Jamie_1 Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 As the title states. I can't ever recall someone being visibly interested in me, no signs of trying to get closer to me, lack of an inviting body posture, rarely if ever any attempt to make eye contact. This seems to be the case and general life and pubs and clubs. I'm not totally sure why in all honesty, but I think it might be my appearance. I can be quite anxious initially, but even women that I've befriended through college, or work etc have never paid any attention to me. I'm not totally sure what I'm asking lol. But i'm struggling to identify the exact problem. I've put an OLD profile link at the bottom, am I simply unattractive or off putting? Am I too skinny? JJB2077 Gaming, cinema, philosophy, religion, psychology
Mike B. Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 I would completely trash that profile. I would leave out the studying, video games and fantasy references. You should run it by a close friend or family member who has good experience in dating. 1
Author Jamie_1 Posted September 18, 2017 Author Posted September 18, 2017 I would completely trash that profile. I would leave out the studying, video games and fantasy references. You should run it by a close friend or family member who has good experience in dating. Wow, never knew it was that bad lol. I might ask a close friend to have a look at it and see what they recommend.
olivetree Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 Well it's impossible for me to say what you're doing wrong (if anything) because I don't know what your voice sounds like, the facial expressions you make when you talk, etc. If you want feedback about your OLD profile, I can say a couple things that stood out to me: 1) You some across as someone who thrives on deep, intellectual conversation. 2) It might help you seem more well-rounded if it seems like you like to see the sun. I'd suggest some pics outside the bedroom and hobbies you have that get you physically, not just mentally moving. 3) You need to talk in a way that is more engaging rather than just listing your hobbies and interests. Save for #3, if you want a brainy vampire who is into vegging out and gaming, don't change a thing.
CptInsano Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 All of the above and lastly: Get somebody with a decent camera who knows what a portrait lens looks like, and take pictures in a more flattering light. Pictures taken with a web cam or a smart phone more or less express that you really don't care about your dating profile, and if you don't care about your profile, you are not putting any effort into dating. (Sorry for the hyperbole, but it really makes a difference.)
Miss Spider Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 You are an attractive person but I don't think your pictures are doing you any justice. They are low quality and you seem uncomfortable. I don't think you should nix mentioning your interests. You want to attract people who have similar interests? I'm a bit of a nerd so I squee when I see people into nerdy things like me. 1
HiCrunchy Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 Also ur profile doesn't show what ur interested in at all. Have pictures with friends, doing things, etc. 1
preraph Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 I think you look fine, but you do look uncomfortable in some photos. Maybe leave your best face shot up and your body shot but hand a friend a camera at the next outdoor activity and ask him to take photos of you without even telling you for candid social shots to make you look fun. I would try to have more activities than the sort of solitary ones you listed, but I don't mind you being honest about it. If you love animals, put that. Have at least one photo where you are smiling showing teeth and looking really happy. Outdoor light is usually more flattering, less shadows on the planes of your face. You'll get there. Be sure you're putting yourself in plenty of outside social activities and try to think of ones where you'll be interacting with people in a natural way, like kayaking or dancing or taking your dog to the dog park or on a walk. Some people need a "lure" or give people an excuse to talk to them. Good luck. You could also wear something like a necklace, just something for someone to say "I like your necklace" to break the ice.
