grays Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 Soooo, I've been single and dating a lot for about 3 years and I've just met someone that Im crazy about that doesnt have any major drawbacks. In the past Ive had several guy friends who Ive been infatuated with and excited about but I've pretty much always talked myself down from it because there's something about them that cant work for me (like they're way too young or something along those lines). But this one feels really right in all the ways I think I need (god knows, Im still new at this and I might me missing something). And its making me feel so vulnerable!!! I want to be open enough to feel it all. If we're falling in love I dont wanna miss out on all the feels because Im working so hard to protect myself that Im not really experiencing it. And I also feel like I'd make a better partner if I'm open to it. So, for a concrete example... He had told me that he was gonna be totally caught up in football all afternoon/evening yesterday. I texted him something pretty boring and not at all requiring a response in the early afternoon, just an answer to something he'd asked the night before.But then he didn't even read the text for like 5 hours. At first I was totally cool about it, like of course he's doing his thing like he said, no big deal. But by the time he finally replied I had nearly lost my mind. Id gotten so tense about it and eventually all doom and gloom -- like feeling like I had made this whole thing about us up and that he couldnt possibly be feeling about me the way I had hoped/thought he did. Then right around the time he said he'd be done he texted and said "hey, can I pick you up when you drop your car at the mechanic's in the morning?" Which was the perfect thing... He was thinking about me! And wanted to see me and help me out and was actually kinda keeping track of what was going on in my life. I practically instantly did an about face and realized I could/should be feeling good and enjoying this. And this morning had a great couple of hours with him and now have plans to hang out later. But I wanna work on how to be able to feel these good feelings without also feeling that fear. I am really scared of being hurt and my gut is constantly telling me to nkt feel the good stuff because its too dangerous.
smackie9 Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 How long have you been dating? and are you exclusive?
No_Go Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 What's the worst case scenario: it won't work out. So what - you can live, I'm sure. I recently had this type of experience and the guy bailed after it got to the point of making more serious steps ... Maybe preemptive dump out of fear like you did before .... Oh well, it was lovely while it lasted ! So my advice is : just enjoy It is a great 'problem' to have 1
todreaminblue Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 i think falling in love is somewhere where you dont really have control,where you are humbled by the strength of your emotions for another...how important they are to you,how special they are, how much you care, how much you enjoy being with them.... the joy you feel......i feel honestly if you didnt have some fear about losing that person and that joy and those strong emotions....then it isnt love.....you feel fear because they matter to you.......that fear gives you an appreciation of the person you fall for...... to stop the doom and gloom...embrace your fear...realize why you feel fear and then feel the joy of knowing you are really into someone so much that they matter......who wants to be lukewarm about someone and safe when falling in love.....passion always has fear ..passion is felt strongly......even if its a little bit of fear or a lot....fear is there...so ..jump anyway...and enjoy the view...best wishes......deb...... 2
Gaeta Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 Everythiing worthy in life requires we take a risk. Love isn't an exception. You take a risk of being disappointed and hurt but you also take a risk of being loved back and experience a true fulfilling relationship. I have been disappointed and hurt many times in my life, it didn't kill me. Each time I got up, dusted myself and got back on my saddle. It made me wiser, tougher, better. Don't fear being hurt, it's part of life. Someone that has never hurt has not truly lived either. As for communicating with him and it takes hours just stop keeping track of time. You text him, put your phone down and go do something else, somethig you enjoy so you don't feel like you're wasting your time waiting. 2
coolheadal Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 Soooo, I've been single and dating a lot for about 3 years and I've just met someone that Im crazy about that doesnt have any major drawbacks. In the past Ive had several guy friends who Ive been infatuated with and excited about but I've pretty much always talked myself down from it because there's something about them that cant work for me (like they're way too young or something along those lines). But this one feels really right in all the ways I think I need (god knows, Im still new at this and I might me missing something). And its making me feel so vulnerable!!! I want to be open enough to feel it all. If we're falling in love I dont wanna miss out on all the feels because Im working so hard to protect myself that Im not really experiencing it. And I also feel like I'd make a better partner if I'm open to it. So, for a concrete example... He had told me that he was gonna be totally caught up in football all afternoon/evening yesterday. I texted him something pretty boring and not at all requiring a response in the early afternoon, just an answer to something he'd asked the night before.But then he didn't even read the text for like 5 hours. At first I was totally cool about it, like of course he's doing his thing like he said, no big deal. But by the time he finally replied I had nearly lost my mind. Id gotten so tense about it and eventually all doom and gloom -- like feeling like I had made this whole thing about us up and that he couldnt possibly be feeling about me the way I had hoped/thought he did. Then right around the time he said he'd be done he texted and said "hey, can I pick you up when you drop your car at the mechanic's in the morning?" Which was the perfect thing... He was thinking about me! And wanted to see me and help me out and was actually kinda keeping track of what was going on in my life. I practically instantly did an about face and realized I could/should be feeling good and enjoying this. And this morning had a great couple of hours with him and now have plans to hang out later. But I wanna work on how to be able to feel these good feelings without also feeling that fear. I am really scared of being hurt and my gut is constantly telling me to nkt feel the good stuff because its too dangerous. Always go with your gut feeling! 1
RecentChange Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 I agree, love is a risk. Love is not "safe". Few things worthwhile in life are risk free or easy. As they say, better to have loved and lost.... If you are trying to prevent a possibility of loss and pain, you are also preventing love and gain. 2
CptInsano Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 I agree, love is a risk. Love is not "safe". [...] No, it is not. But with every little step that he takes showing her that he cares, she should calm down and trust him, or at least expect more of the positive and not the negative.
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