Echo74 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Needed to let out my frustration a bit. Perhaps some suggestions? So I'm five weeks in at Match.com and although I've gotten lots of messages, winks, etc., most of them are not in the age range I prefer. I've only gone out with two guys, I thought I'd be more open but neither is my cup of tea. Both were nice enough but was not attracted at all and there was no spark. I'm trying not to let the guys photo affect my opinion but most of the guys are unattractive or just look really old and haggard. Then I thought I'd stop being so picky and returned a positive message to one guy but he never responded back. WTF?! Why message me and disappear? At this point I'm so frustrated that I want to just hide my profile. Anyone else with similar experience but turned out with the love of their life?
coolheadal Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Online dating has changed so much I care not to use it anymore. You might find someone else close to you or maybe at your work place. I tried that the results is mixed one but I am trying. You will never find that perfect someone, I've learn that now. You have wants and needs but sometimes you might not get them. The men you date are just in the same boat you are in. Those that doesn't have that spark you shouldn't really be with them long-term. Some will ghost you in text (they're not interested in you) This is happen more common today then later years. I hope you find the one you like and he likes to be with you as well. That's what counts really. Those of us who didn't get hat we wanted are those who seek online dating.. But too many liars are on dating sites and you have to spend time going through each reply hoping that the right one is there for you.
PegNosePete Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 If you aren't happy with the guys who are messaging you, why don't you search and message guys you like? It is 2017 you know!! 1
Zippy2000 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Five weeks and lots of messages and winks. Try 5 years and no messages. Now, I'm not ugly or anything but women have the pick of the bunch. For most of us guys unless you are really good looking. Its silence for us all. People also disappear because they have changed their minds about you or they have met or got distracted by someone online. Ive done online dating on and off since I can remember. People, sending messages and you speak for a week and their remove the profile. People "ghosting", or set up dates only to cancel. I just cant be bothered with the games sometimes.
Mike B. Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 I wouldn't say I turned out with the loves of my life but I did find two long term relationship on eHarmony within the past 3 years when it was really dead there. On both occasions, I wasn't getting much at all. It was like a ghost town to the point eHarmony started sending matches that were way beyond my selected match preferences then they just popped up put of nowhere. I would stick with it and try other sites/Apps. You can't win if you're not playing.
CloudyHead Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 For me, online dating ebbed and flowed. I was picky meeting men at first then I decided, what the hell, I'll meet men who are willing to meet and see what happens. I had no expectations that the men I met would lead to a relationship so I relaxed and enjoyed meeting new people. I eventually met someone whom I wanted to meet more than three times. He's completely different from anyone I've ever dated and, honestly, I wouldn't have given him the time of day if I had run into him outside of online dating. Think positive and enjoy yourself! 1
The Urbanyst Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 People like to be selective, but they get upset when others are equally selective lol. Online dating is even harder for men. 90% of women will ignore your messages. 90% if you're lucky lol. Some guys get nothing. 1
kendahke Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Then I thought I'd stop being so picky and returned a positive message to one guy but he never responded back. WTF?! Why message me and disappear? He probably didn't have a paid account and therefore can't receive messages.
kendahke Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Online dating is even harder for men. 90% of women will ignore your messages. 90% if you're lucky lol. Some guys get nothing. Online dating gets harder for both sexes the older you are. Women in their 20's to early 30's are probably the most sought after. Guys in their mid 20's to late 30's are probably the most sought after. Anyone who falls outside of those parameters have a harder chance of finding anyone, especially if they are prone to not staying in their lane. Women over the age of 45 find themselves in the crosshairs of scammers who prey on them because they think they have money and retirement accounts. So yeah, I get a ton of messages that I ignore because they're all from scammers and it's really easy to suss them out. I've been on one site and outside of the first day I was on where I met the man who went way too fast, I haven't heard from anyone else. At. All.
Zippy2000 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Its the sweet shop mentality. A young kid thinking the next sweet is going to taste better than the one he/she had before. Thats online dating for you Online dating is harder nowadays than about 10 years ago. Anyome can now have a shot at internet taking. Develop a thick skin and dont invest too early thats what they tell me.
