CantDecide... Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 hey guys ive posted some thread before on my breakup with my gf of a year and a half. Just to quick summarize it, we broke up a month and a half ago, becasue i was distant and taking her for granted, also she had work 24/7 and dance and when she wouldn't have work i would have work, so it was a bad cycle. However through this break up we've hung out and talked on phone a lot, talked on AOL a lot, etc etc. But see the first thing i learned was that i shouldn't have bugged her all the time about getting back together, which i did a few times. however last week, she said she was upset about us, because we went to diner on Hudson river and hang out on pier, she said she had wanted to kiss me, and have me hold her, but didnt want to because she felt it would open upa can of confusion which is understandable., so basically i flat out said well what do u want to do then, do u wanan try and work sometyhing out or do u wanan move on? and she said well as much as rite now i dont want to i gues moving on is best. So i said ok thats fine and we got off phone basically afterwards, and didnt talk for 3 days. After 3 days she ims me on aol and im kinda cold and distant just not saying much, and what not, so we end up geting out of convo, but i imed her later to say hey i dont want it to be wierd and w/e and i still wanan be ur friend. but that convo got kinda wierd, so next day i txted her and we talked and smoothed it all out, but since that whole night of her saying iwanan move on, i havent said anything about us getting back together or showing her same compassion i was, and she has been iming me, txting me, and calling me, and showing small signs of interest i think. What should i do? do u think i should continue to act the way i am, i mean im not going to bring us up, but she still wants me to teach her to park shes got learn to do it paralel lol. but im just confused at what she doing.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 She wants to keep you at a comfortable emotional distance while making sure you don't actually go anywhere. Basically - you hide all of your needs from her, and don't let on that you want her back, and she'll be contacting you a lot. But, keep in mind the very second you let your needs be known, and let her know in any way that you want her back she'll run right away again claiming to be "confused". She isn't confused. She wants to keep you just close enough so you won't leave. Nothing confusing about that. Only stay if you can handle what it is you have right now, because it isn't going to progress any time soon - at best, you'll be trapped in a dissatisfying and unfulfilling limbo. Either stay and spin your wheels, or break out of this rut and sever all contact, and move on to a girl who won't be quite so "confused" about wanting to be with you.
lostinmymind Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 The only thing to do in this situation is to meet new girls and find new things to occupy your time. You can still keep her around and keep the lines of communication open and happy, but don't ever act like more than a friend. You have your own life, and she needs to know that. You will be stuck in an unfulfilling situation as said before in this thread, but if you date other people it's less bothersome. I'm in the same situation right now. I don't want to let her go, and I know she doesn't want to lose me for good. My only options is occupy my life with other things and find new things to fill in the void. Good luck with everything. Seems like you are handling things well, don't lose your cool.
Author CantDecide... Posted August 14, 2005 Author Posted August 14, 2005 so basically ina nutshell the best thingi can do is continue to be her friend, which i can handle, im in all seriousness usto this now. be here friend and dont evan bothering to mention us and getting back togther, as it is 5 minutes she imed me online saying " heyyy u never im me its always me makign the effort" so im just confused on what to do i cant be to distant, but at same timei cant be around to much i got to find a happy medium. grrr so confusing
lostinmymind Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 Yeah, it's really confusing. You need to give yourself the upper hand and you will feel better. Say no to her a few times if she needs something, don't be rude though. Don't always be there when she contacts you. Don't always answer the phone if it's her, don't reply to her IMs all the time. Women tend to rely on their feelings more than men, if you make this break feel too good to her, she might decide it's the best thing. You need to make yourself mysterious, but still be her friend. She is confused and nothing you can do will help that. Don't try to convince her either way. Be neutral. I'm in the same situation (sort of), it's hard to follow my own advice even. Good luck. Go out and meet other girls, no harm can come from that! It can only be a good thing.
theclash Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 hmmm this is awkard. It sounds to me like she hasnt completly let you go, even though she said "moving on is best" If she wants to move on, why does she still want you to teach her how to park? hmmmm it's odd
Author CantDecide... Posted August 17, 2005 Author Posted August 17, 2005 yea my situation is very odd. for example i hung out with her last night. we were suposed to get ice cream for just ah alf hour but ended up hanging out for a good couple hours, drove around, and then hung out on a tire swing, and swang on swings. then shes like do u want to call me later. so we talk, but then shes like oo do u want to come back to get ur phone charger, so i do then shes like do u still wanan talk when u got back home so we do...its so confusing...but im still just acting chill not mentioning a word about getting back together, or being flirty.
thinkingguy Posted August 17, 2005 Posted August 17, 2005 Guys ive been looking everywhere for someone in my same situation and thank goodness i have found you guys. My girlfriend and i broke up about 6 months ago after close to two years. After about 5 months of no contact (during this no contact she did text message me stuff but i did not reply to them). Also i might add she moved on to a new guy within a month and is currently still with him. Then one night about a month ago she sent me this text message saying basically she missed me and wished we could have just had one more night together. I assumed this was just something to get me to reply which after all this time i finally did. We talked on the phone and both said our feelings had not gone anywhere and we both wanted to leave the possibility for a future together open. Also during this conversation she basically trashed her current guy while complementing me. Weird. So for the past month we have basically been playing text and phone games just talking. I, by the way, am rarely the one to initiate contact. During this month she basically kept trashing her boyfriend and complementing me. She kept saying she missed me, and saying her feelings for me were still there. She has also been making excuses to come see me and she has come buy 3 or 4 times. A few nights ago i just got tired of this game and told her if she was playing games to stop it. The said she wasnt, she meant everything she said. Well i said we still cant go on talking like this b/c we are just confusing each other. So i told her its best if we did not talk again until she figured her confusion out. I am just wondering if we (meaning guys in this forum) are just being stupid. Are they really gonna come back or are they just wanting to keep us close. I dont see the point in girls doing what they are doing unless they really see the possibility of a chance in the future. I would say they are doing this until they find someone else, but my ex has someone else but she still is doing this. What are everyones thoughts on this?? By the way i am still seeing other girls and stuff like that but there is something that just wont let my ex out of my mind.
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