Free2be89 Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 As someone who is currently looking for a more serious relationship, I've found that searching for a partner in the pool of online daters has been a rather tricky one. lol I feel like I have done pretty well in terms of picking the right dating apps/sites that suit more of what I'm looking for, and I've gotten skilled at weeding through the crap profiles to get to the more quality ones. One problem that I have encountered however, is how to approach this idea of talking to more than one person at a time. When you are hitting it off with someone, you've met in person, hopefully gone on a few dates, really like each other, and may even possibly have become intimate; at what point is it safe to assume that the exclusivity talk should happen? Many people are into the whole "dating casually" thing these days for weeks and weeks, sometimes months. However, for those of us looking for something more serious, how do you usually handle the fact that this person you are talking to is more than likely talking to/seeing others without being invasive or over stepping boundaries? Don't get me wrong I think people SHOULD talk to more than one person in the beginning, but at what point does it become inappropriate? I'd love to read everyone's experiences/advice. Link to post Share on other sites
itsanything Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 As someone who is currently looking for a more serious relationship, I've found that searching for a partner in the pool of online daters has been a rather tricky one. lol I feel like I have done pretty well in terms of picking the right dating apps/sites that suit more of what I'm looking for, and I've gotten skilled at weeding through the crap profiles to get to the more quality ones. One problem that I have encountered however, is how to approach this idea of talking to more than one person at a time. When you are hitting it off with someone, you've met in person, hopefully gone on a few dates, really like each other, and may even possibly have become intimate; at what point is it safe to assume that the exclusivity talk should happen? Many people are into the whole "dating casually" thing these days for weeks and weeks, sometimes months. However, for those of us looking for something more serious, how do you usually handle the fact that this person you are talking to is more than likely talking to/seeing others without being invasive or over stepping boundaries? Don't get me wrong I think people SHOULD talk to more than one person in the beginning, but at what point does it become inappropriate? I'd love to read everyone's experiences/advice. Once I've met someone in person for a date, after the second date with a third lined up, I will cease using online dating sites. I'm a date one person at a time kinda guy though. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 I quit online dating but if you're a one man woman, then you're forced to be super picky, more picky than you might normally be, because they are all coming at you at once, and you need to eliminate. But if you insist on multi dating, then you'd better keep a log of names and hope they don't all ask you out on the same day. Link to post Share on other sites
Mike B. Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 It can be difficult to really describe when it comes to multidating and transitioning to exclusivity. You just know it when it happens. You sort of pick up the vibe from when you are together. A lot of times, there is no specific conversation but sometimes there are. I will use my last 3 relationships as an example starting with last night. Last night, I had a great 3rd date with someone I met online. We learned a lot more about eachother, stayed out late, did a lot of holding and making out. It felt like a relationship and we even made plans to go on specific dates weeks into the future. I knew by the end of the night that it was time to focus only on her and I got the usual vibe that she felt the same way. No exclusivity talk was needed but we both made it clear before we went on our first date that we were looking to eventually have a long term relationship with someone. My relationship that ended 1 year ago, we just dated and dated and some time over weeks of dating, we just became a couple. Everyone else on our calendar just fell off. My relationship from two years ago: Her and I was lying in bed after having sex. We were dating for 3 months. She asked if I was still seeing other women and I told her "yes." She said she couldn't continue to date me if I continued to see other women while we had an active sex life. I said "hey, guess what... I am now only seeing you." We were then exclusive. So, mostly you can feel it but if you really need clarification, just ask but don't make the topic seem too heavy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 As someone who is currently looking for a more serious relationship, I've found that searching for a partner in the pool of online daters has been a rather tricky one. lol I feel like I have done pretty well in terms of picking the right dating apps/sites that suit more of what I'm looking for, and I've gotten skilled at weeding through the crap profiles to get to the more quality ones. One problem that I have encountered however, is how to approach this idea of talking to more than one person at a time. When you are hitting it off with someone, you've met in person, hopefully gone on a few dates, really like each other, and may even possibly have become intimate; at what point is it safe to assume that the exclusivity talk should happen? Many people are into the whole "dating casually" thing these days for weeks and weeks, sometimes months. However, for those of us looking for something more serious, how do you usually handle the fact that this person you are talking to is more than likely talking to/seeing others without being invasive or over stepping boundaries? Don't get me wrong I think people SHOULD talk to more than one person in the beginning, but at what point does it become inappropriate? I'd love to read everyone's experiences/advice. It's best to have the exclusivity conversation before you are intimate with them and certainly very shortly after if it was a heat-of-the-moment experience. And, I always tell women and it applies to men as well, that the first time they sleep with a person with or without that conversation, they should assume it will be a one-night stand until that person shows you otherwise. It happens all the time especially when you've become intimate very early in the dating scenario. It's just best to err on the side of caution with expectations and when words are all you really have to go on at that point. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 ...how to approach this idea of talking to more than one person at a time. When you are hitting it off with someone, you've met in person, hopefully gone on a few dates, really like each other, and may even possibly have become intimate; at what point is it safe to assume that the exclusivity talk should happen? I don't think there are any hard and fast rules here. In my two longer term relationships, and most of the shorter ones as well, it was somehow understood that we were giving each other our undivided attention after a few dates. In my last relationship (the longest) the subject came up after we were together more than a year. We acknowledged that we'd never had the conversation and she asked if I considered us exclusive. I just smiled and said, of course, I thought we had an understanding since about the third date (first sex), and I asked her thoughts... she said, yes, she had the same understanding the whole time. It was strange to even entertain the possibility that one of us might not have considered it exclusive. The topic arose from a LS thread where several posters asserted strong opinions that it can never be assumed, and the conversation is *always* necessary or else it's definitely not exclusive. So I'd say it sort of like... if you have to ask, then you have to ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Free2be89 Posted September 17, 2017 Author Share Posted September 17, 2017 I quit online dating but if you're a one man woman, then you're forced to be super picky, more picky than you might normally be, because they are all coming at you at once, and you need to eliminate. But if you insist on multi dating, then you'd better keep a log of names and hope they don't all ask you out on the same day. I've definitely realized that I have to be much more picky with who I correspond with and that's perfectly fine with me, it saves me a lot of headache and disappointment to be honest. I am certainly a one man woman, however I keep being told that at least in the beginning stages, I need to be more realistic with my expectations of the other person. I personally can only focus on dating one person at a time, but is seeing multiple people a normal practice even for those seeking a serious relationship? I mean if you're truly hitting it off with someone, your interest in meeting others should stop at some point right? lol Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 I am certainly a one man woman, however I keep being told that at least in the beginning stages, I need to be more realistic with my expectations of the other person. I personally can only focus on dating one person at a time, but is seeing multiple people a normal practice even for those seeking a serious relationship? I mean if you're truly hitting it off with someone, your interest in meeting others should stop at some point right? lol YOU do what feels right to you, if you are going to be stressed out, nervous and on edge with juggling multiple women then don't do it. Date one at a time and see where it takes you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 No rules. Just do you... Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Once I've met someone in person for a date, after the second date with a third lined up, I will cease using online dating sites. I'm a date one person at a time kinda guy though. This is how I was when I used OLD. In fact, there were times when I would focus on a single person after one quality first date. There are folks that multi-date because they want to keep their options open. However, I found the opposite to be true. I missed out on what I think could have been a quality relationship (or at least a few more good dates) because I was multi-dating and juggling my schedule. I had two dates scheduled for a weekend and the first one went really well. She texted me that morning and asked me to go for a day hike but I had already made plans with another women. The date with the second woman didn't go very well (some serious red flags) and the first woman opted not to see me any more because I "seemed too busy". I had been trying to make time for both of the women and she felt a bit discouraged because of it. I apologized and told her that I would make more time for her but it was too little too late. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 I am certainly a one man woman, however I keep being told that at least in the beginning stages, I need to be more realistic with my expectations of the other person. Firstly, stop listening to what other people tell you If you're a one man woman then that's fine. You certainly don't have to multi-date if you don't want to. I am a one woman man and I never went beyond 1st date with more than one at once. I didn't find it a hindrance at all; on the contrary, if I had been dating multiple women I would probably have got them mixed up and blown my chances with all of them. As far as expectations of the other person go, well just because you choose not to multi-date, doesn't mean others won't. it is fairly common to multi-date these days at least in the beginning stages so you should expect that your dates will be at least meeting others, up to and after meeting you. If you insist on exclusivity from 1st date then you'll be cutting your dating pool considerably, not to mention coming across as a bit of a clinger. But you don't have to get into a "long-term casual" dating relationship while he checks out all the other options. Make it clear before even meeting that you aren't looking for casual. After 2nd date let him know that you aren't seeing others and gauge his reaction. is seeing multiple people a normal practice even for those seeking a serious relationship? I mean if you're truly hitting it off with someone, your interest in meeting others should stop at some point right? lol It depends what you mean by seeing multiple people I think. If you're talking multiple dates with multiple people then no I don't think that is normal for someone seeking a serious relationship. Meeting more than one at once (ie. talking online to several, arranging several meet ups etc), possibly going on 2nd meetings with more than one... then yes that's fairly normal. In my moral code, I would say 2 dates is enough to know if you want to concentrate on one person or carry on playing the field. I wouldn't want to carry on seeing someone beyond 2nd date if they are still seeing others. As with most things in life, the best solution is to communicate. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts