Dumpee regrets?

[Blanco]

It's a waste of time to raise somebody else's kids. Never date a single mother!

 

Don't agree with this at all. I've done this, and while the relationship didn't work out, her kids were one of the best things that ever happened to me.

[Downanddown]

@frigginlost did she ever admit to you that she cheated?

 

Its funny. We spoke about the rent about a week after the breakup, once that conversation ended ou5 of the blue she says ' you know i didnt cheat on you"

 

Just curious if yours came clean or not. It will be a cold day in hell before she would ever admit that to me..let alone herself

[Downanddown]

And i believe nothing physical went on. I just dont think she considers emotional cheating...cheating which in some cases makes it worse

[frigginlost]

@frigginlost did she ever admit to you that she cheated?

 

Its funny. We spoke about the rent about a week after the breakup, once that conversation ended ou5 of the blue she says ' you know i didnt cheat on you"

 

Just curious if yours came clean or not. It will be a cold day in hell before she would ever admit that to me..let alone herself

 

I'd put money on it that she cheated on you. Her actions of projection scream it. Picking fights, never satisfied, always your fault, etc. All traits of a cheater. The fact she brought up she didn't cheat out of nowhere tells me she did. Cheaters are fantastic liars...

 

My ex came clean 9 months after it happened. The guilt was ripping her apart from the inside ( I hope it hurt ) and she started slipping with her stories about the particular week it happened. I'm one very patient individual so I let her own ego walk her into the gallows. It was the most brutal experience in the world to know the truth and listen to her lie to me.

 

When I felt as though she thought she had me totally brain washed, I dropped the bomb that I knew. I had every route she could use as an "out" covered as I had been planning for 3 months. She had absolutely no clue I had it in me to not only take her down, but to also take down the other guy as well (he had a girlfriend).

[Downanddown]

9 months...crazy how peoples minds work.

Well i hope me ex is ridden with guilt as well.

 

Its really hard to beleive anything physical went on maybe a kiss here and there certainly could of happened. I guess il never know

[Downanddown]

And it seem alot come clean once there honeymoon phases wears off..

[frigginlost]

9 months...crazy how peoples minds work.

Well i hope me ex is ridden with guilt as well.

 

Its really hard to beleive anything physical went on maybe a kiss here and there certainly could of happened. I guess il never know

 

If there is one thing I learned going through the cheating experience, it is that the truth always comes out. Always.

 

It may not happen right away, but it will happen.

 

Cheaters/Liars/Manipulators all have one thing in common: They think they are too smart for everyone else. With every lie their ego and sense of control inflates so they just keep traveling down that path. What they don't understand, is that it is at that point when they slip up. Badly.

 

I walked, and I mean literally walked, my ex right into me busting her. The look on her face is something I'll never forget. It was the most satisfying experience to see her whole world of lies come tumbling down around her and her not having one single thing to grasp on to.

 

Her and the guy she cheated with didn't work out. The damage I caused by obliterating both of their egos and having my ducks in a row (I had the girlfriend of the guy she was cheating with in my back pocket, and we worked together to destroy their fairy tale) was too much for them to handle. They lasted about 8 months before he went begging for his previous girlfriend he cheated on. She told him to shove off. He's still single...

 

My ex is now with *another* guy and has been for almost a year...

 

Don't think that you will never know if she did or did not. More than likely it will come out...

[Downanddown]

Did you blame yourself at all for awhile?

 

Like it was your fault for not meeting her needs etc..

[frigginlost]

Did you blame yourself at all for awhile?

 

Like it was your fault for not meeting her needs etc..

 

Oh sure. It's part of the healing process. For the first 6 months I thought like that. What was it about me that caused it. But, as time goes on you realize that that nothing you say or do is going to change someones mind about cheating. They are going to cheat no matter what you say or do. You have no control over it. Women/Men who are treated like Kings and Queens still cheat. They are wired wrong for relationships. Can they change? Sure, but it takes years of help and a dedication that most just don't do (there are a few on these boards that have done the work to change, and if you ask them, it did not happen overnight). Most figure "well, I'm already a cheater, so cheating again is no big deal".

 

Nothing you said or did with your ex caused her to cheat. That was her decision. Nobody in the same position you were in would have met her needs. Nobody.

[Downanddown]

I just wish i new for certain.

 

You sound like a reasonable guy with a good head on your shoulders.

 

Would leaving our place the night we got into a fight. We did technically breakup...go to her exs place and sleep with him be considered cheating?

 

I mean they must of had discussions behind ny back no doubt or least her feelings started to change. But she did end it.

 

Just trying to get a perspective

[Stephen44]

Sorry to hear it. The end with the barbecue -- she had been cheating before that most likely. Nobody has an argument then runs to sleep with their ex.

 

Similar thing happened to me with a 3-yr relationship. losing the kids and all. Tough when you're a single guy. Hang in there!

[Maldives]

Hey guys.

 

Long time reader first time writer.

 

Im 6 weeks into a 6.5 year breakup. My ex broke it off after a fight we go into, left the house and went to her exs place. They slept together and poof...6.5 years down the drain.

 

Little back story. She has 2 beautiful kids that i helped raise for those years. Her ex has always been in the picture since they have split custody. I wouldnt say we were friends but were always polite to each other. Anyways...just a little bummed out right now. I understand if your not happy not to stay i just felt the move she pulled was a real kick in the teeth. She moved all of her stuff back into his place the next day.

 

I totally get it. Its the father of her children. I figured i just deserved a little more respect as to how things ended. I rasied those kids like they were my own and she kicked me aside like i didnt even exist. I had to reach out to her 1 month post break up just so i could get some closure with the kids. Its like she didnt even think i cared.

 

I put her through school. Roof over her head. Family trips..i mean you name it..and dont get me wrong im not saying shes entitled to stay becuase of grand gestures..but betrayal is one ugly emotional scar as obviosuly she was talking to him behind my back about who knows what.

 

I blame myself BUT i do know one thing. I did not push her there. That was a choice she made. Thats what helps me through the day.

 

Just looking for some support is all.

 

 

Hey dude betrayal is awful I've had it happen to me like 4 times now the worst was a few yrs back where the ex cheated wth my close friend no friend anymore.

 

My latest break up is almost identical to urrs 6 yrs together and she has 2 kids as well. It's been a yr we work together and only today I just broke down and it's been a yr working together is not good for healing makes it hard as u see too much. I too also got kicked to the curb and she hooked up wth a guy in the office it was painful thankfully h3 left and moved overseas . It still very challenging working wth her she craves attention especially from men in the office and it's not been fun. I'm on the verge of leaving hanging by a thread because it's a very good job.

 

In my case I was totally blindsided as she use to say things like ur my soulmate, whenever met anyone like u ok never leave u it'll be u leaving me lol and thrbtotal opposite of what actually ended up happening.

 

Anyway I hope my story helped u somewhat wth ur pain.

Edited August 31, 2017 by Goodguy05

[Maldives]

It's a waste of time to raise somebody else's kids. Never date a single mother!

 

 

I have to Say i totally correct and on the money. Single mothers have too much baggage

Edited August 31, 2017 by Goodguy05

[frigginlost]

I just wish i new for certain.

 

You sound like a reasonable guy with a good head on your shoulders.

 

Would leaving our place the night we got into a fight. We did technically breakup...go to her exs place and sleep with him be considered cheating?

 

I mean they must of had discussions behind ny back no doubt or least her feelings started to change. But she did end it.

 

Just trying to get a perspective

 

"Technically" no, that's not cheating. But honestly, it's semantics. I would put serious money on it that she was cheating with this guy. No "normal" person would run to a bed the same night as a break-up, unless they had been in that bed before.

 

With everything you have said that was going on up until the "break-up", the fights, the blame, the never doing anything right, etc. I'm of the belief that she was cheating. If not physically (which I think she was) then definitely emotionally.

 

Bottom line is that she is damaged goods. And I'm willing to bet she doesn't give two craps about being that way...

 

You're better off with her in the rear view mirror.

[Been]

First I'm sorry you had to go through that- I know of hurts a lot.

Second to answer your question yes she was cheating on you before the break up. Ask yourself these two simple questions:

1. How did she know her ex was single and

2. How did she know he would hook up with her all of a sudden on a random day?

It sucks I know but once you realize certain things it will make it easier to get through.

[Downanddown]

No question in mind she was emotionally but i wouldnt see when she would have the time phyically as she never slept over anywhere.

 

Anyways...tough day today. Hard to believe someone could do this. I cant wrap my mind around it. I hope they crash and burn ...just the

Anger talking

 

And damaged goods to say the least. If i gave you a her back story of relationships u would wonder wht the hell i got involved in the first place

[frigginlost]

No question in mind she was emotionally but i wouldnt see when she would have the time phyically as she never slept over anywhere.

 

Anyways...tough day today. Hard to believe someone could do this. I cant wrap my mind around it. I hope they crash and burn ...just the

Anger talking

 

And damaged goods to say the least. If i gave you a her back story of relationships u would wonder wht the hell i got involved in the first place

 

You would be surprised at where a cheater could screw someone behind your back. Car, Lunch, Late Night at work, etc. Trust me, it doesn't take a night over or a lot of time to cheat. It just takes a place.

 

That anger you feel will be around for a while, and it will get worse. But it is a process of healing.

 

Poor back story of relationships but still got involved with her, huh?

 

Tell us something that we all haven't done. :-)

[Downanddown]

Lol true but getting involved with someone who slept with a married man for 2 years was the flag of all flags lol

[Captivating]

Aww ... I am sorry that you are in pain. It is completely understandable.

There was a reason that she broke up with her ex 7 years ago, that reason will most likely resurface again.

You seemed very attentive, kind and caring to her and her kids. None of them will ever forget that, don't you worry !

I understand every bit of your take on this and agree with you. It makes sense how you feel about this.

Yes, it is a let down and the breakup itself was delivered poorly, heartlessly ..... BUT it is a reflection on her.

There might be a time when she will regret this decision in the future especially when she starts comparing your kind nature to the other guys'.

 

I would NOT go after her. (i would not take her back ever)

 

Breakups are very hard because your mind does not want to let go. There is a great video about this, please watch it :

 

Face the pain but also try to be kind to yourself and focus on yourself.

This will take some time to get over this, this is completely normal. No rush.

NO CONTACT will make your healing process a bit easier, it will help you a lot in the long run.

HUGS !!!

[Downanddown]

Thanks @captivating for the kind words.

 

I certainly of course had my faults in the relationship as we all tend to do and i would say ( looking back now it was somewhat of a toxic relationship) so her regretting it might be a long shot.

 

She is now back with the father of her kids. Hes actually the one kicked her out of the house and wanted full custdoy of the kids. He was a real piece of work but i guess he has changed now (;

 

And defintelty on the larger scale of things i was certainly very caring and kind to the kids and her. I hope they do remember me in a good light

[Downanddown]

Hey guys.

 

Quick back story.

 

Dated for 6.5 years. Ex left me to go back to her ex husband. Raised her 2 kids with her for those years. Was about to propose in about a month..BU has been 2 months.

 

Just wondering how dumpees feel and handle regrets. Would ofs etc..

 

For some reason i cant shake the feeling..if i would of propose earlier things would be different. Its almost as if ..." i gave you the time and you didnt take it" sort of feeling...although i did tell her and committed to marrying her within a couple of months.

 

Ugh...regrets

[Captivating]

It's hard to tell what she is thinking.

Did she pressure you to commit to a marriage? Was marriage ever a topic of hers?

 

6.5 years is a long time..... were there any issues between you guys?

Maybe her ex convinced her to raise their kids back together how it supposed to be.

 

It is sad indeed what happened, since you were there raising her kids and now...where does this leave you? I hope that you get over this heartbreak soon.

[Downanddown]

Yes. It was a topic of hers.

 

We discussed it several times an i committed to her that i would propose very soon. I told her i want to marry her.

 

Yes. We had issues. Quite a few actually

[Blanco]

Yes. We had issues. Quite a few actually

 

So then ultimately, it is right you two aren't together. All proposing sooner would've changed is that you would've been legally bound to someone you have "quite a few" issues with.

[Downanddown]

True. I guess i just assume that would of erased some problems. Nieve i guess