LovelyRose Posted September 12, 2017 Posted September 12, 2017 Your parents didnt know for 6 months you were dating him? Did your friensd know? Sorry op for going off topic. Happy for u. Just a bit bitter lol I don't want to go too astray from the OP's post but basically he is considered family. Both our friends know and all my cousins know and his family know. So basically just my older folks don't know. You could read my threads if you really want to know hahaha. I've never had a successful relationship and he is too special for me that I cannot tell my older folks until we are exchanging ILY's and really serious with each other.
fred123 Posted September 12, 2017 Posted September 12, 2017 Now I kind of see where you're coming from. Again, it all depends on how comfortable they are with each other. Being that his gf was the one who indirectly made them official by referring to him as her bf, I believe it was safe for him to do the invite. Plus haven't you rsvp'd to a wedding before? They normally require you to RSVP months or weeks before the wedding day. So for example I have to RSVP to a wedding invite this week and I am not official with my guy, I will at least either ask him how he feels about going with me OR inform him that I am attending a wedding alone in few months since I am not sure where we stand yet. In this case, they are official and comfortable with each other. So off they go to the wedding together. Seriously though? Is everything nowadays scary and could be translated to being pushy and needy? Whatever happens to just communicating with each other? You say here you arent official. Then the next post you say he is your bf? Confusing lol
Author CoolJoe Posted September 12, 2017 Author Posted September 12, 2017 Seriously though? Is everything nowadays scary and could be translated to being pushy and needy? Whatever happens to just communicating with each other? LOL! My thoughts exactly. It's kind of sad when so many people refer to SO MANY different things nowadays as "pushy" or "needy." I believe in straight up communication. We're adults and if asking my new girlfriend if she wants to be my +1 at my good friend's wedding (I am one of the groomsmen) three months away is considered needy, then I honestly feel sorry for whoever may feel that way. IMHO that's a really jaded (and sad) way to view the world, relationships in general and communication. Plus as others stated, it gives her time to plan out an outfit, plan out her logistics, etc. It was the right timing. Fred, I'm sorry you feel a little bitter. I wish you great dating success. 2
Dis Posted September 12, 2017 Posted September 12, 2017 I am actually her first boyfriend I know you're very happy about her and I'm happy for you but I would keep this in mind First bfs dont usually end up being the one's we stay with. The younger you are, the more you will grow, evolve and change Enjoy being with her, just be realistic and take things in stride
LovelyRose Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 You say here you arent official. Then the next post you say he is your bf? Confusing lol Oh boy I keep confusing people, hahaha. My comment above was a hypothetical situation. I am an official gf. But if the scenario is where I am not official, the two options mentioned above is what I will choose from to handle the situation.
Author CoolJoe Posted September 13, 2017 Author Posted September 13, 2017 I know you're very happy about her and I'm happy for you but I would keep this in mind First bfs dont usually end up being the one's we stay with. The younger you are, the more you will grow, evolve and change Enjoy being with her, just be realistic and take things in stride Oh I already am there mentally. I know it may not last and that things are living and fluid. Meaning they can easily change without notice. I'm just enjoying the present and living in the moment with her getting to know each other better. 2
Author CoolJoe Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 It comes with quite a few perks. -You never have to worry about ex's coming into the picture (hell, I was her first date, period) -You are with a person who has a completely blank canvas. She doesn't think guys suck or are jerks because of any bad ex's. As long as I keep treating her right, she will hopefully continue to have a positive outlook on relationships, trust, etc. -I appreciate her innocence and completely unjaded point of views when it comes to relationships and dating -There is something about being someone's first, whether it's first kiss, relationship, etc. -I trust her completely. And vice versa. She's also not an avid social media user (I am the same). I don't have to worry about tons of guys liking her revealing selfies (she isn't the type to post those type of pictures) and making flirty comments at my girlfriend. She is faithful and doesn't flirt with other guys. I can't say the same about my ex's who were in many relationships prior to me. So this is all super refreshing. I know it's rare to be someone's first and only love forever, so I'm enjoying the present and taking it day by day. It's a nice experience for sure and I'll enjoy it as long as I can. When I compare her to other girls, I feel extremely lucky. I know some girls who love being the center of attention and have many guys hot on their trail. Not that there aren't guys coming after my GF (she already told me she rejected one guy at a wedding and told him she already has a BF), but it's reassuring to know that she really likes me and wants things to work out long term. I do too but for now am focused only on the present. I know things can always change at the drop of a hat, but man, I just wanted to come on here and say it's awesome to be someone's first boyfriend. It really is. Sure, a "newbie" is bound to be inexperienced, but you're teaching her and really, you're both learning together what being a couple means. I love it! It's been awesome so far and I feel extremely lucky 1
Dis Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Is there a reason you've made 2 threads about this despite you saying things are perfect? Doth protest too much? Its like you're saying it so much to convince yourself things are perfect or to will it to last If things are really so great, I dont see the need to drive the point home so much I've done it before so I get it. Not judging
K.K. Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 For real, who are you trying to convince- us or you? My guess is you're probably just wondering why nobody else snatched that ass up in the last 29 years. There's got to be a reason. Time will tell. Until then .. Enjoy! 2
Author CoolJoe Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 Is there a reason you've made 2 threads about this despite you saying things are perfect? Doth protest too much? Its like you're saying it so much to convince yourself things are perfect or to will it to last If things are really so great, I dont see the need to drive the point home so much I've done it before so I get it. Not judging Things aren't perfect. I'm just saying it has its perks and it's going well. Also wanted to share this so maybe it shifts the thinking in our culture that a virgin past the age of __ is a "run for the hills" scenario. Maybe sharing this will plant seeds in other people's minds. I'm also sharing this to just share my joy in the new relationship. This thread is different from the other one I posted because this one focuses on the first boyfriend aspect. As for why no one "snatched that __ up in 29 years" well she just started wanting to date after finishing school and realizing she's waited long enough focusing on other things in her life that she's ready to date/be in a relationship now.
