Mkn1010 Posted September 17, 2017 Posted September 17, 2017 So I’ve been single for the last 3 years and have only had one long term relationship in my life that was very bad. Single is what I do best, it’s what I know and what I’m good at. I like my own space, I’m an introvert and I have no real ideals about marriage and children despite being a 30 year old female. Couple stuff feels unnatural to me, like public displays of affection, selfies together, etc etc ….. just not my thing! Anyway, so the problem at hand is that I’m presently dating someone super lovely as this just happened unexpectedly. We’ve been on 5 dates and I really enjoy his company and I’m getting the feels….HOWEVER at the same time, I’m just stressed and want to hide! He’s already floated the idea of us being bf and gf twice and I lightly shut it down both times in a casual joke. And before you say he’sa weirdo for asking me so soon, we were friends before dating, so we know each other. I know he really likes me and he is being really patient about me not wanting to get too intimate yet as well. I feel really bad because I can’t move at his pace, eg: he told his sis and a few friends we were dating and then seemed to be a little rebuffed that I hadn’t told anyone. After our fifth date, I said goodbye to him at my door and didn’t invite him in because I wasn’t ready for him to meet my sis and friend (who I live with). And he definitely noticed and said “you should probably tell your housemates about us”. The thing is, I’m just subconsciously in self-preservation mode even though I don’t intentionally want to be. It’s just that my long term bf massively broke my heart when I walked in on him in bed with someone else. I have dealt with this in therapy on/off for the last few years and I honestly don’t think about it anymore….except when I like someone new. I know this is FEAR SPEAKING and I’m already trying to find all the reasons why this guy and I won’t work so I can rationalise bailing. My therapist tells me there is nothing I can do but keep pushing past the fear and keep trying to be open, she thinks that the non-dating approach I was taking before simply left me in my bullet proof turtle shell. Anyway, I keep trying to shut him down when he gets a little close. Dunno if anyone can relate or have any suggestions. I am going to keep moving forward with him and trying because he is very much worth it and I would truly regret walking away from this. Maybe just writing this out will help…Idunno, but I’m mildly terrified and I don’t know how to be a GF. 1
Miss Spider Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 I can definitely relate!!! It's avoidant fear...fear of change, fear of not being able to live up to expectations, fear of being hurt, those kinds of things. For people like us (comfortable on our own, have been alone most of our lives, introverted and like our time alone) commit/went like a relationship can be very daunting. And if you've had any bad rship relationships in the passed it's even more because you have to justify taking a risk. I usually sabotage the relationship at this point by being really clingy then push/pull scary drama or just breaking off or ghosting and blocking them. I wouldn't suggest anyone behave like me. Take it slow if you need to, but take some risk. Sounds like you have a good thing going here so far. Fortune favors the bold! 1
Recommended Posts