Mike B. Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 (edited) Wow, never knew it was that bad lol. I might ask a close friend to have a look at it and see what they recommend. I wouldn't call it bad. I would describe it more as probably not as effective as it could be. First, when it comes to dating (and in life in general, in my opinion), you always want to maintain a certain level of mystique. You don't ever want a stranger to feel that they have you figured out immediately upon arrival. You don't want someone to read your profile and feel like they have you pegged by the time they have viewed it. A big part of the excitement of dating is getting to know someone and if you give them the impression that they already know what you are about immediately, it takes away a lot of excitement for them. When you write a profile, you want to generate something positive, exciting but not too revealing. For example, don't tell them that you like to discuss philosophy in your profile. Instead, look for the opportunity to work a topic of philosophy into the conversation while on a date when the opportunity presents itself. You gradually unfold yourself over multiple dates. Tell them about the countries you want to visit on your first date by asking about their vacation spots etc., and letting them know yours when the question is reciprocated. Keep in mind, you also want to generate good discussion and new information when they first respond to your profile. I have yet to date a woman who was excited about video games. Over 30 years of dating and I have not run into it once. I recommend that you leave it out and don't bring it up for months into the dating relationship. Make them fall in love with you first. I'm not saying there aren't any women that don't like to play video games because there are a lot. I'm just saying that you are not likely to run into many of them on dating sites and this will likely turn more women away that have them responding. There is no shortage of women who are frustrated that they have to compete with video games for attention from their man. Photos. Get good ones and make sure they are interesting. They should draw questions. For example, I actually threw a photo of my dog into my profile because my dog is doing something very interesting in the photo and many women who reply to my profile immediately comments on it. It is an icebreaker and sparks conversation. It is up to me then to keep their attention. Get you a photo that does that and make sure at least 2 of your photos show some sort of sex appeal. I am not saying take your shirt off or show your underwear. Edited September 19, 2017 by Mike B. 2
Logo Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Might I suggest -- if you want -- a change in hair style. You've got the hair, but maybe get a trendy haircut, whatever is considered trendy in your area or country. And look confident in your pictures. Have someone take a few pictures outside, smile, think to yourself, "I'm the coolest guy in the world and whoever enters my life will have a lot to learn from me". Be sure to keep your hands out of your pockets, let your body take some space around itself. You come across as shy in your pictures. It's okay to be shy. But, you need to let your body take some space around it. Don't shrink yourself by putting your hands in your pockets and raising your shoulders. How about a picture of you with a raised leg on some object or a rock in some park, with one of your hands supporting your chin as though you're in deep thought. Think Captain Morgan. Or check this out: https://farm5.static.flickr.com/4108/34885791414_9481b89ae5_b.jpg
JuneJulySeptember Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 (edited) As the title states. I can't ever recall someone being visibly interested in me, no signs of trying to get closer to me, lack of an inviting body posture, rarely if ever any attempt to make eye contact. This seems to be the case and general life and pubs and clubs. I'm not totally sure why in all honesty, but I think it might be my appearance. I can be quite anxious initially, but even women that I've befriended through college, or work etc have never paid any attention to me. I'm not totally sure what I'm asking lol. But i'm struggling to identify the exact problem. I've put an OLD profile link at the bottom, am I simply unattractive or off putting? Am I too skinny? JJB2077 Gaming, cinema, philosophy, religion, psychology You posted the same exact profile last time and you said you got some responses and dates with some decent women. If you want real advice, you have to be candid with full disclosure. Otherwise, it just becomes an exercise of other people telling you how you should live your life just like they do. Edited September 19, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember 2
soret Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 As a photographer, I'd say its your pictures. Decent head shots attract people, pictures with your hobbies included, you out and about. Photos taken with you camera phone, in a mirror, in a bathroom etc. shows you aren't really all that serious to other people. 1
Mike B. Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 You posted the same exact profile last time and you said you got some responses and dates with some decent women. If you want real advice, you have to be candid with full disclosure. Otherwise, it just becomes an exercise of other people telling you how you should live your life just like they do. He got decent responses with that profile? Well that pretty much blows everything to hell in regards to all of the advice given here. By all means, stick with what works.
Author Jamie_1 Posted September 19, 2017 Author Posted September 19, 2017 He got decent responses with that profile? Well that pretty much blows everything to hell in regards to all of the advice given here. By all means, stick with what works. Depends how you define decent I guess. But that profile has generated interest and dates. But I'm still definitely going to align it to the advice given in this thread. My main question was why do I never seem to gain attention in real life, as others have said, I probably come across as too shy and I probably need a better haircut
CptInsano Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 As the title states. I can't ever recall someone being visibly interested in me, no signs of trying to get closer to me, lack of an inviting body posture, rarely if ever any attempt to make eye contact. This seems to be the case and general life and pubs and clubs. [...][/Quote] Why don't you simply talk to women during the day, not in clubs and pubs, especially as you don't come across like a party animal. Forget body language, it is in most cases not related to your presence, anyhow. You can smile, you can talk to somebody, think of yourself as the actor and not the recipient. It may seem shallow, but attraction has a lot to do with what you do and not who you are.