Author Echo74 Posted September 19, 2017 Author Posted September 19, 2017 If you aren't happy with the guys who are messaging you, why don't you search and message guys you like? It is 2017 you know!! I've looked but the two guys who I could be interested in are looking for women much, MUCH younger. So it sucks all around, lol. Online dating gets harder for both sexes the older you are. Women in their 20's to early 30's are probably the most sought after. Guys in their mid 20's to late 30's are probably the most sought after. Anyone who falls outside of those parameters have a harder chance of finding anyone, especially if they are prone to not staying in their lane. Women over the age of 45 find themselves in the crosshairs of scammers who prey on them because they think they have money and retirement accounts. So yeah, I get a ton of messages that I ignore because they're all from scammers and it's really easy to suss them out. I've been on one site and outside of the first day I was on where I met the man who went way too fast, I haven't heard from anyone else. At. All. Yep, I received one message from a "too good to be true". One woman trying to "fix" me up with gentleman "friend". One young man trying to "fix' me up with "friend". One younger guy messaged "Hookup?". Blocked all of them. Most everyone guesses my age at 15 years younger, but by looking at my actual age, they think "older" lady. I'm super fit and very active and considered very attractive. But the age thing really does get in the way. 1
healing light Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 I'm not a fan of online dating in general--think it's better to meet people through mutual interests and activities, even if it's something like Meet Up. The experience can be discouraging and demoralizing. Too much eyeing the candy shop syndrome; think it's perfect for people who are unavailable in some capacity and just want to see what's out there. When my mom did it after her relationship ended, she noticed a lot of the same men on the sites from 8-10 years before! That being said, I met my boyfriend at a party last month. I had seen his photo previously and thought, "meh." Damn was I wrong--he looks like a Calvin Klein model in person! So if you see someone's picture in their profile and feel sort of on the edge, they may just not photograph. I've known a few guys like this where there is a big disparity between how they photograph and what they actually look like, particularly if they have light coloring. I'm sure the reverse is true more often (better picture than in person). But no harm in a first meet if you're going to be using OLD, right? Maybe someone will pleasantly surprise you.
bpb2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 most of the guys are unattractive or just look really old and haggard. Don't force yourself onto a guy you feel nothing for, you aren't doing either of you any favors. I wouldn't use match.com. Use tinder, and just look out for the guys that aren't there just for the hookups. 1
uncorked Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 I was on match for about 3 months and I think I met only 3 or 4 guys. I much prefer bumble. I have more dates/guys than I know what to do with. And I'm 54 (f), not 24.
Dis Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Use tinder, and just look out for the guys that aren't there just for the hookups. This is horrible advice Nothing good ever came from tinder...and considering you're older than 38???? Guys will just look at you as a hookup and nothing more I'm 31 and I used Match for 1.5 years. It was awful!!!! Lots of unattractive, overweight guys with kids. Ugh. That was the worst $130 I've ever spent in my life. I got lots of messages but only wanted to go out with one guy in those 1.5 years. He turned out to be a douche but...my point is.... out of all the dating sites out there..paid or free...Match was the worst one I've ever used Try okcupid or pof. Okcupid might be better for you. I've never really used Bumble, but I've heard lots of good things about it Best of luck!
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 I simply don't understand why some people think that those that use Meet-Ups are not also using OLD? I have met a few ladies who use both. I have had 7 dates in two months. 5 of 7 have been what I would refer to as potential LT possibilities. I am dating the 7th person now. I have found dates from OKC, POF and EH. I used Match some years ago and it was a bust. I refuse to pay for what Match asks. I am on EH only b/c of a promotional price period. I found and married my ex from EH. I have found the best quality of ladies from EH. I started OLD dating in my early 40s and now in my late-40s. I actually have found it easier to date as I got older, but then again, I'm not looking for women 15-20 years my junior. I date within my age-decade, 40s. I simply don't see a reason to date someone 10+ years younger than myself. And believe me, there are still a few very attractive, fit 40-somethings looking. Not many, but I've had the privilege of meeting a number of them. Not certain what the men look like.
kendahke Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 I'm on POF and Mingle2 and they're both abysmal A cesspool of scammers.
joseb Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Most everyone guesses my age at 15 years younger, but by looking at my actual age, they think "older" lady. I'm super fit and very active and considered very attractive. But the age thing really does get in the way. People that are a bit older but still fit and healthy and good looking/young looking for their age are at a bit of a disadvantage online compared to real life, simply because of the age filter. I'm in a similar boat and rarely bother with online now.
Author Echo74 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 Hmmm, Ive not hear of Bumble...I'll have to check that out. But I think at the end of my three months I will cancel Match. I'm in several Meetup groups. I like the one for over 40's but unfortunately 75 percent who attend events are women. It seems like the only things the men are interested in doing are the hikes and unfortunately I don't like hiking. I just wish I knew where to find over 50 single men who I might be attracted to.