LovelyRose Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Things aren't perfect. I'm just saying it has its perks and it's going well. Also wanted to share this so maybe it shifts the thinking in our culture that a virgin past the age of __ is a "run for the hills" scenario. Maybe sharing this will plant seeds in other people's minds. I'm also sharing this to just share my joy in the new relationship. This thread is different from the other one I posted because this one focuses on the first boyfriend aspect. As for why no one "snatched that __ up in 29 years" well she just started wanting to date after finishing school and realizing she's waited long enough focusing on other things in her life that she's ready to date/be in a relationship now. People are so used to reading problems and woes on here that a positive thread like this still came across as having hidden messages, lol. Happy for you CoolJoe. Off topic, I read one of your comment on another poster. You mentioned something about maybe the other person wants to keep their freedom. You said you could relate and just pushing yourself to just keep going on dates with her (assuming your now official gf). So what do you mean by that? Sorry I don't know how to quote from other threads. 1
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 It comes with quite a few perks. -You never have to worry about ex's coming into the picture (hell, I was her first date, period) -You are with a person who has a completely blank canvas. She doesn't think guys suck or are jerks because of any bad exes. As long as I keep treating her right, she will hopefully continue to have a positive outlook on relationships, trust, etc. -I appreciate her innocence and completely unjaded point of views when it comes to relationships and dating -There is something about being someone's first, whether it's first kiss, relationship, etc. -I trust her completely. And vice versa. She's also not an avid social media user (I am the same). I don't have to worry about tons of guys liking her revealing selfies (she isn't the type to post those type of pictures) and making flirty comments at my girlfriend. She is faithful and doesn't flirt with other guys. I can't say the same about my ex's who were in many relationships before me. So this is all super refreshing. I know it's rare to be someone's first and only love forever, so I'm enjoying the present and taking it day by day. It's a nice experience for sure, and I'll enjoy it as long as I can. When I compare her to other girls, I feel fortunate. I know some girls who love being the centre of attention and have many guys hot on their trail. Not that there aren't guys coming after my GF (she already told me she rejected one guy at a wedding and told him she already has a BF), but it's reassuring to know that she likes me and wants things to work out long term. I do too but for now am focused only on the present. I know things can always change at the drop of a hat, but man, I just wanted to come on here and say it's awesome to be someone's first boyfriend. It is. Sure, a "newbie" is bound to be inexperienced, but you're teaching her, and really, you're both learning together what is a couple of means. I love it! It's been awesome so far, and I feel fortunate Most guys shy away from inexperienced woman Afraid of hooking up with a virgin, afraid of her being terrible in bed, afraid of what their mates would think. Glad to hear that there is someone who embraces a new partner. Though be careful how you phrase things. I think she'll end up teaching her a lot more than she'll teach you.
Author CoolJoe Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 Most guys shy away from inexperienced woman Afraid of hooking up with a virgin, afraid of her being terrible in bed, afraid of what their mates would think. Glad to hear that there is someone who embraces a new partner. Though be careful how you phrase things. I think she'll end up teaching her a lot more than she'll teach you. Yeah I think she will end up teaching me maybe more than I teach her (I assume that's what your original message was trying to convey). That's why I wrote in my prior post "we'll learn together" as in I'll teach her some things and I know she'll teach me some things. That's the exciting thing about it though. A relationship should be a give and take. Both parties contribute and learn from one another.
