lunarbabe Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 I feel like getting my brother on the phone and having you dealt with. You should be ashamed of yourself. Why did you need to kiss my wife, my lover, my best friend? Until I can get over this, I see her as tainted by you poison. You had better appreciate what happened, because it will never happen again. You my friend have been blessed with touching the lips of one of the most magnificent people in the world. Remember that when you are kissing that random next guy, and think of how little the current kiss really means compared to the kiss from her. I hope it tortures you, I hope you feel like you are in hell. There will be no salvation for you, ever. I don’t blame you for wanting to kiss her, she is amazing, but you knew how I felt about it. You betrayed me and I thought we were just becoming friends. Well you ****ed that up. I don’t trust you, and probably never will because of this. That is your punishment, not getting to know me, probably the 2nd most magnificent person in the world, and that, my friend, is your loss. How sad and lonely your life must be to have to find a lesbian to kiss and be intimate with. I found out a short time ago that when you were younger, you ****ed a dog. Probably not the most tactful thing for me to bring up, but you asked for it. Just because you need to find men who are not emotionally available, does not give you the right to take my emotionally available woman. Who do you think you are; you pampas prick!!! Oh by the way, you left your sweater here which I am going to shred into pieces and throw on your impeccably coifed lawn. You ****ing prick. You are the worst sort of trash that I have ever encountered. You’re ****ing corroded, acid laced, gross, male lips. I didn’t want to even touch her after she told me what had happened, never mind kiss her. I never want to touch you ever again, never hug, never smell your expensive cologne, and never shake hands, never. You are a sad little, tiny, speck of a man, aren’t you?
RecordProducer Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 Huh? You sound more gay that the two of them! If you know your wife is lesbian then why do you expect love from her? Is she lesbian or bi-sexual? She is the one who betrayed you, not him whatsoever! And it's just a kiss. Given from a woman who is not straight and is probably seeking herself sexually, it's no surprise... Why so much anger? Have you talked to her?
pvtpylot Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Huh? You sound more gay that the two of them! If you know your wife is lesbian then why do you expect love from her? Is she lesbian or bi-sexual? I believe the OP is a woman.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 It's just a fu*king kiss ... She has most likely been kissed by a lot of people in her life .. Not all Girls.. Get ovet it !! Maybe your girlfriend isn't a true lez and she is really bisexual .. It was her that did you wrong.. The kissee not the kisser
Craig Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 Originally posted by lunarbabe I feel like getting my brother on the phone and having you dealt with... ... Until I can get over this, I see her as tainted by you poison. Did your wife kiss this guy back? It seems like the problems in your relationship go deeper than just a kiss by a man. You both have challenges to deal with--this relationship and any future relationships are doomed unless you deal with the problems that dwell within both of you.
Sal Paradise Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 I'm assume you're a woman, going by your name and the fact that you describe your wife as a lesbian. I'm not going to say "its just a kiss." It depends on the nature of the kiss. If it was just a friendly kiss as one would kiss their sister then I don't see the big deal. A few questions..... 1) Was it a romantic kiss or a friendly kiss? By friendly kiss I mean the way someone would kiss a sister or child. A romantic kiss to me is something more, sometimes involving tongue but not always. I guess the best way to describe it is a kiss of passion. 2) Did your wife kiss this person back or was it all one way? If it was a friendly kiss then you're overreacting. If it was a romantic kiss then you have every right to be pissed at this person. If your wife kissed them back and it was a romantic kiss then I would consider that cheating. If thats the case you should be mad at her as well.
Author lunarbabe Posted August 15, 2005 Author Posted August 15, 2005 Hi to everyone. Thanks so much for being interested in what is going on. I posted the letter as a therapeutic tool, but now I think I should explain a little more. I am a lesbian and my partner, lets call her Anne, and I have been together for 10 years. She has always been the more sexual one. She was very sexually experienced when we got together and she had been in open relationships until we got together. She promised to be monogamous for me and I was happy about it. Last Friday, she told me that she kissed this boy, let’s call him Dave. We’ve become very friendly with Dave and his partner. We’d go over there and play games, we’d get drunk, watch movies. We all had great friendships starting. Dave and Anne had bonded in the last couple of months. There are many things that they have in common. Anyway, Thursday night they had a ‘night out’, got drunk and came back to our apt. Anne and I had discussed the possibility of Dave being a sperm donor for our first baby. I had told her that I was uncomfortable with that because he does not practice safe sex, he is in an open relationship, and he and his partner have sex with random men all the time. UNPROTECTED sex. I refused to use him. Anne told Dave this while they were drunk. Dave said that he would start to use protection and get HIV tested every 3 months until we were ready. It really meant a lot to him. I guess this was the moment. Dave asked Anne if he could kiss her and she said yes. Anne says that it wasn’t sexual, that they just needed to get the kiss “out of the way”. Anne told me that she wouldn’t do it again, with anyone ever again. I made her promise. She also told me that she isn’t attracted to him and she doesn’t want to have sex with him. I just don’t understand why they had to kiss. I kicked Anne out of the house for a week while I processed what had happened. I realized that a kiss isn’t worth throwing away a 10 year relationship so Anne and I are in the healing process. But I haven’t seen or spoken to Dave since. I’m trying to figure out how to handle him. Anne wants very much to remain friends with him and his partner. I really liked them before this happened, and I still like Dave's partner, but right now I don't even want to see Dave. Any suggestions?
