soret Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 Hi all, I've been seeing this guy for about 2.5 months now. We discussed very early on that we are both looking for a serious relationship and he mentioned to me that he is interested at the point in pursuing a 'status' with me. He stays in contact with me every day but we had an issue last week when he bailed out on a date he invited me to the day of. I talked about it with him and it seems like it was a situation where he had a lot of work to do and didn't manage his time well enough. He has failed to reschedule this date by the way. I have been feeling off because of this so I checked his dating profile and sure enough he has updated pictures and his bio. Obviously we are not exclusive but his words are clearly not matching his actions. I myself am serious about him and I haven't been dating others especially when he told me he wants to pursue more. Should I confront him on his update? I feel like he is playing with me at this point.
coolheadal Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 Hi all, I've been seeing this guy for about 2.5 months now. We discussed very early on that we are both looking for a serious relationship and he mentioned to me that he is interested at the point in pursuing a 'status' with me. He stays in contact with me every day but we had an issue last week when he bailed out on a date he invited me to the day of. I talked about it with him and it seems like it was a situation where he had a lot of work to do and didn't manage his time well enough. He has failed to reschedule this date by the way. I have been feeling off because of this so I checked his dating profile and sure enough he has updated pictures and his bio. Obviously we are not exclusive but his words are clearly not matching his actions. I myself am serious about him and I haven't been dating others especially when he told me he wants to pursue more. Should I confront him on his update? I feel like he is playing with me at this point. What gets me that the fact is you already answered your question and yet you still need to ask for advise. Time to move on go find a real man for your heart and not one who is dropping off it. 1
Author soret Posted September 15, 2017 Author Posted September 15, 2017 What gets me that the fact is you already answered your question and yet you still need to ask for advise. Time to move on go find a real man for your heart and not one who is dropping off it. This is true, we just parted ways and I'm feeling better that I dodged a bullet. He said he "really likes me" and is sad it's not working out. LOL 2
coolheadal Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 This is true, we just parted ways and I'm feeling better that I dodged a bullet. He said he "really likes me" and is sad it's not working out. LOL Just because he said he really likes you, doesn't mean it's the truth. It's sad it's not working out, means not really into you and doesn't really like you. Leave the jerk you did that good girl now find a real man for your heart. Let the losers stay loser and let the winners into your heart now! 1
Gaeta Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 This is true, we just parted ways and I'm feeling better that I dodged a bullet. He said he "really likes me" and is sad it's not working out. LOL I would never date a man 2,5 month without talking exclusivity. Sounds like he was not surprised of your change of heart. Better luck next time. 2
bpb2017 Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 we are not exclusive That says it all. If he isn't the BF then you are not allowed to impose rules on him. 1
Author soret Posted September 15, 2017 Author Posted September 15, 2017 That says it all. If he isn't the BF then you are not allowed to impose rules on him. Yeah that's true. I was losing sight of what was important and that was my happiness. I should never have to chase a man. 1
Author soret Posted September 15, 2017 Author Posted September 15, 2017 Just because he said he really likes you, doesn't mean it's the truth. It's sad it's not working out, means not really into you and doesn't really like you. Leave the jerk you did that good girl now find a real man for your heart. Let the losers stay loser and let the winners into your heart now! If he really liked me I would never be in this position. He wouldn't be making me wonder where I stand with him nor would I be on this forum hahaha 2
Miss Spider Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 Yeah in the future I definitely wouldn't Jay so long without the guy trying to make it exclusive if something srs is what you want ...It won't take months for him to figure it out. I'd honestly give it a 4 dates max and if exclusivity isn't agreed on then move on... 1
kendahke Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 Hi all, I've been seeing this guy for about 2.5 months now. We discussed very early on that we are both looking for a serious relationship and he mentioned to me that he is interested at the point in pursuing a 'status' with me. He stays in contact with me every day but we had an issue last week when he bailed out on a date he invited me to the day of. I talked about it with him and it seems like it was a situation where he had a lot of work to do and didn't manage his time well enough. He has failed to reschedule this date by the way. I have been feeling off because of this so I checked his dating profile and sure enough he has updated pictures and his bio. Obviously we are not exclusive but his words are clearly not matching his actions. I myself am serious about him and I haven't been dating others especially when he told me