mejustme Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Next text, you're more than welcomed to, but I'm going to go to bed at 11:15!! That's the text I got from a guy Ive been seeing for a few months now....the first text came at 9:52. I'm sorry, very rude if you ask me. And he doesn't see my point! He couldn't have just left well enough alone and perhaps fallen asleep on me. I mean he has planted his butt on my couch till the wee hours of the morning when I had to be at work the next morning. Guess I should have kicked him out at a certain time too. Smh! Thoughts? And go!
Logo Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 You've been seeing him for a few months and you're treating him like some stranger by coming on here to ask this forum this question. By now, the both of you should have developed your own "culture" in the relationship and have boundaries and know each others' needs and wants. Why don't you talk to him directly instead of coming on here to ask this question? No one here is that guy. Are you guys exclusive? Is he your boyfriend? Talk to him, not your friends, or people on this forum. Are you afraid to confront him? I know the texting generation is scared of any face to face discussion about serious issues. 3
Author mejustme Posted September 19, 2017 Author Posted September 19, 2017 You've been seeing him for a few months and you're treating him like some stranger by coming on here to ask this forum this question. By now, the both of you should have developed your own "culture" in the relationship and have boundaries and know each others' needs and wants. Why don't you talk to him directly instead of coming on here to ask this question? No one here is that guy. Are you guys exclusive? No, we are. Ot exclusive.Is he your boyfriend? Talk to him, not your friends, or people on this forum. Are you afraid to confront him? I know the texting generation is scared of any face to face discussion about serious issues. A little harsh, no? Isn't what this forum is for? Have you posted questions on here? Have you asked for opinions, thoughts or feedback? I'm sorry and please forgive my ignorance, but I thought this site was a place to come to for this three things listed above. I did talk to him directly, hence which is why I said, " he didn't see my point" for starters. Second, I'm sorry but this is what this forum is for, correct? Third, "dating" we are just dating for a few months; who's to say that we have to my been on 4 dates? Again, " he didn't see my point"
Logo Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Sorry. But It bothers me when people are afraid to confide in the person they are supposed to feel the most comfortable with. You need to develop those skills to have healthy relationships. Discuss it calmly and politely and take it from there. 1
basil67 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Have the two of you ever agreed to parameters about what is acceptable in terms of visiting? If not, I would highly suggest you do so. For example, I would have a strict rule of "no calling or texting after 10pm unless someone is in hospital" 2
Logo Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 A little harsh, no? Isn't what this forum is for? Have you posted questions on here? Have you asked for opinions, thoughts or feedback? I'm sorry and please forgive my ignorance, but I thought this site was a place to come to for this three things listed above. I did talk to him directly, hence which is why I said, " he didn't see my point" for starters. Second, I'm sorry but this is what this forum is for, correct? Third, "dating" we are just dating for a few months; who's to say that we have to my been on 4 dates? Again, " he didn't see my point" I was going to edit my last post, but it didn't go through. What I meant to write was this: I'm sorry. You're right. It's my own frustrations coming through. I just feel that a lot of people these days don't have the communication skills needed to have healthy relationships. That's all. I'm not saying you fall into that category. 1
Author mejustme Posted September 19, 2017 Author Posted September 19, 2017 Sorry. But It bothers me when people are afraid to confide in the person they are supposed to feel the most comfortable with. You need to develop those skills to have healthy relationships. Discuss it calmly and politely and take it from there. " he doesn't see my point" would allued to the fact that I did confront him on this subject. It bothers me when people do not read throughly and then give their opinion without being a good listener. I am sorry, but I feel that you are completely wrong and very judgemental here. This site is exactly for this reason. We all have come here to find answers. You are coaching me where I wasn't asking for coaching. I don't have a problem with confrontation, but I do have a problem with dating and reading a person that I have only been dating for three months. Go easier on the next person.
