Is he a booty call or nice guy?

[pogmarie]

So this guy from my old school hit me up in the dm. He kept telling my best friend that he thinks I'm cute and she told him that he should hit me up. It took him a week but he finally did. In our dms he just made conversation basically, he never did booty calls or ask for nudes or ask for even my snapchat.

 

He asked me out so we went to a baseball game. My bff told me that he said he was nervous and he was asking her if im easy to talk to, what's my type, etc. The uber (that I got for him) who was supposed to pick him up got lost. He blew up my phone, calling like 15x and eventually texted me saying "I guess I'm not going, so that's an L for me". He unsent that when the uber finally found him. During our 'date' we talked normally, getting to know you type stuff like he was telling me about his family, his hobbies, etc.

 

He offered me his hoodie twice asking if im cold. At one point he put his hand on my inner thigh; rubbing and squeezing it. He also asked me if I ever had a boyfriend or hooked up with someone. Near the end we didn't really say goodbye bc I got talking to my friends (who were also at the game). 2 hours later I get a text saying "it was chill, would you like to see a movie with me". I told him I would let him know bc I had some stuff come up.

 

My best friend said ever since then he's been really nice to her. Is he looking to hookup or does he want a relationship? His best friend is like a well known player at my school and I should mention his best friend actually hit me up and it was really obvious he wanted nudes because he kept asking for my snapchat, using suggestive emojis, etc. I didn't respond or give him my snap. Maybe he told this guy that I'm not that easy so he should try to date me? I don't know, im confused.

Edited September 14, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed inappropiate language

[NexttP]

Guessing whether he is or not doesn't matter. What matters is what you will allow. Grabbing your inner thigh, okay or not? usually it's a sign that he wants the physical.

 

Okay, so what exactly are you losing here, some time? You can totally date him to have a good social time here and there if he turned out to be just a playboy. You went to a game, maybe see a movie or two, try out some items in restaurants that you wouldn't go to normally, or do some other activities that you might not have done otherwise. Bottom line is... if he's going for the moves, shut him down. Don't put yourself in situations where he can take advantage of you - be in the same car alone, drink, be somewhere else alone, don't go to his place, don't invite him over. You have to build that genuine trust. oh, and sex should not be a reward for trust, ever.

 

No player has the patience to invest months on one girl while not seeing/sleeping with anyone else. I honestly don't see any risk or anything to lose in this if you don't put yourself in said situations.

[act00]

If you enjoy him, go out with him. You'll learn soon enough if his only goal is to get you into bed. Right now he seems into dating you. Put a stop when things get too physical, and as said already, avoid any situations where you might be alone at first. The reality is, he could bolt after you sleep with him, whether it's next weekend or six months from now. The point is getting together and getting to know each other and hopefully have a lasting relationship. There are no guarantees and there are jerks out there. You'll lose out on opportunities if you shy away on what-ifs. Players don't usually stick around long, so just have fun and stick to your comfort zone physically.

[Vinny56]

I think he's genuinely interested in you. It doesn't matter if his best friend is like that my friends are usually after sex where as I'm looking for something more serious. And as for the hand placement in your inner thigh it doesn't really mean much if you guys were sitting super close and getting cuddly with each other. I've done this before and I was genuinely into the girl and had no intentions of sleeping with her at the time because I liked her. Give him a shot and see how it goes. Good luck

[elaine567]

No player has the patience to invest months on one girl while not seeing/sleeping with anyone else.

 

Not necessarily true, most players ARE seeing/sleeping with other people so can easily afford to "wait" sometimes for a very long time. The "urgency" does not apply.

It is like having an investment. It may not pay out right now, but it will pay out eventually so well worth having.

[stillafool]

Not necessarily true, most players ARE seeing/sleeping with other people so can easily afford to "wait" sometimes for a very long time. The "urgency" does not apply.

It is like having an investment. It may not pay out right now, but it will pay out eventually so well worth having.

 

This is true. Players are definitely not hard up for sex so they can afford to wait it out.

 

OP, we don't know this guy's intentions so you will just have to see. I agree with Nexttp that it doesn't matter what his intentions are as you are in charge of yourself and what you will and will not allow.

[amaysngrace]

What do you want out of this relationship? A boyfriend or only sex?

[elaine567]

The uber (that I got for him) who was supposed to pick him up got lost. He blew up my phone, calling like 15x and eventually texted me saying "I guess I'm not going, so that's an L for me". He unsent that when the uber finally found him.

 

He sounds a bit unstable and immature.

How old is he?

[pogmarie]

This is true. Players are definitely not hard up for sex so they can afford to wait it out.