he wants to pursue more. Should I confront him on his update? I feel like he is playing with me at this point. No. Attempting to reprimand a grown man will not go over well. Just delete and block him and move on. That's how you deal with someone you feel is playing you: you stop playing their game or trying to stoop to their level to rekindle interest. Update your dating profile, bait the hook and drop your line in the water. Your involvement reached the point where weak foundational relationships fail. It may have been serious to you, but to him, something was lacking for him, so he lost interest. Does it suck that he didn't come to you? Yes. but he may not have wanted to listen to you grovel and beg for a chance. Not every relationship is supposed to work out. Most of them are just learning experiences that teach you how to spot certain characters before they can get their hooks in you and bring real painful lessons. 1
Sara1989 Posted September 16, 2017 Posted September 16, 2017 Sorry honey but you need to next this guy, no guy at this stage who was interested in you would be updating his bio and pictures.
Author soret Posted September 17, 2017 Author Posted September 17, 2017 Yeah in the future I definitely wouldn't Jay so long without the guy trying to make it exclusive if something srs is what you want ...It won't take months for him to figure it out. I'd honestly give it a 4 dates max and if exclusivity isn't agreed on then move on... Okay thank you this is good advice. I never know when to have the talk of being exclusive or even if I should have it but I think I need to put my foot down and just say "if we are talking about wanting a serious relationship and we've been on a few dates I need to ask if you are considering being exclusive". I also get different advice where I should sit back and let him chase and do the work instead. No. Attempting to reprimand a grown man will not go over well. Just delete and block him and move on. That's how you deal with someone you feel is playing you: you stop playing their game or trying to stoop to their level to rekindle interest. Update your dating profile, bait the hook and drop your line in the water. Your involvement reached the point where weak foundational relationships fail. It may have been serious to you, but to him, something was lacking for him, so he lost interest. Does it suck that he didn't come to you? Yes. but he may not have wanted to listen to you grovel and beg for a chance. Not every relationship is supposed to work out. Most of them are just learning experiences that teach you how to spot certain characters before they can get their hooks in you and bring real painful lessons. Thats the thing though, we still talked every day after I was waiting for him to reschedule so it confused me. Why keep me around if he was on the fence? I guess I'd have to be a player type to really understand him. I'm glad I told him how I felt because I don't think he realized what he was doing and maybe I just needed it for closure instead of just ghosting. Sorry honey but you need to next this guy, no guy at this stage who was interested in you would be updating his bio and pictures. No not at all. I wish I told him that I saw he updated it.
HarmonyDriven Posted September 17, 2017 Posted September 17, 2017 (edited) Your intent = serious relationship After 2.5 months - you are not exclusive. IMO, this is plenty of time to decide if both parties want to be exclusive. He showed you who he is.....BELIEVE him. If I were in your shoes, I would send him a text or email (written form is fine in this case (IMO) since only 2.5 months and no exclusivity) noting you had fun with him while it lasted but realize you two are not a good match overall and it's time to move on.....wish him the best. Then move on, find someone who will have the same intentions as you. Good luck As a side note, I recall back in 2013, I was dating a guy for about 6 weeks, we were not dating other people. However, I felt the need to somewhat define what we had, call it boyfriend/girlfriend or being exclusive. This guy wasn't sure and did not feel ready I guess. I cut him loose and moved on. I cried, I was sad.....but oh well, it worked out for the best....things like this usually do. Funny thing, several months later, he texted me a video of something we liked doing.....I did not respond....well I did - I deleted the video. I was already dating other guys and having fun. So....this too, shall pass. Edited September 17, 2017 by HarmonyDriven 1
itsanything Posted September 17, 2017 Posted September 17, 2017 Hi all, I've been seeing this guy for about 2.5 months now. We discussed very early on that we are both looking for a serious relationship and he mentioned to me that he is interested at the point in pursuing a 'status' with me. He stays in contact with me every day but we had an issue last week when he bailed out on a date he invited me to the day of. I talked about it with him and it seems like it was a situation where he had a lot of work to do and didn't manage his time well enough. He has failed to reschedule this date by the way. I have been feeling off because of this so I checked his dating profile and sure enough he has updated pictures and his bio. Obviously we are not exclusive but his words are clearly not matching his actions. I myself am serious about him and I haven't been dating others especially when he told me he wants to pursue more. Should I confront him on his update? I feel like he is playing with me at this point. Sounds like he is playing you. I only date one person at a time and once we've hit 2+ dates with plans for additional ones, I pause/delete my dating accounts.
