ly399 Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Normally I prefer a formal face to face breakup if I dated someone for more than couple dates, especially if it's someone I am intimated with. However, I'm thinking about ghosting the guy because he's flaky and doesn't seem to be on same page. We slept together, had multiple sleepovers. The passion died quickly because we moved too fast. I am very into him but also recognize he isnt good for me. He's not that into me, so I'm cutting my loss. I wanted to call him two days ago, letting him know it's not working for me. But then I got busy and he hasn't contacted me for days. So do I reach out to end things 'properly' or just let the silence go on, never talk to him again unless he contacts me again. It's kind of nervewrecking to sustain the silence, but I feel stupid to 'deliver' a breakup when he doesn't even care. What's the right thing to do?
NexttP Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Actually, he was quite into you... for several nights! Joking aside, at this point just ghost him since he has already ghosted you. If he does contact you somewhere down the road, then that is the time to reject him. It does not have to be in person or formal. I mean, it is not like you two were formally dating or anything. Glad you actually realize that you only like him on the outside and not what is inside. Lust will not carry a relationship.
Author ly399 Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 Joking aside, at this point just ghost him since he has already ghosted you. If he does contact you somewhere down the road, then that is the time to reject him. It does not have to be in person or formal. I mean, it is not like you two were formally dating or anything. Glad you actually realize that you only like him on the outside and not what is inside. Lust will not carry a relationship. I do have one of his favorite book. He gave it to me to read on second date. I should have finished it a while back but got really busy with school and work. This is where I'm wondering now what. The whole point of ghosting is to have no further contact if possible. He complained once that his guy friend forgot to return his second favorite book. So I'm assuming he wants it back. Lesson to everyone, don't lend your hookup buddy anything that you like. I'm thinking to just hold the book for now, if he reach out to me later in the week, I'll let him know I want to stop seeing him and drop off the book. If he ghost me completely, I'll just keep the book. Any suggestion?
act00 Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 I think you have a good plan. He's pretty much ghosted you at this point, and you have reached out, so just wait and see. I really don't see the point of a "formal breakup" at this point. It's kinda done already. I would probably reach out again in a week or so to let him know you would like to drop off his book. You know where he lives, so you could reasonably just drop it on the porch if this is something that can be done safely and not bother with any further contact at all. I would concerned about returning the book. That's the only reason I would reach out at this point.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 I do have one of his favorite book. He gave it to me to read on second date. I should have finished it a while back but got really busy with school and work. This is where I'm wondering now what. The whole point of ghosting is to have no further contact if possible. He complained once that his guy friend forgot to return his second favorite book. So I'm assuming he wants it back. Lesson to everyone, don't lend your hookup buddy anything that you like. I'm thinking to just hold the book for now, if he reach out to me later in the week, I'll let him know I want to stop seeing him and drop off the book. If he ghost me completely, I'll just keep the book. Any suggestion? This is a good plan, but be true to your word. If he wants his book back, can you not send it his work? I would imagine that since you two have been intimate that you would at least know where he works. Yeah, his ghosting of you means he is done. He's had his sex and is looking for someone else to conquer. That favorite book may not even be that. Part of his reuse to impress. Anyway, no need to contact him.
stillafool Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Ghost him, mail the book back to him. There is no reason to see him face to face as he seems to not care one bit.
Author ly399 Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 I think you have a good plan. He's pretty much ghosted you at this point, and you have reached out, so just wait and see. I wouldn't call it 'he ghosted' yet, we spent sunday together, normally he'd contact me Tue/Wed. It's Thurs, I might hear from him on the weekend. Either way I don't think this relationship has a good enough foundation to flourish into something meaningful. I'm debating if I should initiate the breakup, or just let it scatter to the wind. The reason I'm asking is that in the past I have ghosted a couple people I thought are just sex, and it turned out they had serious feelings for me. They were very upset when I disappeared. So I'm trying to avoid that situation, but at the same time, I'm trying to be cool. I don't want to act like an idiot delivering an unsolicited rejection.
Author ly399 Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 Ghost him, mail the book back to him. There is no reason to see him face to face as he seems to not care one bit. Haha I thought about it, too. But it's a fancy big a** book, hardcover, and glossy pages with photos. Dont feel like spending 20bucks to ship. I would just drop off with his doorman. However, dropping it off with doorman means i still need to let him know first, that's the same as having a breakup conversation.
stillafool Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 No there's no reason to let him know. Write a note, put it in the package and give it to the doorman to give to him. No big deal.
Author ly399 Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 I wanted to call him two days ago, letting him know it's not working for me. But then I got busy and he hasn't contacted me for days. Sorry I wasn't being clear. I didn't reach out to him after Sunday. People get distracted by work, life, new girls lol. Part of me just want to get this over with, another part is telling me “calm down, be cool”
Author ly399 Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 No there's no reason to let him know. Write a note, put it in the package and give it to the doorman to give to him. No big deal. Ok will do that then
O'Malley Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 If you had went on a few dates, and it mutually fizzled out, it's more graceful just to move on. However, you have his book, so why not send him a text that you're dropping the book off with doorman on (specific day) and then do it. No need to mention that you're moving on, unless he asks you out again. You're probably not going to see him anymore, so why worry about awkwardness?
smackie9 Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Just send him a text that you don't want to continue seeing him. Keep the book, he can get another one. There done. Since it was just a casual thing, you don't need to get all formal about it. I feel closing the door firmly with a message, will (or at least should) prevent him from contacting you again.
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