 

OP, we don't know this guy's intentions so you will just have to see. I agree with Nexttp that it doesn't matter what his intentions are as you are in charge of yourself and what you will and will not allow.

 

are you saying by "wait it out" they act like they're interested in a relationship with you, but they're seeing other girls at the same time? Or if you ghost him (what i'm doing right now) and then start talking to him again, he'll come back to you because he's not in a hurry

[pogmarie]

What do you want out of this relationship? A boyfriend or only sex?

 

a boyfriend, I'm not looking to hookup

[pogmarie]

He sounds a bit unstable and immature.

How old is he?

 

we're both 18

[stillafool]

are you saying by "wait it out" they act like they're interested in a relationship with you, but they're seeing other girls at the same time? Or if you ghost him (what i'm doing right now) and then start talking to him again, he'll come back to you because he's not in a hurry

 

Yes. Players are constantly checking traps but will definitely be seeing other girls. Ghosting never really affects them because sooner or later they will ghost you.

[amaysngrace]

a boyfriend, I'm not looking to hookup

 

Then make sure he treats you like a girlfriend. If you feel like he's disrespecting you in any way then don't tolerate it but it sounds to me like he may really like you.

 

Just take it slow and see how it goes.

[pogmarie]

Yes. Players are constantly checking traps but will definitely be seeing other girls. Ghosting never really affects them because sooner or later they will ghost you.

 

Ohhh, this must be why he hasn't done anything like contact me or whatever since I've ghosted? This happened 4 weeks ago so I'm thinking that even if he wanted to date me and is a good guy he would already be over it? Like you snooze you lose

[coolheadal]

So this guy from my old school hit me up in the dm. He kept telling my best friend that he thinks I'm cute and she told him that he should hit me up. It took him a week but he finally did. In our dms he just made conversation basically, he never did booty calls or ask for nudes or ask for even my snapchat.

 

He asked me out so we went to a baseball game. My bff told me that he said he was nervous and he was asking her if im easy to talk to, what's my type, etc. The uber (that I got for him) who was supposed to pick him up got lost. He blew up my phone, calling like 15x and eventually texted me saying "I guess I'm not going, so that's an L for me". He unsent that when the uber finally found him. During our 'date' we talked normally, getting to know you type stuff like he was telling me about his family, his hobbies, etc.

 

He offered me his hoodie twice asking if im cold. At one point he put his hand on my inner thigh; rubbing and squeezing it. He also asked me if I ever had a boyfriend or hooked up with someone. Near the end we didn't really say goodbye bc I got talking to my friends (who were also at the game). 2 hours later I get a text saying "it was chill, would you like to see a movie with me". I told him I would let him know bc I had some stuff come up.

 

My best friend said ever since then he's been really nice to her. Is he looking to hookup or does he want a relationship? His best friend is like a well known player at my school and I should mention his best friend actually hit me up and it was really obvious he wanted nudes because he kept asking for my snapchat, using suggestive emojis, etc. I didn't respond or give him my snap. Maybe he told this guy that I'm not that easy so he should try to date me? I don't know, im confused.

 

Don't drop those panties yet for him, you really don't know this guy enough to figure it out. Your relying on a friend to tell you how and what's going on. Yes don't seem easy at all grab those panties and don't drop them for anyone who is not so seriously for you. No need to rush take it easy get to know him. If he can't wait then he's not looking for serious relationship just want quickie or booty call. Nice guys or bad guys or in between guys just have to play it by ear and see what sort of guy you got. Keep those panties up and never give into sex if you not sure what he has in store for you.

[pogmarie]

OP here, also since i left this high school last year I glo'd up and people saw that through my instagram. I started getting guys who would hmu, asking for my snapchat, etc. So when school started last week my best friend told me that this guy (that I went out with) and two other of his friends came up to her saying 'why did your best friend leave, she's hot, etc'. And the following day this guy came up to her alone and asked about me again. she told him that he should hit me up, he did after a week then here we are.

[smackie9]

If you don't show interest or respond to his texts, he's gonna think he is wasting his time because you could be chatting up other guys. You have complete control to stop anything you don't want from happening. If this guy is going to start digging into your panties, just say no, get up and leave. Simple as that. If he ghosts on you call him out, and dump him. It's pretty simple. The one thing you can watch out for is reciprocation. It's all about give and take. You need to initiate texting and ask him out to. It's not just up to the guy to do all the chasing.

[pogmarie]

If you don't show interest or respond to his texts, he's gonna think he is wasting his time because you could be chatting up other guys. You have complete control to stop anything you don't want from happening. If this guy is going to start digging into your panties, just say no, get up and leave. Simple as that. If he ghosts on you call him out, and dump him. It's pretty simple. The one thing you can watch out for is reciprocation. It's all about give and take. You need to initiate texting and ask him out to. It's not just up to the guy to do all the chasing.