Author soret Posted September 17, 2017 Author Posted September 17, 2017 Your intent = serious relationship After 2.5 months - you are not exclusive. IMO, this is plenty of time to decide if both parties want to be exclusive. He showed you who he is.....BELIEVE him. If I were in your shoes, I would send him a text or email (written form is fine in this case (IMO) since only 2.5 months and no exclusivity) noting you had fun with him while it lasted but realize you two are not a good match overall and it's time to move on.....wish him the best. Then move on, find someone who will have the same intentions as you. Good luck As a side note, I recall back in 2013, I was dating a guy for about 6 weeks, we were not dating other people. However, I felt the need to somewhat define what we had, call it boyfriend/girlfriend or being exclusive. This guy wasn't sure and did not feel ready I guess. I cut him loose and moved on. I cried, I was sad.....but oh well, it worked out for the best....things like this usually do. Funny thing, several months later, he texted me a video of something we liked doing.....I did not respond....well I did - I deleted the video. I was already dating other guys and having fun. So....this too, shall pass. I sent him a big long message after he texted me saying it's not going to work out. I told him why I was upset with his behaviour and wished him well. He read the message but never replied. This showed me how little he cares. My only issue now is to realize I wasn't the problem but he was. He also hasn't removed me off of social media and continues to look at my snapchat stories? Whats the point?
Author soret Posted September 17, 2017 Author Posted September 17, 2017 Sounds like he is playing you. I only date one person at a time and once we've hit 2+ dates with plans for additional ones, I pause/delete my dating accounts. I think he was having trouble with dating multiple people which was why he didn't reschedule with me. Simply because he had other options
HarmonyDriven Posted September 17, 2017 Posted September 17, 2017 What's the point? You are right.....he was the issue/problem. No point dwelling over this guy.....not worth it. IMO, at this juncture, I would delete him from all social media stuff, cell phone contacts, etc.... out of sight, out of mind. This shows you are serious and will move on. Take a few days, weeks to regroup and get back out there! It's better you found out now.....you will be fine! Do keep an open mind for the next guy, a clean slate if you will. You never know when the right guy comes along.
Author soret Posted September 18, 2017 Author Posted September 18, 2017 What's the point? You are right.....he was the issue/problem. No point dwelling over this guy.....not worth it. IMO, at this juncture, I would delete him from all social media stuff, cell phone contacts, etc.... out of sight, out of mind. This shows you are serious and will move on. Take a few days, weeks to regroup and get back out there! It's better you found out now.....you will be fine! Do keep an open mind for the next guy, a clean slate if you will. You never know when the right guy comes along. I've deleted his phone number and I've unfollowed his facebook updates so he's out of sight. I've usually just unfriended guys in the past after we parted ways and I'm going to see if I can handle having him on my friends list. If I can't I will just delete him. I'm going to keep an open mind. Pretty much the day after we parted ways I had two old matches on tinder message me so I guess that's a sign hahah 1
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