coolheadal Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 (edited) " he doesn't see my point" would allued to the fact that I did confront him on this subject. It bothers me when people do not read throughly and then give their opinion without being a good listener. I am sorry, but I feel that you are completely wrong and very judgemental here. This site is exactly for this reason. We all have come here to find answers. You are coaching me where I wasn't asking for coaching. I don't have a problem with confrontation, but I do have a problem with dating and reading a person that I have only been dating for three months. Go easier on the next person. Well my child you have to tell him NO he can't come around at those hours or stick around longer. We all have to go to work just can't stay up all night. He's wants to be with you a lot yet your not wanting that much closeness. He does need to understand your needs and wants. If he doesn't then you drop him. That might be the only way he'll get your point. For those of us who comment here I can't answer for the rest but some take things to heart. Your here to ask a question and need help. Just you need to remember no one is attacking your thoughts just the way your saying it might throw the rest of us off. I understand you clearly and I would have back off. If no one understands you then you have to stop and think why would they say that about you. Don't make a big deal of this all your are right the guy your with should listen to your wants and needs and not be selfish for his own needs. That's what's happening here with you and your BF. Make him listen if not he will not be the man for you long-term.. Edited September 19, 2017 by coolheadal
act00 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 I'm so lost on your post. Is this you asking him to come over and watch a movie and he's suddenly accusing you of being inconsiderate of his bed time after establishing he's up late and dominates your time even though you have to go to bed? Is he calling you up at 10 to watch a show and you need to get to bed and you're tossing out "inconsiderate" accusations after you have complied to such things for a few months? Do you ever go out, or is it always a last-minute, late at night, let's watch the boob-tube at 11 p.m.? I agree, some established boundaries from the start is what you needed. Granted, those first few weeks are pretty hot, and you tend to do things you wouldn't normally do, but this catches up with you, and these behaviors are not sustainable long-term, and you have to establish YOUR boundaries from the beginning...I have early work in the morning. I want to see you Thursday, but I can't be out past 8. A few months in, when the rules suddenly change, and they are almost opposite of what was established from the beginning, it doesn't necessarily go over well, and the sarcasm and suddenly "rude" accusations are not going to go over well. Have a talk about your schedules. Maybe your schedules don't blend well. You can make it work or move on. These boundaries should have been established from the beginning. This guy isn't going to pay your bills or get your degree, pass your test, repair your poor work performance due to your being half-asleep all day, excuse your tardiness, nor is he going to undo any damage caused as a result of catering to what he wants...are you going to do that for him? I think not. So if he's demanding or you're demanding, you need to either establish what works for times and schedules or drop this relationship. 2
Author mejustme Posted September 19, 2017 Author Posted September 19, 2017 I'm so lost on your post. Is this you asking him to come over and watch a movie and he's suddenly accusing you of being inconsiderate of his bed time after establishing he's up late and dominates your time even though you have to go to bed? Is he calling you up at 10 to watch a show and you need to get to bed and you're tossing out "inconsiderate" accusations after you have complied to such things for a few months? Do you ever go out, or is it always a last-minute, late at night, let's watch the boob-tube at 11 p.m.? I agree, some established boundaries from the start is what you needed. Granted, those first few weeks are pretty hot, and you tend to do things you wouldn't normally do, but this catches up with you, and these behaviors are not sustainable long-term, and you have to establish YOUR boundaries from the beginning...I have early work in the morning. I want to see you Thursday, but I can't be out past 8. A few months in, when the rules suddenly change, and they are almost opposite of what was established from the beginning, it doesn't necessarily go over well, and the sarcasm and suddenly "rude" accusations are not going to go over well. Have a talk about your schedules. Maybe your schedules don't blend well. You can make it work or move on. These boundaries should have been established from the beginning. This guy isn't going to pay your bills or get your degree, pass your test, repair your poor work performance due to your being half-asleep all day, excuse your tardiness, nor is he going to undo any damage caused as a result of catering to what he wants...are you going to do that for him? I think not. So if he's demanding or you're demanding, you need to either establish what works for times and schedules or drop this relationship. No, this is the guy texting me at 9:50 or so to see if I wanted to come over, " watch a sow and cuddle" then after I accept I get a text that says, " ok, you're more than welcomed but I am going to sleep by 11:15. Yes, things have changed. He was off all summer and is now back to work. But that shouldn't . I found it very rude to say the least. To me, this was an invite and then a disinvite or a booty call. We have only been on a handful of dates. So, no real boundaries have been set. But if he didn't realize the time, then IMO, he should've sucked it up. I hadn't planned on staying late anyhow.
