Didyouknow96 Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 Basically this dude and I met at the beginning of the summer and hooked up four/five times. We basically both said from the outright that we just wanted to be casual. I really enjoyed spending time with him and honestly really felt like I could be myself with him. I'm sort of a weird/quirky person and I usually have to hide that when trying to fit in, but he was also pretty strange so I just really loved being around him. At one point, like late July, I texted him asking to hang out and he never responded. I was honestly so hurt, I went into like a mini depression and cried for a while. So obviously I had developed some sort of feelings. However I knew that he was such a decent/good person that there's no way he would just ghost me. A few weeks later I learned via social media that his grandmother had passed away. And since we lived in MA for college and he was from CA, I imagine he flew home. His post was very sentimental and sad, I could tell she meant a lot to him. So I forgave him, but he still didn't text me. Aside from kind of daydreaming about him, I had moved on. Two days ago, I got a text from him apologizing for never getting back to me, saying he had got caught up with family stuff, asking how i'm doing/how abroad is going (I'm studying in Ireland this semester). I was so happy, I literally was jumping up and down in my room and smiling so much. We had a brief conversation during which he told me recently visited Iceland and Sweden. So I asked him if he thought Sweden was worth visiting, and he didn't even read the message! No response, no nothing. He is such a nice person and constantly talks about how transparency and communication are so important to him. He is also very sweet like in bed and very respectful of boundaries. I just don't understand. I would really, really like to see him again but I'll feel strange texting him in December when he never even replied to my last text. Idk if it's of relevance, but this guy is pretty into LSD. I really don't know what to think. This guy is pretty strange so idk if he's an exception to normal thought processes/dating. Should I just forget it? I'm so infatuated by him.
stillafool Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 Are you sure he doesn't have a gf back in California?
Author Didyouknow96 Posted September 18, 2017 Author Posted September 18, 2017 Yeah, I'm very sure. Based off social media and how he spends like 95% of his time in Mass.
smackie9 Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 You want something to happen you have to come right out and tell him that you like him more than casual, and would be interested in a serious relationship. Just that simple. How else is he supposed to know? He's not a mind reader.
Author Didyouknow96 Posted September 18, 2017 Author Posted September 18, 2017 You want something to happen you have to come right out and tell him that you like him more than casual, and would be interested in a serious relationship. Just that simple. How else is he supposed to know? He's not a mind reader. But like, he's not even replying to my message. Not even opening it! Isn't that a red flag? Like am I that awful to just have a simple conversation with
Author Didyouknow96 Posted September 18, 2017 Author Posted September 18, 2017 But like, he's not even replying to my message. Not even opening it! Isn't that a red flag? Like am I that awful to just have a simple conversation with And maybe I don't want a serious relationship. Maybe I want to stay casual. But why be rude and totally ignore me.
Miss Spider Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 So, like, this is how casual relationships typically go down. The reason why they want a casual relationship is because they don't want expectations put on them. Such as, but not limited to, answering messages quickly and keeping up with communication. Being required to do that is part of a serious relationship. Perhaps he is talking to someone else and just not interested in making small talk with you at the moment. It is just the territory with casual. Ideally, you are seeing other guys as well so if he misses a message or doesn't answer right away it doesn't bother you.
Author Didyouknow96 Posted September 18, 2017 Author Posted September 18, 2017 So, like, this is how casual relationships typically go down. The reason why they want a casual relationship is because they don't want expectations put on them. Such as, but not limited to, answering messages quickly and keeping up with communication. Being required to do that is part of a serious relationship. Perhaps he is talking to someone else and just not interested in making small talk with you at the moment. It is just the territory with casual. Ideally, you are seeing other guys as well so if he misses a message or doesn't answer right away it doesn't bother you. I mean, I am kind of involved with other guys. It just bothers me that you would message me two months after I send a text, sound apologetic, and then not bother to continue the conversation for more than 4 texts. Rude
No_Go Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 I mean, I am kind of involved with other guys. It just bothers me that you would message me two months after I send a text, sound apologetic, and then not bother to continue the conversation for more than 4 texts. Rude Well I had very similar situation with a guy I dated in July/August. He was talking about taking things very slow, then cancelled our last (6th) date and then disappeared. In 10 days or so he resurfaced to tell me how he enjoyed our time but don't see this going to serious relationship. it was a very lengthy e-mail. I told me ok, let's be friends, that's ok, and wrote a bunch of other things as well. He disappeared than AGAIN. WTF was going on with him?? He's also abroad now but that's kind of irrelevant. I think guys like yours and mine are what they are: cool to be around, and unreliable for anything long-term. Btw you lose nothing for reaching out again in December - just don't do it with any expectations because well, he told you and showed you what he can offer... 1
Miss Spider Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 (edited) Well, this is my assessment of the situation. The guy is not interested. Usually, unless there are some feelings of attachment on his end, the guy will lose interest after having sex a few times(maybe a few more if it's good)with the same girl and move on to the next chase. Women get attached with sex much easier. It's just a phenomenon I see happen a lot. Women who want 'casual' expecting commitment and consistency from a man who wants casual to avoid those things. FwB to the woman is 'friends with benefits' and but to the guy its ' friendly while benefiting' It just wasn't there for him so he ghosted. You should have been done with him when he didn't think you were worthy of a quick explanation because you are. When people ghost you ought to ignore them forever because what will happen is they will take your response as affirmation that they can get away with doing that whenever they feel like it. That they do not have to respect you. He knows that you are on his string because you answered his text. That was the extent of his interest and now it's gone. You are infatuated with this guy. You should cut it off now. I think hanging on will just be more painful for you Edited September 18, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Author Didyouknow96 Posted September 18, 2017 Author Posted September 18, 2017 Well, this is my assessment of the situation. The guy is not interested. Usually, unless there are some feelings of attachment on his end, the guy will lose interest after having sex a few times(maybe a few more if it's good)with the same girl and move on to the next chase. Women get attached with sex much easier. It's just a phenomenon I see happen a lot. Women who want 'casual' expecting commitment and consistency from a man who wants casual to avoid those things. FwB to the woman is 'friends with benefits' and but to the guy its ' friendly while benefiting' It just wasn't there for him so he ghosted. You should have been done with him when he didn't think you were worthy of a quick explanation because you are. When people ghost you ought to ignore them forever because what will happen is they will take your response as affirmation that they can get away with doing that whenever they feel like it. That they do not have to respect you. He knows that you are on his string because you answered his text. That was the extent of his interest and now it's gone. You are infatuated with this guy. You should cut it off now. I think hanging on will just be more painful for you You're probably right, it's just that he seems like such a decent and GOOD person when I'm around him. Like I literally had a panic attack the second time we hooked up that lasted for hours and he was soo sweet throughout the whole thing and the next morning he was really understanding. Like wth he seems so nice
smackie9 Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 taking it casual for him is "see you when I feel like it". Just give up if he isn't even interested in talking to you. I suspect he is starting to notice you are getting to chummy, so he is ignoring you in hopes you get the message.
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