cbplayer Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 I met this girl through a salsa dancing class. We've been pretty flirty and she touches me pretty often even when we're not dancing. After about 5 classes , I asked her out for drinks and she suggested that we get drinks after she finishes work , at 11pm. I'm not too sure how to approach this because I want to get to know her better. How can I do that at 11pm? Won't we just be too tired? I guess she probably wants to **** but still I want to have a substantial convo; I'm pursuing a relationship. What do you guys think?
HarmonyDriven Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Sounds like YOU might be too tired for 11pm date? If she suggested getting together after her work, which is 11pm, sounds like she is up for it and won't be tired. Who knows, some people get their 2nd wind after work. I have been on some late night dates, including 11pm and midnight.....actually met at 24hr opened restaurant, talked for hours. One first date, met at 4am for breakfast. So dates can happen at any time if both parties want it. If you think you will be too tired, schedule the date for a different time. Hmmmm, just because a woman wants to meet after work, 11pm....does not mean she wants to ****** 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Hmmmm, just because a woman wants to meet after work, 11pm....does not mean she wants to ****** Agree. This is "after work" for her so she probably won't be tired. There's no way I could go on a date at 11PM, but I realize some folks keep a different schedule than me. I'm not sure if going on a date with this girl is wise since you already are questioning your level of awakeness for the date..... this is her schedule....would you be able to handle it? 2
Author cbplayer Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 Sounds like YOU might be too tired for 11pm date? If she suggested getting together after her work, which is 11pm, sounds like she is up for it and won't be tired. Who knows, some people get their 2nd wind after work. I have been on some late night dates, including 11pm and midnight.....actually met at 24hr opened restaurant, talked for hours. One first date, met at 4am for breakfast. So dates can happen at any time if both parties want it. If you think you will be too tired, schedule the date for a different time. Hmmmm, just because a woman wants to meet after work, 11pm....does not mean she wants to ****** I'm worried that I won't be able to have a good convo because I'm tired or b/c it'll be late she might wanna just hid back to her place and **** after 30 mins of talking.
angel.eyes Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 If you're going to be too tired for an 11 pm date (and many people would), try to schedule the date on her day off. Maybe then you can find a time of day that's mutually convenient. 1
NexttP Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 I'm worried that I won't be able to have a good convo because I'm tired or b/c it'll be late she might wanna just hid back to her place and **** after 30 mins of talking. If you're tired then you're tired. She then has the benefit of seeing the true, tired you. If she's okay with the tired you, move forward. And if you find out that she just wants to get some then you can say no and find someone else. What exactly do you have to lose here? 2 hours? Seems like a cheap price to pay for a potential life partner. 1
SevenCity Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 If you're tired then you're tired. She then has the benefit of seeing the true, tired you. If she's okay with the tired you, move forward. And if you find out that she just wants to get some then you can say no and find someone else. What exactly do you have to lose here? 2 hours? Seems like a cheap price to pay for a potential life partner. Drink some coffee and man up. 2
angel.eyes Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 If you're looking for a long-term relationship, then it's wise to put your best foot forward on a first date. Save the tired, grumpy version of you until after the person has had a chance to see all the positives you do bring to the table. You wouldn't show up for a first date sweaty and smelly in raggedy gym clothes, and say, oh well, I was coming from playing ball with my buddies. No! You would schedule the date so that you had time to go home, shower, shave, and put on a nice, clean shirt. This is no different. Figure out a time that works for both of you. Show up well-rested so that you can fully engage on your date. Yes, we all get tired and grumpy when we're sleep-deprived. Yes, we all get sweaty and smelly after a vigorous game with our buddies. Yes we all have morning breath and bed head when we wake up in the morning. We just don't lead with that when making a first impression.
grays Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 I would love an 11 pm date and as much as I love ****ing, I very much appreciate dates that dont include ****ing. I think you should only do it if youre excited to see her so much that the time doesnt feel like a big deal.
basil67 Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 I'm worried that I won't be able to have a good convo because I'm tired or b/c it'll be late she might wanna just hid back to her place and **** after 30 mins of talking. My hubby used to do afternoon shifts like this. It used to take him a few hours to wind down after work finished. Why are you thinking that sex will be on the agenda? Is it something she's hinted at? 1
act00 Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Personally, I wouldn't meet that late, but that's due to my lifestyle. I work early, so it would be an easy no on weeknights, but even on weekends, if I don't have plans set up, I still get to bed relatively early and starting the evening at 11 is not my thing. If you're not used to being up late, and especially if you think you might fall asleep waiting, schedule for another time that works for you. People understand when you have schedules and early mornings, etc. They don't like being stood up and worse, "Sorry, I fell asleep." Otherwise, I say go for it. If this is a good time for her, and you can be up, and not overly tired, take advantage of her free time. You may not be able to extend the date longer if you get along, and maybe that's part of her plan is to have a defined end-time in case things don't go well. As far as setting you up for sex? A late date shouldn't mean that as an ulterior motive, but if it becomes a possibility, your choice to do it or don't. If the time simply does not work for you, then see if you can find another time, even after your class, which still might be late, but you're both on the same schedule at that point and you're already out.
