

Too true. My ex got very upset about me appearing in snapchat with an old friend of mine of 20 years who just also happens to be my best friend and a woman. My ex is extremely jealous of her and blocked me off Facebook and unfriended me on snapchat because of it. Never mind the fact she has been someone else's girlfriend for 2 months.

 

Social media gives us a glimpse into someones psyche at a surface level and with some people will be a tell on how they really feel vs how they act and what they say.

[elaine567]

It's true she might miss you and feel sad for the breakup and wonder what you're up to, but that does not in any way equal to her wanting to get back.

 

That is the bottom line, plenty dumpers like to know what is going on, they may even get nostalgic or have little cry to themselves, or reach out for a little chat, but most dumpers, dump a person for a reason(s) and that is why they very often NEVER want to go back and rekindle anything.

[Rko28]

She blocked me from literally everything. Every. Thing. I removed all her friends because it reminded me too much of her monkey branching to someone else and that's cheating/betrayal to me. She didnt think that and invalidated that but anyways...

 

She removed one of my friends from Facebook.

She deleted my girl friend from Snapchat BUT she still follows my friend on Instagram. Doesn't like or comment on any of her posts. But what does she do? She watches her stories. Religiously. We laugh about it because its a bit creepy because sometimes my ex is the first to see it. Some days there are streaks where she cant stop watching my friends stories.

 

Especially when I actually am starting to feature on them more and more because I'm healing more and going out and having fun. Yet, even though I've featured on her stories several times, my ex is still there, watching.

 

The other day, I had such an awesome day. I went to a soccer game with my favourite teams (by myself - trying to be independent and remove co-dependent tendencies). I went to dinner with people I barely know, and then was peer pressured into watching 'it' with them. Overall, amazing day. My ex's best friend follows me, and I her. Shes the only one out of my ex's group I genuinely liked and respected. I havent asked her about my ex at all. I just congratulate her on her wins for kickboxing, because its an awesome achievement. Anyways, so I'm assuming (which is dumb of me) that the best friend saw alllll my stories of how great of a day I was having and told my ex. I feel this way because my friend told me my ex started stalking her at 3am. 3.... Perhaps to see if my friend was with me the whole day. But she wasn't. My stories, particularly soccer and the movie, could be seen as me being with someone else but I'm not.

 

My friend told me that if she was truly happy with the person she left me for essentially, she wouldn't be keeping tabs on my friend. Someone else said to have fun with it, and I am. Because for the most part, I am genuinely happy compared to 4 months ago.

 

But now I feel like there's a whole cat and mouse game happening where we're just running around in circles missing each other but not doing anything about it. But I feel really ****ing dumb for thinking this, because it's been 4 months break up, almost 2 months NC, and she hasnt reached out or anything.

 

Interesting stuff indeed, very similar.

 

I cut her off on all social media about a week or 2 after breakup, removed her family too bar the 2 brothers that I work with and friendly with (we also meet up outside of work) her sister I think has watched all Instagram stories, as did my ex.

 

99.9% of the time they are scenic ones, days out etc, have had a couple of. Ihjt out ones too I think but this was the 1st one of me with other females in it having fun. I *think* that's when she unfollowed. After seeing that perhaps.

 

Either way someone has clearly told her friends to check out my page/story. You wouldn't do that if you were over someone surely?

 

Also I should point out her brother has told me a few times to forget her that she's moved on, doesn't think about me, doesn't miss me, and it's time I moved on too. I have no reason to doubt him at all on that. But he also mentioned recently she's gone very moody, keeps herself to herself and has gone really quiet with the family....

[PegNosePete]

Either way someone has clearly told her friends to check out my page/story. You wouldn't do that if you were over someone surely?

You are reading the signals wrong, in order to reach the conclusion that you want.

 

Her friends checking out your instagram means ONE thing only: you're staling her friends too much.

[Captivating]

Rko,

Your photos were probably hard to look at, it was painful seeing you with other girls on the photos.

Since you seem happy, living life, seem to be having new "lady friends" and all

"Did I mean anything to Rko at all ?" She deleted instagram not to see you moving on and having fun ... she feels hurt and probably angry the news spread fast around her, this is why everyone got on instagram to see your pics. This is my guess

 

Tell me, did you put those up hoping that she will see it ?

