ZealousRomantic Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 So about 2 week ago a friend of mine(well say Doug) invited me to a small get together where he reintroduced me to this girl(Stacy) . We all hung out as a group but I didn't really get the chance to talk with her. But I did learn she just gout out of a pretty long relationship. a few days later Doug told me that she was interested but not really because of the recent break up. So he invited us both to another get together where we talked a bit more and Apparently she was trying to get me drunk so I take this as a good sign right? So later that night after we all left Stacy texts me at like 3 am saying if I ever wanted to have sex ith her she was down if I was. So the very next day I went to her place expecting some quick meaningless rebound sex. At this point i still don't really know her but after spending some time just the two of us and actually getting to know her I started to really like her personality she was extremely nice and not my typical booty call I was definitely caught off guard. And didn't want to be the rebound guy anymore. Next thing I know we're starting to have sex and I'm just not into anymore. So we spend the rest of the day just talking I didn't want to emergency exit. I thought it would be rude. And I left later that night. A few days later she invited me to a play (we both like musicals) we went and i think it went well she invited me back to her place. I feel like I should've turned it down but didn't because I didn't want to be rude. And I like spending time with her. Despite really wanting to have sex with her I couldn't bring myself to do it(i know something must be wrong with me) it's been like a week since that day we've talked intermittently since then via texting and snap chat. But not about the sex. Today we talked about it. I apologized for not bringing it up sooner and asked for her thoughts. And she said "no you're fine! It's probably for the best that we don't, I've thought about it and I don't want either of us to end up getting hurt" I think this is fair since she just got out of a relationship and things were definitely weird. Or this could be her trying to let me down easy. I would still like to date her seriously and I was thinking maybe staying in touch and sort of wait until she's more comfortable and ask her out Or should I just let the dream die?
Mike B. Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 I think overall you handled this well. I encourage you to continue to handle it well. Despite that you didn't have sex and have her as a girlfriend, these experiences in dating are still a win. You met someone nice and enjoyed your time with her. It won't always end in marriage and kids. These sort of situations are very tricky for even the most experienced to navigate because she is getting over a long term relationship and there is no special formula to maneuver through the process she is going through. In this sort of situation, I like to back off a bit and hope she remembers the very positive experince she had after she has gotten over her ex and maybe she would give me a call and a chance someday. If not, I still appreciate the good times we had. If she calls you and wants to set up another date, acceot it but you really have to take it slow or you run the risk of scaring her off. Rebounders typically try to move fast in the beginning like wanting sex quickly and such but outside of sex, you have to try to make sure things don't fly too quick on your end or a crash and burn will occur almost certainly. If this were me, I would let her do most of the driving in the beginning. Good luck.
lurker74 Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 That's a tough spot. And fair warning...I'm going to be painting with a broad brush here that may offend people so change the channel if you don't want to read broad (but potentially accurate) generalizations. So, women are fickle. They kind of have to be because they have the vast majority of the burden of making a sexual mistake. Not just pregnancy but slut shaming and the like. So they have a tendency to hold back until they reach a certain point. That point is different for every woman but overall, it's usually further down the line than the man she is talking to...that is, most guys will be willing to get in bad faster. OK, so in this case, she decided to hit that point pretty fast and texted you about sex. In her mind, then, when you showed up, it was GO GO GO time. When you hesitated and were more respectful, it may have actually confused her. Then when you weren't into it the next time, a funny thing happened. Women often expect that when they give the signal, the man jumps. If he doesn't, it's not uncommon for them to look at the man as less masculine. Although this is just one example, my last significant GF was very sexual and we had sex a lot. Not to brag, but she often ended the night (or morning) completely spent, exhausted, and sore, so it wasn't that I was not capable. But later in the relationship, I held off once or twice because of our relationship issues and she viewed it as less than manly (sadly). That was her mistake but we both had to live with the consequences. For Stacy, there's a chance that when she twice gave you the go signal and you responded more as a friend with LT potential, she may have subconsciously started to friendzone you. As you no doubt know, friendzone is often an enter only proposition and hard to get back out of. So I would suggest you have another talk, tell her that you were surprised but that you were interested in dating her, not just banging, but that she's not ready right now and if she gets to that point, call you. Then back off. No text, no call, let her come to you. Otherwise, my friend, I think you might as well buy some real estate in friendzone. Of course, this is all via the internet...I could have read the entire situation wrong. Good luck!
