karatekid Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 I'll try to make a long story short. I started seeing this girl early Oct. of last year. We hit it off instantly and fell for one another. After about 5 months we began to have a lot of ups and downs. We broke up; I wanted to work it out but it didn't happen. It was painful and contact broke off. About a month and a 1/2 after breaking up I'm feeling better and moving on.I began talking to other women etc.Then out of the blue she resurfaces. We begin talking and hanging out w/ one another again. I was reluctant @ 1st because she's a heart breaker but I was happy she was back in my life. Since she came back into my life we've been in a "grey" area. Were not /gf but doing all the bf/gf things. Stay @ one another's house, go out together, sleep together etc. It's been stormy @ times and amazing other times. During this period we both claimed to see no one else. Recently we started becoming closer than ever, through discloser and a few very emotional moments. We were getting along well and talked about the possibility of living together. Then she tells me she loves me for the 1st time!! A week after she says this................nothing.-she says very little and doesn't want to see me. The few things I could get out of her were "It's nothing you did...""I don't know what I want".etc. Then she cuts off all contact......for what?This is 3-4 weeks ago now. I've tried to contact her a few times but didn't hear anything back.How can some go from hot to cold in an instant? I know there is a connection between her and I. I was always there for her and treated her well. We were getting serious again; maybe she got scared? She has got some personal issues and maybe overwhelmed? Maybe she found someone else and can't face me?How can someone one who holds your heart turn on you and disappear w/ hardly a word?I do love her and would like to see us talk @ some point.I'm not going to wait for her or call her every second. I feel defeated by this right now. Has anyone here ever been in a similar situation?What was the outcome? Has anyone ever done this to anyone?Why? Comments/advice?-thanks
AndrewJ Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 Id say she is seeing someone else my man. Sounds like situation thta happened to me. Sorry thats just my take.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 She may be seeing another guy, or she may realize that the 'second chance' doesn't offer anything much different than the 'first chance' that she walked out of. When people leave a situation, they might want to come back to the things they missed - but if there are enough things still there that caused them to want to leave in the first place then they will do exactly what they did the first time: leave. It sounds like when she came back, she tried to isolate things between you down to only those things which worked for her, and that she enjoyed - all while trying to avoid those things in the relationship that she didn't want the first time around. Unfortunately, she probably saw that it was a package deal and decided that the 'good' wasn't worth it to her enough to put up with the 'bad', so she left again. If she still misses the 'good' parts, she may be back, but if she is still equally unwilling to put up with the other stuff then you can pretty much guarantee that she'll just continue the cycle. You have a choice here - you can continue to volunteer for this heartbreak, or you can break the cycle. You are the one who has to end the cycle. Stop trying to contact her, and don't let her contact you. Continue with some solid 'no contact'. Hopefully you will be able to use that time to get over her, and not see it as 'waiting for her to get back', and by the time she does make it back you will be strong enough to say "no thanks" to the pain she offers you.
Author karatekid Posted August 14, 2005 Author Posted August 14, 2005 It could be someone else.I've heard and thought of every possible theory. I'm not going out of my way to find out. Could be anything and I may never know. The part that bothers me is we went from"I love you..........lets make it work and live together" to nothing with hardly a sound. The only thing on her end is silence. I have to fight the urge to call her, I know it won't do any good.I'm not down on myself about this, I know I was good to her. I gave her love when she deserved it the least. Then why do I feel like the loser here? She left and came back once. I think it would take divine intervention this time.Who knows?How could I trust her again?The real question is why do I still want her in my life?I told myself the last time she came back that I would not get attached. However, I did and now I'm heart broken.Why would she leave a good thing and so suddenly?This is not the best site to find stories of hope. Sometimes there is nothing more depressing then optimism. I hope for a change of heart on her part.Sometimes I feel sad or angry but mostly I feel numb. Sometimes caring hurts.......I don't want to give up but what are the options?If nothing else I'd like to hear her side of it. with the history her and I have you would think it would be me wanting to disappear and leave.
heartnsoul Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 Originally posted by karatekid I was reluctant @ 1st because she's a heart breaker What do you mean by this? What's her history? To me, it sounds like a classic case of fear of commitment I don't think that she's necessarily found someone else ....maybe she's simply afraid of her feelings and getting hurt. I could be way off base but then again, I don't know her history with relationships. I am in a (somewhat) similar situation. Although, I'm in the "first phase" of separation. He came to me about a month ago wanting time to figure out what he wanted from 'us'. We've spoken twice since then and haven't heard a word in almost 3 weeks now. I (like you) am trying to get on with my life for now but still holding onto hope for some kind of closure. I do know how you're feeling and what you're going thru but only we can determine our self worth and act/respond accordingly. However, I'm curious to know what you meant by her being a 'heart breaker'........
Author karatekid Posted August 14, 2005 Author Posted August 14, 2005 What I meant by "heart breaker" is she has a history of being on the the fence when it comes to me.So I knew I could get hurt.Sometimes I'm the greatest other times I'm not worth the time of day.When she came back around the second time the hook was "I want to get my s**t together"..I am weak for her and I eventually fell for her again. Her and I are opposites(I'm the responsible one).We have a love/hate thing going.I know I'm stupid for wanting her back, everyone tells me I'm better off.I always thought I know her better than they did and my life was better with her in it. Someone hit right on the head with an earlier post saying she only wanting the good things she missed about the 1st time. Since she came back it's been all about her and her wants and needs.A few months back I said stuff to her like "Your not there for me","maybe you need to see what its like w/out me"etc. This seemed to really have an effect on her.That's when it started to get better between us.We getting closer then ever,it was almost feeling like the honeymoon stage of our original relationship.Then POOF-gone. To me, it sounds like a classic case of fear of commitment I don't think that she's necessarily found someone else ....maybe she's simply afraid of her feelings and getting hurt. This was my 1st instinct when she disappeared. I think she realized that it was getting serious again and just could handle it. Her life is a mess and it could be a combination of things or someone else. The not knowing bothers me. The fact that so little was said. I feel like I'm not valued enough to be spoken to.I have a lot to offer her or anyone and I'm not down on myself to much.I was good to her I know that.Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed however.I have to be strong and not call, I know I'll break down sometime. Our second go around lasted about as long as the 1st. So it could be a cycle.............get close-leave for awhile,then repeat.AAAHHHHHHH!!I feel bad for anyone going through this-I wish it wasn't me Thanks
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