Author CoolJoe Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 People are so used to reading problems and woes on here that a positive thread like this still came across as having hidden messages, lol. Happy for you CoolJoe. Off topic, I read one of your comment on another poster. You mentioned something about maybe the other person wants to keep their freedom. You said you could relate and just pushing yourself to just keep going on dates with her (assuming your now official gf). So what do you mean by that? Sorry I don't know how to quote from other threads. No worries. Agreed that there are so many negative posts that positive threads typically see little traction (i.e. replies). It's understandable. People gravitate to giving their two cents, offering advice and generally train wrecks causes rubbernecking. A drama-free happy story is nice but usually doesn't warrant a reply or stirs much discourse. But yes, she is the same girl, to answer your question. I like her (a lot) and I think over time it can easily progress to a genuine love. However, I can't say I am absolutely head over heels infatuated with her. I enjoy having her in my life and I want to build a future together, but I don't feel as intensely infatuated with her as I did with some of my previous crushes. However, that's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm looking for a romance story that is stable, steady and reliable. The highs and lows lead for tons of drama and heartache. I'll take a solid reliable love. I don't know if that makes sense but I do find her attractive. However, I've found past crushes more attractive but look where those end up. Usually blew up in my face. I am used to being single so for a while there I felt my freedom slowly dying, but I'm at a better place mentally now. I think I tend to subconsciously slip into self sabotage without even knowing it. Not this time. Take one leap of faith at a time. So far, it's been working out just fine.
LovelyRose Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 No worries. Agreed that there are so many negative posts that positive threads typically see little traction (i.e. replies). It's understandable. People gravitate to giving their two cents, offering advice and generally train wrecks causes rubbernecking. A drama-free happy story is nice but usually doesn't warrant a reply or stirs much discourse. But yes, she is the same girl, to answer your question. I like her (a lot) and I think over time it can easily progress to a genuine love. However, I can't say I am absolutely head over heels infatuated with her. I enjoy having her in my life and I want to build a future together, but I don't feel as intensely infatuated with her as I did with some of my previous crushes. However, that's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm looking for a romance story that is stable, steady and reliable. The highs and lows lead for tons of drama and heartache. I'll take a solid reliable love. I don't know if that makes sense but I do find her attractive. However, I've found past crushes more attractive but look where those end up. Usually blew up in my face. I am used to being single so for a while there I felt my freedom slowly dying, but I'm at a better place mentally now. I think I tend to subconsciously slip into self sabotage without even knowing it. Not this time. Take one leap of faith at a time. So far, it's been working out just fine. I see. Past "crushes" not exes? If I get this right, so you are not super crazy with your gf but likes her a lot and hoping that overtime you will develop much deeper feelings for her? That way you could also have a lasting healthy relationship.
Author CoolJoe Posted September 15, 2017 Author Posted September 15, 2017 I see. Past "crushes" not exes? If I get this right, so you are not super crazy with your gf but likes her a lot and hoping that overtime you will develop much deeper feelings for her? That way you could also have a lasting healthy relationship. Correct, past crushes, not exes. Most of my crushes turned out to be one way, and I often received the "you're just a friend" speech. Either that OR it will go well before I eventually over invest too fast and turn the girl off either with excessive texting or generally clingy-ish behavior. Like I'll text, send emails and such at the drop of a hat whenever I see something that remotely reminds me of said crush. It was a bit too much. With my current GF, I really like her. I really enjoy our time together and talking with her. We plan fun cute weekend dates. We sleep over each time and communicate well. It's stable and there are zero games. We openly discuss our feelings and seem to have the same love languages in terms of receiving and giving. It's the kind of relationship so far that I can see one day progressing to marriage, if we pass all the markers along the journey in the next year or two (or whatever). I text her but not in a needy way. I'm also not trying to overly impress her and in the process turn her off. I am simply being me. And it's working! I like that. She likes me. I like her. Let's keep the train moving I say
grays Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 Most guys shy away from inexperienced woman Afraid of hooking up with a virgin, afraid of her being terrible in bed, afraid of what their mates would think. Glad to hear that there is someone who embraces a new partner. Though be careful how you phrase things. I think she'll end up teaching her a lot more than she'll teach you. I have put too much thought into this issue of being with a virgin because my ex-h left me for a 42 year old virgin after 25 years of marriage. Of course, it was all a very bitter pill for me to swallow. So, OP, I don't mean this as any kind of attack on you or your GF, but... The thing I think I'd be worried about if I was considering coupling up with a 29 year old (or older) virgin is that I cant imagine that a person who has not enough interest in sex to actually try it for all that time could be a fun partner. There is the problem of them not knowing what to do, which I think could be easily overcome if theyre willing to put themselves out there (tho so far in life they havent put themselves out there), but to me the bigger thing is can a person who has excitement and zest for life really just not be interested in sex straight through their 20's and beyond? I just feel like someone who's willing to forgo one of the most exciting activities in life is not gonna be very fun to hang with.
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