First date follow-up

[blueflower]

Hello!

 

So I had this great first date with a girl on Friday, I felt we had chemistry and we kissed a few times. Even though the date only lasted two and half hours on a Friday night (before she said she had to go home), she seemed to like me, if my observations were correct.

In my mind it was obvious the two of us would see each other again but we also made a fun bet and should she loose, we would see each others again one of these weekdays. Long story short she lost.

 

I went against my desire to write her quickly and hence waited until Sunday late afternoon (around 5:30pm) before sending a follow-up, because I didn't want to come off as desperate and too much into her. She didn't answer straight away which was a bit frustrating, but this morning i got a response and I am really confused about it.

 

So here's what i sent :

 

''Hey

 

How are you? I enjoyed spending a bit of time with you the other day. I hope you are willing to do it again (even though you lost our little bet because you had forgotten your glasses at home )''

 

And her response from this morning :

 

''Hey, yes I'm good nothing special and haha yes, but I may have to go to the Nederlands tomorrow or next week because they need a bit of help again, so I may not be home this week... ''

 

 

Seems like a pretty negative response to me. Only impossibilities, no suggestions nor effort for us to meet should she not have to travel. What do you think I should do ?

[soret]

Here is my take on it. I'm assuming she would be going to Holland for work, went into work on Monday and found this out but she isn't really sure exactly when.

 

All you have to say to her is "let me know when you are back". If she doesn't let you know when she will officially be gone or when she will be back than you will have your answer. I highly doubt she is doing this to blow you off.

[smackie9]

I think it's kind of negative or she's just a negative type person, and this is how she responds.

 

You need to dive in there and make a suggestion. Set up a date for tomorrow, and if she has to leave for the week she can cancel np. If she fritters about it, ya she's blowin ya off.

[Redhead14]

Hello!

 

So I had this great first date with a girl on Friday, I felt we had chemistry and we kissed a few times. Even though the date only lasted two and half hours on a Friday night (before she said she had to go home), she seemed to like me, if my observations were correct.

In my mind it was obvious the two of us would see each other again but we also made a fun bet and should she loose, we would see each others again one of these weekdays. Long story short she lost.

 

I went against my desire to write her quickly and hence waited until Sunday late afternoon (around 5:30pm) before sending a follow-up, because I didn't want to come off as desperate and too much into her. She didn't answer straight away which was a bit frustrating, but this morning i got a response and I am really confused about it.

 

So here's what i sent :

 

''Hey

 

How are you? I enjoyed spending a bit of time with you the other day. I hope you are willing to do it again (even though you lost our little bet because you had forgotten your glasses at home )''

 

And her response from this morning :

 

''Hey, yes I'm good nothing special and haha yes, but I may have to go to the Nederlands tomorrow or next week because they need a bit of help again, so I may not be home this week... ''

 

 

Seems like a pretty negative response to me. Only impossibilities, no suggestions nor effort for us to meet should she not have to travel. What do you think I should do ?

 

If you are interested in another date, you set it up fairly soon and you do it with specificity - "Hey, I'd like to take you out again on Xday, at Xtime and Xplace". Not, "get together again sometime" or "if you're willing" open-ended kinda thing. If you cannot schedule it before her trip, you make it for a day very soon after her return. Schedule it before she leaves.

[blueflower]

If two people like each other, it should be easy. I guess I'll take her first response as negative.

 

Thinking of sending something along the lines of :

 

''Ah ok - cool that you're doing that again, sounds interesting!

Well we could potentially see each other before you leaving, if not then have a good trip, and take care of yourself ''

 

 

After that, any ''meh'' or negative answer and I will let it be.

 

What do you think?

[blueflower]

Or maybe just :

 

''Ah ok sounds interesting!

Have a good trip then, take care of yourself.''

 

 

And leave it be...

[soret]

''Ah ok - cool that you're doing that again, sounds interesting!

Well we could potentially see each other before you leaving, if not then have a good trip, and take care of yourself ''

 

I would add "if not then maybe we could see each other when you get back"

 

Then just leave it and let her come to you.

[blueflower]

Well... I sent a message so now it's out of my hands.

 

''Ah ok - cool that you're doing that again, sounds interesting!

We should see each other before you leave like either tonight/tomorrow night, and if not you're welcome to get back to me when you're home.