Author Echo74 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 That being said, I met my boyfriend at a party last month. I had seen his photo previously and thought, "meh." Damn was I wrong--he looks like a Calvin Klein model in person! So if you see someone's picture in their profile and feel sort of on the edge, they may just not photograph. I've known a few guys like this where there is a big disparity between how they photograph and what they actually look like, particularly if they have light coloring. I'm sure the reverse is true more often (better picture than in person). But no harm in a first meet if you're going to be using OLD, right? Maybe someone will pleasantly surprise you. I'm trying to keep that in mind knowing that some people are not very photogenic but look great irl. Oh and the third guy I went out with was from the meetup group and also saw me online. He's much older but nice looking. Nice guy, very intelligent but honestly, I was bored.
coolheadal Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 I'm on POF and Mingle2 and they're both abysmal A cesspool of scammers. Your right about that much they are used more by scammers like OKC is another hot spot for scammers.
coolheadal Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 (edited) I simply don't understand why some people think that those that use Meet-Ups are not also using OLD? I have met a few ladies who use both. I have had 7 dates in two months. 5 of 7 have been what I would refer to as potential LT possibilities. I am dating the 7th person now. I have found dates from OKC, POF and EH. I used Match some years ago and it was a bust. I refuse to pay for what Match asks. I am on EH only b/c of a promotional price period. I found and married my ex from EH. I have found the best quality of ladies from EH. I started OLD dating in my early 40s and now in my late-40s. I actually have found it easier to date as I got older, but then again, I'm not looking for women 15-20 years my junior. I date within my age-decade, 40s. I simply don't see a reason to date someone 10+ years younger than myself. And believe me, there are still a few very attractive, fit 40-somethings looking. Not many, but I've had the privilege of meeting a number of them. Not certain what the men look like. EH you have to pay for, but sometimes you can meet Mrs. Right in my case from the job your at.. OLD use to work for me but not the same. AOL Chatting Groups worked 100% better back in the day. Everything is changed today not like prior years. No one is serious looking too much quickies for sex or casual sex, casual hookups, married women, diseased women out too (avoid like the plague they're carrying inside them), liars and the cheats, the fakers/scammers, and the insane/mental women are out too lock your world down. Where are the days you just bump into Mrs. Right on the street, the story is we're all strangers, there is no easy way to say I want you, I like you, can't do that with stranger today... At work you see the same person you see them in meetings you see them in the lunch room, you see them in the parking lot. You can ask if they're seeing someone, an etc. You can take them out, you can live with them, you can marry them one day if you can get that far with them. Spin that wheel (bottle) of love you just never know today Edited September 20, 2017 by coolheadal
Zippy2000 Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 (edited) This is horrible advice Nothing good ever came from tinder...and considering you're older than 38???? Guys will just look at you as a hookup and nothing more I'm 31 and I used Match for 1.5 years. It was awful!!!! Lots of unattractive, overweight guys with kids. Ugh. That was the worst $130 I've ever spent in my life. I got lots of messages but only wanted to go out with one guy in those 1.5 years. He turned out to be a douche but...my point is.... out of all the dating sites out there..paid or free...Match was the worst one I've ever used Try okcupid or pof. Okcupid might be better for you. I've never really used Bumble, but I've heard lots of good things about it Best of luck! I totally agree with this. Terrible advice about Tinder. Tinder originally was promoted as a hook up APP. I think its shallow just by swiping left or right based on looks. Ive never had anyone speak to me on Tinder except for Spam Bots that send me automatic messages. Paid sites like Match compared to Tinder are more serious but they tend to be a good tool if you live in a highly populated area. Keep going on a site you prefer and its all about timing. Logging in to see who comes on and if that new member is the person is the one your looking for. Its just a numbers game and remember to: Be persistent Log in regular to see who the new members are Don't wait for messages but make an effort to message other people too. Look for discounts and promotional offers Don't invest heavily too soon Develop a thick skin Have fun meeting new people Edited September 20, 2017 by Zippy2000
Author Echo74 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Posted September 20, 2017 Be persistent Log in regular to see who the new members are Don't wait for messages but make an effort to message other people too. Look for discounts and promotional offers Don't invest heavily too soon Develop a thick skin Have fun meeting new people Yes these ^^^ make sense. I just have to get past the "effort to message" thing, ugh. I'm such an old fashion person but I do realize times have changed. I'm getting used to the scammers too. I just got another one, a guy messaged me "Dear &*%$" Apparently it was a form message and he forgot to fill in my call name. LOL! Block.
Sunlight72 Posted September 20, 2017 Posted September 20, 2017 Nothing good ever came from tinder...and considering you're older than 38???? Guys will just look at you as a hookup and nothing more.Well I am not enough men to make a statistical impact, I'm just one 45 year old guy, but I have been using Tinder for 2 months, and am looking for a relationship. I live in a small town, so there aren't dozens of people in my age bracket, but that's what I'm using it for.
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