guest Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Anger management. Babe, you're volatile. Considering the background you really went overboard in your reaction. You owe everyone concerned an apology. If not perhaps you should consider changing the first part of your screen name from"lunar" to "loony"
harleygirl92156 Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 they were drunk and talking about having a baby for the two of you. It was a bonding kiss like I would love to help the two of you with this. Get over it.
Craig Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Well if Dave was "overcome" with joy at the prospect of being a sperm donor and he is gay and Anne is lesbian and the kiss was not a passionate romantic kiss I don't see what the problem is. Anne was honest and told you what happened. I think you might owe Anne and Dave an apology.
Author lunarbabe Posted August 15, 2005 Author Posted August 15, 2005 I understand why many of you would think that I should apologize to Anne and Dave, but they knew exactly what my beliefs were in regards to marrage and fidelity and they still kissed. I just don't understand the kiss. I don't think I ever will. How can a kiss not be sexual? Anne described it as "minutes long", then she said that it probably wasn't more then 1 minute. It was an open mouthed kiss and she told me that she grabbed his ass while they were kissing. I know i sound obsessed by this, but it really is difficult for me. When Anne told me about it, I really felt like she cheated on me. I felt betrayed and disrespected. Believe me, I know it could have been worse, but I can't change the way that I feel. Anne and I are on the mend, we spent this past weekend talking and loving eachother. I don't know what to do about Dave though. It was much easier to forgive Anne. I mean we have history and I want a future with her. Dave is a different story.
Sal Paradise Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 How can a kiss not be sexual? Never kissed a sibling, or parent? Seriously you're way too insecure if you think all forms of kissing are sexual. I would suggest never going to certain parts of Europe.
Author lunarbabe Posted August 16, 2005 Author Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by Sal Paradise Never kissed a sibling, or parent? Seriously you're way too insecure if you think all forms of kissing are sexual. I would suggest never going to certain parts of Europe. You know what, this was a very hurtful event in my life, its not fair for you to split hairs here, do you french kiss your sibling or parent and grab their asses? This is what I was referring to when I said how can it not be sexual. I was asking for advise, not mocking.
mental_traveller Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by lunarbabe You know what, this was a very hurtful event in my life, its not fair for you to split hairs here, do you french kiss your sibling or parent and grab their asses? This is what I was referring to when I said how can it not be sexual. I was asking for advise, not mocking. I agree with you, it was out of line. Quite frankly I think you're being a bit spineless for sticking with her and eating it up.
Spectre Posted August 17, 2005 Posted August 17, 2005 I agree it isnt that big a deal if they just kissed, however, you are implying you have specific beliefs that they shouldnt kiss, and you also imply they knew about these, given that information it does make the situation worse since it wasnt innocent since they knew you wouldnt like it, for instance if i had a gf and she kissed another girl I wouldnt care(unless she was like in love, i Know some girls kiss for fun) but, if i told her I was uncomfortable with her doing that and she still did it..well you can see the difference
Author lunarbabe Posted August 17, 2005 Author Posted August 17, 2005 I've spoken to both of them now about what happened. I ended up screaming at Dave and saying some very hurtful things at him. Some of which I said in my Open Letter. It seems that they both misunderstood my boundry. Dave had no idea that i would consider a kiss between friends infedelity. And Anne remembers me letting her know that she could kiss Dave if it ever came up. Everyone agrees that my boundries are understood now. And that nothing like this will ever happen again. Who thinks I'm insecure? I mean, I don't think I reacted so harshly becasue I'm insecure. I reacted harshly becasue I felt betrayed and disrespected. I guess my question is why do I have the boundry in the first place. i really can't see being happy or even indifferent if Anne kisses or screws someone else. is that insecurity?
Spectre Posted August 17, 2005 Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by lunarbabe It seems that they both misunderstood my boundry. Dave had no idea that i would consider a kiss between friends infedelity. And Anne remembers me letting her know that she could kiss Dave if it ever came up. It seems unlikely they would misunderstand, unless you went out of your way to say "if my gf kisses someone it bothers me unless its her gay friend" which u probably didnt, and she remembers you letting her know she could kiss some dude if it ever came up? first of all, there is NEVER an instance, whether the girl and guy are straight, that a girl and guy who are friends just need to kiss, thats just BS they are feeding you there Everyone agrees that my boundries are understood now. And that nothing like this will ever happen again. are you sure? what is the difference between what u told them your beliefs were before the kiss than after? Who thinks I'm insecure? I mean, I don't think I reacted so harshly becasue I'm insecure. I reacted harshly becasue I felt betrayed and disrespected. Hell i'd feel the same way, to me its like, even if my gf didnt wanna be kissing some dude, she put herself in the position to let it happen you know? I'd be damn insecure to, if she is supposed to be lesbian yet gets oh so caught up in the moment that her friend is finally gonna use protection(oh boy, yipee!) and stuff like that and has to kiss some guy, she isnt trustworthy I guess my question is why do I have the boundry in the first place. i really can't see being happy or even indifferent if Anne kisses or screws someone else. is that insecurity? No its not, its just common sense, if you have a gf you expect them not to screw around behind your back or kiss other ppl, if my gf told me she kissed some guy friend in a moment of happiness it isnt even funny how quickly her ass would be dumped, its kind of disrespectful already to do that(i mean, if she is willin to go kiss gays out of excitement, kinda takes away from the meaning when you guys kiss) but its even more disrespectful to do it when the partner had specifically said not to and you also made it seem like this guy dave is a manslut..since you said he has a bunch of unprotected sex(REALLY smart for a gay to do) with strangers..I mean hell even kissin your gf now youre kissin every skanky ass dude this guy has kissed, I'd feel the same if my gf kissed the town whore, that stuff is nasty, and she wants this guy to be the sperm donor? wow
Author lunarbabe Posted August 18, 2005 Author Posted August 18, 2005 I'm going to see Dave today at lunch time. If you look back in the replies, I said that I spoke to him on the phone and said some pretty nasty things to him. I sent him, his partner (who has been stuck in the middle) and Anne an email yesterday stating that I wanted to try and patch things up between all of us. He replied and said that he needed to talk to me one on one. and that this time he was going to do the talking. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. Anne says that I shouldn't anticipate what's going to happen, but I just know I'm gonna get pissed again. Anne said to set ground rules with him before he starts talking. One of them will have to be this " i don't think we can communicate effectively" Dave is very much a logical thinker, he doesn't really talk about his feelings. Unless of course he's stinking drunk, then he is all about feelings and kissing. OK, OK, that was sarcastic, but I am a feelings and emotional based person. Dave and I just can't relate. I think that Dave and Anne bonded becasue she is the same - a very logical person. Of course I've worn her down. She has learned alot from me in the past 10 years about being a much more feeling person. and we've had those 10 years to develop communication paths. With Dave on the other hand, I don't have the 10 years, and i'm not really sure I like him that much to even try. Well, I guess we shall see what happens.
Sun Ripened Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Are you people seriously trying to say that you wouldn't be upset if your partner/spouse of ten years kissed someone else? Lunar, you had every right to be upset. It is infidelity. The boudaries were understood and I'm sure that everyone was busy playing dumb about it in order to protect their own a$$es. I don't know if I would have kicked my husband out for a kiss but I sure as hell would have been livid, yelling, and question what the hell he was thinking. Not to mention that you were only told what they chose to tell you, for all you know it could have been more and they were merely testing the waters with you. Incidents like this call into to question the entire relationship. I think you all are being rather blase about the whole thing for lunar. She has every right to be hurt and angry. I don't many of you would have shrugged your shoulders and thought nothing of it if it were your partner. Lunar, your not looney, your hurt. You have a right to those feelings. Instead of raging outwardly, as that just won't help you in the long run, try talking to a counselor, writing in a journal, and maybe go to couples counseling with Anne. These are issues that need to be dealt with before having a child. Best of luck to you and Anne.
Author lunarbabe Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 Thank you Sun!! You are very nice, and I believe I will start writing in a journal again. I used to when I was young, and I remember it being very theraputic. Well, I saw Dave yesterday at lunch time and we talked. He is so young!! I forget about that. My wife and I are 35 and he is 26 or 27 I think. We worked it out. He told me that he really wants to be my friend and he is very sorry for everthing that happened. The one thing he really wants me to believe is that he never thought I would consider that cheating. He doesn't want me to see him as a monster or a villan that would knowingly hurt me. You know some people these days, I guess I'm married to one, believe that somehow its ok for friends to kiss and sleep together, that its love without being 'in love' its just being fun and phisical. Its been explained to me as someone being totally secure in your relationship and completely trusting your partner. I mean, I think there are alot of couples out there that are successful with that type of relationship. I just don't ever think that I can be one of those people. But I guess just because someone has a different opinion then mine doesn't make them wrong, just different. Last night I went out with 2 of my girlfriends and told them the whole story. One of them was shocked and the other was like " well if it didn't mean anything", she said "they aren't attracted to eachother, its not gonna lead anywhere" The shocked one said "I can't believe you got over it so fast" (it is 2 weeks ago today that Anne told me) So I'm going to the city this weekend. Anne and I are celebrating out 8 year wedding anniversary. We've been together 10, but had a commitment ceramony 8 years ago. Hopefully we can put this whole ugly thing behind us and just move on.
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