Mike B. Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 That's a tough spot. And fair warning...I'm going to be painting with a broad brush here that may offend people so change the channel if you don't want to read broad (but potentially accurate) generalizations. So, women are fickle. They kind of have to be because they have the vast majority of the burden of making a sexual mistake. Not just pregnancy but slut shaming and the like. So they have a tendency to hold back until they reach a certain point. That point is different for every woman but overall, it's usually further down the line than the man she is talking to...that is, most guys will be willing to get in bad faster. OK, so in this case, she decided to hit that point pretty fast and texted you about sex. In her mind, then, when you showed up, it was GO GO GO time. When you hesitated and were more respectful, it may have actually confused her. Then when you weren't into it the next time, a funny thing happened. Women often expect that when they give the signal, the man jumps. If he doesn't, it's not uncommon for them to look at the man as less masculine. Although this is just one example, my last significant GF was very sexual and we had sex a lot. Not to brag, but she often ended the night (or morning) completely spent, exhausted, and sore, so it wasn't that I was not capable. But later in the relationship, I held off once or twice because of our relationship issues and she viewed it as less than manly (sadly). That was her mistake but we both had to live with the consequences. For Stacy, there's a chance that when she twice gave you the go signal and you responded more as a friend with LT potential, she may have subconsciously started to friendzone you. As you no doubt know, friendzone is often an enter only proposition and hard to get back out of. So I would suggest you have another talk, tell her that you were surprised but that you were interested in dating her, not just banging, but that she's not ready right now and if she gets to that point, call you. Then back off. No text, no call, let her come to you. Otherwise, my friend, I think you might as well buy some real estate in friendzone. Of course, this is all via the internet...I could have read the entire situation wrong. Good luck! The way that I took his post, and I could be wrong here, is that he actually tried to have sex with her but when they started to he "wasn't into it anymore." So I don't think he actually turned it down. I took it as that he "couldn't get it up." I could be wrong though but that is just they way I took it. No shame in this. Sometimes men are so excited about getting some that they focus too much on getting it up and it doesn't happen.
Author ZealousRomantic Posted September 15, 2017 Author Posted September 15, 2017 Thanks for the quick reply and good advice. The one thing that worries me though, Doug and Stacy are good friends(of about 9 years) and I know he'll want to invite us both if something comes up. I feel like this could ultimately work against me.
Author ZealousRomantic Posted September 15, 2017 Author Posted September 15, 2017 The way that I took his post, and I could be wrong here, is that he actually tried to have sex with her but when they started to he "wasn't into it anymore." So I don't think he actually turned it down. I took it as that he "couldn't get it up." I could be wrong though but that is just they way I took it. No shame in this. Sometimes men are so excited about getting some that they focus too much on getting it up and it doesn't happen. Yeah this is what happened. I should probably just let her know how I feel anyway and leave it up to her that she may pursue something serious later on if she chooses. Thanks for the replies folks.
Mike B. Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 Yeah this is what happened. I should probably just let her know how I feel anyway and leave it up to her that she may pursue something serious later on if she chooses. Thanks for the replies folks. Wait. Slow down. You want to tell a woman on the rebound how you feel? Don't. Absolutely Do not tell her how you feel. Just be fun and upbeat. Do not slow the record down.
Author ZealousRomantic Posted September 15, 2017 Author Posted September 15, 2017 So what? Just kinda Remain casual? Talk occasionally? And see what happens? I don't think I'll be able to completely avoid her if that's what you're suggesting
Mike B. Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 (edited) So what? Just kinda Remain casual? Talk occasionally? And see what happens? I don't think I'll be able to completely avoid her if that's what you're suggesting Well, you cannot exactly be "fun and upbeat" as I advised above if you are "completely avoiding her." Hey, man, do what comes naturally to you. Good luck. Edited September 15, 2017 by Mike B.
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