fred123 Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 (edited) Should the girl you are seeing for 3 months ask you to join her and her friends for their new years night out? Shouldn't she want you there? Edited September 16, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
GemmaUK Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 It would depend upon various things. Plus it's not like there isn't still time to extend an invite if she wishes to nearer the time if the New Years plan allows.
Author fred123 Posted September 16, 2017 Author Posted September 16, 2017 I was talking about this situation last year. Just wanted to know if the girl was interested she woukd have extended me the invite no?
GemmaUK Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 Like I said it would depend upon the plans & situation. If she felt it was too soon into dating to invite you then she doesn't have to invite you and shouldn't be made to feel obligated to invite you.
Author fred123 Posted September 16, 2017 Author Posted September 16, 2017 Like I said it would depend upon the plans & situation. If she felt it was too soon into dating to invite you then she doesn't have to invite you and shouldn't be made to feel obligated to invite you. So its not a red flag?
Miss Spider Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 I think so. If a guy I was dating 3 months didn't invite me to the New Year's with him I would assume that he wasn't that into me/we weren't on the same page.. At three months, I would be passed the casual phase with someone and integrating them slowly into my life. 3
Author fred123 Posted September 16, 2017 Author Posted September 16, 2017 I think so. If a guy I was dating 3 months didn't invite me to the New Year's with him I would assume that he wasn't that into me/we weren't on the same page.. At three months, I would be passed the casual phase with someone and integrating them slowly into my life. Esp the guy she was dating last year she spent new years with him just the two of them after 3 months of dating.
basil67 Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 Depends on the relationship. If 'seeing' refers to something casual, then no, she shouldn't feel obliged to invite you. It if 'seeing' means she that she's your exclusive girlfriend and you hang out with her and her friends, then yes, an invitation would be usual.
Miss Spider Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 Well nye isnt like xmas. It's a pretty chill holiday meant to be spent with with friends and hopefully the object of your affection. At three months, I'm thinking this guy is not wanting to go at the pace I am going at the very least, so I'd probably be spending it with another guy. I think you really need to let this go, Fred. Trying to assess why she did what she did isn't helpful at all. There are plenty of girls out there who would be more than happy to party with you on NYE and kiss you when the new year rolls in. It's not you, please try not to obsess over it
basil67 Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 Esp the guy she was dating last year she spent new years with him just the two of them after 3 months of dating. Why would she invite you if she was dating someone else? Fred, you really would do well to add more context to your posts.
bpb2017 Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 More and more I see the double standards. OP mentioned it was a girl so everyone is answering "it depends". If the OP was a girl talking about a guy then everyones answer would be "move on". 1
Gaeta Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 Was she your official girlfriend? If yes then she should have wanted you there with her. If no, then she owes you nothing. You're just a guy she is 'seeing'. At some point Fred you will have to decide what are YOUR values and what YOU think is normal or not normal in a relationship. You KNEW it felt bad not being invited by her after 'seeing' her for 3 months and instead of trusting your instinct you took the shots one after the other always hoping she'd give you more than crumbs. You KNEW it was wrong, you don't need us to tell you what is wrong and what is right. Just trust your instinct. 1
Author fred123 Posted September 16, 2017 Author Posted September 16, 2017 More and more I see the double standards. OP mentioned it was a girl so everyone is answering "it depends". If the OP was a girl talking about a guy then everyones answer would be "move on". Thats a good point. Is it because women have nore power thab men? Is it because women rather than men dictate the pace of things?
act00 Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 It really depends on the relationship, and I have to say, if after three months of dating, and she/he doesn't want you at New Year's, it's a pretty good sign she/he isn't that into you. I recall not really wanting my boyfriend/guy I'm seeing to go on a couple of occasions in past years because I just wanted to let loose and have fun and I knew he would be a hindrance to that, and I guess this was, subconsciously, me simply not enjoying him that much. And I say subconscious because things seemed good otherwise, but I guess there was a part of me that knew we just weren't a match, it just hadn't surfaced to the conscious mind yet or living in denial, ignoring red flags, etc. I just remember feeling like it was more of a ball and chain situation, not someone I wanted to celebrate with, so while I will consider there may be other reasons for not including the the person they're seeing, I don't see it as the best sign. New Year's Eve can be a difficult hurdle in new relationships. Three months is about when people start to determine that this person really isn't tripping their trigger, so I would see this non-invite as a sign, but depending on the circumstances, it could simply be "too soon" as far as mingling someone in with your friends/family, plans arranged awhile ago that can't be changed, etc.
smackie9 Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 Thats a good point. Is it because women have nore power thab men? Is it because women rather than men dictate the pace of things? Women are the ones who decides if and when you get sex, so yes women have more power.