You can tell it to us, it's OK You checked who checked them out ... anyways why do you care? Do you want her back ?

[elaine567]

Also I should point out her brother has told me a few times to forget her that she's moved on, doesn't think about me, doesn't miss me, and it's time I moved on too. I have no reason to doubt him at all on that. But he also mentioned recently she's gone very moody, keeps herself to herself and has gone really quiet with the family....

 

OK but your assumption here is that she is missing you and is depressed about you when that may not be true at all.

There are literally hundreds, nay thousands of reasons she may be acting that way and none of them may be anything to do with you.

Her job, her career, her new love interest, boredom, illness, a general feeling of apathy, an existential crisis... who knows?

 

Even the most stubborn people will cave in when something they really want is at stake. She may have viewed your pics but she didn't message you to say "I made a mistake, please take me back, did she?"

She has not given you the slightest indication that she wants you back.

Her brother has even told you to move on, so that is what you now need to do.

[elaine567]

Do you want her back ?

 

Of course he wants her back, it was not his idea to split, she dumped him and she actually gave him lots of good reasons too. #28

He has to start moving on for his own good.

 

It always takes time to get over a break up, but blocking her social media and that of her friends completely may be a good thing to do.

[Rko28]

Rko,

Your photos were probably hard to look at, it was painful seeing you with other girls on the photos.

Since you seem happy, living life, seem to be having new "lady friends" and all

"Did I mean anything to Rko at all ?" She deleted instagram not to see you moving on and having fun ... she feels hurt and probably angry the news spread fast around her, this is why everyone got on instagram to see your pics. This is my guess

 

Tell me, did you put those up hoping that she will see it ?

You can tell it to us, it's OK You checked who checked them out ... anyways why do you care? Do you want her back ?

 

No I promise, as I said I like photography and usually the pictures that go up are of landscapes, animals etc. On holiday I put a few up of me and my friends and it was one of the girls that got in on pictures and asked to put some up.

I always check who sees them, just out of curiosity. Wasn't my intention at all.

 

Do I want her back? My stance remains the same since day 1, if she came

Back, begged and absolutely had on heart said she had made a huge mistake and would do anything and I believed her then yes I would.

[Blanco]

if she came Back, begged and absolutely had on heart said she had made a huge mistake and would do anything and I believed her then yes I would.

 

Oh, jeez, is that all she'd have to do.

[marky00]

OK but your assumption here is that she is missing you and is depressed about you when that may not be true at all.

There are literally hundreds, nay thousands of reasons she may be acting that way and none of them may be anything to do with you.

Her job, her career, her new love interest, boredom, illness, a general feeling of apathy, an existential crisis... who knows?

 

Even the most stubborn people will cave in when something they really want is at stake. She may have viewed your pics but she didn't message you to say "I made a mistake, please take me back, did she?"

She has not given you the slightest indication that she wants you back.

Her brother has even told you to move on, so that is what you now need to do.

 

 

I disagree with most of this. No dumper would actually ever do that (part in bold), especially those with a good head on their shoulders who know that would be a pretty bad way to kick start a new relationship. Begging is never good, even if its the dumper.

 

 

OP, trust your gut. Your gut never lies. If you think there is something behind her behaviour, there probably is. BUT, that doesn't mean a reconciliation is on the cards.

[Blanco]

Yes, OP, by all means, keep holding out hope for years, chronically inferring every little thing as a sign that your ex, who is/has moving/moved on, wants back in to a relationship she gave valid reasons for exiting.

[Rko28]

Thanks for your input above, as I requested and as I expected I've had opinions that go both ways.

 

I'm focusing on the positives, I've cut her out of my life and not contacted her for months, I've not stopped meeting other girls, I've had a really good summer

 

Negatives, I miss her still, I do think about her every single day and hope she changes her mind.

 

After no contact what so ever I do accept mostly that she won't come back but this whole Instagram thing has made me think something.

 

I admire those that say on here it wouldn't effect them or to move on. You're either a lot stronger than me or very good at lying