avp-95 Posted September 12, 2017 Posted September 12, 2017 I've been dating my girlfriend for 4 months, we've been "official" for 2 months. I'm 21 and this is my first relationship, and I'm also a girl. It takes about 2hrs door to door to visit each other due to public transport but we do so whenever we can and have recently spent more nights together than apart and we still can't keep our hands off each other in the bedroom. When we speak on the phone conversations last 1-2 hrs. I've been wanting to say "I love you" for a while but keep stopping myself because a. I haven't found the right moment b. its me that has made all the first moves c. I have such little experience I don't know if this is love? I don't think she's the one but maybe cause we're young. We've met each others friends, talk about going on holiday, how we'll make things work when we have less spare time. We both miss each other so much when we're apart, and she's always on my mind. She's got quite emotional saying she never wants to upset me or negatively impact us. How do you know its love? I don't want to wait too long to say it but is this still the "honey-moon period"?
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2017 Posted September 12, 2017 If you feel it, say it. Just not in the bedroom. 1
smackie9 Posted September 12, 2017 Posted September 12, 2017 Make it special, like sitting outside under the stars, candle lit picnic, etc.
kazen Posted September 12, 2017 Posted September 12, 2017 Honestly, love and infatuation is the same thing but people likes to make a big fuss about their differences. If you have strong feelings for someone, it doesn't matter what you call it, they are your feelings and only you know how deep it runs.
JAbba2gEther Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 (edited) I've been dating my girlfriend for 4 months, we've been "official" for 2 months. I'm 21 and this is my first relationship, and I'm also a girl. It takes about 2hrs door to door to visit each other due to public transport but we do so whenever we can and have recently spent more nights together than apart and we still can't keep our hands off each other in the bedroom. When we speak on the phone conversations last 1-2 hrs. I've been wanting to say "I love you" for a while but keep stopping myself because a. I haven't found the right moment b. its me that has made all the first moves c. I have such little experience I don't know if this is love? I don't think she's the one but maybe cause we're young. We've met each others friends, talk about going on holiday, how we'll make things work when we have less spare time. We both miss each other so much when we're apart, and she's always on my mind. She's got quite emotional saying she never wants to upset me or negatively impact us. How do you know its love? I don't want to wait too long to say it but is this still the "honey-moon period"? Congratulations on your first relationship. It is exciting that you have found a partner that you are comfortable with. It is quite amazing that you spend so much time travelling to be with your new love interest. You are approaching this with a down-to-earth perspective, and you obviously know about the 'honey moon period' from other friends. Often within any dating, infatuation occurs. This is often a chemical process as endorphins are released inside your brain. These chemicals are - dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and - of course - endorphins. The dopamine is the so-called 'anticipation' hormone - which is why you think about her all the time at this stage. Every relationship at its initial stages rely on these hormones released in the brain to continue. A word of caution as you stated "you can't keep your hands off each other in the bedroom". Sex IS NOT an indication of love, and is playing with the chemicals being released in your brain. One professor, Dr Daniel Amen, states that casual sex does not treat oxytocin and another hormone, vasopressin, in a way it should be treated. Oxtytocin is used by a mother to bond with her child, and hence will bring pain once you break up or have sex with a number of partners. Sex, therefore, releases those hormones, but eventually will not keep the relationship together and, in a society where sex is almost on the first date, does not show you love each other. The same chemicals of seratonin and endorphins are released when taking drugs or alcohol. Hence, people chase this pleasure and often become addicted to them to feel good and escape pain. Eventually, however, the chemicals are released less over a two year period, and the end of the honeymoon period. This is when often relationships break up - the 'in love' stage wears off and what is left is a realization of the faults of the partner, disagreements and a need to decide whether you are committed in this relationship. Your memories are being burned into your limbic system. As you are a girl, you have a bigger limbic system than guys do - and hence you miss each other and the hormones released. Being a first relationship, such memories and sensations are burned even more into your psyche. The true test of love is when you work together during conflict. When the chemical's effect wear off. For a male/female partnership, children, time away from each other, work, other engagements and temptations can creep in and test what love is. You are right to say you should not say "I love you". Love is not merely a feeling, but a process over time. Edited September 13, 2017 by JAbba2gEther Spelling error
JAbba2gEther Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 Honestly, love and infatuation is the same thing but people likes to make a big fuss about their differences. If you have strong feelings for someone, it doesn't matter what you call it, they are your feelings and only you know how deep it runs. I must disagree with Kazen. Love and infatuation is totally different. Infatuation relies on feelings despite not knowing a person. Love is a process and a behavior based on knowing another person and having a commitment to work with them at any time despite any feelings - whether positive or negative. 1
mortensorchid Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 I wish I had the answer for you as to when it crosses over from one to another. But, the first "I love you" should come from a man not a woman. If he does not say it after 6-9 months, he won't say it. Not because he doesn't feel it but because he doesn't WANT TO say it to you. He'll say it to the next one no doubt. Does that sound bitter?
mrs rubble Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 I wish I had the answer for you as to when it crosses over from one to another. But, the first "I love you" should come from a man not a woman. If he does not say it after 6-9 months, he won't say it. Not because he doesn't feel it but because he doesn't WANT TO say it to you. He'll say it to the next one no doubt. Does that sound bitter? OP is a woman and so is her partner.
NexttP Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 Honestly, love and infatuation is the same thing but people likes to make a big fuss about their differences. If you have strong feelings for someone, it doesn't matter what you call it, they are your feelings and only you know how deep it runs. "Infatuation is when you find someone absolutely perfect. Love is when you find out they're not, but it doesn't matter." OP, I think it's weird that you say "she's probably not the one." Which means that deep down you definitely see some of her shortcomings and dream of someone who does not have those weaknesses. Also you mentioned about "can't keep our hands off each other." While physical attraction is important, so is compatibility. I'm sure you two get along but you have to make sure that you two have similar values, beliefs, standards, expectations, and goals otherwise you'll hit some really big bumps later on.
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