Author Jamie_1 Posted September 19, 2017 Author Posted September 19, 2017 Why don't you simply talk to women during the day, not in clubs and pubs, especially as you don't come across like a party animal. Forget body language, it is in most cases not related to your presence, anyhow. You can smile, you can talk to somebody, think of yourself as the actor and not the recipient. It may seem shallow, but attraction has a lot to do with what you do and not who you are. I've actually started going out to pubs and clubs recently and I've enjoyed it and i've tried to approach women, but I'm not really able to get any attention. I'll take that advice on board. I actually get on well with a women in my psychology class, but I'm pretty terrible at inferring if someone's interested in me or just being nice. Edit: I'd appreciate feedback on the changes i've made to my profile
amaysngrace Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 what changes? you added a picture of a tree
Author Jamie_1 Posted September 19, 2017 Author Posted September 19, 2017 what changes? you added a picture of a tree Changed my bio, and added two pictures
Mike B. Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Changed my bio, and added two pictures The changes improves it. You still need a couple of good photos. I want to make a couple of more suggestions: A picture of trees without you in it is just a picture of trees. Nothing interesting is going on there. Now if you are climbing the trees, that is interesting. If your dog is climbing the trees, that's interesting. I would exchange this photo. I would also leave out the cat. Keep the dog. Dogs are more masculine. Now, if you like cats that is fine but I do not think it will be very helpful to place that in a profile. Of course, as you date, women will find out that you adore cats. What you want is to simply draw customers of interest into your store then throw them your sales pitch. Have you tried Bumble? I think this app is great for the the suggestions I discussed above. It took me a couple of weeks to get get the hang of it but I now find it much easier to draw interest than a dating site. I would use what you have on POF (leaving out the cat) on there and get a really good cover photo and go from there. Best of luck, man.
amaysngrace Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Changed my bio, and added two pictures I'm sorry. I must have missed the other one. You're not a bad looking kid so I'm not sure why you don't get attention. Do you strike up conversations easily? Maybe women are waiting for you to approach them while you're waiting for them to approach you so nothing is happening? If you want things to happen it's up to you to make them happen. Show an interest in them and hopefully they'll reciprocate.
elaine567 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 In your profile pics you look good, there is nothing basically wrong with how you look, BUT you do not look happy, you actually look very sad and I mean "sad" as in unhappy, sorrowful, dejected, regretful, depressed, downcast, miserable, downhearted, down, despondent, despairing, disconsolate...etc. not "sad" as in pathetically inadequate or unfashionable. I think your first pic is interesting, the others really do nothing for you in the sense of "advertising". Put some more "life" into your eyes.
CptInsano Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 I've actually started going out to pubs and clubs recently and I've enjoyed it and i've tried to approach women, but I'm not really able to get any attention. [/Quote] I'm not sure what you mean by trying to approach women. Did you talk to them? I'll take that advice on board. I actually get on well with a women in my psychology class, but I'm pretty terrible at inferring if someone's interested in me or just being nice. Why not suggest doing something after class? Even if it is casual, you will still be able to get to know them better. Many people are not immediately attracted to somebody, but will need to get acquainted first.
olivetree Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 (edited) Depends how you define decent I guess. But that profile has generated interest and dates. But I'm still definitely going to align it to the advice given in this thread. My main question was why do I never seem to gain attention in real life, as others have said, I probably come across as too shy and I probably need a better haircut So the whole premise of this thread that you never seem to get attention isn't true Edit: didn't read the last sentence - you mean in RL. It's really hard to say without hearing more about how you are in person. Btw, I liked your hair. Edited September 19, 2017 by olivetree
bpb2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 (edited) The advice is simple. 1. Go on instagram and look at the #gentleman or #ootdmen pics. Replicate that. Your pictures currently look like you never leave home and still wear the same stuff that you did when you were 18. 2. Get rid of the "message me?" line. You never want to ask a girl (ever!) to message you. Also the "If you want to know more, you'll have to ask" just screams low confidence but with a big ego. 3. Get rid of the gamer/intellectual profile. There are too many guys that claim to be that type. Edited September 19, 2017 by bpb2017
bpb2017 Posted September 19, 2017 Posted September 19, 2017 In your profile pics you look good, there is nothing basically wrong with how you look, BUT you do not look happy, you actually look very sad and I mean "sad" as in unhappy, sorrowful, dejected, regretful, depressed, downcast, miserable, downhearted, down, despondent, despairing, disconsolate...etc. not "sad" as in pathetically inadequate or unfashionable. I think your first pic is interesting, the others really do nothing for you in the sense of "advertising". Put some more "life" into your eyes. I was going to say that he looks like a real Scotsman (in a bad way).
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