Regardless, have a good trip, and take care of yourself ''

 

 

Guess we'll see. But I have been myself with this girl and treated her well, so I couldn't have done anything differently, besides not being myself.

[Mike B.]

Well... I sent a message so now it's out of my hands.

 

''Ah ok - cool that you're doing that again, sounds interesting!

We should see each other before you leave like either tonight/tomorrow night, and if not you're welcome to get back to me when you're home.

Regardless, have a good trip, and take care of yourself ''

 

 

Guess we'll see. But I have been myself with this girl and treated her well, so I couldn't have done anything differently, besides not being myself.

 

 

Generally, when you offer a date that someone you have already went out on a least one date with and they turn it down, if they are interested in you, an alternative date is almost immediately offered.

 

There was another thread in this forum recently in which a poster asked what was the best response to a date who gives a lame excuse for turning down a follow up date offer or something like that. . Someone replied "okie dokie." I really liked that suggestion. It is still sort of upbeat without sounding bitter yet it subtly lets the other person know that you are aware that they just gave you a lame excuse for turning down the date.

 

"I will be going to the moon next week so I won't be available ."

 

"Okie Dokie."

 

 

I really like it.

[blueflower]

I get you.

 

But in the end it's the same conclusion, just with less efforts put into it.

I just sent what I felt was right in my heart, then if she thinks I'm lame or whatever, doesn't really matter.

 

Even though I like her, I'll take it as her not being interested whatever, her loss honestly Have never been able to learn that being nice to girls doesn't work, but maybe one day someone will put a price on that

[blueflower]

Well the answer is :

 

''I can't really make it because I have to pack an so on, but thanks ''

 

 

Haha, does she think I'm dumb or what.

Well that solves it, thanks for the help peeps !

[Bastile]

She's a welcher

 

Don't take nothing personal. I keep saying this, but women are not men. They often don't invest as much at the beginning.

 

Here's the point: don't be overly accommodating. Learn to push as well as pull.

 

Give a slight push next time you get this. Something like:

 

"No worries. Enjoy Holland. Don't work too hard".

 

Blah blah. And leave it there. Cultivate other options, and reach out to her again on a different time to test the waters, and try to fit her in somewhere.

 

My favourite two relationships of recent times came about after a rocky start. One woman was badgering me about using different social media instead of text-messaging, so I gave her a massive push. We had a really good relationship of over 6 months.

 

Another was being sort of rude about Britain, so I ghosted her.

 

When you feel that something isn't right in your gut, then you shouldn't try and accommodate too much for that. Give her a push instead.

[Mike B.]

Well the answer is :

 

''I can't really make it because I have to pack an so on, but thanks ''

 

 

Haha, does she think I'm dumb or what.

Well that solves it, thanks for the help peeps !

 

I'm sorry, man. This happens in the dating game. She was kind of trying to be nice at first and that what throws you off.

 

I have found with great consistency over many years that when a woman is really into you, she just won't make an excuse for setting up the second date. If you say how about next week, if she likes you should would say I'm busy next week but I am open tomorrow or something. That has held up 100% in my dating years. Just shake this one off anx dive back in with a smile.

[blueflower]

At least I'm happy that my instincts were right to begin with.

Thanks for the help yes

[Miss Spider]

You are over-thinking it majorly! You waited too long to send a follow up...that's annoying -_- Also I don't think you should push/pull during times a girl let's her guard down/shows vulnerability such as after a first date with positive feedback from her, after she kisses you, after she has sex with you...Doing this will make all the secure girls lose interest thinking you're a jckass and she can do better and will only attract insecure/mentally unstable girls who don't have self respect to know better. If you're going to play games it's only common sense to condition the behavior with positive response instead of acting negatively/ignoring ...So she kisses you and tells you she had a great date that's showing you she likes you, confidently take the reins and say you had a great time too and set up next meeting blah blah blah

 

You waited too long, now she has pushed you away...so mirror her and push away for the weekend. Come back after a bit of a blow over, ask her out directly. You may have already lost her but that's just my advice.

Edited September 18, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[blueflower]

I think I did enough, won't do more. But thank you

[Miss Spider]

I didn't read that you asked her out again. I agree you should do no more. My advice was in regards to your first post. Basically saying to wait it out... but it might not have worked anyway. Sorry.

Edited September 18, 2017 by Cookiesandough