Gaeta Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Why did you accept an invitation at 10pm? 1
elaine567 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 No, this is the guy texting me at 9:50 or so to see if I wanted to come over, " watch a sow and cuddle" then after I accept I get a text that says, " ok, you're more than welcomed but I am going to sleep by 11:15. Yes, things have changed. He was off all summer and is now back to work. But that shouldn't . I found it very rude to say the least. To me, this was an invite and then a disinvite or a booty call. We have only been on a handful of dates. So, no real boundaries have been set. But if he didn't realize the time, then IMO, he should've sucked it up. I hadn't planned on staying late anyhow. Was he working till about 9:50 or what else was he doing?
smackie9 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 It was a booty call for sure. Obviously that is the way he communicates...indirectly. This doesn't work for you, so just tell him. If it gets too frustrating, and can't get on the same page about it, then find someone who does.
kendahke Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 (edited) Next text, you're more than welcomed to, but I'm going to go to bed at 11:15!! That's the text I got from a guy Ive been seeing for a few months now....the first text came at 9:52. I'm sorry, very rude if you ask me. And he doesn't see my point! I haven't dug back through your posting history to figure out what dysfunction is going on, therefore, I see no point presented in the initial post of this thread. I just see you copying and pasting what he said and complaining about the time. More than welcome to what? To me, that's saying that you're free to text him some more, but he's going to bed at 11:15. Edited September 19, 2017 by kendahke 1
coolheadal Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 No, this is the guy texting me at 9:50 or so to see if I wanted to come over, " watch a sow and cuddle" then after I accept I get a text that says, " ok, you're more than welcomed but I am going to sleep by 11:15. Yes, things have changed. He was off all summer and is now back to work. But that shouldn't . I found it very rude to say the least. To me, this was an invite and then a disinvite or a booty call. We have only been on a handful of dates. So, no real boundaries have been set. But if he didn't realize the time, then IMO, he should've sucked it up. I hadn't planned on staying late anyhow. Quickie Quick lay Booty Call Casual Sex Hangout You can dress it up as much as you want, do not even think about allowing him over after hours. If he lost interest over this then you know what his intentions was sex call.. Move on and forget this pervert.. 1
knabe Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Next text, you're more than welcomed to, but I'm going to go to bed at 11:15!! That's the text I got from a guy Ive been seeing for a few months now....the first text came at 9:52. I'm sorry, very rude if you ask me. And he doesn't see my point! He couldn't have just left well enough alone and perhaps fallen asleep on me. I mean he has planted his butt on my couch till the wee hours of the morning when I had to be at work the next morning. Guess I should have kicked him out at a certain time too. Smh! Thoughts? And go! If you have another thread about this guy, could you point me to it? Otherwise, this initial post makes no sense to me, as if I came in on the middle of a conversation. Who texted what? What's the background. There's not enough info to make sense of this. 2
Redhead14 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Next text, you're more than welcomed to, but I'm going to go to bed at 11:15!! That's the text I got from a guy Ive been seeing for a few months now....the first text came at 9:52. I'm sorry, very rude if you ask me. And he doesn't see my point! He couldn't have just left well enough alone and perhaps fallen asleep on me. I mean he has planted his butt on my couch till the wee hours of the morning when I had to be at work the next morning. Guess I should have kicked him out at a certain time too. Smh! Thoughts? And go! you're more than welcomed to, but I'm going to go to bed at 11:15!! Translation: "C'mon over under the premise of watching a TV show, but understand that I just want to have sex with you and then go to sleep".
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