Author fred123 Posted September 16, 2017 Author Posted September 16, 2017 Women are the ones who decides if and when you get sex, so yes women have more power. How is that fair? 1
Redhead14 Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 I am kinda wondering why the OP, himself, didn't set up something nice for the two of them? If she had these plans before they were dating, I can see why she might not include him. Lot's of New Year's eve events need to be booked in advance. And, if there wasn't enough clarity between the two of them about "where" they were in the relationship, I can also understand why she'd exclude him. You need to look at the whole picture.
Author fred123 Posted September 16, 2017 Author Posted September 16, 2017 It really depends on the relationship, and I have to say, if after three months of dating, and she/he doesn't want you at New Year's, it's a pretty good sign she/he isn't that into you. I recall not really wanting my boyfriend/guy I'm seeing to go on a couple of occasions in past years because I just wanted to let loose and have fun and I knew he would be a hindrance to that, and I guess this was, subconsciously, me simply not enjoying him that much. And I say subconscious because things seemed good otherwise, but I guess there was a part of me that knew we just weren't a match, it just hadn't surfaced to the conscious mind yet or living in denial, ignoring red flags, etc. I just remember feeling like it was more of a ball and chain situation, not someone I wanted to celebrate with, so while I will consider there may be other reasons for not including the the person they're seeing, I don't see it as the best sign. New Year's Eve can be a difficult hurdle in new relationships. Three months is about when people start to determine that this person really isn't tripping their trigger, so I would see this non-invite as a sign, but depending on the circumstances, it could simply be "too soon" as far as mingling someone in with your friends/family, plans arranged awhile ago that can't be changed, etc. Yh unfortunately that wasnt the case. I had asked her earlier if she wanted to do something for new years with me together. She didnt like that i was planning in advance and didnt like to plan and also she wanted to do something with her friends that year cos apparently every year she does it with a boyfriend. I knew last year she and her bf had gone away for 2 days over new years. So this was her reasoning cos she did last year with her boyfriend.
smackie9 Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 How is that fair? It's how nature is. Women instinctively need to be selective in who they want children with. They want the best genes possible. It is in our genetic makeup to make sure our species survives.
Gaeta Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 (edited) I am kinda wondering why the OP, himself, didn't set up something nice for the two of them? If she had these plans before they were dating, I can see why she might not include him. Lot's of New Year's eve events need to be booked in advance. And, if there wasn't enough clarity between the two of them about "where" they were in the relationship, I can also understand why she'd exclude him. You need to look at the whole picture. OP has several threads about his ex gf. that was not a GF! only in his head she was a gf. She used and abused his kind nature for months. She told him with words and actions for months she did not want to be in a relationship with him, or be in a relationship at all. She used him once a week to get hotel sex. She hid him from her friends and co-workers, she degraded him and disrespected him at every chance. He let that going on for 7 months! when finally she met someone and moved on with her life. Now OP does not understand she does all of those fun couple things with her new boyfriend and she did not do them with him. Fred, she was not your GF, she never has been. She was an ice-princess who used you because you let her. Edited September 16, 2017 by Gaeta 3
Redhead14 Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 Oh, yeah, I forgot about all those other posts It's easy to get mixed up with these scenarios . . . they all kinda look a like after a while too.
Author fred123 Posted September 17, 2017 Author Posted September 17, 2017 Yh. I remember mid december i asked her what day she was free to do something. She was umming and ahhing. I also asked her when she went back to work after xmas ( she had 2 weeks ooff from work) so i could see if we could see each other a bit more. She had a go at me and said " stop planning things it puts pressure". So i left it. Never planned anything in advance as i was too scared
hercules22 Posted September 17, 2017 Posted September 17, 2017 you would hope so i would just think she isnt really into me
elaine567 Posted September 17, 2017 Posted September 17, 2017 Yh. I remember mid december i asked her what day she was free to do something. She was umming and ahhing. I also asked her when she went back to work after xmas ( she had 2 weeks ooff from work) so i could see if we could see each other a bit more. She had a go at me and said " stop planning things it puts pressure". So i left it. Never planned anything in advance as i was too scared If she is your gf then she will want to spend time with you, want to arrange things so that you two can be together, she will bend over backwards to make sure she can spend special occasions like New Year with you. She will not make you feel scared and instead she will make you feel loved and wanted. Anyone especially early doors, who is not making a relationship comfortable and easy, is not worth bothering with. Things rarely get better with those type of people, they simply tend to get worse as time goes on.
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