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Trying to move on. Looking for perspective though.


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Posted

Be really sure though. If you get engaged you can't come back here freaking out that she was with this other guy during the time you were apart. It would be unfair to punish her for that.

 

Agreed, that is one of the problems with "breaks".

Other people get involved, they spoil the "love story" and the "reconciliation" when attempted is ruined by mind movies of what she or he did with the third party.

It is also often made worse by the fact it is not cheating, there is no "blame" but the effects can still be difficult to live with.

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Posted
Agreed, that is one of the problems with "breaks".

Other people get involved, they spoil the "love story" and the "reconciliation" when attempted is ruined by mind movies of what she or he did with the third party.

It is also often made worse by the fact it is not cheating, there is no "blame" but the effects can still be difficult to live with.

 

I'm open to seeing a therapist if it becomes an issue for me.

 

Also I am of two minds right now. It's doublethink. I'm working on myself to facilitate a future with or without her in my life. And on the other hand I'm aware that my chances of reconciliation are more on the hopeful side - which, ironically, seem to get better as I move further along my own path.

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Posted

I guess the best way to explain it is like this:

 

If I put all my focus into changing and improving myself with the goal of getting her back: I'm ****ed. That's just too much pressure. If I fail I lose the object of my desire and you can call me Gatsby.

 

However,

 

If I put all my focus into changing and improving myself with the goal of living a better and happier life that makes me a stable person to be involved with: I'm set. It doesn't matter if I get her back because I'll be happy with myself and eventually find someone who is happy with me too.

Posted
If I put all my focus into changing and improving myself with the goal of living a better and happier life that makes me a stable person to be involved with: I'm set. It doesn't matter if I get her back because I'll be happy with myself and eventually find someone who is happy with me too.

 

This is exactly right!

 

Good luck.

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