TooManyFeels Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Been dating this guy for 1 month, so far we have spent quite a bit of time together. Whenever we go on a date, I end up staying 2-3 days/nights at his house. It honestly already feels like a bf gf relationship but I haven't had that official talk with him yet and now I don't know when the right time is to ask him if he wants to be my boyfriend. You may think its too soon, but I don't want him to see other women. We call each other baby/sweetheart/honey and he treats me like his girlfriend. Already been intimate numerous times. Everything is going really well. I don't want to create a rift by asking him to be official too soon. I was thinking about asking him the next time I see him. My guy friend told me to wait until he brings it up, but doesn't that just put the power in his hands and I end up waiting for however long while he gets all the benefits? Any suggestions on how to breach this topic?
The Urbanyst Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 If you're concerned about who has "power" you're already on a path to a dysfunctional relationship lol. This entire post comes off very self-centered and calculating. Just my two cents.
basil67 Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 If you are having sex, you have the right to ask if he's seeing anyone else. It's just commonsense and personal safety. My theory is that if asking about being bf/gf scares a guy off, then he wasn't that into you anyway. I don't think you've got anything to lose. I agree with Urbanyst that if you're worried about power, you're headed for dysfunction. Please ignore the guy who gave you that advice. A good relationship should be balanced - not about power plays. However, I don't agree that you sound self centred and calculating. Not at all. 2
LovelyRose Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Been dating this guy for 1 month, so far we have spent quite a bit of time together. Whenever we go on a date, I end up staying 2-3 days/nights at his house. It honestly already feels like a bf gf relationship but I haven't had that official talk with him yet and now I don't know when the right time is to ask him if he wants to be my boyfriend. You may think its too soon, but I don't want him to see other women. We call each other baby/sweetheart/honey and he treats me like his girlfriend. Already been intimate numerous times. Everything is going really well. I don't want to create a rift by asking him to be official too soon. I was thinking about asking him the next time I see him. My guy friend told me to wait until he brings it up, but doesn't that just put the power in his hands and I end up waiting for however long while he gets all the benefits? Any suggestions on how to breach this topic? Hello OP, I agree that If you want to be exclusive most especially you two are already intimate, it is your right to express it. I know it works for other people but I just can't imagine sharing my guy to anyone. If this guy doesn't agree with exclusivity then you know he's not for you and only wants sex from you. So NOW is the time to discuss it. Regarding bf/gf labels, my advice is to follow your heart. It will tell you when it's right time to discuss. If you end up the one to open the subject, be prepared that he might get scared and take a step back. BUT, if he really likes you, he shouldn't completely ran away from you. OR who knows, he may be feeling the same way and agree you should be an official couple. That's what happened to me. After a month of non stop talking with my now bf, we finally got together and spent time together (we are LDR). Then I have opened up the bf/gf subject. It's a long story that I won't share but in short, he got scared and unintentionally pulled back. But he didn't leave me and 5 months after we eventually became official. Please do yourself a big favor. Stop worrying about who has power over whom. This is not a game nor a battle for power. It's about having healthy and good communication between the two of you. Even if he was the one to open up the subject, both of you are equally part of the equation. You don't have to do things you don't want to do. That includes your concern of having to wait while he gets all the benefits. What does it even mean , " he gets all the benefits."
PegNosePete Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 (edited) My theory is that if asking about being bf/gf scares a guy off, then he wasn't that into you anyway. Yes, completely agreed. Bringing up the subject could have a few outcomes: - He gets "scared off" and doesn't want to see you any more. Clearly he is just looking for a fling. Better that you find this out sooner rather than later so you can move on and find someone who is looking for more. - He says "yes" and you become official. Congrats. - He says "it's too soon", meaning he wants to date others and see where things go. At least you know where you stand. Up to you whether you accept this situation or not. None of these outcomes is bad for you. There's really no down-side to having the conversation. Personally I would say if you're having sex then you should have already had this conversation. I end up waiting for however long while he gets all the benefits? Another thing I don't understand. Aren't you currently getting exactly the same "benefits" as he is? What are you "waiting" for? You seem to have a stereotyped mindset that the girl is always trying to catch a guy and hold him down, whereas the guy is always trying to get as much sex as he can. This is kind of a cave-man mindset. People are more complicated than that. Edited September 14, 2017 by PegNosePete 1
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