arlington Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 My boyfriend of 5 months recently broke up with me this past Wednesday. With all of the stress of work and him breaking up with me - I decided to leave town and come down and stay with my parents for a few days. I didn't tell him that I was coming down here and he called me Thursday morning and I called him back later on that afternoon telling him that I was down here. The reason why he broke up was that he said he was not feeling anything more than friends, but it doesn't make any sense. This past weekend we went to Chicago and he was very attentive and loving and he even told me that he loved me. 2 weeks ago we had broken up because he said that he wasn't sure if he was feeling more than friends, but we got back together as the issues seemed to be around him needing his space and I gave it to him. So now when he called me back he was calling "baby" and "sweetie". He is really sending me mixed signals. One thing I need to do is break the control he has over me. I know he has it and so does he. I have not called him and he called me yesterday and we spoke briefly and he said he was just checking in on me. I have gotten mixed advice from friends, but the one thing I have heard consistently is that he has a lot of control over me and I need to break it, but I don't know how to do that. I thought maybe giving back his keys and getting back mine would be a start, but beyond that I have no idea. I need some ideas - please - I would love to hear them!!
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 You want to break that control? Tell your "friend" that you need some time and space of your own, and that you want to have it with no interruptions from him. Go to complete, firm 'no contact'. Do not contact him in any way, shape or form and do not let him contact you in any way, shape or form: including phone calls, emails, text messages, visits, letters, etc. Block these avenues of contact if you have to. If he gets through, hang up or close the door in his face or put "return to sender" on his letters, or delete his email unopened. It will not be easy, but he can't send you mixed signals if he can't contact you. Perhaps what you need is no less than thirty days of uninterrupted, unbiased time in which you make an effort to put him out of your mind. Not sit and pine and miss him, and hope he misses you - but some time in which you consider yourself broken up, and getting over him. Go out, do stuff, fill your time that you used to have for him with something else: friends, other interests, etc. Buy a journal and write whenever you get the urge to call him, or when you refuse a contact from him. Over time, as you get used to this time to yourself you will gain control back over your emotions and thoughts - but you have to make that a goal and work toward it. Don't think about 'when you are going to contact him'. Don't let yourself see that as a goal. The goal is to get yourself to a point of indifference, in which the next time you do talk to him you will be unafraid and completely able to state your needs directly to his face, and if he can't meet them - then you'll have no problem saying "see ya!".
Author arlington Posted August 13, 2005 Author Posted August 13, 2005 Ugh - that will be hard especially since we have mutual friends. It does seem like good advice and I will see if I can find a way to integrate it. Thanks for writing back and writing back so much! ;-)
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