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 It's kind of funny that people are "too tired" for things such as 11pm date. How about pushing it a bit even if you don't feel 100% rested? My tiredness test is: am I so tired that I am going faint/pass out? If not, then proceed. 1
clia Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 If she works until 11 p.m., then her asking to meet for drinks after is no different than a woman who gets off work at 5 p.m. asking to meet for happy hour drinks. I really think you are leaping to conclusions to assume she just wants sex. She merely suggested a convenient time given her work schedule. Most people I know who work alternate shifts may go out for drinks after or take some time to wind down, in the same way that a person who gets off work at 5 or 6 p.m. does. I personally wouldn't go on a date at 11 p.m. because I have work in the morning, but if you think you can handle it, you should go. 2
Redhead14 Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 (edited) If the OP were a woman, we'd be telling her not to accept a late date like that, even if it were because of work schedules . . . The OP is seeking a relationship for himself as his dating goal. He, himself, is thinking she wants sex. I, among a number of others here, tell women that if they are seeking a relationship with someone, they need to observe "how" the man dates her in the very beginning. If he is not making quality time for her, he's not that interested in exploring relationship opportunities. And, he needs to consider her work schedule and availability. If this is the on-going schedule she's going to have, he needs to evaluate whether this is going to be a good environment that would allow for a relationship to develop. That being said, if he really likes her, he should go. Keep it short and don't go home with her. Just remind her of how late it is and that he wanted to meet her so made the effort and he needs to have a casual conversation to find out what it is she IS looking for -- casual dating or dating for the goal of having a relationship with someone. Frankly, if it's so late and he's usually tired by that time, he's not going to be his best self. But, if he can buck up this one time and find out if there's any viability for it, he should go, just have some quality, informative conversation to weed her out or decide to move forward. I'd treat it like a first meeting from an OLD site. It's not a date. It's a short meet up to see if there's enough interest to want a "real" date. (Usually, I'd say it's to make sure they look like their pictures and are who they say they are. But, he already knows what she looks like But, he can just gain a little more insight and get more of a sense of who she is at least. Edited September 14, 2017 by Redhead14 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 No problem IF it's a Friday or Saturday. But not during a work day for me. I would reschedule if it's on a weekday.
coolheadal Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 I met this girl through a salsa dancing class. We've been pretty flirty and she touches me pretty often even when we're not dancing. After about 5 classes , I asked her out for drinks and she suggested that we get drinks after she finishes work , at 11pm. I'm not too sure how to approach this because I want to get to know her better. How can I do that at 11pm? Won't we just be too tired? I guess she probably wants to **** but still I want to have a substantial convo; I'm pursuing a relationship. What do you guys think? What the fudge, oh for crying out loud! What's the matter with you? She told you when she could see you!, But no that's too late for because your tired.. Awww such a baby, not ready to play with a real woman after 11 pm. You better grow-up and be a man and take her out otherwise go home cry and feel sorry about yourself then. This is no way to act as a real man. Can't date her after 11 pm! Well let the real men do it since your too tired. So sad your just don't get it.. Like you have something better off to do like sleep but the night is alive after 11 pm.
Pumpkin008 Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 I think it is awfully presumptuous of you to assume she is going to want to hit the sack after 30 minutes. Focus on the important thing and that is she said "yes" to drinks. Mind you- drinks. She works late and suggested meeting after work. I don't see the issue here. These are her normal hours so she most likely won't be too tired (again- for drinks). Take a nap, have some coffee and be a gentleman.
Imajerk17 Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 (edited) If the OP were a woman, we'd be telling her not to accept a late date like that, even if it were because of work schedules . . . The OP is seeking a relationship for himself as his dating goal. He, himself, is thinking she wants sex. I, among a number of others here, tell women that if they are seeking a relationship with someone, they need to observe "how" the man dates her in the very beginning. If he is not making quality time for her, he's not that interested in exploring relationship opportunities. And, he needs to consider her work schedule and availability. If this is the on-going schedule she's going to have, he needs to evaluate whether this is going to be a good environment that would allow for a relationship to develop. That being said, if he really likes her, he should go. Keep it short and don't go home with her. Just remind her of how late it is and that he wanted to meet her so made the effort and he needs to have a casual conversation to find out what it is she IS looking for -- casual dating or dating for the goal of having a relationship with someone. Frankly, if it's so late and he's usually tired by that time, he's not going to be his best self. But, if he can buck up this one time and find out if there's any viability for it, he should go, just have some quality, informative conversation to weed her out or decide to move forward. I'd treat it like a first meeting from an OLD site. It's not a date. It's a short meet up to see if there's enough interest to want a "real" date. (Usually, I'd say it's to make sure they look like their pictures and are who they say they are. But, he already knows what she looks like But, he can just gain a little more insight and get more of a sense of who she is at least. I know. There is a double-standard here though that is hard to shake. She can be self-protective and it is considered quite understandable by all reasonable parties. He however is expected to man up and drink some coffee! It's a bit like a woman turning down a man's invitation to come inside after one of the first few dates, versus the man turning down the woman's invitation to come inside after the the date. The former is her taking her time (considered fine by any guy worth being her boyfriend), the latter often means that the woman will feel too rejected/conclude that the guy isn't really interested, and there likely won't be another date. OP are you excited about this girl? If the answer is yes, then unless there is a real reason why you can't make the 11PM date such as work in the AM or you go to the gym to lift weights or do CrossFit at 6AM, I would go for it. And this means if you want a relationship. You have an edge when it comes to making a connection by virtue of the time alone--so few people are up and out at that hour so already you are sharing something of a unique experience. Think about how easy it would be for chemistry to build if you spend several hours in the middle of the hanging out (doesn't have to be sex) Edited September 14, 2017 by Imajerk17
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Why not just out for a drink after salsa class? Personally I don't think you should pursue her because your schedules are too different. If she works 3-11 she is not routinely going to be available at the times you want to go out. This scheduling issue will be a recurring problem. If you are taking umbrage at for her what is a quick drink after work, you are not going to be able to handle these timing issues long term. She really isn't suggesting an 11 p.m. meet up because she's looking to hook up. It's the earliest time she has. I suppose you could try for breakfast before you go to work if you want to do that.
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