 

Well he only texted me once since then, I guess what I'm saying is it too late for me to chat him up again? It's been a month so should I try this again with him

[act00]

You stated that you are presently ghosting him. In addition, when you went out on that first date, at the end, there was no "proper goodbye" as you were busy socializing with your friends who were also there. How is it that he got lost in the background instead of being included and prioritized? Later, when he asked if you would like to see a movie, your response was you would let him know. You're not exactly presenting a picture of availability here.

 

Playing hard to get often backfires.

 

Why didn't he arrange his own transportation?

 

If you want to connect with him, then yes, go ahead and text or call, see what happens, and be prepared he may no longer be interested. If he's still chumming up with your friend and asking about you, that's a positive. Just maintain your boundaries.

[pogmarie]

You stated that you are presently ghosting him. In addition, when you went out on that first date, at the end, there was no "proper goodbye" as you were busy socializing with your friends who were also there. How is it that he got lost in the background instead of being included and prioritized? Later, when he asked if you would like to see a movie, your response was you would let him know. You're not exactly presenting a picture of availability here.

 

Playing hard to get often backfires.

 

Why didn't he arrange his own transportation?

 

If you want to connect with him, then yes, go ahead and text or call, see what happens, and be prepared he may no longer be interested. If he's still chumming up with your friend and asking about you, that's a positive. Just maintain your boundaries.

 

 

I feel kind of bad about not saying "bye" but he apparently felt the date went well enough to ask me out again. Well, we're both 18 and at the time (a month ago) I didn't have a drivers license. He still doesn't have one so that's why he didn't arrange his own transportation. So that's partly why I ghosted him, I didn't have a license and I didn't want to rely on ubers or friends for transportation. But also the passing away of a family member affected my family.

 

 

If he's no longer interested, that doesn't say anything as to whether he's a player or not right? Like even genuinely good guys would be put off by my actions

[carhill]

You're 18. Date around and enjoy a variety of men of whatever ilk you find attractive. Some will bomb, some will fizzle, some will be fun for awhile, some might have long-term potential. Keep showing up if you want, stop if you don't. Eventually you may, and likely will, find yourself with one guy whom you find fits and he you. Don't expect it to last forever. Of course, it might.

 

You're an adult. If you want to have sex, have sex. If you want sex, and he wants sex, you're two consenting adults having sex. Sex doesn't mean rolling each other around in a wheelchair in the twilight years. It means some momentary pleasure of the flesh. Enjoy it and leave expectations off to the side. Plenty of time in life for expectations.

 

He's a guy, apparently heterosexual. Go with that.

[act00]

Don't feel "kinda bad" about blowing off your date. You failed. You were a horrible "hostess." You brought this man into your circle...it was your responsibility to help him connect. There are expectations in that your date/spouse/friend can hold their own with strangers and you are not required to babysit or be joined at the hip, but as a date with people he doesn't know, and if you were truly interested in him, you would have made efforts to make sure he was introduced and included. You are so young, and here's your learning experience on how to manage new people with a group of old friends. How would you feel if he brought you into his personal circle and abandoned you, busy talking with his friends and leaving you on the sidelines?

 

High school relationships...it's an unsteady minefield. Just enjoy.

[pogmarie]

Don't feel "kinda bad" about blowing off your date. You failed. You were a horrible "hostess." You brought this man into your circle...it was your responsibility to help him connect. There are expectations in that your date/spouse/friend can hold their own with strangers and you are not required to babysit or be joined at the hip, but as a date with people he doesn't know, and if you were truly interested in him, you would have made efforts to make sure he was introduced and included. You are so young, and here's your learning experience on how to manage new people with a group of old friends. How would you feel if he brought you into his personal circle and abandoned you, busy talking with his friends and leaving you on the sidelines?

 

High school relationships...it's an unsteady minefield. Just enjoy.

 

Well he actually did meet them for a minute because when we entered the stadium together I saw them and it was kind of like an 'oh my gosh I didn't know you're here' thing. I only stopped to say 'hi, goodbye' and I did introduce them as my friends. I haven't seen them in a long time and they were sitting in different seats any way. Then when the game was over they like found me and we prob talked for 5 minutes because I had to go. They also didn't seem comfortable talking to him, they texted me later saying they don't really like him and that they think he's a f boy. Also I actually know his friends (I went to this school so I know who they are) but I get what you're saying.

[smackie9]

Text him? Hun that ship has sailed. Just move on.